Heartaches Grow a Little Bit Stronger

Muttering a few incoherent words under my breath, I rolled over in the bed and kicked the blankets off of me. I heard them drop to the floor and I sighed in relief as I felt the cool air on my bare skin. Yawning loudly, I rolled onto my side and began to mutter a few more words of gibberish to myself.

As to the exact words I was saying? I'm not sure. You know how it is when you're drunk; all the millions of unfinished thoughts running through your mind and out of your mouth before you even realized what was going on.

Sighing loudly, I reached up and ran a hand tiredly across my face. I felt my stomach starting to ache uncomfortably, not like I was going to puke, but similar to how you feel when you take some medicine on an empty stomach. Achy. Uncomfortable. Not a pleasant feeling at all.

Knowing that I wasn't going to get any sleep in this state, I sat up and carefully stood to my feet. Swaying on the spot slightly, I steadied myself and then slowly made my way to the door. Before long I was in the kitchen, rummaging through Alyssa's pantry. Finally, I found some crackers that I began to munch on. Within a couple of minutes, my stomach began settling down, seeing as how there was more food in it to absorb the alcohol I had consumed.

I threw away my trash and then turned off the kitchen light before I felt my way along the walls and into the hallway. Stumbling here and there, I finally got into the bedroom and then closed the door behind me. I stood beside the door for a few seconds, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness.

As I began to see the outline of the bed, I realized that I was in Alyssa's room, not the guest room. I stood there, knowing that I shouldn't be there, but I couldn't help but stare at the sight of her lying there on her stomach, on top of her sheets, wearing nothing but a pair of panties and a tank top.

I swallowed down my nerves as I let my eyes run across her bare skin, and suddenly I made my way toward her as if I were under a spell. My mind was no longer connected to my body, it was moving on its own free will.

When I reached Alyssa's bedside, I stood there, staring at her sleeping figure, and tried my hardest to resist the urge to hold her in my arms. Breathing in a shaky sigh, I reached over and placed my hand on the back of her leg, just above the back of her knee. I felt my heartbeat grow faster as soon as my skin came into contact with hers, and I bit my lip, sliding my hand up her leg, nearly reaching her butt, before she jerked awake and rolled over, looking up at me.

"Kyle?" She asked. "What are you doing?" Her speech was somewhat slurred, indicating that she too was under the effects of the alcohol.

"I couldn't sleep." I whispered. "So I ... " I trailed off, not knowing exactly what I was doing.

"Maybe you should go back to your room." She suggested softly. "Get some - "

She cut herself short when I placed my hand on her hip, and then moved it underneath her tank top. Her breath came out uneven as my hand moved closer and closer to her breast, and I stooped my hand just underneath it, caressing the area gently with my thumb.

The entire time, I didn't bring myself to look into her eyes. I knew that the moment I did that, I would be sold. I would end up doing something that I had been wanting to do for the past few years, something that I knew I shouldn't even be thinking about doing.

So instead, I focused on what my hand was doing. Slowly leaning in closer to her, I moved my hand up and over her boob, earning a soft gasp from her.

Without thinking, I looked up and locked my eyes with hers. In the dim light, I was able to catch a glimpse of the green tint of her eyes. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly before I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. It took her a couple of seconds to react, and then she let down her guard, wrapping her arms around my shoulders to pull me down onto the bed with her.

As she kissed me back, her taste seemed to explode in my mouth, driving me even crazier than I already felt. My hands, moving on their own, wandered all over her body, causing her to moan softly every once in a while. My lips seemed to follow the example set by my hands, and wandered around her neck, shoulders, and the exposed portion of her chest.

Before I realized what I was doing, I was tugging her tank top off over the top of her head. Tossing it aside, I took a couple of seconds to take in the sight of her bare chest before I leaned over, kissing her deeply. I felt her hands on my bare back, her nails digging into my flesh as my hand slid its way down to her panties. Gently, I began to pull them off, but I stopped short when Alyssa suddenly pushed me away from her.

