Fever

The drive up to Port Angeles was filled with loud music and Jasmine’s endless banter about Halloween. I tried my best to pay attention, but my thoughts were still on the dream. I felt silly that I was expecting it to have a meaning. Jasmine would even laugh if she could hear my thoughts. I smiled over at her, making a noise of confirmation at her expectance.

“Listen, if you don’t want to pick something out, then I’d be happy to do it for you,” she asked, pulling into the parking lot.

“No thanks, I don’t think your taste reflects mine very much,” I laughed softly.

She took a moment until my laughter drowned out, then asked delicately, “Are you feeling okay? You look a little shaken.”

I paused and looked down at my hands, relieved to see them still. A part of me was hiding the dream, even though I felt obligated to tell my best friend. But I was only keeping it to myself because it was foolish. I didn’t want her to know that I was thinking too much over a pair of eyes that chilled my bones at the thought of.

“I’m just tired, I didn’t sleep well last night,” I eventually replied.

“Are you sure? You looked like you were being killed in your sleep this morning,” she tried to smile.

I shrugged, “I don’t remember. But I’ll be fine, even though I’m not one for shopping.”

Jasmine recharged her smile as she hopped out of the car, reaching for my hand as she led the way towards the strip. I allowed her to drag me along, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. Despite how much I wanted to enjoy myself, my mind refused to release the dream. All I could think about was the abnormal sense of fear I was feeling.

As a child, I was never afraid of the dark. I didn’t believe in monsters or fairies, so I didn’t have to worry about them when I slept. I didn’t tremble after a movie too graphic for my age, and I never kept a nightlight in my room. It was abnormal to not fear as most did, but I was just never easy to startle.

We found ourselves stepping into the dank, dark interior of the local specialty store that had almost everything from costumes to vintage furniture and accessories. I was sure that Jasmine had already visited the shop more than enough to know exactly what she was looking for. Her face was frantic with zeal as she began to flip through outfit after outfit. I tried to mirror her actions, but I had no desire to go to the party.

I flitted through clown outfits and witch costumes, pink wigs, and animal masks. No one at the party would be dressed as a sailor, unless it was tailored to show some skin. In fact, I didn’t even think that any of the costumes would suit me. With my copper toned skin, things just didn’t look right. I couldn’t be a witch; my skin just threw it off balance. I would never last with a mask on, for I know how foolish I would feel. There was just simply nothing to make due with.

I glanced over to see if Jasmine was having any luck, but she wasn’t standing where I had last left her. I stepped back from the rack and peered around the store, but her blonde head wasn’t bobbing above any of the items. She wouldn’t usually walk out like this, unless she was trying to be funny. I was just about to open my mouth and call for her when the costumes swayed slightly before me. I watched them as it was parted in two by a reddish brown fur hand, and my heart began to hammer in my chest. And suddenly, a wolf launched out at me, sending me back into the display screaming far too loudly.

I collapsed onto the mannequin and it’s props, banging my elbow on the ground as I landed painfully. Jasmine ripped off the wolf mask and looked at me in disbelief, although she was smiling slightly. I couldn’t refrain from panting, for my heart was racing so quickly.

“Are you okay?” she asked with a small laugh, unsure of how to react. “Did I push you?”

“N-no,” I blushed a bit; “I fell. You scared the crap out of me.”

I was glad that the red tinge would hardly be evident on my face, and I pushed myself up instead to distract her from my embarrassment. I tried to reassemble the mannequin, but it kept toppling into my arms. Rather, I placed it down politely and smiled meekly at the store manager who was peering at us through half-moon spectacles.

“Let’s just find something and split,” Jasmine suggested. “What do you want to be? A pirate - that’s what I am going as. I’ve already got some fishnets, a bandana, a hoop, and a mighty sword. Why not be my wench?”

“I’m not going to be anyone’s wench, thanks,” I smiled halfheartedly. “Can’t I just go as a ghost or something, and wear a sheet?”

“Um, no. My best friend is not going dressed as a sheet. Besides, we’ve got to give James something to dream about.”

I smacked her on the arm as my jaw dropped. There was no way that I was going to lead James on. I simply was not that kind of person.

“No way!” I laughed. “That’s horrible.”

“Come on, it’s harmless. It’s not like you’re doing it intentionally.”

I looked at her, “But you are.”

“That’s true,” she grinned. “But it’s time you shed your shell and showed Forks’ what you’ve got!”

