Heartaches Grow a Little Bit Stronger

"Caleb, you're going to get me into trouble." I laughed softly. "You guys invited me along on Warped to take care of merch, not to run off and make out with you every little while."

Caleb smirked playfully as he reached over and thread his fingers through my belt loops. "You know you like making out with me though." He grinned, pulling me closer to him.

"Turman, I can't." I said simply. "Tomas needs someone to help him do merch. He can't just lip read every one who stops by to try and figure out what the hell they want."

"Well," Caleb paused momentarily, thinking to himself. "We can just stay here and make out." He teased.

I rolled my eyes and suppressed a smile. "All you want to do is make out."

"No, I don't." He said defensively. "But if that's what you think I'm all about, I'd be happy to take it a couple of steps further than just making out."

"Caleb, my brother may be deaf, but he's still able to read a few lips here and there." I grinned. "And right about now, he's giving you an extremely dirty look."

Caleb, who was leaning in toward me, suddenly stopped short to turn and look at my brother. Sitting on the opposite side of the booth was my brother, his eyes narrowed at Caleb in dislike.

"Oh," Caleb said sheepishly as he pulled away from me, and dropped his hands back to his sides. Blushing slightly, he fiddled with the bottom of his shirt, and then laughed nervously. "So, how about I find one of the guys and have them take over for you? And then, we can get out of here." He suggested.

I raised an eyebrow in response.

"Not necessarily to make out." Caleb sighed. "And come on, we've only actually made out a handful of times during this past month. We can just go and walk around or something, check out the other bands."

"Hmm, I don't know, Caleb." I replied. "I already told Kyle that I'd go and skate around with him, he'll probably be showing up before long."

"Please, Alyssa?" Caleb asked. "We don't even have to walk around the venue, we can take a walk around town or something, stop by an actual restaurant and have a real dinner."

I thought to myself for a little while before I turned to my brother. I found that he was now sitting with his chair tilted back, his feet propped up on a merch bin while he watched Caleb and me. Sighing quietly, I decided to ask what he thought.

Caleb wants me to go to dinner with him I signed. What do you think?

Why are you asking me? I don't give a fuck what you do.

Frowning to myself, I gave my brother a sad look.

You already know what I think, Alyssa. He signed. I think that you need to talk to Kyle.

I talk to Kyle every day.

Tomas gave me an annoyed look, before he replied, He likes you, and you like him. I don't give a damn if he has a fiancé, tell him that you like him too.

Beside me, Caleb shifted slightly, not being able to understand our entire conversation. Turning my gaze up to him, I saw him trying his hardest to seem nonchalant about me and Tomas signing, but I knew it was driving him crazy, not knowing what we were discussing.

Sighing softly, Caleb turned his brown eyes down to me, locking his stare with mine. Giving me a half smile, Caleb reached over and brushed some of my hair aside, tucking it securely behind my ear.

"So what do you say to dinner?" He asked softly. "Does that sound good?"

"I - "

I was forced to stop myself short when my brother grabbed a hold of my arm, tugging me up to my feet. I tried to jerk my arm out of his grasp, but he only tightened his grip and gave me a stern look. In response, I scowled at him the entire time as he pulled me around behind the booths. Once we were out of sight from everyone else, Tomas turned me around to face him, and then released my arm.

What? I frowned.

Why the hell are you running around with Caleb when you have feelings for Kyle?

So what if I have feelings for Kyle? He's engaged. Nothing is ever going to happen between Kyle and me.

The boy likes you too, Alyssa. Hell, he might even love you. I can see it in the way that he acts around you, the way that he treats you. He caters to your every wish, he can't say no to you. It doesn't matter if he's engaged; let him know that you're interested and I'm sure that that'll change in a heartbeat.

I shook my head, I'm not going to be known as the home wrecker.

Damn it, Alyssa, if you're not going to do anything about this, then can you at least quit flirting around with Caleb right in front of him? Tomas asked. It kills him to see that, to know that you're with someone else, choosing someone else instead of him.

He chose someone else instead of me. I signed with a sad look. Its too late for me and Kyle.

