The Bird and the Worm

I bit my lip and glanced down as I knocked softly on my mother’s front door. I had to admit that I was a little nervous about this encounter. I wasn’t here to tell her that I wasn’t marrying Brian, but if the topic came up, I assumed I was supposed to go along with the story, still, and then tell her that in five months, she probably wouldn’t see me for a long time.

The door opened, and when I looked up to meet her gaze, my eyes shadowed by the fedora Brian had given me, I offered a smile, and she stepped aside, gesturing towards the hallway. “Hi, Mom,” I said softly as I passed her, and I turned to face her once I was inside. “Look, Mom, about Florida, I just-“

She held up her hand to stop me. “No. That’s not something I’m going to let you apologize for. It was fairly obvious that you felt strongly for him at that café, when you said you loved him and kissed him when you thought I wasn’t looking.” I opened my mouth to respond, but she shook her head. “He seems decent, Heather. I just don’t think that this lifestyle you’re choosing is the best one.”

“Why not?”

“Because. You saw what happened with your father. The next girl came around, and off he went, in search of new adventures. That rock star of yours-“

“Brian,” I corrected her, and she sighed.

“Brian, then. He seems decent, but I just don’t want you associating yourself with that lifestyle. No mother likes watching their daughter fall for someone they don’t know, and it’s even worse when it’s a man that when the first time he’s introduced, the daughter is saying she’s getting married to him.” Her voice shook, and my eyes widened. “It wasn’t easy.”

“Did I- did I hurt you, Mom? By saying yes to Brian?” I was shocked, surprised even, that she was being like this. I’d expected full-on screaming and crying and frustration and all that jazz, but she just looked- hurt. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be able to keep up the strong front if she was going to play dirty like this. “Or is it because he seems to remind you of Dad?”

“Why, Heather Leann, of the things you could use against me-“

“Answer the question, Mom. Did I hurt you by saying yes to him?”

She sighed, walking to her dining room table and sitting down, her eyes downcast, her hands folded on the table. I sat in the chair next to her, and I placed my hand over hers. It didn’t matter that it was my left hand- if she wasn’t used to that ring being there, then she was going to have to work on that. “No. You didn’t hurt me. You just pretty much told me that I wasn’t running your life anymore.”

“You haven’t run my life since my high school principal placed my diploma in my hand.”

“I know that, but I still had a fighting chance. I still had some say. It scares me that you’re going off into the sunset with a rock star you seem to be more in lust with than in love with and-“

“That’s not fair, Mom!” She jumped, and I winced in regret, but there was no taking it back now. I withdrew my hand from where it rested on hers, and I considered my words as carefully as I could while in the midst of this wave of new emotion, trying to take a deep breath. “I get it. You’re pissed that I went off to Florida for three days without warning you, but Mom. I’m almost twenty years old now. Yes, you might think it’s ridiculous that I spend three days with someone and then accept an engagement ring from him, but in those three days, Brian showed me more love than the boyfriends I had in high school showed me in the span of seven or eight months. Yes, you think it’s stupid that I gave him a short kiss in a pancake house in nowheresville, but Mom…I love him.”

She looked over at me, and her eyes narrowed as she studied me, searching for any flaws in my demeanor, trying to figure out if I really meant anything I was saying. My breath was heavy, and my eyes were threatening to overflow with tears, but I felt like each word had come from the very core of my being- whether I was lying to my mother about being engaged or not.

“I guess I just…I still don’t understand how he is so important to you.”

I closed my eyes, trying to think about the vague idea I’d gotten of the story Brian had created. Something about me winning the contest right when he was at his worst, me being there for him and him falling for me and then him meeting me and me falling for him and the two of us deciding to get married…yeah. That definitely sounded right. I toyed with the ring on my finger, biting my lip for a second. “He gave this ring to someone else before he even knew I existed.” I glanced up at her- she didn’t seem surprised. She still considered him to be a man-whore because he was a rock star. “But she broke his heart and threw it at him as she walked out the door. They would have been married in a month, and he loved her a lot.” This was dumb. I was talking about him like I knew him better than I actually did. That was okay. I had to pretend. “I really couldn’t do anything but be there for him and be what he wanted when he was at his worst.” Her gaze flashed up to mine.

“He was really depressed when he met me, Mom. That’s why the guys talked him into this whole contest. They just wanted him to be happy, and nothing was working.” She bit her lip- she finally understood. “So I won, and I flew out to Florida with Gina, and I went backstage with him.” My voice fell to a whisper. “I want him, Mom. And the fact that I even get to have him still mystifies me.”

“So where do you go from here?” she questioned, her voice suddenly soft.

“In five months, he’s back from his tour, and I’m moving in with him, and after that, I’m really not sure. We’re just taking things as they come right now. And I’m just assuring myself that I can be with someone who goes on the road every once in a while as a job.”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

I gave her a half-smile, laughing a little. “Honestly? Other than what I’ve told you, I haven’t the slightest idea what I’m doing. But…isn’t that the point? Y’know…of being in love with someone? I mean…Brian’s such a different person, and he’s…” I searched for the right word, brushing a few straggling tears from the corner of my eye.

She let out a puff of exhausted breath. “Jesus, Heather, come here.” She pulled me into her arms, hugging me as tightly as she could. I smiled and hugged her back. “You will always be my little girl, and I will always want to control your life, but this time…well, with the way you’re talking about him, I guess you’re set in your ways.” She kissed my cheek. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

I pulled back, touching my hand to her face, watching her eyes smile protectively at me. “Jesus, Mom. If I can handle myself on a tour bus with five grimy rock stars on it, what makes you think I can’t handle spending my life in a house in Huntington with just one?”
“I’m sorry about Florida.”

I smiled. “Me too.” I rose from my seat, and then I said with a twinkle in my eye, “Can we watch a movie? I would die for some homemade popcorn.” Mom smiled, and then she walked to the stove. I pulled my phone from my pocket, flipping it open, and gazing down at the wallpaper on the screen while Mom’s back was turned. The picture of Brian smiling up at me seemed more comforting than ever, and I brushed my fingertips along the screen. I was sure Mom saw me, but it would have been silly to draw me from my momentary daze. I had enough time for a movie- five o’clock wouldn’t be rolling around for another four hours.
In ten minutes, not only did I have the largest bowl of popcorn known to man in my lap, but I was curled up on the sofa next to my mom, both our gazes fixated on the screen- a silent reconciliation.

It felt good to be home.