Heartbeats Away From Disaster

My stomach felt like a ball of knots as Craig and I sat in the waiting room, waiting anxiously for the nurse to call me into the exam room. Every so often, as millions of thoughts ran wild through my head, my hand would tighten involuntarily around Craig's, who in turn would lean over toward me, kissing my cheek softly and then whisper a handful of sweet words into my ear.

We had been here probably a grand total of fifteen minutes, ten of which was spent filling out paperwork. The past five minutes seemed to pass agonizingly slow, bringing with it an infinite number of things to start freaking out about.

Taking a deep breath, I leaned over and rested my head against Craig's shoulder. He instantly wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and then turned slightly to kiss my forehead gently.

"Craigery," I whispered.

"Yeah, babe?" He asked.

"I'll have you know that I'm fucking scared to death right about now." I admitted quietly. "I mean, what if I'm really, really pregnant? I don't know where the fuck to begin when it comes to raising a child. I'm an only child, I don't have a little brother or sister, or cousins, or nieces or nephews, or anything like that that could have possibly prepared me for raising a child of my own. I'm going to make a horrible mother."

"Shh, no, you're not going to make a horrible mother, babe." Craig assured me. "Sure, it's going to be hard, and stressful, and we might feel like we're doing everything all wrong, but everything will work out." Craig paused for a second, giving me a thoughtful look. "We're going to be the cool parents." He grinned.

"If we really are gonna be parents." I whispered.

"If." Craig agreed, nodding his head.

I opened my mouth to say something else, but at that moment the door opened to reveal a nurse who looked to be no older than me. She looked through the chart she was carrying and then glanced around the waiting room filled with people.

"Mitzi Carter?" She called out, causing my hand to tighten involuntarily around Craig's once more.

He squeezed my hand reassuringly, and then stood up, pulling me up with him. I let Craig lead me across the room and to the door where the nurse was waiting for us. As soon as we got there, she gave us a welcoming smile and motioned for us to follow her into the hallway. We passed a couple of closed doors before the nurse lead me into a small room to take my vitals.

"What brings you to the doctor's office today?" The nurse asked as she wrote my vitals down into my chart.

"I um ... came to get a pregnancy test done," I said quietly, "I took a home pregnancy test that came out positive, but I made an appointment to make sure."

The nurse nodded her head as she listened to my explanation. "Alright, we'll need to draw some blood to run some blood tests, but we should be able to get you taken care of in no time."

With that, the nurse led us back into the hallway, past the nurse's station, and into one of the patient rooms. I took a seat on the examination bed while Craig took a seat on the small doctor's chair. The nurse went through the cabinets and then pulled out a couple of vials as well as a needle and a turbine.

Within a couple of minutes, she had filled the two vials with my blood, and was off to take them to the lab. She had assured us that it would take no longer than fifteen minutes, seeing as how it was the first thing that the lab had to do all day.

Picking at my band-aid as Craig and I sat in silence, I sighed heavily and then growled lowly. Craig raised an eyebrow in response and then gave me a questioning look.

"I wish I brought my brownies with me." I mumbled. "I'm hungry."

"Mitzi, it's barely 9:30 in the morning." Craig said, shaking his head. "It's too early for chocolate."

"I'm hungry though." I growled.

Craig rolled his eyes, but chose not to say anything else. Wanting to take my mind off of Craig and my possible lab results, I pulled out my new Blackberry Pearl and scrolled through my schedule for the rest of the week. I was able to keep myself preoccupied with that, and my e-mail, long enough for the lab technicians to finish running my tests and give it to the doctor.

When he walked through the door, I jumped in surprise and then quickly tried to regain my composure. As he made his way toward me, Craig wheeled his stool over next to me, and then took my hand in his, holding it tightly.

"Good morning, Ms. Carter." He greeted me, "how are you today?"

"Nervous as hell." I admitted.

"I see," the doctor said, "nervous about what's in this file, yeah?"

I nodded my head, "yes."

"Mitzi," the doctor paused momentarily as he glanced at Craig, and then back to me, "you're not pregnant."

"Wait," I said slowly, "I'm ... not? But, I thought ... I took a pregnancy test last night that said I was pregnant, and, I'm about a week late with my cycle, and ... I've been craving brownies like fucking crazy."

"Mitzi, watch your mouth in the doctor's office." Craig mumbled from beside me.

