A Lot Like Falling
First, Impressions then intentions
The hum of the tires on the road is driving me insane . Its too quite I'm starting to regret my childish outburst . But I cant deny that I am hurt .
" Jessica."
" Just Stop it Jensen." I can feel the blood rushing back to my cheeks and I turn to look out the window .
" Ok ." His voice is calm as he slows the car to a complete stop . I look at him ready to say something ." No ! Just dont intterupt me ! " He puts his finger to my lips . "We are not going to go anywhere ... untill you let my explain something." I roll my eyes and turn away from him only to have him softly turn my face back to him . " Look at me .What happened back there ; I know what your thinking and your wrong . Its not that I didnt want to -" Hes blushing now but he doesnt turn away afraid he'll loose my attention. " Its not that I did'nt want to be with you . I mean what guy wouldnt ? look at you , your beautiful but ... it just didnt feel right. Not there , Not then and especially not in the condition your in . Your probably not sure if you even want me that way ."
" Jense-"
" Please don't say anything till I'm done." He stops me again and puts his head down. " What I'm saying is ... theres this innocence displayed on your face and then theres - something I cant quiet read ." Hes still looking down , his eyes are searching my hands as if hes looking for the answer in a text passage. " I'm not sure if its confusion, anger or both . But I know your lost . And you look so young I'm probably the first guy you've feel this type of attraction for , and its not fair to you for me to take advantage of that ." He cradles my hands in his and kisses them . Hes right I'm not sure of anything , but what he is wrong about is that im the selfish one not him .
" I'm eighteen ." My voice comes out so effortlessly ." And yes ... you are the first guy I've ever tried to do something like that with ." I'm starting to blush again but I dont care anymore . Whats the point of hiding from him , he knows so much about me already just from my actions. " I'm unblieveably lost and even more hurt ." His eyes meet mine when he notices its time to really get to know the girl he accidently stumbled upon . " My Full name is Jessica Nicole Layden ." I feel sort of silly like im at one of those alcoholic anonymous seminars but I dont stop, I want him to know as much about me as I'm comfortable telling .I want him to by my friend. "My dad; Stephen ... hes been beating me since I was 12 when my mum passed away . When you found me I had just escaped from the hospital . He was coming to pick me up ; so I ran . I ran untill I couldnt anymore, till I thought he could never find me but I guess he somehow followed me . " I felt the bit of my story was enough for now so I turned forward in my seat and looked down at my lap . I felt exhaustion from just talking about it .
" Thank you ." He leaned toward me and kissed my cheek .I'm pretty sure we were both on the same page now ; I sigh in relief .
****
" Welcome to New York ! " He smiles then opens his door and steps out rushing to my side to open mine . Were parked in front of what looks like a apartment complex ; a really nice one . I'm not sure why I'm here or what I expected to do when I got to New York . He opens my door and smiles at me reaching his hand for mine . I'm glad hes still with me .
" Jensen ." I stop him ." What are we doing ?" I look to the apartment complex and breathe out . The chill in the air haunts every breath I take.
He looks up and furrows his brows like we had already established what was going to happen when we no longer needed to be in the same car togther. " Well Jessica ... do you have a place to stay ?" He looks down at me .
" Well no bu-"
" Well then you can stay with me and my buddy. " He hugs me and kisses my hair .
" Oh I couldnt - it just doesnt feel right ." I shiver and cough . The weather must be taking a toll on me .
" Ok well then what would make it feel more right ?"
" I dont know ... I just ."
" Ok got it ! " He jerks back a little with enthusiasm . " I could help you find a job and when you get enough money , I will help you get your own appartment , but mean while your going to stay here with me ! " He looks so excited , like we are old friends reuniting after so long . I cant help but return his enthusiasm and laugh a bit .
This is where I try to begin and compress all my blood stained nightmares .
" Wait you said you and your... buddy ? " I step back and look at him .
" Yeh...but dont worry I'm pretty sure you'll get along with him. Hes very ." He stops and looks at a window on the builiding . Im not sure which though . " Very insightful and umm a bit eccentric." He laughs , the chill haunting his breath too .
*
The door swings open and Jensen steps in taking his jacket off me and hanging it for me . I look around the room, its so bright the color scheme is very chic ; black and white . I must not be a good observer cause Jensen didnt strike me as the type with money and fashion sense .
" Jackson ! " Jensen calls out ." Hold tight a second k? I'm going to go get something ." He smiles then darts upstairs .
I Look around and feel out of place my overly beaten attire in contrast to this well put together apartment . Then out of the corner of my eye I spot something that feels a little more familiar to me . I walk slowly to the corner and run my hand against the cherry wood of the yamaha accoustic guitar . Its beautfiful .
" Shes a beauty aint she ." My breathing stops and my stomache feels like it dropped to my feet . Hes not who I was expecting . His brown curly hair looks like a intentional mess and his smile is so sinister but somehow friendly . He runs his hand down his black shirt and then reaches it to shake mine . " Jackson Rathbone and you are ?"
