Behind This Smile

Gerard POV

Mikey walked in the house smiling. I looked at him curiously but didn't say anything. Mikey plopped down beside me on the couch. "Hello, Geetard," he smiled. I smiled back, my hello, and changed the channel on the TV from MTV to Nick. "Really?" Mikey commented. "Spongebob Squarepants?"

I nodded. "It's a classic," I replied. I layed the remote on my stomach and we watched the first couple episodes in silence. It's not like I didn't mind the silence. In fact, I loved it. Except the awkward silences nobody likes. But this silence... this silence I was used to. The only thing other than the TV was Mikey's laughing at Patrick's stupidness, or Squidward's grumpiness, or Spongebob's awesomeness. I laughed along with him.

During a commerical, Mikey broke the silence. He's usually always the first to break the silence. "Um, Sydri's okay." He looked away from the TV to look at me but look at the TV again.

I honestly forgot about Sydri being in the hospital because of the fight on yesterday. "That's good," I answered.

"Yeah. I told you Nicola's a bitch." He still didn't look away from the TV. And that comment kind of pissed me off.

"Well, maybe Sydri did something to piss Nicola off. Doesn't mean she's a bitch."

Mikey stood up. "Was Nicola hospitalized?! No! Sydri was because Nicola has to have the last fucking laugh!"

I stood up, too. "God damn, Mikey! You need to get over this pathetic little crush on Sydri! She's never going to date you, she's too heartless so quit acting like you give a shit!"

Mikey began laughing. "Crush? What crush? And if my "crush" is so pathetic, your crush would have to improve to be pathetic. How can you still like that bitch after she could've killed Sydri?"

"Well do you know what Sydri did to piss her off?" I asked him.

"Yes! In fact, Sydri didn't even do anything. It was me! So if she got people to beat me up, would you still like her?" He stopped, waiting for me to say something. I shook my head and he nodded. "So it's just Sydri?" I shrugged.

"I guess."

Mikey turned on his heel and slammed his door. I felt guilty. I did. I knew that Nicola was a bitch. I knew that my crush on Nicola was the reason I hated Sydri so much. But that's all I knew.

--

Today was Tuesday. I was counsling Sydri today. I didn't want to do this at all. Why did they pick me out of all people? Why was I chosen to counsel Sydri? I walked in the school and noticed all the dents from where Sydri got her head smashed. They didn't clean all the blood up either.

I felt guilty. I don't know why, I just did. I felt like it should've been me that they beat up. She was, in fact, a girl. She could press charges if she wanted to.

I walked past Mikey and Frank. Mikey pretended he didn't see me and Frank gave me a dorky smile. I smiled back and waved to Ray who had been sick. He barely waved back and I could tell he was tired. Hell, so was I.

Sydri was at a different locker. One that was dentless. Mr. W walked up to her and told her what I was guessing that I would be counsling her from her expression. She widened her eyes and nodded. Mr. W then walked up to me. "Room 345. Lunch Time."

--

I didn't even get a tray. I was starving, yes. But I wasn't going to eat while I talked to her. Gag reflexes. I opened the door and sat down in the chair with wheels. Yeah, dammit. I get the cool chair.

I watched the door. A part of me wanted Sydri to skip out. I'd tell Mr. W that we talked, I'll do it again Friday, she still wouldn't show, I'd act like nothing was wrong. But another part of me wanted to talk to Sydri. I want to know why she's so shy. Why she huddles up in a corner. Why I hate her so much.

The door opened quietly and Sydri walked in. I noticed her hair was shorter than before. It still covered her face pretty well. She gently shut the door and sat down in the other, not cool chair. She stared at the ground. I was racking my brain for something to talk about. What was I supposed to talk about? I noticed she still had bandages, so I decided to ask her about that.

"Do you cut yourself?" I blurted.

She glanced at me. "Way to be subtle," she murmured. She looked back down and started picking at her bandages. "No," she finally answered. "No, I don't. I fell walking home. Honestly." She didn't look at me while telling me this.

"How do I know you're telling the truth when you won't even look at me?" That came out harsher than I intended and she glanced up and glared at me.

"What's your problem?" she griped. "I don't feel like looking at your goddamn face." She rolled her eyes.

I tried to think of a different subject. "How'd your mom die?" When she didn't answer, I thought it was a sensitve subject. But then she glared daggers at me, so I figured out she was pissed. "Only when hell freezes over, will I apologize to you," I told her, glaring back.

She grabbed her backpack from under her chair and sneered, "But your heart's already frozen." She stood up and walked out the door, slamming it behind her.

Why does everybody slam doors when I'm around them?