Secret
Chapter 19
-Chapter 19-
I awoke the next morning with Ryan’s arms wrapped tightly around me. I smiled and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. My head was on his chest and I could hear his heart beating at a steady pace. His torso ascended and descended with each inhalation. I smiled and wriggled free. I loved watching him sleep. His hair hung in his face and I lightly moved it so I could see his features. His eyes flicker open. “Hey,” he muttered, his voice groggy.
“Good morning,” I whispered.
“What time is it?”
I looked at the clock. “8:47.”
“I have work in a few hours.”
“Well let’s eat before you go anywhere.” We brushed our teeth and when I went in the kitchen to find a note on the counter.
Hey honey,
Jae and John spent the night at friends’ houses so don’t worry. I’m going out for groceries and I’m gonna see a friend so I won’t be home for awhile. Keep Ryan’s hands off of you.
Love,
Mom
“What the hell?” I asked myself.
“What?” Ryan inquired over my shoulder. I handed him the note.
He laughed and pointed to the part that said, “Keep Ryan’s hands off of you.”
“That’s hilarious.” He threw the note away. “Too bad I never listen and neither do you.” He held me close and captured me in an intimate and cavernous kiss. There was a knock at the door. Ryan pulled away aggravated. “Shit.” We were hardly ever alone anymore.
I answered the door and my mom walked in. “Help me bring these groceries in,” was the first thing she said. “After this I’m gonna leave again so make it snappy.”
What is she smoking? I thought. Luckily she was gone in a few minutes. “Now, back to what we were doing.” Ryan smiled and kissed me again. Just then, his phone rang. “Fucking shit ass damn bitch hell!”
“Wow,” I laughed.
“Oh, it’s Eric.”
“Damn, your lover on the side.”
He laughed. “Shh, it’s a secret.” He answered the phone. “Wazzup man?... Nothing… Awesome… What time?... Okay… If I’m off…Alright, I will… Peace out homie gizzle…”
He hung up the phone. “You guys are strange.”
“I know.”
“What did he say?”
“He’s having a party again tonight and he wants us to come.”
“Cool. We going?”
“If you want to.”
“Babe, he’s your friend.”
“Okay, just as long as its fine with you.”
“It is.”
“Then we’ll go when I get off.”
We kissed again.
That night Ryan came home from work and we headed out for the party. We walked in and once again were smacked by the tremendous stench of weed. “Dude, what the fuck,” Ryan laughed as we walked in a fanned our faces.
“Just take a hit. It’d be just like old times.”
I looked at Ryan with shock. He hadn’t told me that he did weed. He looked back, a bit tense. “I told you, I don’t do that stuff anymore.”
“Fuckin’ pussy.”
“Whatever dude.”
We just chilled for awhile when I leaned over to Ryan. “I’ll be back in a second.”
“Okay,” he said, a bit inattentive.
I left and headed for the bathroom. I was happy to be away from the smoke. My head was beginning to spin and I needed some clean air but I didn’t want to go outside. I splashed water in my face. The cool water refreshed me a bit and after staying in there for a few minutes I headed back to Ryan. When I went back, Ryan was lying on the couch and there was nowhere to sit. I poked him. “Babe. Scoot.”
He turned to me and I immediately knew something was wrong. He started laughing. “I am so happy.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” He pointed to Eric. “Eric?! Did let him toke?!” I yelled.
Eric began laughing as well. “Maybe.”
“Fucking shit, Ryan. I leave for a few minutes and this is what happens?”
“Oh, calm down already.”
“Calm down?”
“Just relax.”
“How can I be relaxed when you’re wasted?”
“Sit down.” He pulled my arm and I sat next to him. He tried to kiss me but I turned my face so he kissed my cheek. “What’s your problem?”
“Nothing.”
“Whatever.” Not only did he reek of weed but his breath was hot with alcohol. I had never seen him like this before and it scared me more than it pissed me off. Throughout the night I ignored him as he tried and tried again to get close to me. “Why are you being such a bitch?” he asked eventually.
“Excuse me?” I couldn’t believe what I just heard.
“I said ‘why are you being such a bitch’?”