I shake his hand , his grip is not firm like Jensen but its very inviting . " Jessica Layden ." I smile back at him .
He lets go and puts his hand in the pockets of his pajama bottoms . " Nice to meet you Miss.Layden . " He leans back a bit to examine me not hiding that hes doing it either . Then moves his eyebrows up and lets them drop. I dont really like him observing me but I dont move . I'm taking in the possibilities he proposing ; without even saying a word . He smiles flirtatiously at me this time and looks back when she comes down the stairs . Oh god I knew it , when someones that good looking there has to be a girlfriend . She walks confidently down the stairs and stops when she reaches Jacksons side . Theres no trace of a smile on her pale face . The contrast of her dark red hair on her skin looks exagerated but I cant deny it only adds more apeal to her . She reaches her hands up and shes holding a pair of clothing .
" Here ." Her voice is laced with a harsh tone and so is the look in her eyes .
" Oh ... no thank you I couldnt ." I smile trying to show I'm not trying to make any enemys. She doesnt put her hands down and her face turns to frustration . Jackson puts his arm around her and squezes her to him whispering something in her ear then pulling away and winking at me .
" Please." She lets out a loud sigh then rolls her eyes . I dont care that shes beautfiul her attitude comepletley kills it .
" Oh come on take it Jessica ." Jensen grabs the clothes from her hand and hands it to me. I take it with no other choice. This is so akward but im glad Jensen came to the rescue cause I was already planning on running out of the appartment .
" Jess ... May I call you Jess ?" Jackson smiles and gestures to me. I shrug . " Ok well Since this isnt going anywhere why dont I introduce you to my little sister . " He squeezes his grip even tighter onto the girl . Relief takes over when I notice she has no claim on him . " This is Laila ! " she puts her hand out to me and forces a smile . "And laila , this beautiful girl is Jessica ! " He looks at her then pinches her cheeks .
"Jerk ." Theres a hint of laughter in her voice and I feel the tension in the air simmer down a little . She turns back to me with a smirk on her red lips ." What happened to you?" she shifts her weight to one leg and crosses her arms .My throat goes dry and I remember my appearence . I guess shes not taking to me well . I look at Jensen and he quickly understands that im uncomforatble .
" Well it would be awsome to stay here and chat but me and Jess have had a long ride and we are tired." He looked at Jackson , they exchange a glare and the same smirk that appeared on Lailas face a minute ago spreads across Jacksons as he nods excusing him and his sister .
" Jessica."
" Just Stop it Jensen." I can feel the blood rushing back to my cheeks and I turn to look out the window .
" Ok ." His voice is calm as he slows the car to a complete stop . I look at him ready to say something ." No ! Just dont intterupt me ! " He puts his finger to my lips . "We are not going to go anywhere ... untill you let my explain something." I roll my eyes and turn away from him only to have him softly turn my face back to him . " Look at me .What happened back there ; I know what your thinking and your wrong . Its not that I didnt want to -" Hes blushing now but he doesnt turn away afraid he'll loose my attention. " Its not that I did'nt want to be with you . I mean what guy wouldnt ? look at you , your beautiful but ... it just didnt feel right. Not there , Not then and especially not in the condition your in . Your probably not sure if you even want me that way ."
" Jense-"
" Please don't say anything till I'm done." He stops me again and puts his head down. " What I'm saying is ... theres this innocence displayed on your face and then theres - something I cant quiet read ." Hes still looking down , his eyes are searching my hands as if hes looking for the answer in a text passage. " I'm not sure if its confusion, anger or both . But I know your lost . And you look so young I'm probably the first guy you've feel this type of attraction for , and its not fair to you for me to take advantage of that ." He cradles my hands in his and kisses them . Hes right I'm not sure of anything , but what he is wrong about is that im the selfish one not him .
" I'm eighteen ." My voice comes out so effortlessly ." And yes ... you are the first guy I've ever tried to do something like that with ." I'm starting to blush again but I dont care anymore . Whats the point of hiding from him , he knows so much about me already just from my actions. " I'm unblieveably lost and even more hurt ." His eyes meet mine when he notices its time to really get to know the girl he accidently stumbled upon . " My Full name is Jessica Nicole Layden ." I feel sort of silly like im at one of those alcoholic anonymous seminars but I dont stop, I want him to know as much about me as I'm comfortable telling .I want him to by my friend. "My dad; Stephen ... hes been beating me since I was 12 when my mum passed away . When you found me I had just escaped from the hospital . He was coming to pick me up ; so I ran . I ran untill I couldnt anymore, till I thought he could never find me but I guess he somehow followed me . " I felt the bit of my story was enough for now so I turned forward in my seat and looked down at my lap . I felt exhaustion from just talking about it .
" Thank you ." He leaned toward me and kissed my cheek .I'm pretty sure we were both on the same page now ; I sigh in relief .
