Fever

Although I had been alone with Jacob before – at the party, on the stretch to my house – nothing felt as isolated as the setting along the beach, with the loud cries from Jasmine’s group sounding so far away. The only noise that followed us was the tide as it stormed up the beach, and then crawled back out, only to repeat itself. The day was not ideal for a romantic stroll, for there was no sun peeking from behind the dark clouds. It was windy, and every now and then a large wave would roll in and send spray over the two of us.

As awkward as it felt, walking hand-in-hand with the man of my dreams, I felt relaxed. Maybe it was the fact that we really were alone, away from prying eyes. Or perhaps I had cured myself from being such a wreck in his presence. Although, being a wreck and just being nervous were very far apart. I could breathe easily, but my heart still got caught up in the moment and rushed on. I could let my hands hang, without trying to grab onto my sleeve. But that’s not to say that I didn’t want to. The only thing that I knew was far from my mind was running away. I could still hear my mother, and I could still feel the guilt, but I knew it was time I let go.

Jacob was my present, and I wasn’t going to let my mother ruin my only chance at this. Whether or not Jacob really saw me in the light he did, I wanted to take a chance. I wanted to test the waters. Hell, I wanted to dive right in. Jasmine would have been proud at my train of thought, being so bold.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, bringing me back to the surface of my mind.

I peered at him quickly before redirecting my gaze down the beach, “How do you know I’m thinking?”

He laughed, and I realised how stupid my reply was, “You had a concentrated look on your face. It looked like you were having a heated debate in there.”

I smiled slowly, “It wasn’t so much a debate, as a statement.”

“Oh?”

I glanced down at our entwined hands, the copper of his skin melding with the tan of mine. I could feel the warmth of his palm, unusual for early December, searing my own. I couldn’t help the stain from reaching my cheeks as I tried to revert my attention back to the conversation. He didn’t watch me, but I knew he had caught my gaze wandering.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, looking out at the uneven waters.

“No, no,” he chuckled. “Think away, it’s not ruining my day.”

I let out a small laugh, “It’s just, I’m new at this whole sneaking around thing. I don’t usually disobey my mother.”

“I must be a bad influence on you,” he chuckled again, “no wonder your mother wouldn’t let me near you.”

I looked over at him, replaying his last sentence over in my head, “P-pardon?”

He shrugged, “After Halloween, before I tried to scoop you up after school, I went to your house.”

“You went to my house?” I asked in disbelief. “H-how did you know where I lived?”

He grinned, “It’s a small town.”

“You never told me you went there!”

“You never asked,” he replied simply.

I dropped my gaze to my feet. My mother knew about Jacob this whole time? Normally, she would have confronted me with it immediately, but she didn’t. She kept it from me. Although, it wasn’t like she hadn’t done that before. Trying to keep my heritage secret wasn’t exactly a little thing to hide.

“I just knocked on your door, asked for you, and pretty much got the door slammed in my face,” he sighed, reaching up to rub his neck. “But it’s not like I didn’t ask for it.”

“I’m sorry, but my mother is still upset.”

“It’s okay, my dad told me the whole story. He used to be neighbours with your mom, so he got the full force of the drama.”

“Drama? Was it really that bad?” I asked timidly.

“From what he tells me, your grandparents were pretty pissed. But I think if my dad brought home a white girl as his fiancée, they would have disowned him too.”

Hearing it from Jacob’s mouth made it seem much worse than it really was. I felt a surge of sympathy for my mother, much stronger than I had before when I only knew the shell of the story.

“I think they’ve all gotten over it, but I don’t blame your mom from acting like that. I would too,” he shrugged. “The elders are pretty big on tradition and keeping the clan alive. If you ask me, they’re too old-fashioned for their own good.”

“And what would they say about this?” I chuckled, trying to hide the disgrace in my voice. “After all, I’m not full Quileute. I’m a half-breed.”

Jacob looked down at me, his face a little shocked. “Is that what you call yourself, a half-breed?”

