Our Lady of sorrows

I hum the tune that is lingering in my brain like the smell of a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie. It stays with me for a fleeting moment then leaves the air around my head as clean as before it sang. The morning was sweet and I lay on the park bench, taking deep breaths from the streets I have missed so much. The people all seem to know me as they walk by with there middle fingers sticking up, or a friendly wave. New Jersey was Quite and it seemed like I couldn't feel farther from it.

I Guess you could call me a fickle guy, I was hard to figure out. First of all I was never ever satisfied with the way our tour came out this year. It was a blast during the shows but the life outside it was nothing close of surreal. Everyone seemed agitated. Disconnected from the rest of us. Me and Mikey's room was always quiet after 9:30. We had things to say to each other but it was strange to think that Mikey would share the same thoughts.

For a moment each night I would think about life If i had never joined My Chemical Romance. How I would run out each day as routine never know the feeling of brotherly love. My heart skipped a beat every time I thought about my girlfriend back here in NJ. And how I would love to tell her the things I saw on tour and every crazy fan that would never take my heart.

I lifted my head from the bench to look around if there was anymore people I knew. But there wasn't any. Not a soul. I looked at my cell phone. No one had called. Life seems paused. Fragile and breakable best not touch it in case it should ever fall and shatter. But there was nothing to tell about coming home from tour this year, my girlfriend broke up with me and my family and friends didn't miss me so much. It was so normal to them, to have: 'life with out Frankie' that actually having me in it was awkward. Like i was intruding on somthing of their own secrecy.

If your wondering why I'm not brooding over my girlfriend because we were going out 2 months and I could swear if I ever felt love I had it with her, But the truth was plain. I didn't love her I just had her,. She was mine and i was hers nothing to it really, it was casual. Nothing special. Were done, no problem.

i got up off the bench and saw Bob standing over me waiting fro me to notice he was there. His smile was warm and fuzzy. His blonder hair fell over one blue eye and a all to familiar lip ring seemed to pull an end of his lip downward.

"Hey," He said. Still smiling.

"Hey." I said trying to return the ever comforting smile.

"I hate to say I miss the band so soon, but," Bob paused, then chuckled allowed. "I guess you guys have grown on me." Bob wiped his nose. It was great to see him but really he was probably passing the time at Matt' s house. Bob was a pretty close cousin of Matt's and seemed to come with us a lot. He knew us better then Matt and probably was more skilled a drummer. But, that is not my place to say. But Matt was getting slower with tempo and I wasn't the only one noticing it.

"Bob, your a great guy and I really wanna know what you've done to have such a great reputation as a drummer." I tossed my messenger bag over my shoulder. "Hey, have you seen Gerard I need to see what he's thinking up, I told him to do some song writing, and you know how into it he gets..." Bob turned his face away when I said Gerard. It was so sudden I don't think i sloth could miss it. He obviously had somthing I needed to know.

"Is there somthing about Gerard's song writing process you don't like?" I asked it jokingly but i don't think Bob took it that way.

"The last night of the tour in Illinois I saw Gerard backstage crying his eyes out." Bob looked into my eyes with a child's curiosity. "Frankie what happened?! I've never seen someone as strong as you guys break down so easily."

On the inside of my head I rolled my eyes. if there was one thing I would rather not talk about It was Gee's problems. I wouldn't want to tumble upon any of them and would prefer to keep eye distance at these times when we discus it. Again it's Gerard's life he is throwing away not mine. But as crazy as he is he's my friend and I love him. And I am willing to sacrifice my time to comfort him, because that's what a band does, were one big family.

"Gerard was..." I bit my lip should I tell Bob about Gerard's bad drinking habits, but how would that even begin to explain his depression. "Having a bad day."

Bob looked at me quizzical. "A bad day?!" He put his hands in his pockets. Shaking his head back and forth. Then he nodded and looked back up at me. "Any Time you guy's need a substitute drummer call me up."

And that was it Bob turned away and briskly walked out of sight. I looked back at the bench I sat on and started home.