Fever

“Ms. Harris? Are you paying attention?”

I looked at Jasmine across the room; her attention focused intently on Kennedy, before I managed to stare at my English teacher with a sheepish expression. She looked down at me over her glasses, her eyebrows raised in expectation. I grabbed my pen with both hands and began to fiddle, knowing that my lack of attention was going to cost me some embarrassment at the hands of Mrs. Walker.

“It’s good to know you’re enjoying my lecture, Ms. Harris. Perhaps you would enjoy it more after school, in detention?” she asked.

“I-I-“ I stuttered.

“I’ll take that as a ‘thank you’,” she ripped off a detention slip and dropped in onto my desk before she continued her lecture, walking up and down the rows of desks, muttering about little boys and their stupid island.

I glanced back over at Jasmine, but she still didn’t make eye contact with me. Her and Kennedy were mouthing words to each other, completely oblivious to what had just transpired. I had tried to corner her at her locker before class, but she was lip-locked with her current boyfriend. It was a bit disheartening that Jasmine was starting to pay less and less attention to me, after being best friends for years. She never acted like this with other boys.

The last boyfriend she had had was Rodney Willis, a senior basketball star who stood almost two heads taller than she was, yet spoke far too softly. Jasmine had said it was his kind heart attached to his gorilla body that made her attracted to him. And when they broke up, she blamed it on his intelligence matching his body. They had lasted a month and a half, and throughout that relationship Jasmine never abandoned me at lunch, never broke plans to see him, but then again, she wasn’t this infatuated with him.

I felt selfish at how badly I wanted Jasmine to pay attention to me, and for once, break plans with Kennedy. I knew I should be happy for her, and a part of me was, but I couldn’t help but feel neglected. Didn’t I have seniority over him? I was here first.

“Ms. Harris? Would you like another detention?” the teacher asked snidely as she caught my dazed stare.

“N-no,” I stuttered.

“Then please,” the class snickered, “do remove your head from the clouds.”

Jasmine slipped out of English with Kennedy before I could stop her, and she didn’t make an appearance in Biology the next block. By the time lunch had rolled around, it was hard to deny my frustration. I just wanted five minutes to explain to her my situation – I needed her advice. But as I stormed over to her locker, only to find Kennedy attached to her hip, I didn’t know if I wanted her advice anymore. For once, Jasmine saw me as I approached, but she didn’t seem to sense my irritation upon my arrival. She just smiled at me, the same smile she always had, and pretended as if Kennedy wasn’t a rift between us.

“Hey Kay, what’s up?” she grinned, completely oblivious.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked.

“Sure, shoot,” she laughed, Kennedy still standing next to her awkwardly.

“No, I mean alone,” I motioned over to him.

“Oh,” her tone wavered and she looked at me with a peculiar expression, “do you mind, Ken? I’ll be out in five minutes.”

“’Kay,” he grinned, planting a wet kiss on her lips.

“All right, so what’s the deal?” she asked leaning against her locker casually.

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day,” I started, “James’ talked to my mom!”

“So?”

I furrowed my brow, “So? That’s all you have for me? So?”

“He talked to your mom, oh well. Tell him to take a hike,” she said quickly, looking over her shoulder where Kennedy was waiting a fair distance off.

My heart sank in my chest as she tried to dismiss the conversation quickly. Would I ever become like this with a boy? Would I act as if he were the only important thing in my life anymore? Would I slowly push my friends away? Would I turn out just like this? I wanted to excuse Jasmine for her actions, but the impatience that was radiating off of her seemed to block that concept.

“Is that it?” she asked.

I let my shoulders drop, “Yeah, that’s it.”

“Okay, see you later!”

She gave me a brief smile before she turned around and hurried to her boyfriend. I hadn’t intended on watching her walk away, but I was so exasperated at this point that staring was all I was capable of. I watched as she and Kennedy walked away, hand-in-hand, towards the cafeteria. If it hadn’t been for him, I would be standing next to Jasmine as we went to the cafeteria. And all eyes would glance up at us, dismissive, and then go back to their lunch. Today, all eyes would peer up at Jasmine and Kennedy and their laced hands, their gossip-ready lips prepared to launch, and their lunch would be forgotten. And then there was me, alone and miserable.

