Fever

The only sound that passed between the two of us was the crunch of the gravel beneath our feet, and the slight whistle of wind as it twisted through my hair. Without a book to carry, I felt ill at ease and tried to find a place for my hands that wasn’t pulling at the hem of my jacket. I had developed a nervous obsession of toying with the edges of fabrics, and my jacket was a prime example. But I couldn’t let Jacob see my nerves. I had to be calm and confident, but it was hard just keeping my steps even with him so close to me.

Above us, the dark clouds gathered with the breeze that only paused so that I could hear how erratic my breathing had become. Subconsciously, I recoiled into the warmth of my jacket. As I stole another glance at Jacob, I noticed his wardrobe choice was hardly fitting for the obscure weather. He supported a pair of torn jean shorts and a half-buttoned shirt that allowed his chest muscles to peek out. Once more, my face grew warm at the expanse of skin, and I diverted my eyes back to the road ahead of us.

“Are you always this quiet?”

If he had intended for his question to loosen the hinges on my jaw, it had only tightened their hold. I settled for shaking my head, but even then, I felt the muscles in my neck constricting.

“Or maybe I should ask,” he chuckled lightly before he dropped his voice, “are you always this nervous?”

“I-“ my voice broke as I tried to find some response that didn’t embarrass me further, “not usually.”

His laughter was so much louder than my voice had been, and I wondered if he finally realised that I wasn’t worth the effort. But he continued to radiate comfort as we trudged on, my face a permanent shade of deep crimson and my fingers twisting around the fabric of my pockets.

“Normally I would be a little bashful,” he said casually, “but I thought that if both of us played that card, the ball wouldn’t get rolling.”

I caught his playful glance, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling, “That’s a lie.”

“True,” he nodded his head, “but at least you’re finding your voice. Just loosen up, I don’t bite.”

I tried my best to follow his words, but it was far easier said than it was done. I could feel myself relaxing every so slightly, but I couldn’t forget just who this was, and what I might say to throw him off. If I let something slip that made him change his mind, I would never forgive myself.

“Tell me a little bit about yourself,” he continued, “your favourite colour, your pet peeves, what you look for in a guy like me...”

I felt my cheeks pull into a grin, “I can do that.”

“Good. Just talk and forget I’m here,” he smiled.

“Well, my favourite colour is yellow,” I began, “I have always wanted a dog, but was never allowed. I don’t like sports, I don’t have very many hobbies, and as good as I am at school, I don’t really like it. I like romantic comedies and a few horror movies. I don’t believe in ghosts-”

“What about werewolves?” he interrupted, “Witches? Vampires?”

I shook my head, “None of that. I don’t even believe in religion, although my mother tried to encourage my dad and I. When I grow up, I want to find an adventure and leave this town behind. As much as my parents won’t like that idea, it’s what I really want to do.”

I caught his smiling face once more in the corner of my eye, and I knew that I was succeeding in keeping the topic safe.

“And what about the opposite sex? What do you look for in guys?” he grinned, clearly expecting me to come up with a description that matched his.

Honestly, I was sure that it did.

“Boys?” My face wasted no time in burning up, “I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Give it a try,” he encouraged me, giving me a slight nudge.

The contact didn’t exactly help my hammering heart, but I took a deep breath and started slowly and carefully, “I think he would have to be a lot more exciting than I am.”

“And?”

“And,” I laughed choppily, “he would not care about my heritage, or how ridiculous my parents are. But he would have to make my heart stop with just a glance and be sweet and caring. So I guess that cancels out every male in Forks.”

“Almost everyone,” he interjected.

I settled for a smile in return, because I didn’t think I had enough air in my lungs to formulate a response. I tried to avoid describing him from head to toe, but I couldn’t just ignore how he fit like a puzzle piece into my heart.

“Okay, now my turn,” he said, “My girl would have to be quiet and reserved, and very loyal. She would have brains, but not by how many books she read. She would stumble over her words when she got nervous, and fidget with her hands.”

“She would probably be a bit of a handful, but completely worth it. I guess perfect would the right way to explain her, even if she thinks differently.”

Although I tried to play the daft card, I couldn’t help but lock all the similarities that his words and I had. Perhaps this was how he picked up girls, by telling them exactly what they wanted to hear. He should have guessed that after the first moment he spoke to me, there wasn’t an option for turning back. My mind may have doubted what was happening, but my heart was yards ahead of me.