****
" Welcome to New York ! " He smiles then opens his door and steps out rushing to my side to open mine . Were parked in front of what looks like a apartment complex ; a really nice one . I'm not sure why I'm here or what I expected to do when I got to New York . He opens my door and smiles at me reaching his hand for mine . I'm glad hes still with me .
" Jensen ." I stop him ." What are we doing ?" I look to the apartment complex and breathe out . The chill in the air haunts every breath I take.
He looks up and furrows his brows like we had already established what was going to happen when we no longer needed to be in the same car togther. " Well Jessica ... do you have a place to stay ?" He looks down at me .
" Well no bu-"
" Well then you can stay with me and my buddy. " He hugs me and kisses my hair .
" Oh I couldnt - it just doesnt feel right ." I shiver and cough . The weather must be taking a toll on me .
" Ok well then what would make it feel more right ?"
" I dont know ... I just ."
" Ok got it ! " He jerks back a little with enthusiasm . " I could help you find a job and when you get enough money , I will help you get your own appartment , but mean while your going to stay here with me ! " He looks so excited , like we are old friends reuniting after so long . I cant help but return his enthusiasm and laugh a bit .
This is where I try to begin and compress all my blood stained nightmares .
" Wait you said you and your... buddy ? " I step back and look at him .
" Yeh...but dont worry I'm pretty sure you'll get along with him. Hes very ." He stops and looks at a window on the builiding . Im not sure which though . " Very insightful and umm a bit eccentric." He laughs , the chill haunting his breath too .
*
The door swings open and Jensen steps in taking his jacket off me and hanging it for me . I look around the room, its so bright the color scheme is very chic ; black and white . I must not be a good observer cause Jensen didnt strike me as the type with money and fashion sense .
" Jackson ! " Jensen calls out ." Hold tight a second k? I'm going to go get something ." He smiles then darts upstairs .
I Look around and feel out of place my overly beaten attire in contrast to this well put together apartment . Then out of the corner of my eye I spot something that feels a little more familiar to me . I walk slowly to the corner and run my hand against the cherry wood of the yamaha accoustic guitar . Its beautfiful .
" Shes a beauty aint she ." My breathing stops and my stomache feels like it dropped to my feet . Hes not who I was expecting . His brown curly hair looks like a intentional mess and his smile is so sinister but somehow friendly . He runs his hand down his black shirt and then reaches it to shake mine . " Jackson Rathbone and you are ?"
I shake his hand , his grip is not firm like Jensen but its very inviting . " Jessica Layden ." I smile back at him .
He lets go and puts his hand in the pockets of his pajama bottoms . " Nice to meet you Miss.Layden . " He leans back a bit to examine me not hiding that hes doing it either . Then moves his eyebrows up and lets them drop. I dont really like him observing me but I dont move . I'm taking in the possibilities he proposing ; without even saying a word . He smiles flirtatiously at me this time and looks back when she comes down the stairs . Oh god I knew it , when someones that good looking there has to be a girlfriend . She walks confidently down the stairs and stops when she reaches Jacksons side . Theres no trace of a smile on her pale face . The contrast of her dark red hair on her skin looks exagerated but I cant deny it only adds more apeal to her . She reaches her hands up and shes holding a pair of clothing .
" Here ." Her voice is laced with a harsh tone and so is the look in her eyes .
" Oh ... no thank you I couldnt ." I smile trying to show I'm not trying to make any enemys. She doesnt put her hands down and her face turns to frustration . Jackson puts his arm around her and squezes her to him whispering something in her ear then pulling away and winking at me .
" Please." She lets out a loud sigh then rolls her eyes . I dont care that shes beautfiul her attitude comepletley kills it .
" Oh come on take it Jessica ." Jensen grabs the clothes from her hand and hands it to me. I take it with no other choice. This is so akward but im glad Jensen came to the rescue cause I was already planning on running out of the appartment .
" Jess ... May I call you Jess ?" Jackson smiles and gestures to me. I shrug . " Ok well Since this isnt going anywhere why dont I introduce you to my little sister . " He squeezes his grip even tighter onto the girl . Relief takes over when I notice she has no claim on him . " This is Laila ! " she puts her hand out to me and forces a smile . "And laila , this beautiful girl is Jessica ! " He looks at her then pinches her cheeks .
"Jerk ." Theres a hint of laughter in her voice and I feel the tension in the air simmer down a little . She turns back to me with a smirk on her red lips ." What happened to you?" she shifts her weight to one leg and crosses her arms .My throat goes dry and I remember my appearence . I guess shes not taking to me well . I look at Jensen and he quickly understands that im uncomforatble .
" Well it would be awsome to stay here and chat but me and Jess have had a long ride and we are tired." He looked at Jackson , they exchange a glare and the same smirk that appeared on Lailas face a minute ago spreads across Jacksons as he nods excusing him and his sister .
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