Scream

Have you ever felt so alone that not even the rain could be heard through your ears? I have, and believe me it isn't a good feeling. My stomach was tight from all of the gymnastics’ I had done earlier. My tears mixed with the cold rain. I felt my body shake, I was tense and I was all alone in a place where I knew no one. I sighed and hugged my leg's to my chest.

I had never felt so empty and cold before. I wasn't as cold on the outside as I was on the inside. In my life time I had attended many funerals of my friends and family members. Yet, the ones in my life were still alive. There was too many of them with problems, too many to ache over, but I did. I ache every where, no matter how far I went from them, I still had a feeling that I would get a call to inform me that I was needed at another funeral. The faces of the people crept into my head; all possibilities.

I cringed with my best friend Zacky came to my mind. I remember when him at Cat broke it off after four months. I had never seen him so happy. He always smiled, he was happier and most importantly he forgot about his own problems when he was around her. I remember it perfectly when he told me that him and Cat broke up. It was ever so cold outside, the slight rain fall; just as cold. The sky was clouded over as my breath had turned to ice in front of my face before I walked into one of the main buildings. I sensed something wasn't right. He wasn't smiling; he hardly spoke.

I felt more tears fall from my face as my cloths became soaked, clinging to my frame. I looked up at the sky and mouthed why. If it wasn't Zacky, then why did his head pop into my head? Confused and tired, I closed my eyes. I saw a black casket, white roses; lots of people sat in the church. The one seize the day played in the back ground. Cat wasn't there. Had she not loved him like I had? I had been in love with Zacky for some time now; but I held my tongue. I wasn't sure if it was his tall stance, green eye or how he presented himself to the public; I just didn't understand. I settled for the best friend title, and kept my jaw snapped shut.

He was laying in the casket, eyes closed, eye liner he wore on his eyes with a pair of his purple skinny jeans and an Avenged band tee. I couldn't look any more; I opened my eyes and a rough, loud sob escaped my throat. Why did I torture myself in such a manor?

I felt something heavy wrap around me. I tensed up even more and shot my head up. I looked into those brilliant eyes that I had gotten lost in for many years. His eye liner ran down his cheeks. His studs were now changed into his silver hoops; the ones I adored. He looked rather concerned as he pulled me up so I was standing up right.

"I have been looking for you for a while." He said holding me close to him as he walked forward; dragging me along with him; much to my protest. I gave up once my legs began to grow tired; I just walked with him. His cloths were just as wet as my own; sticking us together.

The walk was silent, except for the pounding rain and the strikes of lightening and booms of thunder. I wouldn't occasionally jump if there was silence for a while and then, randomly, a bolt of lightening or thunder. I saw the house come into view. My feet felt heavy, like I couldn't move and I stood in place, not moving. Zacky pulled my arm, nearly getting it out of place. He growled in his throat and picked me up. He carried me into the house. I only blinked, still thinking of a funeral that I hoped would never be, until he was old and grey.

Zacky walked into the house, the cold hair hit me, nearly making me shake; on the inside that is. Zacky put me down and I heard a few people sigh with relief and some mumble a thank god. As much as i wanted to roll my eyes, I didn’t. "Found her." Zacky said turning me around to face them all. The look of worry washed away from their facial features.

"Thank God." Brian said wrapping me in a tight hug; not caring if he got wet in the process of this affection. I didn't move. I didn't blink. My arms stayed at my side. Brian released me and looked at me. I looked back at him, though he was a bit out of focus.

Silence in invaded the room. The only sound that could be heard was the soft breaths of the men around me. Brian looked at me and sighed. I remained quiet eyeing Brian silently. My mind ran blank. I wasn't sure what to think of him. He is so worried about my sex life, but when it comes to coming to go and get me when I run off; Zacky is sent to fetch me. What the hell kind of family is that?

Brian reached his hand up slowly. I flinched and fell onto the floor and curled up into a ball; violently shaking. I looked at Brian, his hand went to the back of his head as he scratched it. He looked at me and raised an eye brow. All of the guys looked puzzled. That's when it dawned on me. Brian wasn't going to strike me in a violent manor; he just had to scratch his head. I felt my cheeks burn. I buried my head in my arms, still shaking. The violent memories flashed though my head of the times my Mother was violent towards me.

"Sammy?" I heard Brian ask with confusion and worry. I felt tears prick my eyes as I heard my Mother call me Sam man like she used too before she started to drink. All of the good things she used to say and do went out of the door when she picked up the bottle. "Are you alright? Why are you on the floor?" I heard his foot steps tread over to me as he crouched down and laced a hand on my shoulder. I yelped loudly and began to shake even more.

I looked up at him. My face red, eyes watery along with my cheeks. He gave me a weak smile. I sniffled and sat up, making sure none of my skin was exposed. I stood up and backed away until I hit the wall with my back harshly.