"Oh shit, Kyle." She whispered as she tugged her blankets to her, covering up her chest. "We can't do this. I ... I just got out of a relationship and you're ... " she paused momentarily, shaking her head violently, "you're engaged Kyle."

"But, Alyssa, please." I said softly as I slowly reached over and ran my hand over her arm.

She shivered and pulled away from my touch, shaking her head once more.

"I just ... please, let me do this just this once." I mumbled.

"Kyle, you have a fiancé who loves you very much," she whispered, "sure, I may not like her much, but I'm not going to help you hurt her; no one deserves that kind of pain, Kyle."

"Alyssa, just - "

"Kyle, get out." She said, cutting me off. "You're drunk. I'm drunk. Let's just pretend this whole thing never happened."

Frowning to myself, I did my best to control my emotions before I admitted to Alyssa how I really felt. Taking a deep breath, I nodded my head reluctantly in agreement, and then got up without another word. My stomach felt as if it had dropped to the floor when I stood up, but I forced myself to cross the room.

When I got to the door, I glanced over my shoulder and saw Alyssa to be sitting in the same spot, her eyes cast down to the blankets in front of her with a sad and confused expression on her face.

Biting my lip, I tore my eyes from her and opened the door, making my way out into the hallway. I hope that I didn't just fuck up our friendship.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Breathing in deeply the smell of my frappachino, I waited nervously for Kyle to wake up. Last night had been hectic and confusing to say the least, but I was anxious to see how it would affect us. I was willing to forget about it if Kyle was willing to forget about it.

It was just a drunken make out session, right? It was bound to happen one night, seeing as how Kyle and I were best friends. If you spend that much time with someone else, you were bound to start feeling that sort of sexual attraction, and of course you're going to get curious.

Last night I had given in to that curiosity and instead of telling Kyle to leave when I should have, I waited almost until it was too late to stop things. I was confused, though, with the heartache I felt when I watched him walk away from me.

Taking a sip of my drink, I pushed it aside and began to push around random pieces of my breakfast. On the opposite side of the dining table sat Kyle's breakfast I had set out for him; he always requested a Swiss mushroom omelet for breakfast whenever he spent the night with me.

Turning my attention back to my own half eaten breakfast, I stabbed at a fried potato and then popped it into my mouth, chewing it slowly as I thought to myself.

"Morning Allie J."

I jumped slightly as he hugged me from behind and placed a quick kiss on my forehead. Inhaling my food in surprise, I coughed hard, trying to clear my throat.

"Alyssa? Oh shit, Alyssa?" Kyle asked hurriedly before he started to pound my back with the palm of his hand, helping me.

Finally, I was able to cough up the partially chewed potato. I took a deep, gracious breath, and then reached for my frappachino, taking a long drink.

"Oh my God, Alyssa, I thought I was going to have to perform the Heimlich on you." Kyle said, sitting down and staring at me with wide eyes. "Are you gonna be okay? Your face is all flushed."

I nodded my head as I gulped down my drink. I set my drink down, and took a deep breath.

"I'll be fine." I said. "You fucking scared me half to death and I inhaled my potato." I said, stabbing the culprit potato with my fork and holding it up for him to see.

Kyle gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry." He said sheepishly before he grabbed his fork and began to eat his omelet.

I breathed a little sigh of relief, knowing that if anything had been wrong with us this morning, Kyle wouldn't be acting so casual as this.

"So what are you doing today?" I asked. "Packing?"

Kyle nodded his head, and then glanced up at me. "You too?" He asked.

"Yeah." I confirmed. "Well, I already did most of it when I woke up earlier, but I still have to go to my parent's house and grab some things from there. Then I'll be finished."

"I always end up forgetting something major whenever I pack my things for tour." Kyle laughed. "Last time I forgot my fucking drumsticks." He admitted. "All of them! I didn't bring a single pair with me."

