The Bird and the Worm

“So about four months ago, the band sat down and came up with a contest that asked fans to send in videos telling us about themselves and explain to us in whatever way necessary that we should pick them because of whatever. For a month and a half, your videos flooded in, and the winner of three days to chill with the band, doing whatever he or she so pleased, was finally chosen. And she is actually among you fine Fallen tonight.”

Brian walked up to his mike, greeted by hundreds of screams, and he chuckled before he said, “Heather Byrd, would you please get up here and strut your stuff?” I smiled to myself and walked towards the stage. The security guys helped me onto the stage, and I waved to the crowd that would have murdered endlessly with ginormous smiles in order to be where I was at this moment. I toyed with the chain around my neck, letting my fingers run over the ring I would be wearing later, and Brian beckoned me over to where he was standing.

I stood platonically at his side, my hand on his back, smiling at the crowd.

“So at about eleven o’clock last night, bless her heart, Heather came backstage with a huge smile on her face after enduring the same four-hour show you’re about to experience, and since then, we have had the greatest time.”

“This chick beat my ass at Guitar Hero, dudes,” Jimmy said into his mike, and the crowd cheered. Brian laughed and waited for the crowd’s enthusiasm to settle down a little.

I could tell that this was someplace these guys truly enjoyed being. Their stage personas were badass and hardcore, much different from their real personalities- personalities that I had gotten to experience firsthand. “Now we haven’t given her a heads-up or anything on this, but in her video, Heather mentioned that Dear God was her favorite song, so her and Matt are gonna sing a little duet.” I glanced over at him, and he grinned broadly, winking at me and inconspicuously brushing his hand along my side. “Would you all please give her a little encouragement while Jason Berry cheerfully fetches another microphone for her?”

I blushed as the crowd screamed at the top of their lungs, cheering for me, and when Jason walked out with a microphone, I took it and glanced over at Brian again. He motioned towards Matt, who had an arm held out for me, and I moved from Brian’s side to Matt’s. Matt slid his arm around my waist and winked at me.

“You can do it, girl,” he said as he kissed my cheek, and then he said into the microphone, “I wanna see all your damn cell phones waving in the air.” A few blue lights appeared. “Come on, this is a big fuckin town, everybody’s got a damn cell phone.” More blue lights appeared, and he laughed into the microphone. “Hell fuckin’ yes, now let’s jam. You ready Heather?” I nodded. “Gates?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s do this.”

Brian fussed with a few awkward chords, just to throw me off, and then he and the rest of the guys started in on the song.

While I sang beside Matt, his arm moving to my shoulders, I began to feel much more comfortable on this stage. It was a good thing I knew this words by heart, otherwise I would have messed them up so horribly that I would have had to run off the stage in embarrassment. I was amazed at how well our voices worked in harmony- mine was just a tad higher set than his, and it seemed to work perfectly. I glanced around the stage as I sang with him, seeing Johnny moving around a bit out of the corner of my eye, seeing Zacky perched on a stool with an acoustic in his lap, and Brian with his infamous guitar, strumming out the melody.

When it came to the part that the woman sang just before the guitar solo/finish, I felt my voice shake a little, because I was thinking about how distant I’d become from my mother, and I felt kind of bad as I listened to the emotion Brian put into the way he played his guitar, but I also knew that the plan he and Gina had come up with would be the only way to bring her back down to earth and make her realize that I was an adult now, and I was going to make my own choices.

Those six minutes were the fastest six minutes of my life.

When the song was finished, I pulled my arm from his waist, but he tugged me back to his side.

“Wasn’t that pretty, you guys?” he said into the mike. The fans screamed, but we all knew they could do better than that. “I said, wasn’t that fucking beautiful?” They screamed louder. “Want Heather to sing you another fucking song?” I was deafened by the response. They were enthusiastic about anything he was suggesting, and he winked over at me. He knew I could handle it this time. “Alright, well, you asked for it.”

“Might put you out of business, Shadows. That was really fuckin’ pretty.”

“Vengeance is right, dude. Choose wisely.”

Matt laughed. He didn’t care what the guys thought. He was giving me a gift of his own. He handed me his mike, and then, patting my back, walked over to Brian, murmuring something in his ear. Brian nodded, and then Matt jogged over to Johnny, then Zacky, and then finally, Jimmy. They all smiled at me, and Matt prodded me forward.

In an act of more confidence than I actually had, I perched myself on the amp he’d just left behind. I brought the mike to my lips and said, “Are you guys ready?”

They screamed loudly as always, and my heart thumped threateningly as I realized that it was me they were cheering for, and as I heard Jimmy playing the piano, I realized that the guys had listened when I’d casually mentioned that I would be able to die happy if I could sing a song or two in front of their fans, my fellow Fallen. My hands were a little shaky, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t become the master of.

Brian joined in on the guitar, and Jimmy flawlessly switched back over to his drums. They were playing ‘I Won’t See You Tonight, Part One’…there had to be some sort of suggestion in that. Were they trying to give me enough confidence to confront my mother with all of my unleashed feelings? I glanced at Brian- Synyster Gates, the toughest badass in the band- and he flashed an affectionate smile.

