Behind This Smile

Obviously I was pissed. While Gerard was driving me home, he tried to apologize, but I childishly put my hands over my ears and screamed, “La la la la!” Which caused Gerard to start yelling at me about how I’m not allowed to yell in his car. Then I started yelling more about how he was yelling in his car… Basically, the whole ride to my house was us screaming at each other.

Once inside my home, I ran to my room, slamming the door. I ignored Nicola asking my what’s wrong with Dad, and collapsed on my bed, sobbing into my pillow.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the night, my eyes shut tight, seeing nothing but the image of my dad laying in the hospital bed, looking dead already. Nicola was constantly pounding on my door, demanding I tell her what’s wrong with Dad or to get my fat ass out of my bed. She even decided to tell me when one of the guys were calling. But I only closed my eyes tighter; I just wanted to escape the world.

Finally, Nicola lost her patience. “You know, what? Whatever,” she mumbled. “I’ll just stop trying to be nice and tell you when one of your friends is calling.” I didn’t fail to notice how she emphasized ‘friends’.

“Good!” I shouted. “That’s what I want you to do!”

Before I fell asleep, I made up my mind:

I was never going to say anything to those bastards I called friends again (Unless it was something incredibly bitchy).

--

I wasn’t going to school. Well, I walked to school to tell Mr. Warlock that and to get Nicola or someone to bring me my homework everyday. He asked when I was coming back and I replied softly, “When my dad’s gone.” He didn’t question me any further and agreed to have someone bring me my homework.

As I was walking out of school, I saw Frank. He grinned at me. “Hey, Syd…” His sentence trailed off when he saw Gerard slightly shaking his head at him. I heard him “Oh” and I walked out of Belleville.

--

My dad looked worse than he did yesterday. I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry as much as I have been, and it was just so hard. My strong, independent dad looked weak. I knew he couldn’t do anything by himself. I hated seeing him like this. I hated seeing his blue-green eyes look almost lifeless; black.

My dad gave me a weak smile. “Hey, sweetie.” I managed to choke out a hi. “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

I nodded. “Yes, but Mr. War -”

“Don’t let me stop you from your education,” he interrupted in the most stern voice he could use. “Okay?”

“But, Dad, I don’t -”

“You can stay home for a couple of days, but I want you back in school by then, Sydri. You can’t afford to lose so many days of school especially if you want to get in a good college.” He looked at me. “Understand?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

I stayed with my dad until five, which was when I had to go home. I once again told him goodbye and I loved him and walked from the hospital to my house. And that took, like, forty-five minutes.

When I got home, Nicola was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels on TV. “Oh, you’re finally home,” she sighed, disappointed.

I nodded. “Do you have my homework?” I asked, shutting the door.

She gave me a funny look. “Why would I have your homework?” I shrugged. “Oh, and I found out what’s wrong with Dad, by the way. He has cancer.”

“Good fucking job,” I muttered, sulking my way up to my room.

It was around six thirty when the doorbell rang. Of course Nicola wasn’t going to get it, so I answered the door, only wanting to slam it shut.

“Hey,” Mikey said, grinning. “I, um, have your homework. Gerard was supposed -”

“Go away, Mikey,” I told him harshly. I grabbed my homework out of his hands. “Please, just go away.”

Mikey furrowed his eyebrows. “What…?” Realization obviously hit him. “Sydri, look, I wanted to tell you. I swear I did -”

“Then why didn’t you?” I spat. He opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off, “Go home. Tell Gerard to stop calling me. Tell Frank and Ray to fuck off. I don’t want you guys in my life anymore.” And I slammed the door.