I laughed and shook my head before I flicked the culprit potato off of my fork, and then stabbed a few more, popping them into my mouth. Kyle and I ate in silence for a couple of minutes before I finished my breakfast. I got up and put my dirty dishes in the sink, and then went back into the dining room to find Kyle carving a cartoon face into his omelet.

Shaking my head, I let a smile pull across my face as I watched him for a few seconds.

"Well I'm heading over to my mom and dad's house." I said. "Lock up when you leave."

"Alright, I'll see you later Allie J." he replied, turning to me to give me one of his cute smiles.

"Later Burns." I replied before I turned around and grabbed my keys from the coffee table.

About fifteen minutes later, I slowed to a stop in my parent's driveway. The garage door was open, and inside I saw Tomas helping my dad weld something back onto the lawnmower. My dad looked up when he heard my door shut, and he gave me a smile, waving to me.

"Hey sweetheart," he greeted me, "how are you?"

"Fine." I replied as I walked into the garage, and stood on my tip toes to kiss his cheek. "Where's mom at?" I asked.

"She's out back, watering her flowers." He replied.

"Alright." I said before I went into the house. I stopped by the kitchen to grab a freshly baked brownie, and then went out to the back where I found my mom watering her rose bushes. "Morning, mama." I called out as I crossed the lawn.

"Good morning, Janey." She replied. "What's up?"

"I came to grab a few things because I'm packing for tour." I said. "And plus," I paused slightly, causing my mom to glance over her shoulder and look at me, "I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh?" She asked, turning her attention back to her watering. "Would it have anything to do with how Mason left you?"

Frowning slightly, I shook my head, despite the fact that my mom couldn't see me. "No, it has nothing to do with Mason; Mason is over and done with. But ... I think ... that I might like someone else."

"Someone else?"

"Yeah." I said quietly.

My mom finished watering the last of her roses and reached over, turning off the water before she turned back to me. "How long has this been going on?" She asked.

"Mom, nothing has actually been going on," I sighed, "I just ... I don't know, I think I like him, and some people think that he likes me too, but ... it's just so confusing."

"You should just talk to him about it, Janey." My mom suggested. "That's the only way you're going to make sense of this whole thing."

"I can't though, mom." I frowned. "He's ... he, already has someone."

My mom frowned softly as she studied me, and then reached up, brushing my dark hair out of my face.

"Is he engaged to a girl named Madison?" She asked.

When I gave her a surprised look, she returned a soft, gentle, motherly smile. "A mom always knows." She said simply.

"I don't know what to do, mom. I mean, I don't know if I actually do like him, or what. All these years I've known him, he's always just been my best friend. I love hanging out with him, I love being with him, but I've never really felt that feeling around him." I said.

"And then what happened?" She asked.

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly. "Last night we had been drinking, and then, he kissed me." I admitted. I decided not to mention the part that the kiss had led to a make out session, which would have led to sex if I hadn't put a stop to it. "I know, he's engaged, and I shouldn't have let him kiss me, but ever since then, I've just had this indescribable feeling. Like ... I don't know, I've never felt like this toward Kyle before. Or ... maybe I have, and I just haven't realized it until he kissed me. Or ... Oh, I don't know mom." I frowned. "I'm so confused right now."

"Oh, sweetheart." My mom said softly. "You've always liked Kyle, ever since that first night we moved here, and he's liked you too."

"But mom, what good is that? He's already engaged to Madison." I frowned. "If he really did like me, he wouldn't be engaged to her. He'd have already asked me to be his girlfriend."

"Perhaps Mason got in the way of that." My mom said softly.

"I don't know, mom. I just ... I don't know." I mumbled.

"Well, Janey, if you don't know what to think then I don't know what to say to help you out." My mom said simply before she turned around, and made her way toward the house.

Staring after her, I frowned to myself as my mind began to race. For a split second I had a half mind to just stay home this summer, but I was too selfish for that. If I was too confused to figure out how I really felt about Kyle, then I was going to find someone else to get my mind off of him.