Fever

The following days of school, Jacob didn’t show up on his shining steed, ripping up the tarmac with his entrance. In fact, I didn’t even catch wind of his appearance at the school from any of the student body. Usually they would have erupted with gossip at such an event, but most of them were still transfixed by James’ ever-changing story of his triumph. Of course, the topic of Jacob wasn’t as dismissive among Jasmine and I. At any possible moment, she would throw his name in just to see my face turn red. And even then, I didn’t know why my face flushed so brightly.

I couldn’t deny that I was attracted to Jacob, he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He was a sign of rebellion, something I wasn’t accustomed to, and he seemed like he lived life by his own rules. While Jasmine thought I was in love, I believed that I was jealous of his carefree living. He represented everything I wasn’t, and that was attractive. But didn’t the girl always fall for the bad boy, in the end?

“What am I thinking? I don’t even know the guy,” I laughed.

Jasmine swallowed her mouthful of orange before she responded, “Sure you do. He likes getting in fights, riding motorcycles, and you. You know plenty.”

I let my head fall into my hands as I stared out of the window at the darkening sky, “I don’t even know if he likes me, or if he just wants to bother me. And I don’t even know why he’s looking for me.”

“I don’t think he would come to whisk you away on his motorcycle if he didn’t at least find you interesting,” she pointed out, peeling another tangerine. “You’re going to have to accept it that this guy is pursuing you.”

I half smiled, “I’ve never been pursued before.”

“Uh, James?”

I looked back at her, “Oh come on, James was hardly a pursue. It’s more of a ‘damn girl, you hot. Let’s hook up’.”

Jasmine giggled at my imitation of James, who happened to be seated a few tables away. Although his infatuation had reached all ears, he refused to show it any longer. A few times I would find his eyes on me, but I thought nothing of it. James was trying to protect his ego, and I was the only one that would stand up for Jacob and the truth. He was watching his back, not me.

“That’s true,” she mused, “and Jacob looks like he has more class.”

“What if he’s not like we think he is? What if he turns out to be just like James? What if he is a complete asshole, and he’s just putting up a front to trick me?”

Although I spilt those words, I knew it wasn’t true. His words had been tender and surprised, and although I didn’t understand it, I knew it was real. He was real, and he was only getting more as the days went by. I was falling for a man I hadn’t even spoken with for more than five minutes.

“Maybe I’m imagining it,” I muttered.

“Stop doubting. It’s going to ruin this whole plan!” she laughed, tossing a peel at me. “Stop thinking for once.”

“I can’t!”

Jacob was an intoxicating thought, and I couldn’t stop my mind from drifting to him. I could hardly focus in class anymore, but I tried my best. I couldn’t stop thinking about his touch, his voice, or even his presence. I had never been so distracted by one person before in my life. It was strange to have one brainwave, and even my will couldn’t pull those thoughts away. But I didn’t think my will would have wanted that, anyway.

“Anyway,” Jasmine swallowed the food in her mouth, “I have to go to tutoring after school, so you’ll have to fend for yourself.”

“What? I have a huge homework load tonight! Especially with that math test,” I groaned.

“Sorry, if I don’t get tutored, then I am going to fail. I don’t think there is any way I will pass it unless I get some help.”

I let my mind wander to the textbooks in my locker that I knew would weigh a ton. Although the walk was not up hills or along stretches, it was still a good half an hour’s walk. Normally I would leave a book behind, but after the past few nights of skipping homework to daydream, I couldn’t afford to do the same tonight.

“Fine,” I groaned as the bell rang, “I’ll see you in Chemistry.”

I was glad to have brought my backpack to school this week, and stuff it with three textbooks, and was left to carry two binders home. I was not on friendly terms with many other people, so the question of begging for a ride wasn’t possible. As I passed through the parking lot, I could already feel pains in my shoulders under the weight. It had never occurred to me to get my driver’s permit, mainly because my mother would never condone that. She would assume I would crash and perish.

In fact, there was a lot my mother wouldn’t let me do, aside from dating men. I wasn’t allowed to visit homes of people my parents had never met. I wasn’t allowed to go to events that weren’t chaperoned, or even someone’s house for that matter, and I was definitely not allowed to go to La Push. I couldn’t surf, I couldn’t ride a bike without a helmet, and I couldn’t learn a sport and even find a hobby that wasn’t safe. My mother made me wear a lifejacket when I swam until I was thirteen, and I had passed swimming lessons three times.

She made me feel like a child trapped inside a teenager’s body. While everyone else was out experiencing life, making their own mistakes and learning from them, I was restricted to anything my mother said was okay. I felt like a prisoner, having to run everything through her first. The only thing that I could do without her consent was hang out with Jasmine. In her eyes, Jasmine was a good girl who followed rules and would never betray her trust. That was why Jasmine took me everywhere my mother didn’t condone, including the Halloween party.

I could only imagine if I hadn’t been allowed to go to that party. What if I hadn’t met Jacob there? I suppose my life would be the exact same, being miserable without knowing it. I would never think of betraying my mother’s trust, and I would still have my homework done by eight every single night. I may have been worried about ruining all of that, including the trust, but there was something about Jacob that I felt I couldn’t live without.

