Heartaches Grow a Little Bit Stronger

I hated going to the hospital. I hated the smell. I hated the sounds. I hated everything I saw there. It reminded me that we were mortal and that any day could be our last day that we walked here on this earth. Today I had to accompany Madison to the hospital to see her aunt. I absolutely resented today. Hospitals remind us that our time is ticking, and on this day I was constantly reminded that the time was ticking for me and Alyssa.

Quietly, I sat in a small chair in the hallway just outside the room, while Madison and a handful of her family members were inside with her aunt. Every so often a nurse would pass by and offer me a friendly smile before they walked off to finish their charts. Other than their infrequent visits, though, I was completely alone.

Sighing, I pulled out my cell phone and typed a text message to Marc.

What are you guys up to today?

About a minute or so later, he replied.

I think tonight we're going to have a little barbeque at moms. Alyssa's mom and dad are gonna help cook too. When are you coming back?

Idk ... whenever we get word that Madison's aunt is going to be alright I guess. I might be stuck down here for a while.

Well, you can't stay down there forever. We still have some shows to do over on the East Coast in a few days.

I know. I honestly don't know what I'm doing down here. I can't do anything, all I'm doing is just sitting here in the hallway. I don't know why Madison wanted me to come with her.

She loves her auntie Marc pointed out and she loves you. She probably wanted you to go as a reassurance that everything was going to be alright.

Frowning to myself, I shook my head at the thought. Just as I opened a new text window to reply to Marc's comment, I heard the door open beside me and I glanced over, seeing Madison finally exiting the room. She wasn't crying, but her eyes were red and puffy, giving away the fact that she had indeed been crying at one time or another.

Sighing softly, I climbed to my feet so that I was now looking down at her rather than staring up.

"Hey," I whispered quietly. "How's she doing?"

Madison reached up, tucking her shoulder length blonde hair behind her ears before she replied, "she's holding up for now. The doctor said that she came in early enough that she expects her to make a full recovery in time. It's gonna take a while, but she said that she should be able to go back to her normal life within the next week or so."

"That's good." I whispered.

"Yeah." Madison agreed quietly.

With that, either of us fell into a silent, somewhat awkward stance during which Madison seemed to look anywhere and everywhere but me. My frown deepening, I reached over and took her hand in mine, squeezing it tightly. Finally, after our minute of silence, Madison turned her gaze up to me, studying me with her hazel eyes. There was something there, something that I haven't quite seen before in her eyes.

Before I had a chance to place it, though, she tightened her hand around mine and then sighed quietly. "Let's go back to my uncle's house." She suggested. "The doctor will be coming back shortly to check up on her treatment, and after that she's going to be pretty out of it."

"Okay." I agreed. "Let's go."

We made our way through the hospital in silence. I was glad to finally be getting out of there, but I somehow knew that it was killing Madison to leave her aunt there. Before long, we were in my car and on our way to Madison's uncle's house, which was on the opposite side of the city.

"Do you want to stop somewhere and get something to eat?" I asked.

"I'm fine." Madison insisted, never turning her stare from the window.

"Madison, you haven't eaten at all today." I pointed out. "We'll stop somewhere and I'll run inside and get you something to eat."

"I'll find something to eat at my uncle's house."

"Your uncle is a forty-two year old bachelor. He lives off of take-outs and TV dinners." I sighed. "We'll stop somewhere."

I saw the muscle's tighten in Madison's jaw, and knew right then that her temper was rising. I held my tongue and waited for her to snap at me, but instead her jaw relaxed and she said, "alright."

Madison didn't say anything else to me until I pulled into the parking lot of a Taco Bell just off of the main street. She quietly told me what she wanted, and I nodded my head, leaving her in the car with her thoughts while I fetched her food for her. Thankfully, the line inside was rather long, which meant that I would have time for Madison to cool off some before I had to face her again.

As if on cue to keep my thoughts off of Madison my cell began to ring in my pocket and not wanting it to draw the attention of the strangers around me I quickly answered it.

"Hello?" I asked, not knowing who it was since I didn't even stop to look at the caller ID.

"Hey Kyle." Alyssa whispered on the other end. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, sweetheart." I replied quietly.

"Is Madison nearby?" She asked hesitantly.

"No, she's out in the car. I'm getting her something to eat before we go back to her uncle's house."

"Oh." Alyssa said softly. "How's her aunt doing? Is she going to be okay?"

"Well, according to Madison, the doctors say that she should recover within the week or so." I sighed. "I don't know when I'm going to be able to make it home, though."

Alyssa was silent for a few moments, save for the sound of her soft and steady breathing. "Marc mentioned the fact that you guys are going to be leaving for the East Coast in a few days." She mumbled. "I didn't know that you guys were going over there."

"Oh ... yeah." I said slowly. "I guess I forgot to mention it." I said rather lamely.

I listened as Alyssa took a deep breath, and then let it out in an impatient sigh.

"Is that going to be a problem?" I asked hesitantly.

"Are you going to have time to ... you know ... talk to Madison?" She asked.

"I ... I don't know." I admitted.

At my words, Alyssa let out a low growl which turned into a mixed sob at the end. "Damn it, Kyle." She whispered. "You still love her."

"What?" I asked, caught off guard. "Why would you say that? I love you Alyssa, and no one else."

"You're scared of hurting her, you're scared of breaking her heart. When she told you that she needed you to go to San Antonio with her, I bet you didn't even try and protest, did you?" She asked. "You dropped your main plan, which was to break up with her, and left with her. You put her first before me." She whispered.