Alyssa, let go of all of your fucking pride, and follow your feelings. If you just stand back and watch Kyle run off with some girl you don't even get along with, then you're going to be moping around for the rest of your life about it. You're gonna be heartbroken, and when you are, guess who's gonna be there to take care of you, and listen to your useless rants? Me. Not mom, not dad, not Lucas, and definitely not Kyle. It's gonna be me. And believe me when I say that I am not looking forward to that, at all. So do us both a favor and talk to Kyle about how you feel before you just give up.

I stared at my brother, not knowing what to think. Shaking my head slowly, I asked you'd really rather have me go through all the heartache of being rejected, rather than just bypassing it all by being with someone else?

You need to take a chance and tell him how you feel. Your whole life you've always been too scared to tell anybody the truth about your feelings. Stop being a sissy, Alyssa, and tell Kyle how you feel. Tomas insisted. Though he didn't speak, I could feel the anger and frustration coming from him.

Tomas, I'm not going to tell him.

Do it, Alyssa, or I swear that I will.

You wouldn't, you wouldn't dare do that.

Tomas looked me in the eye, giving me a stern look. Watch me.

If you do that, I swear I will hate you forever, Tomas. I'm serious. You're going to ruin his engagement, I'm going to be known as the bitch who steals other girls fiancés. Don't you dare tell him anything.

You need to learn how to suck it up and take risks, Alyssa. Was the only response I got from my brother before he pushed his way past me.

Staring after him in shock, I snapped out of my stupor and ran after him, catching up to him just as he came around the side of the booth. I found that Kyle and Austin had since joined Caleb, and stopped their conversation when they caught sight of Tomas and me.

Scared that Tomas was going to tell Kyle then and there how I really felt about him, I grabbed Tomas' arm just as he raised it to get Kyle's attention. Jerking his arm out of my grasp, Tomas turned around and gave me a mean look.

"Tomas, please don't." I begged him as a small tear fell from my eye. Though he couldn't hear me, he could clearly read my lips.

If you don't, I will. He repeated.

"Damn it, Tomas, you wouldn't dare." I cried. "Don't you dare say any thing, or I swear I'll never speak to you again." I threatened as I pushed him.

Tomas didn't reply, but rather stared at me, his dark green eyes piercing me through and through. Shaking his head as if in disgust, my brother dropped his gaze and turned away from me, disappearing into the crowd. As I watched him walk away, I felt the tears continue to fall.

Tomas and I had never gotten into a fight like this before. Sure, we'd have stupid little disagreements about what we were going to watch, or what we were going to order for dinner, but we've never gone this far before. Tomas has never made me cry, and I've never driven him to the point where he just walks away from me.

I didn't realize how many tears were falling until I felt Caleb's slightly calloused fingers on my cheeks, wiping the tears away.

"Alyssa, what happened?" Caleb whispered. "What's wrong?"

Unable to speak, I merely shook my head, and lowered my eyes to the ground. At that moment, I wished I could have been anywhere but there, standing in front of three of my friends, and a bunch of strangers, while the hot tears fell down my face.

Suddenly, Caleb's touch was gone, and instead replaced by a much smoother pair of hands. Knowing exactly who it was, I instantly wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Oh, sweetheart," Kyle whispered, holding me close to him as he comforted me, "What happened? What were you and Tomas fighting about?"

"I can't tell you." I mumbled thickly.

"Do you want me to go and talk to him for you?" Kyle offered.

I shook my head, given that the last thing I wanted was for Kyle to confront Tomas about our fight.

"Alyssa, please tell me what's wrong." He said gently.

"I can't." I repeated, pulling myself away from him. "I won't, it's between me and my brother." I muttered, wiping away some stray tears.

"But, you two never fight." Kyle frowned. "It must have been something big if it's left you in tears. Please, just tell me." He whispered, making a move to reach for me.

Once again, I shook my head and gently pushed his hand away. "No, Kyle." I repeated before I turned away from him, and stepped out of the booth, thinking to head into the crowd as well.

"But, Alyssa, where are you going?" Caleb called after me.

"I need to be alone." I replied before I made my way through the mob of strangers.

I didn't care about the stares I was receiving, all I wanted was to get away from here, get away from the guys, and take some time to think to myself. I'm not sure how long I wandered aimlessly around the venue, thinking randomly to myself. You know how you tend to lose track of time when your mind is nothing but a big jumble of gibberish.