The thought of him made me grin and often blush, especially when I returned to that one intimate moment we shared. I hadn’t really understood what he was trying to say, something about gravity, but I figured he was trying to lay a pick-up line on me. I didn’t really care what he had to say; all that mattered was the distance between his skin and mine. I tried not to blush as I walked down the empty street, focusing on my thoughts rather than my surroundings.

If only he knew how much of my thoughts he stole away with his presence. And I can’t remember a dream where he didn’t play at least a cameo in. I giggled, glancing around to make sure I was alone in my basking. In my thoughts, I could be as shameless about my infatuation as I wanted. But in reality, it was embarrassing. Even Jacob would laugh.

I paused at the fork in the road, glancing either way before I hurried across it towards the left lane. I ignored the sharp pain the straps caused as they dug into my shoulders, trying to focus on my thoughts instead. As my foot connected with the gravel on the other side of the road, a sound erupted that I thought I would never hear in reality again. My heart hammered along with the engine as it came closer and closer, and I found myself involuntarily turning to look down at the road at the approaching figure.

There was no mistaking the rider, for no one else had looked so heart stopping on a motorcycle before him. I hadn’t noticed my grip on my binder slacking, or even my racing heart for that matter. My eyes were trained on his approaching figure and only that. The books hit the gravel at my feet, and I only broke my gaze when the corner dug into the toe on my left foot. The pressure seemed to have sent some sort of reality check to my brain, and surprise immediately turned to panic.

The man of my dreams was less than ten seconds away, my books were splayed at my feet, and my tongue had suddenly tied itself into knots. This was Jacob, the man I wasted all of my thoughts on, and I had no idea what I was to do. Should I talk to him, and risk being seen? But the risk factor was minimal, because there were no prying eyes. Even my mother wouldn’t be home for a few hours.

The engine slowed to a purr until it crept to my position, as if he had been looking for me. I couldn’t help the stain from stretching across my cheeks, and I tried to distract myself by gathering the loose paper that had torn from my binders. I couldn’t help but ignore him, for I was a mess. Where was Jasmine when you needed her? She could have easily saved me from looking like a fool, and here I was, focusing more on my books than anything else.

My frantic gathering stopped as soon as his hand extended into my view, picking up a binder and the loose sheets. I hadn’t noticed the purring stop or the soft footsteps as he crunched over to my position. I held my breath, letting my eyes drift up the distinctly toned arm, all the way to the sloppy grin of my heart’s desire.

“Tough luck,” he grinned, tucking the papers into the folds of assignments.

“Y-yeah,” I choked out, “they were r-really heavy - t-they slipped.”

I inwardly chastised myself for stumbling over my words in his presence, but he hardly seemed to notice. He just kept smiling so stupidly that I swore I felt my heart melting along with my bones. At this point, I didn’t even know if I could stand up. But beyond that, I couldn’t tear my eyes from his beautifully structured face or his dark, exotic eyes.

“I think I came at the right time,” he announced, standing up.

I couldn’t help but follow him as I rose to my feet, my binder laying pathetically in my grasp as I tried to form a single thought that didn’t involve my fantasies. It was difficult, for his stare seemed to throw everything off, as if he didn’t want me to be coherent.

“The right time?” I managed to work out.

“It looks like these binders aren’t the only heavy thing,” he said as he took the one from my arms easily. “Would you mind if I carried your bag for you?”

I swallowed, trying to moisten my parched throat. On one hand, it would be nice to have the unbearable weight off of my back, but on the other hand, I knew that I should refuse. I opened my mouth to say no, but it just didn’t come out. I thought of Jasmine, of all the days spent thinking of him, and found myself shrugging off the bag and handing it over to him.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, glancing over at the motorcycle sitting on the side of the road.

“Don’t worry, I won’t make you ride it if you don’t want to,” he laughed, kicking the old machine, “I can just walk you home, if that’s okay?”

I nodded, “Thank you, that would be nice.”

My words sounded detached as I spoke them, but it was step up from my stuttering. He slung one strap over his shoulder easily and turned and started walking slowly, waiting until I fell into step with him. I gingerly stepped forward, finding it easier to walk than I had originally thought. But as I wandered away from his bike, I glanced back at it, then towards his bright, eager face.

“Are you just going to leave it there?” I asked curiously.

“Why not?” he shrugged. “No one wants a piece of junk like that.”

I couldn’t find a response, so I just nodded and continued to walk, focusing on one foot after the other. It was hard to even fathom that I was walking with the man I had spent so much time thinking about. I could only imagine what Jasmine would say. I held my breath, wondering what to say to break the silence that hung between the two of us. Would it be dumb to ask him about his day? Would he be a talker, or would be just grunt and be silent?

I thought of all the possibilities of conversational topics, but honestly, I had never had to try for a conversation when I was with Jasmine. She knew all the right things to say, whereas I didn’t know where to start. I peered at him out of the corner of my eye, trying not to lose my train of thought when I caught sight of his small smile.

God, I was so lost without Jasmine.