Heartaches Grow a Little Bit Stronger

With endless tears falling down my face, I slammed on my brakes just in front of my parents' house before I threw my transmission into first and killed the engine. Hastily wiping the troublesome pain that came in the form of salty drops of water, I looked up at the house and saw that the lights were off, and that my mom's car wasn't in the driveway. A small sob escaped from my trembling lips when I realized that my mom wasn't home; I needed her right now, I didn't know who else to turn to.

I made my way into the house, my keys making work of the lock silently just like my soundless footsteps as I walked up the stairs and to my bedroom. I didn't turn on the lights when I entered my bedroom. I knew what I would see if I did. Countless pictures of me and my friends that had been taken over the years. Countless pictures of me and Kyle Burns, the one face I didn't want to see at the moment.

Slowly, I sank down on the floor just beside my bed and buried my face in my hands, the tears now becoming a continuous flow as I recalled the words Kyle and I had exchanged just a few minutes prior. I remember the anger in his voice when he demanded me to tell him the truth, the look in his eyes when he asked why I hadn't told him before.

He always told me that he'd never make me do anything I didn't want to do, but tonight he made me do probably the one thing I was most reluctant to do.

I don't know how long I sat on the floor, crying to myself as the old scars opened up inside of me and released the pain I had been kept hidden for so long. I was so caught up in everything that I didn't even hear when my parents got home, I didn't hear the footsteps coming up the steps, I wasn't even aware of the overhead light coming on above me.

"Janey?" My mom's panicked voice caught my attention, and I barely looked up in time to see her worried face before she kneeled down beside me and wrapped her arms around me. Hugging my shaking body to hers, she ran a hand up and down my back in a comforting gesture. "Alyssa, sweetheart, what's wrong? Are you hurt? What happened?"

"Sister?"

The new voice caused me to look up past my mom, and see my younger brother standing not that far away, his light green eyes filled with sadness as he watched me. Even though he was two years younger than me, Lucas always tried his hardest to keep me from crying my eyes out like I was at the moment.

"Lucas." I managed to whisper and before I knew it, my little brother had scooped me into his arms and held onto me tightly as we sat on the bed.

"Alyssa," he mumbled sadly, brushing the hair out of my face. "Sister, what's wrong?" He questioned.

Frowning softly, I glanced up at my mom and then moved my eyes to my dad who was standing just behind her. My eyes widened slightly, given that it was the first time I had seen my dad since he had slapped me and told me to get out of his house. For a split second I saw a hint of sorrow flash in his eyes, but it was soon overwhelmed by anger.

"Kyle." He said simply. "Kyle is what’s wrong, isn't it?"

I nodded my head slowly and then watched as my dad shook his head, and disappeared into the hallway.

"Kyle?" Lucas questioned. "What'd he do, Alyssa? Did he hit you?"

"No," I whispered, my voice hoarse and rough. "He didn't lay a finger on me. In fact, I was the one who slapped him." I admitted. "Twice."

"Alyssa, what did he do?" My brother demanded. "If he cheated on you I swear I'm going to find him and rip the fucker apart."

"He didn't cheat." I said quietly. "He didn't hit me."

"What'd he do, sister?" Lucas asked gently. "He had to have done something bad to make you cry like this. You're shaking." He pointed out.

"He said he ran into Mason while they were out on tour." I whispered. "And Mason had told him some things that I never intended for Kyle to hear."

"Things?" My mom tempted.

Closing my eyes, I tightened my arms that were wrapped around my brother's middle and did my best to regain what little composure I had left in me.

"Mason told him about the alcohol poisoning, and about when I was going to move to California, and about the pregnancy." I mumbled. "And Kyle ... he made me tell him the truth even though I begged him to drop it. He was upset that I hadn't told him about it before and he demanded an explanation, no matter how bad it hurt."

"Oh ... sister." Lucas whispered, tightening his arms around me before he kissed my forehead and began whispering words of comfort in my ear, just like he had done all the times before when Mason had made me cry.

Behind me, my mom had once again resumed the task of rubbing my back, but didn't say anything else. Then, the doorbell rang downstairs, causing all of us to pause momentarily, wondering who it could be.

"Who would ... " my mom trailed off when we heard voices coming from the front door.

"What are you doing here?" My dad growled, and I sat up slightly, knowing exactly who it was that was at the door.

"I want to talk to Alyssa." Came Kyle's reply.

"I don't know what you had done to make my daughter cry like that, but you have some balls to show up here on my doorstep and ask to see her." My dad snapped. "Get the fuck off of my property before I call the cops, and don't come back less you're willing to have both of your legs broken with my bare hands." He threatened.

