Heartbeats Away From Disaster

I watched as he strutted around the living room, making his rounds, saying hello to our friends he hasn't seen for three months, and introducing himself to those he didn't know. We had arrived at the party together just twenty-five minutes ago, but already he had exchanged some sort of greetings with a majority of the people here. I couldn't help but notice that he spent the most time introducing himself to the pretty girls.

I tried not to pay too much attention to him, and instead chatted with my other friends, catching up with them seeing as how I haven't seen any of them for three months either. They had been away on tour with him, Craig. They were in a band together, and their demanding tour schedule meant that they were away from home for extremely long periods of time. Of course, they always brought home silly little trinkets and souvenirs for me from the road, as well as many stories of the things they did while they were away.

All their stories tonight, however, failed to catch my attention for too long, and before I realized what I was doing, I was sneaking glances back to Craig. Every time I did, however, I only felt a twinge of jealous when I saw him flirting with some other girl. I could almost imagine what he was telling her, the sorts of sweet words he'd whisper into her ear.

For such a soft spoken boy, he had quite the way with words. I knew firsthand how charismatic and charming he could be. He had a lot of friends, a lot of acquaintances, but there were very few people who actually knew him, the boy underneath the tattoos and the dirty blonde hair.

I was one of the few people that he trusted enough to really open up to, one of the few people he could trust to tell anything to. I knew the real Craig, I knew his deepest darkest secrets, I knew his fears, and I knew what made him tick.

I had known of him since middle school, but I hadn't actually got to know him until our senior year of high school. We were in drama class together and had been stuck together to recite monologues from famous musicals. I remember it vividly on how he insisted that we should choose Sweeney Todd to recite from, and the excited glint in his eyes didn't dare allow me to say no.

After that first day of class, we slowly became friends, first sharing lunch together out on the front quad, and then hanging out together after school in one of the choir practice rooms. He taught me how to play piano, and attempted to teach me how to play guitar, but I guess I wasn't 'coordinated' enough for it, as Craig likes to say.

We became close, and once graduation rolled around, I thought that I was going to lose Craig like I was going to lose so many of my other friends. But, I didn't. He stuck around, showing up by my house every other day to check up on me. I knew then and there that I was falling for him, but I didn't dare say anything because I feared that nothing good would come of it if I did.

A few years passed, bringing with it the start of Craig's band. It was great to see them out there doing what they loved, but we got a scare when Craig ended up in the hospital for four months, suffering from pneumonia. There were plenty of times when I cried myself to sleep next to his hospital bed, thinking that I was going to lose him, but somehow he pulled through. Despite having to learn how to walk again, he still went back on tour just two weeks after he was released from the hospital.

You can imagine how bad I chewed his ass out for that little stunt.

The turning point in our lives, though, came when I lost my parents in a freak airplane accident. My father used to serve in the US air force, and when he retired from the service, he had earned many medals and had many friends across the country. One of his friends invited him and my mom to spend a day flying around in his private airplane. They were planning to fly north up into Canada; they crashed just two minutes after take off.

When I first heard the news I was in shock, but by the time the shock has wore off, Craig was there to hold me in his arms, letting me cry on his shoulder while he whispered words of comfort into my ear. He helped me take care of all the funeral arrangements, and helped me deal with attorneys who tried to convince me to put my parents' house up on the market, since it was left in my name. I was about ready to oblige when Craig convinced me to pay off the rest of the mortgage. As a result, I was able to move out of my cramped one bedroom apartment, and back into the three bedroom house that I had spent most of my high school days living in.

After everything was settled, Craig came over one night and stood on my porch to flat out ask me to be his girlfriend. Seeing as how I had been slowly falling for him over the course of three years, I said yes.

Craig and I were together for two and a half years. For two and a half years I catered to his every wish, whereas he'd cater for mine every so often. At the time I didn't care though; I thought I was in love, and by thinking I was in love, I was also thinking along the lines that if you loved someone, you'd do anything to make them happy.

I did many things just for the sake of making him happy. I've done simple favors, I've done financial favors, I've done sexual favors, and I've done illegal favors. I did them all in the hopes that he'd stay with me forever, but that was an ending only for those fucking sissy, make-believe fairytale stories. Well, Craig and I didn't live in a fairytale kingdom, just Rochester Hills, Michigan. Craig is the closest thing I have to a best friend, but for some reason he was holding back on me.

About a year ago, just before the guys were about to leave for a four month long tour, Craig broke the news to me that he thought it was time for us to 'see other people'. I did my best to act nonchalant about the entire situation, but when Craig left for tour, he took my heart with him, leaving the rest of me in pieces. It hurt like hell, but somehow during the four months he was gone, I managed to put myself back together, patching my wounds up with cigarette tar and Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

By the time he came back I wasn't in pain anymore. I don't know exactly what it was that had come over me, but for some reason I didn't hate him. It wasn't like those stories that you hear about when an intimate relationship one decided to start with one of their best friends goes wrong. We had somehow miraculously been able to remain friends, and not be bitter or awkward toward one another. Strange, I know, but when your life involves a boy by the name of Craigery Michael Owens, it’s a given that your life is bound to have a few strange moments here and there.

Don't get me wrong, I still love Craig. But as to whether or not it's the type of love you feel for you best friend, or the love you feel for someone who is so much more than that, I'm not sure.

