Secret
Chapter 8
-Chapter 8-
“Where have you been, babe?”
“We have to leave now.” My voice was trembling and I was on the verge of tears.
“What’s wrong?”
“We have to leave now” was all I could say.
“If you would just tell me what’s wrong.”
“We have to leave now.”
He grabbed my shoulders and squeezed. “Listen. You need to tell me what’s wrong so I don’t worry.”
“We have to leave now before I can tell you. Just trust me.”
He sighed. “Then let’s go.” His brow was bunched up with worry. When we were standing outside of his car on the passenger side he asked in a troubled voice, “Now please tell me what’s wrong.”
“I ran into a bad memory.”
“What do you mean ‘bad memory’?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I have time.”
I sighed. Was I prepared to tell him my deepest, darkest secret? Could I trust him with my past? I took a deep breath. “Well… I was 14 and it all started with my ex-best friend.” Emphasis on the word ex. “She had an older brother who was 20 and his best friend was 21. His name was Mike. We meet up somehow and began dating. I told him that I was 16 thinking that he would back off, but he came on stronger. We began dating not because I wanted to but because I felt forced to. Sometimes I thought that he loved me and other times I felt used.” I stopped, choked up on my tears that were welling in my throat.
He pulled me into a hug. “Is that it?”
“No… I’m just so ashamed.”
“Tell me.”
“Well, he managed to con me into… you know…”
“Sex?”
The tears began flowing. “Yes,” I wept into his shirt.
“It’s okay,” he said over and over.
“But that’s not it. My mother found out and charges were pressed. Nothing ever went to court though because there wasn’t enough evidence. He ended up pretty much denying my very existence. I felt so betrayed… so used… so dirty… I’d bathe and bathe but I was never clean.” I stopped to wipe away the tears. “Everyday I regret it. I look in the mirror and curse myself. I just wish that I could change the past, you know?”
“I know.”
“That’s why I’m reluctant to get close to you. I don’t want my heart broken again. I don’t think that I could handle it.”
“I promise I would never hurt you. You’re safe here. In my arms.” He rocked me slightly. “That would explain your mother,” he said causing me to giggle. He got serious again, “So you ran into him in there?”
“Yes.” His jawbone tightened. “And you know what? He talked to me like we were just old buddies. I was like, how could he do that? As if we didn’t have the past we have. It just brought back so many bad memories. I needed fresh air.” I stared up into his eyes. The streetlight made them seemed translucent yet stunning.
“Show me him.”
“What?”
“Take me inside and show him to me.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“He’s 23 now. You don’t want to mess with him.”
“Just take me inside.”
“Okay.” I admit, I was a bit worried about what he was going to do but I decided to show him anyway. “But first promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”
“I promise.” Once inside I pointed him out across the room. “Stay here.”
“Okay.” I trusted him. I watched as he casually walked over and tapped Mike on the shoulder. When Mike turned around Ryan punched him dead in the eye. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe what he had just done. I ran up to him before the crowd gathered. The music stopped and everyone was quiet. Mike was lying on the floor taken aback. He had one hand over his eye. “You promised you wouldn’t do anything stupid!” I shouted.
He ignored me. Mike looked up. “What the fuck, dude?”
“That’s karma asshole!” Ryan yelled.
That’s when Mike looked at me. “Ahh… I see…” He was standing by this time. “You must’ve told your little boyfriend about me.”
“Leave her out of this.”
I was clutching onto his side. “Pick your battles,” I whispered.
“But this has everything to do with her,” Mike said. His eyes connected with mine. “What? Is the pain still unbearable? The pain of the fact that you’re a slut.”
His words hacked mercilessly into my heart. I closed my eyes and wished that I could just leave. “I said leave her out of this. What kind of man are you?” Ryan’s eyes were piercing and the stress shown through the veins in his neck. Mike stepped close to him and they were standing nose to nose. I was still attached to Ryan. “Hit me.” If words were knives Mike would had been dead.
Mike stood there, contemplating what to do. Finally he broke the silence. “I don’t have time to play childish games.” And with that, he walked away.
I let out a breath of relief. The music began again and everyone went back to what they were doing. Ryan and I walked outside again in silence. “Why’d you do that?” I asked in my most calm manner.
“It just made me so mad. I had to do something to get my anger out.”
“Okay.” To be perfectly honest, he had scared me. The way his anger just took over.
“You ready to go?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.” He released me an instantly I felt defenseless. I didn’t say anything; I just got in the car. I called my mom and let her know that I was on the way home. Ryan started up the engine and began to drive. I spotted a book on the floor and picked it up. It was The Kite Runner. “Have you read this?”
“Yeah, I just finished it like two days ago.”
“This is my absolute favorite book.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. Even though it’s super depressing, it’s an astounding story. This book contains my favorite quote.”
“What’s that?”
“When Hassan says to Amir, ‘For you a thousand times’ I almost died. It’s so touching.”
“Yeah.”
I could tell that he was thinking about something. I put the book back. “What’s on your mind?”
“I don’t know.” His grip stiffened on the steering wheel. “I don’t know what to think.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No! Of course not. I have no reason to be.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek. “I just don’t know why he would do that. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Forget everything he said, okay?”
“Alright.” And for the first time in a long time, I was happy.