The crowd had since thinned out, and the sun was getting low in the sky, indicating that we were approaching the end to another day of Warped Tour. The tears were long gone, but the sense of confusion remained.

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly and decided to stop by a food booth to get something to drink. The guy working at the booth handed me my bottled water I asked for, and I gave him the appropriate amount of money before I took off, heading off in no general direction. Taking a sip of my water, I slowly slightly when I heard someone call my name.

Replacing the lid on my bottle, I looked over my shoulder and saw Marc waving to me as he made his way toward me.

"Alyssa, where have you been?" He asked, coming to a stop in front of me. "Everyone's been looking for you, and trying to call you but you haven't been answering your cell. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I mumbled.

Marc gave me a sad look and then sighed softly. "Kyle said that you got into a fight with Tomas."

Silently, I nodded my head.

"What happened, Alyssa?" he asked quietly. "I mean ... Tomas loves you to death, he's never made you cry before."

"Tomas has just ... " I paused, unsure of what to say without giving everything away. "He's been giving me shit about boys."

Marc looked at me thoughtfully for a few seconds before he replied, "Tomas isn't happy about you running around with Caleb?" He asked. "I thought that him and Caleb were pretty good friends?"

"Yeah ... they are." I agreed. "But ... Tomas doesn't have anything against Caleb in general, he just ... " I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"He thinks that there's someone else you should be with, instead of Caleb, huh?" Marc asked.

"Yeah." I sighed. "That's actually exactly what we were fighting about."

"So ... who's the guy that your brother would rather see you with?"

"No one," I mumbled, "it's just someone that I can never have." I said sadly.

"Sweetheart, you can probably have any guy you want." Marc said, giving me a soft smile.

"Not this guy." I whispered.

Marc's warm smile faded away as the seconds passed us by, and I knew by the look in his eyes that he wanted to know who it was. Not because he was nosey, but because he wanted to know who it was, who was causing my emotions to go all out of wack, and then try his hardest to change it.

"Its one of the guys, but not Caleb, isn't it?" Marc asked slowly.

Knowing he was going to see through any lie I tried to throw at him, I nodded my head.

"Out of all the guys, there's only one of them who you would say you couldn't have." He mumbled.

"Marc, please don't tell Kyle." I whispered. "I just ... please don't tell him."

"Sweetheart," Marc said softly, "I - " He stopped himself short, and then closed his mouth, looking confused as to whether or not he should actually continue.

When I gave him a questioning look, he gave me a nervous smile. "I ... gotta tell you something." He finally said. Marc took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then glanced around as if looking to see if anyone else was within earshot of us before he looked back to me. "K - "

"Alyssa! There you are. We've been looking everywhere!"

Looking past Marc, I saw Kent jogging toward us with Kyle following at a slow walk just behind him, his hands shoved into his pockets. As Kent swept me into his arms, hugging me tightly, I couldn't take my eyes off of Kyle. There was something about his expression that troubled me, something that wasn't quite right. I wasn't able to place it, and for a moment I feared that my brother had found him, and told him about what had happened. But something told me that that wasn't the case.

As I watched, Marc soon joined Kyle, and then exchanged a few words with him. In response, Kyle frowned softly and then reluctantly nodded his head. Once Marc left, Kyle turned his blue eyes in my direction. Giving me a soft smile, he made his way toward us.

"Are you okay, Allie J?" He asked quietly.

"Better than I was before." I whispered.

Sighing quietly to himself, he reached up and ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up slightly before he turned his attention back to me.

"I have to talk to you about something." He said softly.

"Right now?" I asked.

Slowly, Kyle nodded his head. "I think it's something we should have talked about a long time ago." He told me quietly before he turned to Kent. "Can you give us a few minutes?" He asked.

Looking back and forth between us, Kent nodded his head. "Sure, I think I'm just going to head back to the bus." He replied, making a move to turn around, but thought better of it. "Are you two okay?"

Studying me, Kyle said, "I don't know yet," he admitted, "we'll see."

Nodding his head once again, Kent turned around, and followed in the same general direction that Marc had gone, leaving just me and Kyle. Kyle watched Kent walk away as well, and then took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he turned his attention back to me.

By the time night fell, I some how knew that nothing between us would be the same again.