“I can’t believe you! How dare you call me that?”
“Well you’re the one acting like it.” He was so laid back and cool about it, I just wanted to slap him right across his face.
“Screw you,” I said getting up.
“Where are you going?” He pulled me back.
I yanked my arm away. “Don’t touch me.” I proceeded to leave again.
My face was hot with frustration and my heart was pounding. I needed fresh air and fast. I felt my insides churning so I ran outside with Ryan following closely behind saying phases like, “Come back, babe”, “Slow down”, and “I’m sorry.” But I didn’t listen. I could barely make out my surroundings anyway.
Once outside, I ran down the steps and threw up what felt like everything inside me. Ryan walked slowly toward me. He put one arm around my waist to help me stand up and held the hair out of my face with the other. After I was done I wiped my mouth. I felt disgusting. “Get away from me,” I whispered so bitter than Ryan jerked slightly. He said nothing. I was still fuming so I pulled away from him. “I said get the fuck away from me!”
He was still a little tipsy but he was also somewhat sober. I knew that he knew what he was doing. His eyes were a mixture of confusion, anger, and sadness. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was saying.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I promise you, I didn’t.”
“A drunken man speaks a sober man’s mind.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. Look, just leave me alone and I’ll be fine.”
“What can I say? Please just tell me how to make this all go away.”
“Leave me alone.”
I began to walk towards the car when he ran behind me, turned me around, and held me just inches from his face. “I am so sorry.”
“Can’t you take a hint?” I snatched myself away from him again.
“Dammit! What’s your fucking problem?”
“You! You’re my fucking problem!” It hurt me so bad to say these things to him but I couldn’t stop.
“Fine then.” He was bitter and hurt. “We were too unstable for each other anyway.”
“What?”
“This is probably better for us anyway.”
My eyes welled with tears. I didn’t mean break up, I was just a little pissed off. “What’s better?”
“Us… but not together.” I wanted to say something, scream something, but no words came out. We stared at each other for awhile before I turned my back to him. I heard his footsteps turn and leave after awhile followed by the sound of a door opening and closing.
I awoke the next morning with Ryan’s arms wrapped tightly around me. I smiled and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. My head was on his chest and I could hear his heart beating at a steady pace. His torso ascended and descended with each inhalation. I smiled and wriggled free. I loved watching him sleep. His hair hung in his face and I lightly moved it so I could see his features. His eyes flicker open. “Hey,” he muttered, his voice groggy.
“Good morning,” I whispered.
“What time is it?”
I looked at the clock. “8:47.”
“I have work in a few hours.”
“Well let’s eat before you go anywhere.” We brushed our teeth and when I went in the kitchen to find a note on the counter.
Hey honey,
Jae and John spent the night at friends’ houses so don’t worry. I’m going out for groceries and I’m gonna see a friend so I won’t be home for awhile. Keep Ryan’s hands off of you.
Love,
Mom
“What the hell?” I asked myself.
“What?” Ryan inquired over my shoulder. I handed him the note.
He laughed and pointed to the part that said, “Keep Ryan’s hands off of you.”
“That’s hilarious.” He threw the note away. “Too bad I never listen and neither do you.” He held me close and captured me in an intimate and cavernous kiss. There was a knock at the door. Ryan pulled away aggravated. “Shit.” We were hardly ever alone anymore.
I answered the door and my mom walked in. “Help me bring these groceries in,” was the first thing she said. “After this I’m gonna leave again so make it snappy.”
What is she smoking? I thought. Luckily she was gone in a few minutes. “Now, back to what we were doing.” Ryan smiled and kissed me again. Just then, his phone rang. “Fucking shit ass damn bitch hell!”
“Wow,” I laughed.
“Oh, it’s Eric.”
“Damn, your lover on the side.”
He laughed. “Shh, it’s a secret.” He answered the phone. “Wazzup man?... Nothing… Awesome… What time?... Okay… If I’m off…Alright, I will… Peace out homie gizzle…”
He hung up the phone. “You guys are strange.”
“I know.”
“What did he say?”
“He’s having a party again tonight and he wants us to come.”