“Where have you been, babe?”
“We have to leave now.” My voice was trembling and I was on the verge of tears.
“What’s wrong?”
“We have to leave now” was all I could say.
“If you would just tell me what’s wrong.”
“We have to leave now.”
He grabbed my shoulders and squeezed. “Listen. You need to tell me what’s wrong so I don’t worry.”
“We have to leave now before I can tell you. Just trust me.”
He sighed. “Then let’s go.” His brow was bunched up with worry. When we were standing outside of his car on the passenger side he asked in a troubled voice, “Now please tell me what’s wrong.”
“I ran into a bad memory.”
“What do you mean ‘bad memory’?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I have time.”
I sighed. Was I prepared to tell him my deepest, darkest secret? Could I trust him with my past? I took a deep breath. “Well… I was 14 and it all started with my ex-best friend.” Emphasis on the word ex. “She had an older brother who was 20 and his best friend was 21. His name was Mike. We meet up somehow and began dating. I told him that I was 16 thinking that he would back off, but he came on stronger. We began dating not because I wanted to but because I felt forced to. Sometimes I thought that he loved me and other times I felt used.” I stopped, choked up on my tears that were welling in my throat.
He pulled me into a hug. “Is that it?”
“No… I’m just so ashamed.”
“Tell me.”
“Well, he managed to con me into… you know…”
“Sex?”
The tears began flowing. “Yes,” I wept into his shirt.
“It’s okay,” he said over and over.
“But that’s not it. My mother found out and charges were pressed. Nothing ever went to court though because there wasn’t enough evidence. He ended up pretty much denying my very existence. I felt so betrayed… so used… so dirty… I’d bathe and bathe but I was never clean.” I stopped to wipe away the tears. “Everyday I regret it. I look in the mirror and curse myself. I just wish that I could change the past, you know?”
“I know.”
“That’s why I’m reluctant to get close to you. I don’t want my heart broken again. I don’t think that I could handle it.”
“I promise I would never hurt you. You’re safe here. In my arms.” He rocked me slightly. “That would explain your mother,” he said causing me to giggle. He got serious again, “So you ran into him in there?”
“Yes.” His jawbone tightened. “And you know what? He talked to me like we were just old buddies. I was like, how could he do that? As if we didn’t have the past we have. It just brought back so many bad memories. I needed fresh air.” I stared up into his eyes. The streetlight made them seemed translucent yet stunning.
“Show me him.”
“What?”
“Take me inside and show him to me.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“He’s 23 now. You don’t want to mess with him.”
“Just take me inside.”
“Okay.” I admit, I was a bit worried about what he was going to do but I decided to show him anyway. “But first promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”
“I promise.” Once inside I pointed him out across the room. “Stay here.”
“Okay.” I trusted him. I watched as he casually walked over and tapped Mike on the shoulder. When Mike turned around Ryan punched him dead in the eye. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe what he had just done. I ran up to him before the crowd gathered. The music stopped and everyone was quiet. Mike was lying on the floor taken aback. He had one hand over his eye. “You promised you wouldn’t do anything stupid!” I shouted.
He ignored me. Mike looked up. “What the fuck, dude?”
“That’s karma asshole!” Ryan yelled.
That’s when Mike looked at me. “Ahh… I see…” He was standing by this time. “You must’ve told your little boyfriend about me.”
“Leave her out of this.”
I was clutching onto his side. “Pick your battles,” I whispered.
“But this has everything to do with her,” Mike said. His eyes connected with mine. “What? Is the pain still unbearable? The pain of the fact that you’re a slut.”
His words hacked mercilessly into my heart. I closed my eyes and wished that I could just leave. “I said leave her out of this. What kind of man are you?” Ryan’s eyes were piercing and the stress shown through the veins in his neck. Mike stepped close to him and they were standing nose to nose. I was still attached to Ryan. “Hit me.” If words were knives Mike would had been dead.
Mike stood there, contemplating what to do. Finally he broke the silence. “I don’t have time to play childish games.” And with that, he walked away.
I let out a breath of relief. The music began again and everyone went back to what they were doing. Ryan and I walked outside again in silence. “Why’d you do that?” I asked in my most calm manner.
“It just made me so mad. I had to do something to get my anger out.”
“Okay.” To be perfectly honest, he had scared me. The way his anger just took over.
“You ready to go?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.” He released me an instantly I felt defenseless. I didn’t say anything; I just got in the car. I called my mom and let her know that I was on the way home. Ryan started up the engine and began to drive. I spotted a book on the floor and picked it up. It was The Kite Runner. “Have you read this?”
“Yeah, I just finished it like two days ago.”
“This is my absolute favorite book.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. Even though it’s super depressing, it’s an astounding story. This book contains my favorite quote.”
“What’s that?”
“When Hassan says to Amir, ‘For you a thousand times’ I almost died. It’s so touching.”
“Yeah.”
I could tell that he was thinking about something. I put the book back. “What’s on your mind?”
“I don’t know.” His grip stiffened on the steering wheel. “I don’t know what to think.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No! Of course not. I have no reason to be.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek. “I just don’t know why he would do that. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Forget everything he said, okay?”
“Alright.” And for the first time in a long time, I was happy.