“I guess you’ll have your work cut out for you,” I said with a small smile, finding my courage level building, “finding that girl.”

“I guess I will,” he grinned.

From the scenery, I could tell that we were close to my house. A part of me was still worried about my mother catching wind of the two of us together, but I pushed it to the back of my mind and kept walking with him. How many chances would I get to be with him, before I finally cut if off? I wasn’t sure, but I knew that it was a dangerous game I was playing.

It was either Jacob or my mother, and frankly, I didn’t know whom to pick. For all I knew, the man walking in sync with me was the one. I could miss out on the one man who didn’t care what colour my skin was and saw the person I really was. But no, the Quileute people just weren’t good enough for my mother anymore.

“So, why don’t you tell me about yourself?” I asked him, hoping to soak up as much information as I could before we reached my house.

“Me? Well, for starters, I’m not anything special,” he laughed. “I don’t have a favourite colour, and not a damn aspiration in my life. I like cars and the odd bike or two. I’m the outdoors type, I consider myself a reliable person, and I think that when I want something, I stay on it until I get it.”

I looked over at him, twisting my neck so I could take in his face as he grinned over at me. The twinkle in his eyes was not a mistake, nor was the crooked grin that he supported. Every word he spoke was laced with hints that his eyes were set on me, and I couldn’t drown the burning sensation in my chest. It was apparent that I wanted the same thing he did, but the only thing stopping me from taking the chance was my conscience. I knew better, and I couldn’t hurt my mother over him, no matter how much I wanted to take that risk.

I turned the last corner to my house, looking at the neighbouring houses to make sure that no prying eyes were waiting to spy on this encounter. I wasn’t sure if my elderly neighbours would rat me out to my mother, but I wasn’t going to take any chances. My pace quickened, subconsciously, and soon enough I had my feet planted on the stone walkway to the front door. Jacob seemed completely at ease with the situation, despite the perspiration that was building along my hairline.

“Listen, Jacob...” I started, but failed to find more words to follow as I turned to look at him.

“Can I see you again?” he asked, stepping a fraction of an inch closer.

I could hear my pulse in my head as the distance seemed to disappear between the two of us. If moving my eyes away from him were possible, then I would have been safe. But I was sucked into his gravitational pull and I couldn’t move any portion of my body. The only sense I hadn’t lost was common sense, and my mother’s disappointed face.

“Jacob, we can’t,” I said quietly, “my mother, she-“

“I know,” he cut me off, “my dad told me about it.”

“So you understand why I can’t see you again?” I said, the words painful as my lips formed around them.

His grin widened, and I jumped as the feeling of his warm hand appeared on the side of my neck, working its way up to my cheek. This had happened before, but the heat radiating from his skin was new and completely immobilising. The look in his eyes was so heart stopping, I didn’t know if I would survive this. I didn’t know if I could deny him again.

“I really don’t think that matters,” he said, his tone dropping softly. “I think what matters is what you want.”

I felt my jaw tremble as I opened it, “No, it doesn’t.”

“Kayla,” he whispered; his voice sounding so beautiful with my name draped across it.

His fingers flattened out as he cupped my cheek ever so gently, spreading his thumb over my skin. Although his hands seemed rough and coarse, they were so soft and tender as they lured me into his trap. Everything he said and everything he did felt so right, but I couldn’t help but feel as if I was betraying my mother’s trust. My heart was bursting at all the seams it was comprised of, and I didn’t know if I could deny it. Give the heart what the heart wants, Jasmine’s voice whispered through my thoughts.

“But my mom,” I murmured, my eyebrows creasing into worry.

I should have known that all of my resistance had been ebbed away by his tender gaze, his unnaturally warm hand, and his persuasive words. I should have known that allowing him to walk me home had been a mistake. I should have just been smart, but it seemed that both my heart and mind had betrayed me on this one. Their object of desire was pulling me into his world, a world that I wasn’t supposed to be apart of. The adventure I had been counting on was giving me an opportunity, one that had its risks and dangers. I should have known that it wasn’t going to be easy, but even his next words didn’t register. All that I could really take in was his voice, and the opportune moment.

“What she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her.”