“Cool. We going?”
“If you want to.”
“Babe, he’s your friend.”
“Okay, just as long as its fine with you.”
“It is.”
“Then we’ll go when I get off.”
We kissed again.
That night Ryan came home from work and we headed out for the party. We walked in and once again were smacked by the tremendous stench of weed. “Dude, what the fuck,” Ryan laughed as we walked in a fanned our faces.
“Just take a hit. It’d be just like old times.”
I looked at Ryan with shock. He hadn’t told me that he did weed. He looked back, a bit tense. “I told you, I don’t do that stuff anymore.”
“Fuckin’ pussy.”
“Whatever dude.”
We just chilled for awhile when I leaned over to Ryan. “I’ll be back in a second.”
“Okay,” he said, a bit inattentive.
I left and headed for the bathroom. I was happy to be away from the smoke. My head was beginning to spin and I needed some clean air but I didn’t want to go outside. I splashed water in my face. The cool water refreshed me a bit and after staying in there for a few minutes I headed back to Ryan. When I went back, Ryan was lying on the couch and there was nowhere to sit. I poked him. “Babe. Scoot.”
He turned to me and I immediately knew something was wrong. He started laughing. “I am so happy.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” He pointed to Eric. “Eric?! Did let him toke?!” I yelled.
Eric began laughing as well. “Maybe.”
“Fucking shit, Ryan. I leave for a few minutes and this is what happens?”
“Oh, calm down already.”
“Calm down?”
“Just relax.”
“How can I be relaxed when you’re wasted?”
“Sit down.” He pulled my arm and I sat next to him. He tried to kiss me but I turned my face so he kissed my cheek. “What’s your problem?”
“Nothing.”
“Whatever.” Not only did he reek of weed but his breath was hot with alcohol. I had never seen him like this before and it scared me more than it pissed me off. Throughout the night I ignored him as he tried and tried again to get close to me. “Why are you being such a bitch?” he asked eventually.
“Excuse me?” I couldn’t believe what I just heard.
“I said ‘why are you being such a bitch’?”
“I can’t believe you! How dare you call me that?”
“Well you’re the one acting like it.” He was so laid back and cool about it, I just wanted to slap him right across his face.
“Screw you,” I said getting up.
“Where are you going?” He pulled me back.
I yanked my arm away. “Don’t touch me.” I proceeded to leave again.
My face was hot with frustration and my heart was pounding. I needed fresh air and fast. I felt my insides churning so I ran outside with Ryan following closely behind saying phases like, “Come back, babe”, “Slow down”, and “I’m sorry.” But I didn’t listen. I could barely make out my surroundings anyway.
Once outside, I ran down the steps and threw up what felt like everything inside me. Ryan walked slowly toward me. He put one arm around my waist to help me stand up and held the hair out of my face with the other. After I was done I wiped my mouth. I felt disgusting. “Get away from me,” I whispered so bitter than Ryan jerked slightly. He said nothing. I was still fuming so I pulled away from him. “I said get the fuck away from me!”
He was still a little tipsy but he was also somewhat sober. I knew that he knew what he was doing. His eyes were a mixture of confusion, anger, and sadness. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was saying.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I promise you, I didn’t.”
“A drunken man speaks a sober man’s mind.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. Look, just leave me alone and I’ll be fine.”
“What can I say? Please just tell me how to make this all go away.”
“Leave me alone.”
I began to walk towards the car when he ran behind me, turned me around, and held me just inches from his face. “I am so sorry.”
“Can’t you take a hint?” I snatched myself away from him again.
“Dammit! What’s your fucking problem?”
“You! You’re my fucking problem!” It hurt me so bad to say these things to him but I couldn’t stop.
“Fine then.” He was bitter and hurt. “We were too unstable for each other anyway.”
“What?”
“This is probably better for us anyway.”
My eyes welled with tears. I didn’t mean break up, I was just a little pissed off. “What’s better?”
“Us… but not together.” I wanted to say something, scream something, but no words came out. We stared at each other for awhile before I turned my back to him. I heard his footsteps turn and leave after awhile followed by the sound of a door opening and closing.