Since we broke up, our relationship has taken another turn, leading us down a road that seemed to go straight through the passageways of the Labyrinth where nothing is what it seems. What people don't know about us is that whenever Craig is back in town, he's with me.

Actually, let me rephrase that. Whenever Craig is back in town, he spends most nights with me, either at my house or at his. I guess that although Craig didn't want to put up with the duties of being my boyfriend, he still couldn't help but want to serve the duties of being a fuck buddy. I know I shouldn't put up with it, but if it meant that he would be mine, at least for those few hours, I didn't mind one bit.

Craig was honest with me about the things he did when he was out on tour. He was a man whore, and I accepted that. But when he was home, there was only one girl he would dedicate himself to, and that was me.

Here at the party, I knew I didn't have to worry about Craig getting friendly with all these pretty girls because I knew that at the end of the night, I'd be the one who would leave with him.

If anyone else were to know the truth about how our relationship worked, they would call us fucked up, among many other things, but oh well, it was our life, it's how we chose to live.

Sighing softly, I tuned the current conversation around me out, and glanced once more across the room where I had last seen Craig, only to find him missing. Frowning slightly to myself, I quickly scanned the rest of the living room, but didn't find him anywhere. Giving up, I turned back to my group and found Craig to be standing directly across from me, a cup of some unknown substance in one hand while he swung his car keys around on one finger of the other.

Looking directly into my eyes, he nodded to his keys.

"You wanna get out of here, Mitz?" He asked softly.

"Already?" I asked.

"Yeah," Matt, one of our friends, spoke up, "you two just got here about a half an hour ago."

"I'm pretty tired, though," Craig mumbled, "I didn't get much sleep on the drive back home last night."

"Well," Derrick piped in, "you can go home and Mitzi can stay here. Unless you need her to drive you home?" He added, nodding to Craig's cup.

Craig glanced down at his cup, swirling the contents around a little before he looked back up to me. "Yeah, that'd probably be best."

I did my best not to roll my hazel tinted eyes because I knew that Craig was lying. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised with the rest of the guys knew that Craig was lying; it's usually pretty obvious when Craig was tipsy and when he wasn't.

"Alright then," Derrick sighed, "but Mitz, I wanna visit with you again before I leave for Texas, kay?"

"Kay, Derrick," I said, reaching over to give him a hug.

"I leave in two days," he reminded me as he hugged me tightly, "don't forget."

"I won't." I whispered before I gave everyone else a hug goodnight.

Craig merely bid them a verbal goodnight and slowly made his way toward the door while I took turns saying goodnight and each and every one of the guys. Matt was the last person I hugged goodbye, but as I pulled away and made a move to join Craig at the door, Matt caught my hand, pulling me back toward him.

"I know that you and Craig still sneak around together." He whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

I bit my lip, slowly looking up into his eyes.

"You guys are my best friends, Mitzi, but I don't want to see you end up getting hurt again." He said softly.

At his words, I felt my throat suddenly go dry and all I was able to mutter in a response was, "I won't."

Matt frowned softly, but chose not to say anything else and he let go of my hand, letting me free to go and join Craig. Once I was beside him, Craig opened the door for me, allowing for me to head out into the warm night first and then followed me out, closing the door behind us. Placing one hand on the small of my back, he raised his cup to his lips and finished the rest of the drink, depositing the now empty cup on top of an abandoned table on the porch.

I caught a whiff of its contents and laughed a little to myself. "Wow, I didn't know it was possible to get wasted on a cup of orange juice."

"I needed an excuse to get you away from the guys and all to myself." Craig grinned.

I sighed softly and looked off into the distance, where the moon was just peaking over the horizon. "All you want me for is sex." I muttered.

Beside me, Craig stopped walking and removed his hand from my back to gently take my hand in his. I stopped walking as well, but didn't turn back to look at him.

"Mitzi, you're my best friend." He said quietly. "I don't just want you for sex; you know you're one of the few people I can spend all my time with because I know I can tell you anything and not have to worry about what you think of me. I care about you."

"You never call me when you're gone though." I frowned. "The whole time you're gone, I don't hear from you unless it's some drunken phone call at four o'clock in the morning."

"Mitzi Lynn Carter," Craig sighed, "babe, look at me."

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, given that he hasn't called me 'babe' since we were dating. Hesitantly, I turned my gaze from the sight of the full moon, and looked at Craig.

"You of all people, Mitz, know that I'm not perfect." He muttered.

I waited for him to continue, but I guess that's all he was going to say because after that he remained silent. Sighing quietly, I shook my head and softened my expression.

"Nobody's perfect, Craig." I whispered, squeezing his hand tightly.

Biting my lip at the sight of his troubled expression, I turned around and started down the sidewalk once more, leading Craig along behind me. A few seconds later, he slid his hand out of my grip and instead wrapped an arm around my waist. For a split second, I was reminded of what it was like when we were together, and I don't deny that I missed those days.

Not merely because of the fact that I knew I was the only girl Craig had slept with during that time, but because I knew I was the only girl on his mind, the only one that he longed for. Not like how it was now, when I was only on his mind, when he was only longing for me, when he was home.

I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Its inevitable that sooner or later I was either going to come to make a choice that either said I needed Craig in my life as more than just a fuck buddy, or I needed to get over him and move on to someone else who was willing to devote their time to me. Only time would tell though, which one it would be.