“Cry alone, I’ve gone away, no more nights, no more pain

I’ve gone alone, took all my strength, I’ve made the change, I won’t see you tonight

Sorrow set deep inside my blood, all the ones around me I cared for in life

Building up inside of me, a place so dark so cold, I had to set me free

Don’t mourn for me; you’re not the one to place the blame

As bottles call my name, I won’t see you tonight

Sorrow set deep inside my blood

All the ones around me I cared for and most of all I loved

But I can’t see myself that way, please don’t forget me, or cry when I’m away”

Both hands were wrapped around the mike, and I was practically bending over the way Matt always did when he was singing something powerful, and chills much like the ones I’d experienced when Brian had kissed me backstage sped through my spine as he dug right in to his guitar solo. His guitar wailed right along with the pain and longing involved with the lyrics, and I bit my lip for a second while I still had a break. I looked over at him, and he was biting his lip harder than I had been, his face set deep in concentration, his entire body moving with the music, the way it always did.

“Cry alone, I’ve gone away, no more nights, no more pain

I’ve gone alone, took all my strength, but I’ve made the change, I won’t see you tonight

So far away I’ve gone…please. Don’t follow me tonight, and while I’m gone, everything will be all right”

Those three lines hit my emotions the hardest, and my voice made an attempt to crack, but I made my way through the words. If I really had to, I could spend a few minutes sobbing into Brian’s chest before I had to worry about telling my mother how I felt. Matt joined in for this chorus, and I could feel the reverberations of the crowd singing along. They’d been singing along the whole time, but I hadn’t noticed it as much. When my mind was free, I could hear everything.

Now I truly knew why these guys loved performing.

Jimmy turned back to the piano, and he played the instrumental. I could feel the energy and emotion surging off the stage. There was a certain way these guys played this music- like this was their life, and they were telling a story. This story seemed like it was the hardest one to tell, but they were amazing at pretending- they were lost in the depths of the music they’d written years ago but still felt the need to perform because they still understood how they’d felt when the words and the sound had come out of their instruments.

Then, before I knew it, he was back to his drums, and every beat pulsed through my body. I let my eyes roam the energetic crowd- they were letting their own bodies move to the music, and I felt a connection to them. I understood why it was so easy for Matt and the guys to love their fans so intently now.

“No more left inside, essence left my heart tonight

No more left inside, essence left my heart tonight”

Freed from the words, I let myself move with the music, just as Matt always did, and I felt the power of the drums, the energy of Brian’s guitar, and the angst in the way that we finished the song. Slowly, the drums died out, and as Matt returned to my side, resting his arm around my shoulders, my chest was heaving. I was breathless. He laughed and hugged me tight after a minute, and I hugged him back, grinning. “Thanks, Shads,” I said with a wink.

“You understand why you mean so much to us now?” he asked, being careful not to speak into the mike. “Do you get why we would do anything for you?” I nodded, still grinning. “Good. That’s why we did this. I think understanding was the most important thing I could give you, considering Brian’s given you everything else.”

“Thanks, Matt.” I grinned up at him, and he gave me a one-armed hug.

“Wasn’t she fucking amazing?” he said to the crowd, and they screamed in approval. “I think she should stay up here and jam with us, what about you?” Another deafening roar. “Four more songs, though, guys. You think that’s enough?” The crowd booed.

“Hell no it’s not, what the fuck are you thinking, Shads?”

“I dunno, man, but uh, your girl is distracting me, so would you please call her over there?”

Brian laughed. “Get over here, you,” he said with a quick wink, and I obeyed, almost jogging over to him. “Better, Shads?”

“Well yeah, but now you’ve got all the attention. Where are the fuckin’ dancing girls?”

“You know. I’ve been wondering the same thing. You should ask Zacky about that.”

“What the fuck did I ever do to you guys?” Zacky said into his mike, winking at his fans. “Well, about those dancers, they might be a little tired…I mean, you know how it goes.”

“Yeah, you effing man-whore. Now what am I supposed to watch, eh?” Jimmy questioned.

Just as I was beginning to believe that the dancing girls had disappeared, they walked onstage, flashing smiles and waving to the crowd before one of them walked over to me with an outfit in her hands. A present to me from Johnny. I figured as much. I dangled the outfit in front of Brian for a second, catching his attention, and then jogged backstage to change. “And there she goes, you guys…looks like our contest winner is multi-talented.”

“You would know, Gates, you would know.”

I laughed to myself, changing as quickly as I could. When I emerged in full whore attire, the necklace still around my neck, one of the dancing girls high-fived me, grabbing my hand and pulling me over to her. I went with it. This was another chance for me to show the guys what I was capable of.

“You know, guys, we were going to delve into a huge dose of Bat Country, but that song just doesn’t have enough naughtiness to it. It’s either Scream or Beast and the Harlot.”

“I think our contest winner should show off some of her skills.”

“I agree, Gates. You know what, give me some Beat and the Harlot. Show ‘em how it’s done.” Jimmy counted off in the background, and then he and Brian went spiraling into the music. Jimmy went crazy on the drums while Brian made his guitar make all sort of screaming noises, and Matt screamed at the top of his lungs. The blonde girl that had pulled me close to her started letting her body slink along to the music, and I followed suit.
It wasn’t long before all the girls were practically re-enacting the pole dancing scenes from the music video.

I grinned to myself as the band ripped through the song. Tonight was going to be something I would never forget.