Secret
Chapter 9
-Chapter 9-
A few months had passed since the incident at the party and Ryan and I were closer than ever. At school we were known to be pretty much joined at the hip. Our relationship was running smoothly and I couldn’t have been happier. That was until Ryan left his journal at my house.
Earlier that week, Ryan and I had been chosen to be partners for a project in Zoology, so he had came over for us to put the finishing touches on it. After he left, I went back to the table to clean up scrap papers, spilt glue, and snack wrappers. That’s when I noticed the journal. No doubt it was his. Colored black from permanent marker with stickers and carvings of bands he liked. It was like taboo. I knew I had to give it back to him but I feared that if I touched it, I’d read it.
I picked it up slowly and ran my fingers across the surface. I took it into my room, put it on my bed, and went back to clean up the rest of the mess. What’s in the journal? I wondered. It couldn’t be anything I didn’t know. He told me everything. So what would be the harm in reading it?
After the table was clean I went back to my room and laid down. The book sat at the end of my bad and seemed to be begging me to read it. I grabbed it and opened up a few pages in.
July 27
One week ‘til school. A new school. A fresh start. I don’t expect to make friends but a clean slate will be nice.
His entries were short and to the point.
August 3
First day of school. I met this girl Jess who is perfect. I kissed her and I think she got mad. I’m so stupid.
That made me smile.
August 5
Me and Jess just got back from this party. Kinda sucked and I punched this dude in the face. I’m surprised he didn’t kick my ass. But at least I was with Jess. She told me some disturbing stuff about her past. She’s been through a lot, just like me. I hope we can grow together.
I flipped to the near end.
December 13
Major set back in my therapy. I cut myself today. I don’t know why. I’m happy as can be but pain makes it all the better. Am I crazy?
My eyes watered and I closed the book. This entry was written yesterday. Why did he cut himself if he was happy? It just didn’t make sense. Then I thought about it. He never did take off those wristbands, did he? Oh my God! How could this go unnoticed for so long?
The next day at school, I came into homeroom and Ryan was there, already seated. I pushed my desk next to his without a word. “What’s wrong?” He could sense my anger, my worry, my sadness.
“Show me your wrist,” I stated bluntly.
“What?” he said, slightly taken aback.
“Show me your wrist.”
“Why?” I pulled out his journal and slid it on his desk. “You read this?” His voice was full of angst.
“Yes. I figured there were no secrets between us so there wouldn’t be a problem. Guess I was wrong.”
“You had no right reading this.”
“You have no right to hurt yourself.”
“It’s my body! I do what the fuck I want!”
“Why? If you’re so happy then why do you do it?”
“Because I like the feel of it.”
“That’s crazy.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
“Look, I can help you. Just let me. I’ve dealt with this kind of thing before.” I took his hand. He didn’t pull back like I thought he would. I gently took off his wristband. The cuts were fresh, like he had done it this morning. There was dried blood around them but more blood began to come since the wristband itself had pulled off some of the healing skin. I ran my thumb across the wounds feeling the jagged ridges. What did he cut himself with? A dull razor? It looked as if he had to cut a few times before the skin even broke. I winced at the mere thought and brought my eyes to meet his. Tears were in his eyes but he fought them back. “You don’t need professional help. They always ruin everything. I could help you. Me… and you… together.”
He snatched his hand away and gathered his stuff. “I don’t need you.” He left the room and even though Mrs. Poe was calling him, he didn’t look back.
Mrs. Poe called the front office and I heard her reporting him. I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying because all I heard playing in my head over and over was Ryan’s voice. “I don’t need you.”
A few months had passed since the incident at the party and Ryan and I were closer than ever. At school we were known to be pretty much joined at the hip. Our relationship was running smoothly and I couldn’t have been happier. That was until Ryan left his journal at my house.
Earlier that week, Ryan and I had been chosen to be partners for a project in Zoology, so he had came over for us to put the finishing touches on it. After he left, I went back to the table to clean up scrap papers, spilt glue, and snack wrappers. That’s when I noticed the journal. No doubt it was his. Colored black from permanent marker with stickers and carvings of bands he liked. It was like taboo. I knew I had to give it back to him but I feared that if I touched it, I’d read it.
I picked it up slowly and ran my fingers across the surface. I took it into my room, put it on my bed, and went back to clean up the rest of the mess. What’s in the journal? I wondered. It couldn’t be anything I didn’t know. He told me everything. So what would be the harm in reading it?
After the table was clean I went back to my room and laid down. The book sat at the end of my bad and seemed to be begging me to read it. I grabbed it and opened up a few pages in.
July 27
One week ‘til school. A new school. A fresh start. I don’t expect to make friends but a clean slate will be nice.
His entries were short and to the point.
August 3
First day of school. I met this girl Jess who is perfect. I kissed her and I think she got mad. I’m so stupid.
That made me smile.
August 5
Me and Jess just got back from this party. Kinda sucked and I punched this dude in the face. I’m surprised he didn’t kick my ass. But at least I was with Jess. She told me some disturbing stuff about her past. She’s been through a lot, just like me. I hope we can grow together.
I flipped to the near end.
December 13
Major set back in my therapy. I cut myself today. I don’t know why. I’m happy as can be but pain makes it all the better. Am I crazy?
My eyes watered and I closed the book. This entry was written yesterday. Why did he cut himself if he was happy? It just didn’t make sense. Then I thought about it. He never did take off those wristbands, did he? Oh my God! How could this go unnoticed for so long?
The next day at school, I came into homeroom and Ryan was there, already seated. I pushed my desk next to his without a word. “What’s wrong?” He could sense my anger, my worry, my sadness.
“Show me your wrist,” I stated bluntly.
“What?” he said, slightly taken aback.
“Show me your wrist.”
“Why?” I pulled out his journal and slid it on his desk. “You read this?” His voice was full of angst.
“Yes. I figured there were no secrets between us so there wouldn’t be a problem. Guess I was wrong.”
“You had no right reading this.”
“You have no right to hurt yourself.”
“It’s my body! I do what the fuck I want!”
“Why? If you’re so happy then why do you do it?”
“Because I like the feel of it.”
“That’s crazy.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
“Look, I can help you. Just let me. I’ve dealt with this kind of thing before.” I took his hand. He didn’t pull back like I thought he would. I gently took off his wristband. The cuts were fresh, like he had done it this morning. There was dried blood around them but more blood began to come since the wristband itself had pulled off some of the healing skin. I ran my thumb across the wounds feeling the jagged ridges. What did he cut himself with? A dull razor? It looked as if he had to cut a few times before the skin even broke. I winced at the mere thought and brought my eyes to meet his. Tears were in his eyes but he fought them back. “You don’t need professional help. They always ruin everything. I could help you. Me… and you… together.”
He snatched his hand away and gathered his stuff. “I don’t need you.” He left the room and even though Mrs. Poe was calling him, he didn’t look back.
Mrs. Poe called the front office and I heard her reporting him. I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying because all I heard playing in my head over and over was Ryan’s voice. “I don’t need you.”