Once more, my cheeks burned red and I shook my head. I looked away from Jasmine towards the racks, pulling out a random costume. It looked to me like it was some kind of lake monster. I held it against my body, turning to Jasmine.

“How about this? This definitely says ‘I’m available’,” I retorted dryly.

“Oh grow up,” she laughed, knocking it away. “You have to show at least some leg. We can have everyone thinking that you are shapeless.”

“I don’t want to be another Sarah Pollick,” I whined, fingering some of the fabrics.

“Girl, I don’t think anyone can beat Sarah. That one outfit was too small for words.”

I shrugged, “I just don’t want to be standing in an outfit that’s uncomfortable for four hours.”

“You don’t have to stay for four hours,” she grinned, pulling out another outfit. “How about this? This says ‘Forks’ country girl’.”

I looked at the cowgirl outfit, lifting the lip of the cowboy hat in disdain, “I think not.”

“Okay, how about French maid?” she laughed. “Or jungle woman? Or...”

I watched as she pulled out a costume that I could never possibly wear. Not only couldn’t I go through with it, but also my mother would ground me for even purchasing it. I couldn’t turn that upon myself. I would be too ashamed to wear it. I would be disrespecting the life I never had. I couldn’t do it - I refused.

“Jaz,” I dragged out.

“This is perfect,” she grinned, “Forks, meet your copper skinned Indian goddess.”

I refused to buy it, but that didn’t stop Jasmine from purchasing it. I refused to wear it, but that didn’t stop her from forcing me into it. I couldn’t help it as she pushed me into the dress, tying the accessories to my arms and doing my hair. To make it worse, she even tied a feather into my short locks. When Jasmine finished her transformation, I was unable to form a reaction to my reflection. Had we been pushed back in time and I had never truly left the reservation, I would have fit perfectly. Of course, the make up seemed too modern for the times and the outfit was a bit stereotypical.

My parents didn’t get the chance to form an opinion on my outfit, for Jasmine bundled me in a jacket and forced me out the door. I managed to get a wave in before we broke into a light jog until we turned the corner. I shivered at the cool, damp air as it enveloped my bare legs. The boots I wore were of little comfort as I padded along, the beads swinging from side to side with each step. I felt ridiculous, but Jasmine wouldn’t hear any of my protests.

“It’s time you got out of this rejection stage,” she sighed at the look on my face. “Really, Kayla. You need to realize that if the Quileute’s don’t want you, then it’s their loss. And you have to cope with the fact that you’re one of us, no matter how different you are.”

I shrugged, “I just - it’s weird. I feel like people are only going to see me as the Native girl in the wrong school.”

“Everyone’s past that, girl,” she chuckled.

“I guess, but I’m not,” I mumbled. “I just feel like I’m disrespecting my heritage.”

“But it’s not really your heritage, right? Your mom even made that clear.”

I glanced up at the sky, catching an eyeful of the full moon. Despite how hard Jasmine tried to understand my beliefs, she couldn’t grasp the sense of longing I felt. No matter what my mother said, they were part of me, no matter where I went. And of course, my mother would constantly remind herself that she wasn’t Quileute any longer. I was tired of lying to myself - of my mother lying to me. And now, I was mocking them by dressing like this.

“Whatever,” I sighed loudly. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Kayla,” she stressed. “Tonight is all about having fun. That’s why we’re all dressed up ridiculously. I bet someone else will dress even worse. Like Alyssa, she’s probably a bear or something.”

I shrugged once more.

“You have to at least pretend like you’re having fun,” she continued. “If you want, we’ll only stay for an hour or so, and then we can leave. Happy?”

I looked over at Jasmine’s hopeful face. I know that this night was more for her than it was for me, but she was always trying to combine our passions and hobbies. For the most part, it worked. But dressing up and subjecting myself to a social atmosphere that I didn’t fit in? I realized that sulking would get me nowhere and I nodded my head eventually.

“All right, but if I say go, it’s go time,” I pointed a finger at her.

She grinned, “Wonderful. Now if James tries to talk to yo-“

“Don’t even,” I laughed. “If he even starts to make his way to me, I will jump ship and hide behind the largest thing I can find.”

We both split into giggles as we turned the corner, approaching the house that was pumping out music that was bound to draw too much attention. But being in a small town like we lived in, everyone seemed to find a common balance to make life easier. Jasmine linked my hand with hers and pulled me forward, grinning like it was the fourth of July. I held my breath, praying to whatever holy spirit was listening that tonight wouldn’t be as horrible as I imagined it to be.