A Lot Like Falling
Going under
There it is again , the burning orange . It must be morning again but this time my eyes open on my own will . There he is , hes breathing so evenly . I'm glad my nightmares are only mine , he doesnt need to worry as he sleeps . Hes so peaceful the sunlight dances across his face and I reach to brush my hand against his cheek . A smile spreads across his face and he places his hand on mine .
" Morning ." He say this with his eyes still closed .
I dont say anything I feel so out of line with my hand on his face. My cheeks burn red and I'm glad he hasnt opened his eyes yet . I pull my hand away quickly . This movement making his eyes draw open .
" Did I scare you ? " He gets up slightly resting on his elbows .
" No ... I just ummm ." I get off the hotel bed and look down at myself . I'm still a mess , god I need a shower ." I'm gonna go take a shower ." I know I didnt finish my sentence ,but what was I suppose to say . No I was just admiring you , that sounds so creepy .
*
I step in and stand under the water letting it fall down on me . I'm so lost , where the hell do I go from here . The warmness of the water relaxes me and I see his face . I might be getting too attached but hes making it so easy . I look down at the blood traced water going down the drain and I remember how it would only be selfish to keeps this going . I'm not going to ruin him . Because I know sooner or later Stephen will find me again , its not over afterall . Stephen . My stomache jolts giveing me the gag reaction as the thought of his hands on me flood my mind . My back slams against the tile wall of the shower and I sink down into the tub .I go under the cloudy water .
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I'm laying on the floor bleeding . What did he do to me ?. Sharp pains shoot through my lower abdomen . I cant even breathe without the pain burning me . I raise my hand from in between my legs and its soaked in blood . I Scream and my sobs are out of control . I cant control my body its reacting in pain; just laying there. My legs feel numb and my body temperature must be over 100 degrees.
" Shut the fuck up bitch! " I hear the television on and the squeek of the springs in his chair . Hes coming up here . I drag my body toward the bathroom . Hopeing to get in there and lock it before he comes in . My blood is soaking my legs . This isnt normal , I'm so digusted . The door swings open and he jogs to were I'm at . I never had a chance .
" Going somewhere beautiful ." He grabs my neck and turns me around . My head is throbbing and my body goes limp as I try to pass out before he rapes me again . He tightens his grip on my neck then lets go pushing my head back against the floor .
"Clean this mess up ... fucking bleeding all over my carpet ...sick ." He laughs then walks out slamming my door behind him .
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Pressure . I Feel a rythym of pressure being exerted on my chest . The warmth of some sort of substance is comeing up my throat . Oh god im going to vomit .
" NO ! " Warm waters shoots up from my mouth as my eyes blink open . I gasp for air but the attempts are drowned in the water that is flooding out of my mouth causing me to cough uncontrollably .
" Jessica ." He holds my face in his hands as he burries his in my wet hair.
I wrap my arms around him and push myself against him . His panicked breathing makes me feel guilty . Why am I putting him through so much un called for agony . His breathing slows down as I press my lips against his cheek ." I'm sorry Jensen ." my words burn my throat like a acid reflex. He moves his face infront of mine and presses his forehead against mine never losing eye contact . I want him so bad . I push my lips agianst his and he doesnt pull away . He slides his hands down my shoulders and I continue kissing down his jaw line to his neck. Im not sure whats driving me at this point the litteral want of him or the need to feel something other than pain . I push him back against the linoleum floor and get on top kissing him more passionatly I cant control my breathing but for once , It feels good this way . He stops .
" We really need to get going ." He looks unsure . I can feel the look of confusion on my face . I roll off him and quickly grab for my clothes walking out of the restroom . I slam the door behind me and shudder at the sound . Why doesnt he want me ? . I put my clothes on and storm out of the room feeling his eyes on me as he walks behind me not saying a word .
" Jessica ? " He grabs my arm .