I rolled my eyes, but kept my attention on the doctor, waiting for him to offer up an explanation.

"As strange as this may sound, that isn't an uncommon thing to happen. It's quite possible that you may have been pregnant, but your body has since rejected the pregnancy. Many women who experience a miscarriage go on with their days, never realizing that they were indeed pregnant." He said.

"So, I may have been pregnant, but ... I'm not now?" I asked in confusion.

The doctor nodded his head. "Your cycle should be back on track in a few days."

"And ... the cravings?"

"All normal." He replied.

"So ... that's it then?" I asked. "That's all there is to it?"

Silently, the doctor nodded his head. "That's it." He confirmed. "Are there any other questions?"

Glancing at Craig, I slowly shook my head.

"Alright, I'm going to give your information to the receptionist and you'll be able to pay for everything up there."

After that, the doctor bid us goodbye and exited the room, leaving Craig and I somewhat in shock. I took a few deep breaths, letting each of them out slowly before I looked down to Craig. I found him to be staring at the door that the doctor had disappeared through, a mixture of confusion yet relief showing on his face.

As if feeling my eyes upon him, Craig turned and looked up at me.

"That was a close one, babe." He whispered, reaching up to run his fingertips across my cheek. "Believe it or not, I was actually handling the thought of us having a baby." He said softly. "I actually believed that we were going to walk out of here and call and tell all our friends that we were going to have a baby. But now ... " He trailed off, shaking his head.

"Wait a minute ... you really wanted me to be pregnant?" I asked softly.

"Well ... kinda." He admitted. "I don't know," he sighed, "come on, let's go take care of your bill and go somewhere to get some breakfast."

Not giving me a chance to reply, Craig stood up and then helped me to my feet. Within a few minutes, after we had gotten everything taken care of with the medical bill, we were in Craig's car and on our way to the deli to grab something to eat. Once at the deli, we got our food and then went to take a seat outside.

Taking a sip of my hot chocolate, I watched as Craig began eating his Hot Pocket. I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to what Craig had said at the doctor's office. He had actually wanted me to be pregnant. I never would have thought that Craig would want to be responsible to raising a child, at least not until he was older.

Sighing quietly, I set my cup down on the table and let my fingers run around the rim.

"Craig, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, babe." He replied.

"Do you think that one day, we'll get married?" I asked quietly.

Craig frowned softly at his Hot Pocket, and then set it down on his plate before he turned his blue gaze up to me. "I want to get married one day." He admitted. "I love you with all my heart you know. But I don't want to marry you right now ... not just yet." He whispered. "I want to wait until that moment when I don't have any second thoughts, when I look at you and know that if I asked you to marry me, everything after that would turn out perfectly."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, right now when I think about us getting married, I freak out about screwing things up, about not being good enough for you, about not being able to make you happy. I'm waiting for that one day when I wake up and look at you, and I won't have any of those thoughts. I'm waiting for that moment where I tell myself that I'm going to marry you, and I don't freak out about anything." He said softly.

"So, after we get married, we can try for kids?" I asked.

"We don't have to necessarily wait until we're married to have kids," he replied quietly, "I mean, if it happens, it happens, yeah?"

"I want lots of kids." I blurted out. "I know I don't have a single clue as to what to do when it comes to raising kids, but I want a lot of them. I'm the only child, as were my parents. I want to have a big family."

"How many do you mean by lots, babe?" Craig asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Five." I replied. "I want boys; girls are bitchy and filled with drama."

"And boys aren't?" Craig replied. "I mean, with sure you may have to worry about our girls getting pregnant, but then again you're gonna have to deal with our boys knockin' all the other girlies up."

"Boys don't drain your pockets by buying a single pair of must have shoes." I pointed out.

"No, they'd rather drain you by stealing your credit card and buying a Playstation 3 or an X-Box 360."

"Craigery," I frowned, "I want boys." I insisted.

Laughing softly, Craig nodded his head slightly. "If you want boys, babe, I'll give you boys."

"Promise?"

Craig wrinkled his nose slightly. "Well, how about if I say that I'll try my best?"

"That would have to do." I grinned.

Craig nodded his head in agreement and then laughed quietly before he leaned over, pressing his lips to mine. "Some day babe, we'll get our family going." He promised me.

I couldn't help but wonder if it would be sooner rather than later.