A Lot Like Falling

My eyes flickered open to the bright lights plastered above me . I'm numb again but a manageable kind of numb . This only last for a while then I get the urge to shout and pull out all of these tubes attached to my arms . Whats happening to me? . I struggle under what seem to be my own weakness for a while. " Help me ! " Im yelling but I know its no use . I never meant to be so weak . I let out another loud yell and by this time theres cold hands holding me down . Why ? Let me go . The bright lights and faces are a blurr the voices a panic toned buzz. The sharp needle pierces through the tube sending anesthesia through my veins and arresting my body . I'm alone in this darkness again.

Shes standing there .She knows what she did wrong but she wont admit she let me down . Why ? . I look through my memories once more and I can remember clearly now , the angel from my memories is the mother that I'm missing . I watch her longer, examine everything about her and as the fog fades I see her truth . Im sorry I blamed you .Blood stains her cheeks and the bruises cover her arms . Shes bleeding just like me . No . I want to run towards her and stop this . She doesnt deserve it . But my legs cant move they're frozen . Just let me go with you .

A loud gasp for air shoots through my throat and I'm up . Alive and dissapointed . Its the same room but everythings different now . The room is dark and uncomfortably cold . I look around at the empty room and I understand now that I'm alone . Im trying to keep it under control but my stomache feels like its been ripped to shreds . I clutch it and bend forward in agony . " Ahh ." I grunt and clench my teeth feeling the pain shown on my face. The monitor is going out of control . My heart beat is moving as fast as my thoughts .

" Just calm down ." The nurses voice is calm as she pushes me backward to extend my tense position .

" Whats wrong with me ?" My voice is world war 2 compared to hers .

" Its going to be fine its just a ruptured muscle it will heal if you just not do that ." she reached putting her warms hands against mine and pulling on my hold to my stomache . I let go giving up . " I just want to get out of here ." My voice is weak , cracking at every other word . I hate it .

" It wont be long ." she smiled tapping a syringe and heading toward the I.V again ." No ." I slap the syringe out of her hands and cringe away from her . She stares at me silently not with anger but with amazement .

" Its good to see you've still got some strength in you . The amount of blood you lost is horrorfying ." She calmly walked away acting as if I hadnt knocked the anesthesia out of her hand . I couldnt help it I'm tired of feeling out of control . This ends today . My will belongs to me .

****
" Your father will be here shortly to pick you up ."The nurse absentmindly said to me as she kept her eyes on her work . Turns out all the lies Stephen fed to them were bought . Apparently I have an abusive boyfriend who fled town the night I was emited . My body is in full panic mode as I sit there and dread to see Stephens face again .What will become of me .I stand up and walk causually down the hall . The nurse at the desk looks up from her glasses and watches me intently . I gesture to the bathroom and give a weak smile . My heart beat picks up when im out of sight and my legs set off on full speed as I run down the halls heading toward the elevator .I'll be damned if I ever see his face again , and if i ever do it will be when I'm pointing a gun to it.

when I step into the elevator breathing becomes easy again as the doors slide closed . the three mirrors are a nightmare . Im a mess . My body is covered in bruises and my eyes are litterally blood shot . Your a real peice of work . Stephens words are scraping through my head like a migraine . Fucking shit man . I bang my head against the mirror cracking it slightly . That'll get rid of them . The ding of the movinng floors turns me around so I can brace myself for whatever will be there when the doors slide open .The light comes in and the exit is the priority .Pushing myself off the mirrors for extra speed . I run just as I did before not looking back . But the difference this time is I know I wont give up .

I keep going till not even the traffic to the hospital is visible . Im stopping but im not falling . Slowing my pace to catch my breathe . I hear laughing then jump up when I notice its me .I must be insane . I pull my head back and let the cold grey day embrace me . Its time to keep moving . The running continues till I reach the outer limits of the small town . Then stops when I notice I'm only human , and cant run forever . My slow walk is making me anxious I cant wait to get even farther from here.

The slow rev of a car engine behind me kicks my mind into thinking all sort of stupid thoughts . What if hes found me the first thing he'll do is grab me by my hair and drag me to his car , then he'll-

"Excuse me miss ?" Take in the sound of his voice . Its not him . I turn to the car and look to find the face that belongs to the voice . Not saying a word as I stare at him . I cant speak . " Are you ok ? " He looks scared but then again who wouldnt with the way I look . Then I remember the fresh cut on my forehead from the elevator incident. Quickly putting my hand to it and loosing balance a bit when it start to sting .

" I dont want to sound like a creeper or anything but you look like you could use a band aid and maybe a ride somewhere ." He still hasnt left and his smile is so genuine . The door opens and I get in without a word . Whats his deal for all he knows I could be a cereal killer . "Where are you headed ?" he smiles at me trying to lighten the mood .

" Anywhere ." My voice for once is full confidence .

" Well I was headed to New York but on my way I could stop there if you want . " He hands me a kleenex clearing his throat when I dont notice .

" New york sounds good ." I keep my eyes on the road as I dab away the blood from my forehead . His eyes on me send nerves through my body and I turn to meet them . The green in them reminds me of my moms . Its a shame I dont carry on her color . Now everyday when I look in the mirror I have to constantly be reminded of his eyes as I look into mine . what a shame .

He can see theres a story behind my appearence. I know it from the look on his face but he doesnt bother asking . Instead he reaches his free hand to shake mine . " Jensen ." I lift my hand to shake his " Jessica " I smile then look away as he lets go of my hand .

" You look hungry Jessica ." The car pulls up to a diner and before I know it hes holding my door open for me ." Lets get something to eat ."

" Here ." He places his jacket on me ." It getting cold and well-." He smiles cutting himself off .

I know its because the bruises look bad . but I'm not going to argue because not everybody is as understanding and patient as my new friend seems to be .