Heartaches Grow a Little Bit Stronger

Crying softly as I held tightly to my boyfriend, I blocked out the sympathetic looks we were receiving from our friends, and continued to whisper quiet words of gibberish, while above me, Kyle replied with soft whispers of sweet promises. Knowing that if I loosened my grip Kyle would slip out of my arms and onto their awaiting van, I got a tightly hold of him and silently wished that if I held onto him long enough the rest of the band would leave without him. It was a selfish wish, I know. But I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Kyle, even if it was only for a couple of weeks.

"Sweetheart," Kyle whispered quietly, "babe, I have to go." He said sadly.

"I don't want you to leave." I insisted stubbornly.

"Well," Kyle paused slightly, thinking to himself, "do you want to come with us?"

"I can't." I muttered. "I need to get things taken care of at the school. Semester starts on the 26th."

"Alyssa Jane." Kyle mumbled before he took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "We're going to be late if we don't leave soon." He whispered sadly.

"I know." I whispered back. "I'm sorry."

"I wish I could stay." He mumbled as he gently pried my arms away from him. Knowing that he was right, I let him do as he wanted, not protesting anything any more. Frowning softly, Kyle cupped my face in his hands and then pulled me closer to him and kissed my lips softly. "I love you." He muttered.

"I love you too." I mumbled thickly.

Giving me a sad look, Kyle reached up and wiped the messy tears away before he was satisfied and gave me another quick hug before he pulled away all together. His stare lingering on me momentarily, I barely was able to read lips form the words 'good bye' before he turned around, and made his way to the van that would take them to the airport. Silently, I watched him walk away, my eyes following him all the way up until he disappeared into the van.

"Alyssa, let's get out of here." Austin's new girlfriend, Dee, said softly as she tugged on my hand. "Let's grab some lunch and then we'll start moving your things into your office; you'll start feeling better after you get some food in your stomach."

"Let's wait until they leave." I insisted.

Dee silently nodded her head and then linked her arm with mine as we watched the van start up. As it drove away down the street, I felt my heart drop ever so slightly and another couple of culprit tears fell from my eyes. Just as the van was getting ready to turn around the corner, the front passenger window rolled down, and Kyle stuck his head out, waving to me one last time before they drove out of sight.

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly and then let Dee led me back to her car. Neither of us said another word until we were settled and buckled into the seats. Dee started up the ignition and then pulled out a small makeup compact from her purse, and handed it over to me.

"Freshen up a little bit." She instructed before she pulled out into the traffic, taking us toward a destination that was still unknown to me.

Taking the cover up from her, I flipped own the visor and did as I was told. I expertly applied the make up, thankful that Dee and I had about the same complexion so that the foundation was able to hide the evidence of tears on my face. When I was done, I handed the make up back to her, and quietly thanked her before I leaned back against the seat, taking in the sights as we passed them.

It was lunch time, so naturally every one was out and about. I watched the neighboring cars and pedestrians, anxious to keep my mind from wandering back to Kyle. I've had to say goodbye to the guys many times before but it's never bothered me this much. All the times I've watched them drive away prior to this day, I was sort of happy because I knew that they were leaving to do what they loved.

But now that one of the boys I have to watch drive away was my boyfriend who held me in his arms at night and whispered soft lullabies to help me fall asleep, it felt like it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Of all the boyfriends I've ever had, I've never been separated from them for more than a few days. Kyle would be gone for two weeks, which was short compared to the months that they usually spend touring.

Its hard knowing that no matter how much I'll miss Kyle, he can't just drop everything and come home to be with me. He tells me that if it ever came down to it, he would fly home to me, but then again I wouldn't want him to do that. I honestly don't think that I could be that selfish and keep him away from his dreams just because I'm feeling lonesome for him.

All around, having a boyfriend in a band is hard. But, nothing in life comes easy, least of all the things you want most.

Before long, we pulled into the parking lot of Olive Garden and were inside the restaurant within a minute or so. I wasn't surprised when I saw the crowd of people waiting to be seated, but what did surprise me was the pretty blonde girl with light brown eyes making her way towards me. After I got past the initial stage of acting like a deer caught in headlights, I realized that Madison hadn't actually seen me, she was just making her way through the crowd, trying to get to the exit. If she looked up any time soon, though, she would find me standing a few feet away from her.

Just as luck would have it, Madison looked up just when she was directly in front of me. Upon seeing me, she hesitated momentarily, and then bit her lip slightly as she slowly made her way toward me. Not knowing what to say as she approached, I merely stood there, staring at her.

"Hi Alyssa," Madison said quietly as she came to a stop in front of me.

Licking my lips slightly, I forced a small smile and replied with a barely audible, "hey."