"Oh my, I'd better go down there and make sure you father doesn't do something stupid." My mom mumbled as she hurried out of my bedroom.

"Well, can you please tell her that I'm sorry?" Kyle asked. "And can you tell her that I love her, please?"

My dad was silent for a few seconds before he said, "go home Kyle. Come back when Alyssa is ready to see you."

"Henry," my mom's voice was added to the mix, "let Kyle see her tonight. This whole thing won't get any better until they sit down face to face and - "

"No, I'm not letting him anywhere near my daughter." My dad said stubbornly. "Kyle, you just reopened three of the most hurtful scars Alyssa has; I don't want you up there while she's still in pieces about what happened tonight. Go home."

I sniffed slightly; I hadn't realized that my dad had heard me when I had told my mom and brother about what had gone on back at the apartment.

"I understand." Kyle said sadly. "Can you give this to her for me please?"

"Of course." Was the last sentence I heard from my mom.

After that, I heard the door close and then the faint sounds of the locks sliding into their places.

"How long have you been here, Alyssa?" Lucas asked quietly.

"I don't know," I muttered, "since ten-thirty."

"It's barely been thirty minutes." Lucas sighed. "Barely thirty minutes after you left, Kyle came after you."

"It felt like it was longer than thirty minutes." I cried quietly. "It feels like its been hours."

"Nope," my brother said, "just a half an hour."

I frowned softly and then removed one of my arms from around his body to reach up and wipe my face clean.

"I wish that papa had let Kyle come up to see me." I whispered.

"Let him be emo for the night." Lucas insisted. "That's the least he can get for making you cry like this."

"Brother, I love him." I mumbled. "I don't want to say mad at him, I don't want either one of us to suffer any longer than we have to."

Lucas took a deep breath and let it out slowly, falling silent as our mom came in, holding out a stuffed lion that Kyle had once won for me at the state fair some years ago. I took it from her and held it close to me, wishing that it was really Kyle. Then, my dad appeared in front of us, giving me an unreadable look. He leaned over and kissed my forehead before he mumbled 'I love you' and took off with my mom, leaving just Lucas and I alone in my room.

We sat in silence for a while, long after the rest of the house went quiet, indicating that our parents were asleep. Before I knew it, I too felt the pull of sleep, and I closed my eyes, wanting to fall asleep right there in my brother's arms.

"So ... you love him, huh?" Lucas asked.

"Yes." I whispered. "I do."

He fell silent for a little while before he spoke again. "I see you two getting married a little ways down the road. I really do."

"I don't want to think about marriage right now." I muttered. "All I want is for Kyle to be here with me. I don't care what dad says, I want him here."

Above me, Lucas sighed quietly and then shifted me in his arms, sitting me on the bed instead of where I had been sitting on his lap. He gently unwrapped my remaining arm from his middle and pulled away from me.

"Get ready for bed." He instructed me before he crossed the room and disappeared into the hallway.

Doing as I was told, I set the lion on the edge of the bed and got up, pulling out my pajamas I kept here, and then changed. I pulled my hair back and tied it into a messy bun before I crawled into bed, and then grabbed the lion, clutching it close to me.

The tears were long gone, but the thought of what happened still managed to choke me up a bit so that I had to swallow a few times to settle myself down. Finally, I heard footsteps coming down the hallway and I looked up just as Kyle walked into my room, my brother right behind him.

"Don't tell dad that I went and got him." Lucas mumbled before he turned his attention to Kyle. "And Kyle, don't you ever fucking make my sister cry like this again. And if by chance you do manage to make her cry, you'd better make damn sure you fix it before she gets a chance to tell me what happened or else I'll tear you apart." My brother left as soon as he finished his threat, closing the door quietly behind him.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry." Kyle whispered. "I shouldn't have made you tell me those things. I saw how upset it was making you but I didn't stop. I was stupid. I'm sorry. I love you."

"I know." I mumbled. "I love you too, Kyle and I forgive you."

"You don't have to forgive me just yet if you're not ready to." He muttered.

"I don't want to stay angry at you." I said. "Come lay with me; you've been gone for two weeks."

Not waiting for me to tell him again, Kyle turned off the light and then made his way to the bed. Pausing momentarily to strip himself down to his boxers, he climbed in beside me and didn't waste time to wrap his arms around me, holding my body against his. Finally contempt, I closed my eyes and drifted off to a much needed sleep. Tomorrow things will be better.