" Dont ! " My tone is full of anger . I know im being childish . " Jensen just drop it ." Its more calm now but I still feel my fists balled up as I get in the car . What the hell is wrong with me. He gets in and starts the car only looking forward as he gets on the road .
I guess I dont take rejection well .
" Morning ." He say this with his eyes still closed .
I dont say anything I feel so out of line with my hand on his face. My cheeks burn red and I'm glad he hasnt opened his eyes yet . I pull my hand away quickly . This movement making his eyes draw open .
" Did I scare you ? " He gets up slightly resting on his elbows .
" No ... I just ummm ." I get off the hotel bed and look down at myself . I'm still a mess , god I need a shower ." I'm gonna go take a shower ." I know I didnt finish my sentence ,but what was I suppose to say . No I was just admiring you , that sounds so creepy .
*
I step in and stand under the water letting it fall down on me . I'm so lost , where the hell do I go from here . The warmness of the water relaxes me and I see his face . I might be getting too attached but hes making it so easy . I look down at the blood traced water going down the drain and I remember how it would only be selfish to keeps this going . I'm not going to ruin him . Because I know sooner or later Stephen will find me again , its not over afterall . Stephen . My stomache jolts giveing me the gag reaction as the thought of his hands on me flood my mind . My back slams against the tile wall of the shower and I sink down into the tub .I go under the cloudy water .
-----------
I'm laying on the floor bleeding . What did he do to me ?. Sharp pains shoot through my lower abdomen . I cant even breathe without the pain burning me . I raise my hand from in between my legs and its soaked in blood . I Scream and my sobs are out of control . I cant control my body its reacting in pain; just laying there. My legs feel numb and my body temperature must be over 100 degrees.
" Shut the fuck up bitch! " I hear the television on and the squeek of the springs in his chair . Hes coming up here . I drag my body toward the bathroom . Hopeing to get in there and lock it before he comes in . My blood is soaking my legs . This isnt normal , I'm so digusted . The door swings open and he jogs to were I'm at . I never had a chance .
" Going somewhere beautiful ." He grabs my neck and turns me around . My head is throbbing and my body goes limp as I try to pass out before he rapes me again . He tightens his grip on my neck then lets go pushing my head back against the floor .
"Clean this mess up ... fucking bleeding all over my carpet ...sick ." He laughs then walks out slamming my door behind him .
-------------
Pressure . I Feel a rythym of pressure being exerted on my chest . The warmth of some sort of substance is comeing up my throat . Oh god im going to vomit .
" NO ! " Warm waters shoots up from my mouth as my eyes blink open . I gasp for air but the attempts are drowned in the water that is flooding out of my mouth causing me to cough uncontrollably .
" Jessica ." He holds my face in his hands as he burries his in my wet hair.
I wrap my arms around him and push myself against him . His panicked breathing makes me feel guilty . Why am I putting him through so much un called for agony . His breathing slows down as I press my lips against his cheek ." I'm sorry Jensen ." my words burn my throat like a acid reflex. He moves his face infront of mine and presses his forehead against mine never losing eye contact . I want him so bad . I push my lips agianst his and he doesnt pull away . He slides his hands down my shoulders and I continue kissing down his jaw line to his neck. Im not sure whats driving me at this point the litteral want of him or the need to feel something other than pain . I push him back against the linoleum floor and get on top kissing him more passionatly I cant control my breathing but for once , It feels good this way . He stops .
" We really need to get going ." He looks unsure . I can feel the look of confusion on my face . I roll off him and quickly grab for my clothes walking out of the restroom . I slam the door behind me and shudder at the sound . Why doesnt he want me ? . I put my clothes on and storm out of the room feeling his eyes on me as he walks behind me not saying a word .
" Jessica ? " He grabs my arm .
" Dont ! " My tone is full of anger . I know im being childish . " Jensen just drop it ." Its more calm now but I still feel my fists balled up as I get in the car . What the hell is wrong with me. He gets in and starts the car only looking forward as he gets on the road .
I guess I dont take rejection well .
♠ ♠ ♠
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