"Alyssa, don't do this to me right now." I mumbled. "You know that I love you, and you know that I couldn't just break up with Madison after I knew what was going on with her family. You're just being selfish right now."

"I'm being selfish? Kyle, you're the one who's being selfish. You're the one juggling two girls' hearts at one time and hiding shit from your fiancé because you don't want to make yourself look like the bad guy."

"Alyssa, I'm not the kind of guy who turns my back on someone who needs me." I growled. "Madison needed me to come with her to San Antonio so I did."

"And I'm not the kind of girl who messes around with unavailable boys, but I did because I love you." Alyssa whispered. "I lowered my morals and did the one thing I swore I'd never do, because I love you Kyle. You say that you love me too, but now I'm starting to doubt it. All it sounds to me is like a giant game of the run around."

"Alyssa, I do." I insisted quietly. "I do love you. I just need a little more time. I swear."

"Fine." She mumbled. "I've waited for you the whole summer ... what's a few more days?"

"Sweetheart, please - "

"I'm going to hang up now, Kyle, and I don't want you to call me back." Alyssa muttered. "Don't talk to me again until you've talked to Madison and are a single man."

"Alyssa," I whispered, "I - "

"I mean it, Kyle. I don't want to see you or hear from you until you do that."

Then, without warning, the line went dead, indicating that Alyssa had already hung up on me. I stared at my phone in shock for a few moments, suddenly feeling more lost than I've ever felt in my entire life. Millions upon millions of thoughts ran through my head, and as hard as I tried to make sense of them all, I couldn't. There was only one thing I was aware of, and that was the fact that Alyssa was right.

I was the one who was being selfish this entire time. Alyssa wanted for us to wait until I talked to Madison before we got together, but I insisted on it being sooner. Alyssa wanted me to come clean with the truth, but I held back because I didn't want to make myself look like the douche bag that I was.

Shaking my head, I abandoned my spot in line and went back out to the parking lot. Within seconds, I was back inside my car, sitting behind the steering wheel while Madison eyed me suspiciously.

"Kyle, what's - "

"Madison, we need to talk." I mumbled.

"Would if have anything to do with the fact that you've been running around behind my back with Alyssa Parker?" She asked.

Her soft voice was quiet but it held a type of force that snapped my head in her direction. She stared back at my, her eyes filled with such a mixture of emotions, and was glazed over with the threat of tears.

"Before you start, I just want you to know that none of this was Alyssa's idea." I mumbled. "She didn't want to get involved while you and I were still together ... I talked her into it. Alyssa's not a bitch who runs around, stealing over people's boyfriends and fiancés. This one is all on me, Madison."

"I somehow knew that it was." Madison whispered. "What Alyssa did was wrong, but I knew that this whole thing didn't start with her."

"Madison, I ... " I trailed off, simply at a loss for words.

"You're wondering how I found out?" Madison offered.

"Well ... yeah." I said awkwardly, given that so far Madison has kept her cool about this entire thing.

"My computer was still logged into your e-mail." She mumbled. "I didn't realize that it was, and when I got back from San Antonio, after you guys left, I saw that I had a new e-mail so I opened it. What I got instead was a receipt for a $700 ring that you had bought in San Francisco. I knew that it wasn't for me, since we had already bought our wedding bands a while ago and plus it wasn't my size."

"How did you know it was Alyssa, then?" I asked. "And how did you jump from to the conclusion that we were messing around?"

"You bought it on her birthday." Madison whispered. "I know that you always buy her jewelry on her birthday, so why would this year be any different? And as for knowing that you two were messing around," she paused slightly, licking her lips before she continued, "I wasn't too sure if there was actually anything going on between you two until you came home yesterday, and you couldn't look me in the eye for too long, and you couldn't bring yourself to kiss my lips."

Guilt consuming me, I gave Madison a sad look. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "I know that it's not going to fix anything by saying it, but I really am sorry."

Madison didn't say anything, but rather turned her stare to the window where she observed those who were walking by the car. After about a minute of silence, she took a deep, cleansing breath, and then let it out slowly. "So what's your next move, Kyle?" She asked. "Are you going to leave me, for Alyssa?"

"Yes." I mumbled. "I'm sorry Madison. I love Alyssa. I always have."

Surprisingly, Madison nodded her head in agreement. "She puts a smile on your face that I never could." She whispered. "Are you going to leave tonight?"

"I'll stay if you want me to stay." I said. "But ... only as your friend. From this point on we're no longer engaged, or together."

"You don't have to stay here, Kyle." Madison said quietly. "I've been holding you back from Alyssa for a while now, I'm not going to hold you back from her any longer."

"Madison ... are you going to be okay with this?" I asked hesitantly. "I mean ... you've just been so damn calm about it."

"Well, the entire situation isn't right, Kyle, and I'm not okay with it. But I'm going to be okay." She replied.

Not knowing what else to say, I frowned to myself and turned my head, staring out my own window.

"Can you take me to my uncle's house?" Madison asked. "The sooner we get out of this parking lot, the sooner you can make it back to Alyssa."

"Okay." I whispered.

Without another word, I started up my car and made my way back into traffic. Within a matter of a minutes, I had dropped Madison off at her uncle's, grabbed my things, and said goodbye to Madison one last time before I got back on the freeway that would lead me home. So I could finally be with Alyssa. After all these years that I've known her, I would finally be free to make her my girlfriend.