Harbour Lights

"You look tired, man," Adam said the next morning. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Will grumbled, although it was quite the opposite. He had a horrible headache and a terrible taste in his mouth. It was sort of like a hangover, only this wasn't caused by alcohol.

"Let's go surfing, then," his friend suggested.

Will wasn't in the mood to do anything right now, but surfing was one activity that he couldn't say no to. Despite the fact that he knew the sun pounding down on him wouldn't help his headache whatsoever, he was actually sort of excited.

When they reached the beach, however, this excitement disappeared: there wasn't a wave in sight. The two paddled out there nonetheless, as if their presence would heighten their hopes of getting a few good waves.

It was early in the morning and everything was still. The beach, which was usually bustling with people, was empty and peaceful. The cries of children and seagulls were absent and the ocean was calm, which was quite a change from its usual tumultuous nature. Everything seemed to be frozen in place, like a serene still life; the only thing that was moving was the slowly rising sun, which was only a vibrant red dot in the pale sky.

After about ten minutes of sitting on their boards, waiting in vain for a wave, Adam decided to break the silence. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, dude, I'm okay."

"You don't look too good."

"Thanks."

"Seriously, Billy," Adam said, and concern flashed over his features. "What's wrong? Is it Marilyn again?"

"Yeah, sure," Will muttered. Using Marilyn was a better excuse than telling Adam the real reason why he felt like shit.

Adam let out a long sigh and ran a hand through his tangled hair. The dye was fading and the blond was coming back, which gave his hair an odd coloring of beige and blue. "You never told me why she left, you know," he informed Will.

Two years had passed since Marilyn's disappearance, and during that time span Will had refused to talk about her. Not once did he complain about her abrupt departure, nor did he discuss the anger he had cooped up inside of him. He didn't even like saying her name. It was almost strange, because one would think that he would bitch and moan about his girlfriend leaving him – and he had every right to – but he was the sort of person that bottled everything up inside.

That was Will's method of coping. He thought that if he never spoke of it again, he could forget about it easier, and then he could get over it. But Adam could see that this method was really wearing him down. Will compressed all of his fury and sadness inside, and that was just too much for one person to handle. All of these emotions made Will change into a different person – he was bitter now, and that fun, reckless guy was long gone.

And now Marilyn had returned and Will's method of coping was ruined. It was hard to forget a girl if he was forced to see her everyday. All of those emotions he had stored for the past two years were resurfacing; Will's anger was coming to a boil and pretty soon it was bound to spill over.

This was exactly why Will had been such an asshole to Marilyn when they first saw each other. In that initial confrontation, he let go of everything that had been building up inside him – and he really let her have it.

The worst part, though, was that Will didn't feel an ounce of regret for saying the things he said. It actually made him feel good.

Adam knew this, and he was worried. He had tried to get Will to talk about Marilyn on more than one occasion, but Will always downright refused. It would have been easier for Will to just let all of this spill out and Adam had tried to explain that to him, but Will was too stubborn. It was frustrating, too, because Will was so distant now. He had put up a wall for protection and not even Adam, his best friend, was capable of breaking through it.

"I really thought you would have brought it up at least once by now," Adam added after Will said nothing. Adam had been extremely patient for an entire twenty-four months, and now was the time to put an end to Will's silence. He had expected that he would have explained Marilyn's reasons for leaving by now – that was the least Will could have told his best friend. "I'm assuming that since you're not telling me, it must have been your fault she left," Adam concluded.

"Like hell it was," Will immediately said with venom in his voice.

Adam's strategy had worked. He knew that if he falsely accused Will of something, he would automatically deny it. Will was the sort of person that refused to take the blame for something he didn't do. He had gotten in trouble plenty of times, sure, and he always accepted his punishment if he got caught; but taking up a responsibility that wasn't his was not something that he tolerated. He believed that everyone had to pay for what they did without dragging down anyone else with them. Because doing that just wouldn't be fair.

"I did nothing, Adam," Will continued. "That bitch was the one who got up and left for no fucking reason."

"I'm sure there was a reason," Will said with certainty and stared at Will expectantly.

Will just glared back.

"C'mon, dude," Adam pleaded. "You've got to tell at least someone about what happened. Especially since she's come back. I have no idea what's happening between you two – I can't know about the present if you won't tell me about the past."

"Well maybe I don't want to talk about the past," Will snapped. "It's behind me now, so let's just fucking forget it all."

"No, she's not behind you anymore," Adam retorted. "Marilyn's back, dude. Your past has caught up with you and you might as well face it."

Will rolled his eyes but said nothing; he knew Adam was right. Instead of answering him right away, though, he slipped off his surfboard and submerged himself in the water. The ocean was cold and refreshing, and it provided just enough of a slap in the face for Will to continue. When he resurfaced, he rested his upper body on his board and stared out into the distance. The sun was now a molten amber color and had made its way half way into the sky.

When Will spoke he continued to stare at the sky instead of looking at Adam. "You really want to know why she left?" he asked the sun.

"Yeah," Adam answered.

There was a brief silence.

"I asked her to marry me."

◊ ◊ ◊

"You and Will used to be pretty serious, weren't you?" Chante asked over breakfast. They had awoken quite early so that they could get to Rich's Café for their famous French toast before the crowds hit. The sun had risen with them and was now an amber-gold gem in the sky.

Marilyn shrugged. She felt uncomfortable talking about Will; it was something she hadn't done once in the past two years. When she left, she tried to forget about him as much as possible so that she could get over him easier. She threw out any of his clothes that she still had and ripped up all of his photographs – she couldn't bear to look at the memories. England had provided enough distractions for her and she was able to get by without falling into a depression, but now that she was back in Ogunquit she had to see his face every day. It was wearing her down.

Although Marilyn was the one that ended things between them, and although she had been the one to make that choice, it didn't mean that she wasn't hurt by it. Marilyn missed Will as much as he missed her.

"I guess we were," Marilyn finally replied. "I mean, we were always careless and had a ton of fun, so we weren't serious in that way. But as for our relationship…yeah, I guess you can say that was pretty serious."

"Details," Chante pressed.

Marilyn practically had to force the information out of her, for talking about this was so difficult. "We got together back in sophomore year," she said. "He asked me out in front of everyone in the middle of math class. He was really nervous and his voice cracked when he said my name." Without realizing it, she smiled at the memory. "And after that…well, we were pretty much inseparable."

Chante smiled. "That's sweet," she said softly.

"Yeah, I guess it was," she responded and looked down at her hands. "I mean, it was really unexpected. I was the quiet, smart girl and he was the hot guy in a band. I became friends with Adam in freshmen year, and I guess that's how we first met. According to Adam, as soon as Will noticed me for the first time he couldn't take his eyes off me. But then again Adam exaggerates everything way too much," she laughed lightly.

She cut herself off short, completely shocked that she actually felt happy while recalling these memories. It had been a happy time in her life, sure, but it had ended up in so much hurt. This wasn't supposed to be a pleasant stroll down Memory Lane; this was supposed to be painful.

"So what happened, then?" Chante asked. "If you don't mind me asking. I mean, it sounds like you guys were really good together. After all of that, what made you end it?"

Marilyn sighed. She had been expecting this question, but she wasn't expecting the devastating sensation she felt when she heard the words 'what madeyou end it?' It was her fault – she broke up with him, she was the one that left. And she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmingly guilty for it. It was as if a steely hand had reached into her chest and had a grip on her heart, and every time she thought about Will it squeezed a little tighter. It was crushing her, ruining her from the inside out.

The sun was now directly overhead and was glaring down on her.

"He asked me to marry him," she finally replied in a small voice, "and I said no."