Fever

For the first few moments I was submerged into the darkness, I was fine. The steady rhythm of my footsteps against the path reverberated off of the trees, calming my thundering pulse. It was nothing but the distance between Jacob and I and the never ending forest. The beam of light waded in and out from the path as I ran, catching a branch or a rock in my line of sight. As long as the path headed straight to La Push, I would be fine.

My feet felt as if they were charged with flames, forcing my body farther and farther into the night. I had never felt this sensation, pumping the blood through my veins and into the heart that beat louder and louder as I trekked on. Was this the result of Jacob? Or was this what it felt like to defy my mother? The mere sensation of recklessness was intoxicating, and my mind fell over itself to find another way to bend the rules. Never, in my life had reckless been used to describe my experiences. It had always been safe and guarded. But now, reckless was my destination. Reckless was the reason I kept moving. Reckless was amazing.

I hadn’t been paying close attention to where I was running, and was almost knocked down by a branch that was protruding into the path. I blocked it with my forearms, slowing down until the only movement I had was the rising and falling of my chest. I shone the light at the tree that had stopped my thrill, and then allowed it to drop and follow the thinning of the path. It dragged on through the trees with just enough room for one body to slip past, with the arms of trees reaching out. Even now at the place I stood, the trees seemed to have turned towards my presence, as if stretching for me.

I laughed softly to myself, trying to ease the fear that Jasmine had instilled after countless terror nights. I couldn’t hear anything but the wind that rustled the branches, and rolled the leaves. The only thing out here was I. There was nothing to fear, not even the wild animals. The warning hadn’t depicted what animals lived here, but I could assume some vermin and the odd bird or two. Was I supposed to be afraid of a squirrel? Or an owl?

My assurance of solitude had me listening to the wind, scratching against the bark of trees, and tousling the fallen leaves and pine needles. If I focused hard enough, the scratching would sound like heavy breathing and the leaves like footprints against the soft, forest floor. But the smile didn’t leave my face, not even as a new feeling crept over my pulse. I refused to believe it, but it clenched at my organs, sending my stomach flipping and my heart stinging.

There was no way that I could be out here in the forest by myself. The animals hadn’t counted, but the wind was deceiving my mind. My body made the decision before my mind had fully accepted the fear that was spreading through my limbs. There was more than just vermin out here. We lived in a rainforest, housing racoons, bears, wolves, and other mammals that I didn’t want to count. Bears were enough to force my legs to move faster.

My pace was frantic, and my mind even worse. How could I have thought that this would have been a good idea? I was getting caught up in a boy that I knew nothing about. I was willing to risk everything for him? It was ridiculous, no one was worth that much. No matter what he could do to my free will. I was going insane. I pushed faster and harder, the light hardly lingering on anything as I pushed on. I didn’t know how far I had to run before the safety of the streets would reach me. I didn’t know how long I could run like this.

The cold air bit at my skin, and forced my dry eyes to tear. It pricked at my lungs, stabbing them with icy pins that made my chest sink farther as I gasped for air. My vision was strained, and I tried to find the path through the dark, but everything was rushing past me far too quickly. Everything was a mess, a blur, until I felt my feet leave the ground, and my body sink.

The contact of my body against the ground jolted the fear to the tips of my fingers, allowing me to lay there in terror as I began to feel the pain. The sharp rocks embedded themselves into the exposed skin on my legs, and I could feel the skin tear on my forearm as it cushioned my fall. With my free arm, I reached for the flashlight, which lay discarded a few feet from where I had fallen. Frantically, I flashed it around me, searching the shadows for a monster. My heart flew into my chest as I passed a dark mass in the trees, but as I returned the light, there was nothing there.

With a shaking hand, I wiped the moisture from my cheeks and made sure that I hadn’t suffered any serious injuries. The last thing I wanted was to lie in the forest, without anyone knowing where I was, with a broken leg. But to my relief, the most serious injury was the cut along my calf that had torn my pants and the scrape along my arm. It was playground stuff.

Once more, I raised the light to my surroundings before I rose to my feet. Although my pulse was still racing, and my heart was residing in the pit of my stomach, I started off at a light jog. I glanced nervously into the trees around me, despite the rationality of it all. Bears didn’t come down this far, and neither did wolves. I would certainly hear it coming, if it were larger than a mouse. But it didn’t help that I was terrified, even if there was no logic behind it.

Eventually, after a few minutes of trembling, the streetlight pierced through the trees. I picked up my pace, intent on sprinting home if I had the energy to. My eyes kept darting through the trees, as if expecting for some creature to show itself. I knew I was being silly, but I couldn’t help the trembling my limbs had taken to.

As I emerged onto the street, I thought I heard movement behind me. I spun around so fast I almost lost the grip of the flashlight, but I held it steady with both hands, shining it onto various patches of trees. I was trying so hard to find something to be afraid of, something hiding in the shadows. I wanted there to be proof that I wasn’t as hopeless as Jasmine. I wanted to prove to myself, if anything, that I wasn’t scared of the dark. But with each spot I searched, not a single set of eyes peered back at me.

My feet began to move backwards before I had even given up the search. I took the hint and dropped the light, turning around tentatively. Perhaps this whole jogging thing was too much, too soon. I was right to have my doubts, and for some reason, I had wished my mother had stopped me. I didn’t want her to stop me from seeing Jacob, but there was something dangerous about what I was doing, something I couldn’t put my finger on. And as I jogged through the dimly lit streets of Forks, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was out there, watching me. Waiting for me.