When I didn’t reply, he let out a sigh just barely audible over the next crash of waves. I probably shouldn’t have let that slip, but I felt so comfortable with him. I couldn’t talk to Jasmine about this, because she didn’t know the half of it. She didn’t have troubles with her family. She was perfect. But Jacob, he knew what had happened to my mother, and he understood. Jasmine just tried to make me ignore it, rather than face it.

He stopped moving, leaving me a step ahead of him with my arm outstretched behind me. I didn’t want to turn around and look into his eyes. Couldn’t we just forget I said it, and keep walking? It was always like me to say something stupid and ruin things. That was why I never trusted myself to relax. That’s why the nerves saved me. I kicked myself mentally over and over.

“Kayla,” he said, gently tugging my arm to make me face him.

But I couldn’t, I let him pull me back into step with him, but I did not raise my eyes from the ground.

“Being brown, black, white, or tan doesn’t make you half of anything. It makes you unique and different,” he said softly. “I don’t care what you are. You could be an alien, for all I care.”

I let the corner of my lip turn up, trying to hold back a smile. I could see his own face beam from the corner of my eye, and I timidly peeked up at him.

“But you’re one person. What would they think of me? I’m sure my own grandparents would be a little disgraced with me, wouldn’t they? And all the other kids? All the other girls?”

He shrugged, “I think they’re forgiven your mother, they’re just waiting for her to come back-“

“Which she won’t,” I interrupted.

“-and as for you? They would love you just the same as they would if you were pure blood. You underestimate yourself. I don’t think there is a single girl on the reservation that wouldn’t kill for your beauty.”

My cheeks burned, but I kept my lips pursed together.

“I can imagine what you went through when you were younger,” he sighed, “they didn’t really like us in the beginning. But who cares?”

“I care,” I said softly.

“But you shouldn’t,” he pointed out, squeezing my hand gently. “You are more than you take yourself for, you know.”

I shrugged, lowering my eyes again. He reached out with his free hand and gently grazed my chin, forcing my head up. When I met his smouldering eyes, I thought I had drowned. His eyes were always so full of expression, so full of everything. He had to have been the one I was waiting for.

“Agreed?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

I smiled, “Okay.”

As he continued to stare into my eyes so intensely, I thought for a moment that he might lean in and kiss me. The thought of it made my lips tremble and my heart thunder in my chest. Did I want it so soon? I had never kissed someone before, would I ruin it? Would it be short, or long? But I was saved from the stress of it when he dropped his hand, and his mouth stretching into a smile.

“Good,” he said shortly, “now that that’s settled, let’s keep going a bit further down. There’s a great view from the rocks. You’ll love it.”

The walk with Jacob was unlike what I had expected. I spoke to him as if we had known each other for years. The topics got easier after I let it slip the way I felt about my heritage, and he refrained from throwing in compliments every other reply. It was refreshing to have a conversation with someone other than Jasmine. Not to say I didn’t enjoy them, but sometimes getting a new perspective on things was good.

He told me more about himself, about his school, his friends. He even let on a bit about my family. My mother didn’t have any siblings, so it was just my grandparents that were left of our line. They lived in the heart of the reserve, in the same house that my mother grew up in. Jacob said that it was a few blocks from his house.

In return, I told him about my mother and all her rules, my father, and my own school. We shared a laugh about James and his tale of his chivalry at the Halloween party, and Jacob even threw in a few extra lines that had my sides splitting. I was enjoying every second I was spending within his presence. He made me laugh, he made me care free, and he just made everything so much better.

The view he led me to was on top of the cliffs where a lot of the kids would dare each other to jump off. But it wasn’t the drop he had wanted me to see. It was the view that stretched out over the water, and the edge of the reservation could be seen, as well as the edge of Forks. The worlds were so close together, but in a way, they were still so far. I was technically standing on Quileute land, but it didn’t feel as real as the tiny houses did to the left.

“I don’t think I have laughed this much in a long time,” I grinned as he finished telling me a story of his friends and their first encounter with high school girls.