Instead of going to the library, I made my way out the back doors of the school and waded into the downpour that was trademark of the Pacific Coast. I pulled my coat close around my neck, and stepped out into the rain, immediately feeling the weight of each drop as it landed on my body. I hurried towards the centre of the yard, where the faculty had installed an abstract art piece that acted as a shelter, as well as an awkward seat. There were cigarette butts around the edge of the piece, and there were various graffiti tags along the inside of the sculpture, but it didn’t really matter what it looked like. It was away from Jasmine, away from James, and mostly, away from people in general.

The courtyard overlooked the parking lot and the side of the gymnasium which was a sad beige colour. There was a small, red pick-up truck that I knew belonged to the secretary – Ms. Jefferson. It had a pair of white dice that hung from the rear view mirror, and when you walked by it, the scent of congested smoke was overpowering. And next to that was the football coach’s, Mr. Boyd, a forest green Jimmy SUV that had a broken bumper and had the loudest engine. Each teacher had an element in common with his or her car, especially Mr. Boyd and his oversized vehicle. I traced over each car or truck in the lot, a small smile touching my lips, until they landed on an old, ratty motorcycle whose engine had the ability to send my pulse soaring.

I leaned forward and peered harder at the bike, even though I knew there was no mistaking that hunk of metal. It had the same bare, unfinished handlebars that Jacob’s hands had once grasped tightly, and the mismatched parts were different colours and shades, making that machine unmistakable. But, I wondered suddenly, where was Jacob?

“Looking for me, right?”

I caught the voice, and looked over at the figure that was leaning against a nearby tree, dressed in a tattered leather jacket and a pair of jeans. He ruffled his short hair with a playful smile on his face, pushing away from the tree to join me under the sculpture. I forgot to breathe for a moment, and found the slight pain in my chest bring me back to my senses. Here was Jacob, at my school, in my neighbourhood. Somewhere in my mind, I knew that this was a danger zone. But that minimal, tiny part of my brain was blocked out as his voice flooded my ears once more.

“You look a little lost,” he chuckled.

“Oh – I’m not,” I stuttered. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

I was mesmerised by his smile, and had to pull myself back to reality once more, “Why are you here?”

He shrugged, “I swing by every now and then.”

“Don’t you go to school?” I asked.

He shook his head, “Nah, school’s for chumps. My old man says I’m made to be a labourer, anyway.”

“Your dad doesn’t want you to go to school?” I inquired as if it were so unusual.

Once more, he shrugged, “He doesn’t care – says it’s my choice.”

“Your choice,” I laughed softly.

“Where’s your blonde friend?”

“Jasmine? She’s with her boyfriend.”

“Why aren’t you with them?”

I sat back down on the seat; “I’m not going to be the third wheel. She and Kennedy can just get married and be happy and live in their own little bubble – I don’t care.”

“Jealous?"

I looked at him, “No, I’m not jealous.”

“Angry?”

“A little,” I sighed, “being pushed to the back burner hurts a little bit. Especially when I have no one else.”

“You got me,” he nudged me gently, the warmth from his arm radiating through the leather.

I had to smile at him, my eyes raising to his piercing pools. I wanted desperately to get lost into those eyes of his and discover all of the mysteries that lay in the depths of them. But as I stared into his eyes, I wondered if he saw the same things in mine. I wasn’t full of mysteries. I was a paperback with the summary of my life on the back cover. He already knew everything about me. I wasn’t a challenge.

“Say, you wouldn’t be interested in going for a ride, would you?” he asked, dragging me out from his daze.

“It’s pouring rain, are you serious?”

His eyes twinkled, “Beyond.”

I glanced over at the bike, leaning against a black sedan, and then back towards his eyes. Leaving school to go on a motorbike with the man of my dreams? The old Kayla would have said no, but she also would have let go of Jacob the moment her mother disapproved. The new Kayla, the one that was beginning to grow into her skin, decided that maybe taking a few risks was worth it.

“Let’s go for it.”