Madison let her stare linger on me for a few seconds more before she sighed quietly and then dropped her gaze to her hands. "I just want you to know, Alyssa, that I don't hate you or anything. And I know that you didn't pursue Kyle in any way; I know that he was the one who made the move for you." She said.

"Madison, I'm sorry." I whispered. "I don't care whose idea it was, it was wrong of us to do it, and I'm sorry."

Madison shook her head slowly, and then brought her eyes back up, locking them with mine. "If anyone apologizes to me, it should be Kyle." She insisted. "He made me a vow and a promise, but he broke it, and he broke my heart. He's a jackass, Alyssa, and frankly I'm surprised that you're not able to see it for yourself."

Slightly taken aback by her words, I felt my mouth drop slightly before I had sense enough to close it and think of a reply. "Madison, Kyle and I have known each other for a long time. He's not a jackass. This whole thing has been hard on him too; he knows what he did was wrong and he hates that he put you through all this."

"Well," Madison stepped back and placed a hand on her hip; this simple action brought forth a whole new demeanor in her posture, reminding me once again of the side of Madison I didn't get along with, "I guess you weren't as smart as I thought you were Alyssa." She said. "If you're refusing to see the two face boy he is, then you're in for a world of heartache."

"Kyle isn't a two face jackass." I snapped. "And not to be a bitch or anything, but judging by the possessive, selfish state of your mind, even without my help you wouldn't have been able to hold onto him to too much longer."

"I've always hated you." Madison growled. "I don't know what I was thinking when I came over to say hi."

"Yeah, well I don't give a damn what you think of me." I retorted. "And I don't know what the hell you were thinking either."

"A slut like you deserves a manwhore like Kyle." Madison spat, and then attempted to shove her way past me, but I grabbed her arm, spinning her back around to face me.

"Say whatever you'd like about me, but Kyle is not a manwhore." I growled. "He's only ever been with three girls his entire life, which is a hell of a lot less than the boys you've ran around with behind Kyle's back when you two first started dating."

Madison's eyes got wide under my glare, and I scowled at her as I pushed her away from me.

"Yeah, I know about those boys." I said meanly. "I never told Kyle because I knew how bad it would hurt him. I decided to give you another chance because I saw how happy you made him. I couldn't be the one to tell him the news that would break his heart. So next time you open your mouth to point out how Kyle ran around behind your back, take a second to think of a way to phrase it so you don't make yourself sound like a fucking hypocrite."

Still glaring at her, I watched as Madison turned away from me without another word, and exit out the door. Muttering a few choice words under my breath, I crossed my arms in front of my chest and turned back around and ignored the perturbed looks from those waiting around me. Beside me I felt Dee place her hand on my arm and squeeze it in what was a reassuring gesture before she released it.

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, trying to calm myself down and rid myself of all the negative thoughts and emotions I was experiencing just then. Kyle has only been gone for a half hour at the most and already it felt like my life was nothing but chaos.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Walking up to my apartment by myself, I couldn't help but wish that my brother was still here to keep me company, but he had flown back out to Hartford the day before yesterday. That was the last time I had seen my dad as well, but he still wasn't talking to me. He hasn't talked to me since Kyle and I told our parents what had really happened while we were gone on tour.

Shaking my head, I shook away the thoughts of my dad and pulled my keys out of my pocket to quickly make work of the lock. Once I was inside, I made my way into the living room and set my purse down on the coffee table before collapsing onto the couch. Wanting nothing more than to take a quick nap, I closed my eyes but was soon disturbed by the sound of the doorbell.

Growling lowly, I opened my eyes and forced myself to my feet to answer the door. When I opened it, I found a delivery boy dressed in a white shirt and khaki pants on my threshold, holding a pretty bouquet of roses.

"Alyssa Jane?" He questioned with a soft smile.

"Yes." I replied.

The boy's smile widened as he held out the roses to me. "These are for you." He said. "There's a card on them for you too."

"Oh, thank you." I said, holding the bouquet tightly.

"You're welcome." He replied before he set off back to the parking lot.

Smiling to myself, I forgot about the troublesome day I had just endured and closed the door, pulling out the card as I made my way back to the living room. I found the note and opened it up to read:

We're heading out into the boonies where we won't get any cell phone service, and definitely no wireless hotspots so I wanted to send you one last reminder that I love you. Dream of me tonight and I'll call you as soon as I get a signal. Sweet dreams, sweetheart. I love you.

Although the handwriting wasn't Kyle's, I was able to hear his voice as if he were reading the note aloud to me.

Smiling to myself once again, I set the note aside and got up to look for a vase to put my roses in. I hoped that Kyle was right when he said that these next two weeks will go by like nothing.