“I’m flattered,” he smiled, “I try to get a good laugh in here and there.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” I countered, “Jasmine is funny too. She’s probably your only competition when it comes to jokes.”

I watched as he grinned back, his lips pulled perfectly over his bright, white teeth. Jacob had readily taken my mind off of kissing for the most part, but it was hard not to imagine it with him sitting so close. We sat side by side on fallen log that was facing the edge. He had given my back my hand, and now only our legs touched on the occasional graze.

Sometimes through his stories, I would watch as his lips moved, perfectly curving around the words as he excitedly told them. I couldn’t imagine how they would feel. Rough? Smooth? I had no doubt that they’d be warm, like his hands. But when I found myself thinking about it too much, my cheeks would turn pink and I would look back towards his eyes, or his hands, which he waved around animatedly.

“I’m surprised by you,” he said, suddenly changing the topic, his voice thoughtful.

“Surprised? By me?” I replied, a little confused.

He nodded, “I didn’t think you were going to show up. I kept imagining that you would call me and cancel.”

I turned a shade darker, and sucked my lower lip in.

“What?” he laughed lightly.

“I kinda thought about it,” I replied sheepishly.

“It’s okay,” he chuckled, “we’re all entitled to cold feet.”

“I bet you never get them, with being unnaturally warm all the time,” I smiled, narrowly missing the look that fell over his face.

When I looked back, it had changed back into his sweet, delicate smile, “But that’s just me.”

I paused, “I’m glad I came.”

“Even at the expense of your mother?” he countered. “If you don’t feel comfortable lying to her, I won’t be too upset if you just say it’s over.”

I furrowed my brows, “What? Why would I do that?”

“You and your mom seem pretty close,” he sighed, “I don’t want to come between that. No matter how I feel about you.”

“Jacob,” I said softly, my heart skipping a beat as I said his name. “It was my decision to come here today. I want to be here. It’s not my mother’s life to live, not anymore.”

He smiled down at me with such tenderness, that I couldn’t suppress my own smile. I knew this was it, I knew that he wanted to kiss me. I could see it in his eyes, in his lips. They kept bobbing from my lips to my eyes, almost as if he wanted my permission. But I couldn’t say it with my eyes. Just as I was going to take the plunge, my lips tingling with anticipation, the unthinkable happened.

“Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it; no one wants to be defeated,” my phone erupted from inside my jacket pocket.

I broke the eye contact and scrambled to get it out, to shut off the tone as soon as possible. I wrenched it out and flipped it open, breaking off the song as I put it to my ear.

“What does he think of your ring tone, hm?” Jasmine’s voice sang from the other end of the phone.

I glanced over at Jacob, who was smiling lightly, but looking out towards the horizon. He was giving me what little privacy he could; I turned back away, wanting to throttle my best friend through the phone line.

“Can I help you with something?” I whispered angrily.

She laughed again, “We’re going to be heading out soon, and I wanted to know if you’re going to come back with us, or have your new man friend bring you back?”

“I-I better come with you, just to be safe. I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay?”

She laughed as she ended the conversation, and I slid the phone back into its designated pocket before I turned back to Jacob.

“I’m sorry about that,” I said softly, “Jasmine is such a prick sometimes.”

He shrugged, “It’s okay, we better get you back.”

He stood up and brushing his pants for loose bark, offering his hand to me like a true gentleman. I repressed a blush and accepted the gesture, allowing him to pull me to my feet. I reached behind me and swiped at my own pants and following him away from the cliff back towards the beach. I couldn’t see Jasmine’s group from where we were, but I was sure just around the bend they were huddled together.

“I’m more of an AC/DC man,” he said suddenly, catching me off guard.

“Pardon?” I asked.

“Music,” he replied, “I prefer AC/DC to Michael Jackson. But by all means, I have no problem with it.”

I could see him grinning and I just leaned into him gently, laughing quietly as we headed back from our afternoon.