Gray Blood

Sacha's POV
"Next we have...Sacha Marshall." Everyone turned to look at me. Except for - at least I think so - David.
I stood up, not caring who was laughing at my expression or the way I looked, or talking about me behind my back, even though it was obvious I knew. But that still wasn't enough to make me care.
"I regret..." At this point, is there anything I regret? Making friends? Being nice? "...not being a better sister to Sean and Sammy." They psychiatrist walked up to me and smiled while patting my shoulder. I backed away from his touch.
"You will get to see them on Jia day, Sacha." I won't see Sammy. Never again. And Sean? What would he think if I told him what happened to me? He was right about David. Warren was right about David. I was wrong.
Sammy is gone though. My little brother.
"No. I won't."
I sat back down.
*****
"Warren can you please come up here?" I heard him stand up behind me and he brushed my shoulder purposefully. He shuffled uncomfortably and I could only imagine what he would say.
'I regret being a bad boyfriend.' He better say something like that.
'I regret being an asshole.'
'I regret being a stupid fucking asshole/boyfriend.' Its not mean if its the truth.
"I regret...being who I am." The word is asshole Warren. One word. Easy to say. Painful to be.
"Warren, there is absolutely no reason for you to be ashamed of who you are-"
"Whatever dude." He sat back down.
Whatever.
*****
"And now.......David. Its your turn." Everyone turned but me, because I was trying to stare straight ahead and avoiding the urge to turn around.
No one stood up.
"David?" I turned around. He sat in his chair, arms folded and face blank. An empty shell with no heart.
"David, I'd like you to stand up and speak." No one spoke. David folded his legs, leaned back in his chair, looking pale. The psychiatrist walked over to him and whispered something I couldn't hear. Everyone leaned in, trying desperately to hear whatever was being said.
We all heard one thing though. The psychiatrist asked:
"Are you not feeling well?" David shook his head. "Have you eaten anything today?" David shook his head again.
"Then after you speak, you'll go back to your room to eat lunch early. Is that alright?" David didn't reply. "Speak sitting down then." He turned to the rest of us.
"Everyone, be quiet. It's David turn to talk. Give him the same respect that you all would want while speaking."
David sat up slightly.
"........What do I regret?" If he says nothing...I will never speak to him again. If he doesn't mention me, I will never forgive him. "I regret................" Any day now.
David sighed.
"I regret being a bad husband and not taking better care of my wife." The entire room froze with shock.
It was so strange hearing him say those words. 'I regret being a bad husband.' He was only seventeen when he was married. I think she was too.
David got up to leave and two guards met him at the door. They twisted his arms behind his back and cuffed him, and they walked out of the room.
For a split second, right before the doors closed, I thought I saw blood on his leg. David's POV-20 minutes later
The food actually looked edible today. But that didn't mean I was going eat it. Instead, I leaned against the wall on top of my bed, hoping I could make the food disappear or give myself an appetite.
Nothing. I just wasn't hungry.
I picked up the fork and poked the meat, hoping it wouldn't explode like it had on so many countless occasions.
I put down the fork and picked up the knife, running it against my fingers and feeling the cold. I squeezed the blade in my hand until it bled. But at least I could feel something now. Other than anger.
I felt sadness. I longed for the family I never got to have. Izzy and the baby; the three of us. Together.
"Love me, love me...." That's what she wanted. Izzy and Sacha wanted love. That's what I I want now.
Why can't I feel something? Anything?
How should I feel?
I stole her and trapped her, my wife. Die.
I bruised her and broke her, my angel. Monster.
Silence the pain.
*****
My door opened. Alena walked in.
"Aren't you going to eat that? I assume its been avhile since you've eaten."
"Gee, I haven't noticed." She laughed at my sarcasm and stopped suddenly, while eyeing me.
"Vut happened to your hand?"
"What do you think happened?" She raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't think you vould."
"You don't know me as well as you think you do." She shrugged and waited. "What are you doing here?"
"I think you know." I froze. She's here to tell me Sacha's pregnant. She is. Innocent but tough little Sacha. With my babies. Five and one. Six children gone and erased from life forever. No, no, no, no, no!
"Please give her an abortion! I don't care what you do to me! I can't live with this kind of grief anymore! One child is enough! I can't lose anymore! I can't be a monster! I won't be! I'll always have those five as a reminder of what I did to her! But you have to kill them! Because she'll forgive me! She's going to forgive me! I need her too! I need her to love me! Love me forever! I can't live here for the rest of my life alone!" I climbed off the bed and grabbed her arms. "I'm going insane here! Look at my hand! Look at my leg! Cutting myself is all I can do to make myself feel better! Each cut! Every cut! My punishment for my pain! I'm going to kill myself! Die alone! Trapped in a cage! I can't! There's nothing left for me! I'm a fucking monster! I kill! I hurt! I'm a nightmare!" I dropped to my knees. "Get rid of them! Please......" I leaned my head against her knees, tears streaming. "Please....please. Please?"
Alena grabbed my arm and lifted me up easily. "David...Sacha isn't pregnant." I fell again. "I've just discussed it vith her. She and everyone else is sterile. Including you." She picked up the tray and turned to leave but muttered to me,
"Until your ready to have the children, you shall remain sterile." She smiled and picked up the knife. "He's a parting gift David. Knock yourself out, but don't die." The knife hit my knee and she closed the door.