"Samantha?" Matt asked timidly. He got up and walked forward. He reached out his hand. I blinked and he was no longer Matt. I was scarcely confused. I blinked rapidly and then leveled out my vision. He wasn't no longer Matt, but a different Matt. His face had craters in it, his hair on his head was gone. He didn't have as many tattoos', just a few. His eyes turned into a light blue. "Are you alright?"

The tears flew out of my eyes. I felt the color and heat drain from my body. I began to shake with low, rough sobs. I shook my head slightly, tasting my own salt filled tears. "Please. No. Don't hurt me. Please don't, not again." I said through the low sobs. My nails dug into the wall. I felt the paint from the wall dig deep into my nails. It hurt so much, I was hoping to regain feeling in my body. I felt a sticky, warm fluid run out of my nails, down the white wall. "Please no, don't! Stop."

I remembered his hands trailing up and down my body as I was half asleep and half awake. I remember telling him to not touch me, to leave me alone. He didn't listen. I remember it perfectly, when he laid my hand over his growing member, unzipping his pants carefully. I felt like I wanted to vomit. I dry heaved and sobbed more. I blinked again and again.

"Sam?" A males voice ask with worry dripping off of every letter. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I let out a blood curling scream. I was instantly brought back to reality. I blinked a few times, my sob’s ceased to exist. I looked around to see the Avenged boy's looking at me with concern and horror painted on their faces.

I let out a shaky breath as I felt my throat dry up and a lump replaced it. I looked at Zack, he looked like he was near tears, I blinked and crashed into his chest, crying loudly. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

He rubbed my back and held me close. "It's alright. You're safe, it's okay, you're fine." He cooed. I stopped crying and looked at Matt with a sympathetic look.

"Are you alright? What happened?" He asked, not moving more then likely scared of setting me off. I haven't though of that in months. Why now? Was it because he resembled the other Matt so much? I wasn't sure.

I sighed and pulled away from Zack. I ignored the pain shooting through my hands from the bleeding from the paint wedged tightly into my nails. I looked at then and nodded to myself. "I think it's time to fill you guy's in on some things." I said. I took off my shoes and socks. I pulled my shirt over my head. The guys glanced around looking rather confused and embarrassed. I pulled off my pants, leaving me in my black lace bra and matching black thong.

All of my scars from stitches, bruises that never seemed to do away; plunged down my arms, stomach and legs. I turned around and heard a gasp from the guys standing behind me. On my back was a carving of the word Matt. I sighed and turned around crossing my arms. No one had ever seen the scars, except myself and Tara. I looked at all of them before I spoke.

"About a year ago I was molested at a friends house. Her parents were gone for a week; so it was basically a party every night. There was a ton of drinking and smoking. The night it happened was July first. My friend and I fell asleep in her Mother's room. He crawled into the bed." My voice cracked at the end. I collected myself before starting up with my story. "I told him no, I didn't like him, he was too old, him being twenty eight. He did it anyways. His rough, callous hands tailed up and down my body into the most forbidden of places." I said putting back on my wet cloths, shaking my head, biting my lip so hard that it started to bleed.

The room was silent. I stood before the guys feeling awkward. I crossed my arms and looked at my feet. "Shadows reminds me of him in many ways, appearance wise any how." I stuttered. I looked at Matt and shook my head. "Sorry." That was the best apology I could conjuror up.

"It's not your fault. You must have some kind of illness. Though, I can't remember what it's called." Matt said forcing a chuckle.

Brian licked his bottom lip and shook his head. "PTSD." I corrected him with a smug look on my face. "I have it. I've had it for years." I said with a sigh.

"Where did all of the scars come from?" Brian asked after a small silence. I looked at him and cocked my eye brow. I let my face drop as I sighed quietly.

"Our Mother, myself and Matt. Though, I don't do it any more. The major ones are form my Mother." I said shaking my head slightly.

"And why did you take off all of your cloths?" Jimmy asked, looking slightly confused. I smiled at then forced a quiet laugh.

"Seriously, I think I'm scared for life." Johnny said winking at me. He was being sarcastic, I could tell. I smiled back at him and tried my best offended face, then shook it off.

"Thought you should have not only listened to what I had to say, but also see why I am the way that I am." I said in a calm tone. I felt a bit embarrassed, I could tell it showed on my face, because I felt my face heat up a little bit.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about Sam." said Zacky with a small smile. I smiled back at him. He smirked and winked at me. I turned my eyes to the ground.

"Any one of you fuckers ever get a look at her body one more time I will make sure you can't have children." Brian warned glaring at all of the guys, who just nodded in agreement except Zack. I could see him out of the corner of my eye; looking at me.