Behind This Smile

Gerard POV

I watched Nicola's sister make a small tapping sound with the end of her eraser while Mr. Warlock droned on and on about something we already knew. She never took her eyes off the board and she still seemed dazed. In her own little world. Mikey said they talked about me yesterday. Of course. I mean, I'm kind of "in love" with her sister.

I asked Mikey what exactly they talked about, but he shook his head and paid no attention to me when I threw my shoe at him. It must be pretty bad if he's not going to tell me what happened.

But even so, she doesn't seem like the type of person to gossip. She started tapping her feet to the beat along with her pencil, and that was when I realized she was listening to music. She made it seem so easy to hide her MP3 player like that. Maybe because she had hair to cover her ears.

I also noticed she had bandages around her right and left hand. It got me to thinking: Does she cut herself? I was surprised I had grown a sudden infatuation with her. She never really talks, you can never see her eyes, she always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and as far as I've heard, she already has suicide plan. But Mikey says not to belive everything you hear.

But like I said, Mikey has a crush on Nicola's sister.

The bell rang and everyone grabbed their things except Nicola's sister who continued tapping her pencil and foot to whatever song was playing now. Mr. Warlock looked at her then glanced at me.

"Will you tell her it's time to go?" he asked quietly. "Then stay in here, I need to talk to you."

My eyes widened. Why didn't she get in trouble?!

I sighed and put everything in my backpack and stood behind Nicola's sister, not sure what to do. I gently tapped her, and the pencil she was tapping flew over my head. She quickly pulled the eardbuds out of her ears and grabbed backpack. "Sorry," she mumbled, avoiding me.

She ran out of the room. I shrugged my shoulders and walked over to Mr. Warlocks desk. "Yeah?" I asked.

He glanced up from the papers he wsa grading and smiled. "You may pull that chair up, Gerard." I nodded and scooted the chair closer to his desk. "Do you know Sydri, Gerard?" he asked, pushing the papers to the side.

"Um, well, I don't exactly know her, I mean, we've never talked or anything..." I let my sentence trail off. Where was the going?

"Ah, but you do know who she is?" he questioned.

I nodded. "Yeah. Everybody does."

He nodded slightly. He laced his fingers and layed them on his chest. "Gerard..." He paused then sighed. I inhaled. Could this take any longer. "Gerard," he said, continuing, "Sydri's dad is slowly dying."

If it hadn't been so quiet, I would've never heard my sharp intake of breath. "What?"

"I thought she knew," he went on, ignoring what I said. "But I figured out that she doesn't. He never told her. That's why she seems fine. Now."

I opened my mouth, then closed, then opened it again. "What he is dying of?"

"Brain cancer," he answered quietly.

I nodded. "I don't know what this has to do with me, so I'm just going to go..." I grabbed my backpack but Mr. Warlock stopped me.

"It has everything to do with you," he replied.

I furrowed my brow. "Not my dad, not my problem."

He seemed to growl, which caused me to lean all the way back in the chair. "I talked to Mr. Jenkins and he and I thought that maybe she should be in counsling."

I narrowed my eyes. I knew where this was going.

"Gerard Way, you will be counsling Sydri every Tuesday and Friday."

--

"What?! Why me?!" I flew up out of chair and clenched my fists. "Why can't Mikey do this?" I asked, frusterated. I did not want to counsle Sydri.

"Mikey isn't a senior, is he?" answered Mr. W.

"Oh, my God! So?!"

"Gerard, calm down." He pointed to the chair. "Sit."

But I didn't listen. "Why...?"

"Because, Gerard, she needs to have someone to help her when her dad does die. Or when she figures out. She'll need help- you."

"She- Mikey can help her!"

He leaned forward on his desk. "What's wrong with Sydri?" he asked, almost glaring.

I took this moment to sit back down. "She's... she's... different," I said settling on the right word.

"So you're going to judge her for that? As far as I know, Gerard, you don't have very much friends either. What? Four?"

I shook my head. "Three."

"What?" he asked. I knew he heard me, he just wanted me to say it louder.

"Three," I spoke up.

"Yes, so you are more popular than her?" Why does he defend her? I thought.

"No," I muttered.

"Good. Tuesdays and Fridays." He got up and erased everything on the chalkbored. "You may leave now," he said without turning to look at me.

--

I slammed my tray on the lunch table, causing everyone to jump.

"Dude, who spit in your ball of cheerios?" mumbled Frank.

"Mr. Warlock," I answered.

"What'd he do?" Mikey asked, looking back over at the table Sydri was at.

"He's making me counsling your fucking girlfriend," I said as calmly as I could.

"Why is that so bad?" he defended.

"It's Sydri," I sneered.

"No, you just don't want to do it because you're afraid of what that whore will think of you!" he shouted.

At first I thought, be calm, don't kill him, but instead, I slammed my fist down on the table, not noticing that possibly the whole cafeteria was possibly staring. "Don't you dare say that!"

Mikey didn't look scared at all, even though I was shaking on the inside. What was wrong with me? Mikey breathed in deeply and said, "I think I just did." He stood up and exited the cafeteria.

I glanced around and saw that everybody had gone back to what they were doing before- everybody except Sydri. She glanced at the doors, and then at me. I saw her bite her lip, shake her head and go back to staring at the tables.

I finally fell down into the chair, cradled my head in my hands, and fought the urge to scream.