Our Lady of sorrows

Gerard

My eyes were fluttering, I don't remember how to breath just now. my head is spinning like mad...like i had to much to drink plus somthing else. Everything ached like i had been through hell. I couldn't see anything through my sightless flutter of my eyes I could only see black. A warm somthing held my head. It was soft like the velvet of an evening gown. It was gentle not to move my head to quickly. My head hurt ever time the velvet had to move me. was I dying...I hope not...but then, if this was death i wanted it it was so...so...fascinating. The hands of velvet tossed my head gently from side to side or the way my eyes would never show me light. It made me feel weak but in a sense of lifeless power, it was intoxicating. Like a drug i had never tasted. And the best high i had ever experienced the ecstasy was overbearing in its own way.

Then out of my last bit of black ecstasy of death I herd others.

"Where.....I thought He..." It was just a small whisper but i could be herd. A part of me that part that enjoyed this drug told me not worry about it it was all part of the passage to death...all part of the transformation. The other half tried to pull me out of the black water that would be my death. Listen! Listen Open your eyes! Its them You can still LIVE! LISTEN! I fought both sides. I wanted to float but i did want the air to fill my lungs in reassurrance the way every one had said that night of my tears. The voice that told me to listen was Frankie i could feel his face vision in my mind his hopeful eyes and blazing smile.

Whoosh!

"HA Gerard Are you Okay!!! He's alive He's Alive somebody help me!" Blurred forms came and some how grabbed me. I couldn't feel them every inch over me was numb my lips trembled in shock. The vision cleared to show a simple hospital room white with the walls of a loss insanity i hated hospitals. Gave me the creeps.

"HA! Gerard you alive!!!" Mikey's big head slammed into my chest, which i swear will leave a mark later. "OH GEE! I thought you were dead, Oh Gerard i missed you so much I'm sorry I'm sorry." He nuzzled the place on my chest he slammed and hugged my head with his hands.

"Mikey where the fuck are we." I almost screamed i didn't know how loud my voice was going to be. And i saw a nurse flinch at my choice of language.

"Oh you can talk to, Sweet Mother of god YOUR ALIVE!" Mikey's sing-song voice had to crack a smile on my face. But i seriously had to know why i was in a hospital.

"Mikey why I'm i in a hospital bed?!?!?!?" I said a little more quietly. Mikey stopped his praise for my life and put his head down. His thick glasses ready to fall off his nose.

"um you...you were drunk..."

I rolled my eyes he would never give me the whole story. little bitch had to keep everything that concerned me out of the news.

"...and..."

Mikey sucked up so air. "You jumped out of my car...I was taking you back home and you jumped out."

That had to be the most ridiculous cover up in the hole world Micheal. "Mikey really...what happened I can handle what ever I did I think i deserve to know the truth about my self." I chuckled at the irony of my words.

"Well...that's what happened Gee. you didnt do anything else...ARE YOU SAYING YOU DONT BELIEVE ME!!!????"

"Ya pretty much why in the hell would i jump out of your car? That's the stupidest thing in the world!"

"Well you did it not me! At least I was there to call the hospital! I COULD HAVE LET YOU DIE!"

"Why WOULD I JUMP OUT OF A DAMN CAR! MIKEY RELAX I WAS JUST..."

"JUST JUST WHAT!? JUST THE NEW YOU EH? THE NEW WAY TO SUITE YOUR DEPRESSION...
YOU TELL ME!!!! YOU DID IT!!!" Mikey's face was red with anger. Then there was a pause And i could tell somthing was coming...somthing that should have stayed in my brothers head and never should have come out.

"your not my brother." Mikey got up not even making eye contact with me. "you love your escapes more then me, more then mom, MORE THEN THE BAND!!! more then your own pitiful life..." Then he turned to me. I was surprised to see that his face wasn't as stern as his words. tears had trickled down innocent Mikey's face..."Well Gerard let me tell u somthing you won't hear from you precious escapes...I love you more then your alcohol or whatever else your addicted to does. They don't love you Gerard. Its a one way romance with death." He wiped his tears. "And one day you'll find that out a little to late and I wont be there to save you."