Heartbeats Away From Disaster

Slowly, I pulled into my driveway, thankful that I was finally home. Finally done with the planning of the grand opening of the restaurant, I was looking forward to a few days off. Just lying around the house, being lazy, curled up in a ball with a favorite book in my hands to pass the time. I parked my car and turned it off before I reached over and grabbed my purse from the passenger seat.

Just as I picked it up, however, my cell phone began to ring within it. Quickly, I searched through my purse and pulled out my sidekick only to frown to myself when I saw who it was. Not knowing whether or not to talk to Craig, I hesitated. Three weeks into the tour and not a single word from him until now. A few seconds later my phone stopped ringing, and it beeped, indicating that I had a missed call.

My frown deepening, I went to shove my sidekick back into my purse but it once again began ringing in my hand. Sighing quietly, I accepted the call and held the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked softly.

"Mitzi?" Craig asked, his voice sloppy and slurred. "Babe, what are you doing?"

"Nothing." I said quietly, "I just got home from work."

"Oh." He mumbled. "I miss you."

I knew for sure that he had been drinking; he never admitted to me that he missed me, unless he was drunk and unsure as to what he was saying. He wouldn't willingly tell me something like that.

"Craig, it's late." I said simply. "You should go to bed and get some rest for your show tomorrow."

"We have a break tomorrow." He sighed. "Come visit me."

"Craig, I can't." I lied. "Hell, I don't even know where you're at."

"We're in Pittsburgh. It's not that far away." He said. "Come visit me." He repeated.

"I can't drive five hours tonight." I protested. "It's late, I'm tired."

"Please, Mitzi?" He whispered, his voice so quiet that I wasn't sure as to whether or not I had heard him correctly. "I miss you, babe, I want you to come see me."

"Craig, you're drunk." I pointed out.

"But - "

"I gotta go." I said quietly. "I still have a lot of stuff to take care of in the house before I go to bed. I'll just talk to you tomorrow or something when you're sober, and know what you're saying."

Craig growled slightly on the other end of the line before he sighed loudly. "Mitzi, please?"

"No, Craig." I said sternly. "I gotta go."

"Mit - "

Craig's voice cut short when I ended the phone call, and angrily I tossed my sidekick into my purse. Gathering my things, I got out and made my way to my front door.

Maybe I was being a bit too harsh on Craig. He was my best friend after all, whom I haven't seen for three weeks. Of course he was bound to miss me, and I was bound to miss him. But, on the other hand, I had good reason to be mean to him. For being my best friend, he only calls me whenever he's drunk, and seems to not have anything else to do with his time. If he missed me, you'd think he'd be man or mature enough to call me during the day time, when he was sober, and could process his thoughts enough to tell me things that were worthwhile.

Making work of the lock and the deadbolt, I entered my quiet house and then made sure to lock everything behind me before I ventured to the kitchen. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was almost 10:30. I still had time to call Pizza Hut and order my dinner. Setting my purse on the kitchen countertop, I grabbed my house phone and dialed up the number to Pizza Hut, ordering a medium sized pizza; I was starving, and the last time I checked, there was nothing wrong with cold pizza for breakfast.

As soon as I hung up my house phone, my sidekick began to ring loudly once again. Raising an eyebrow, I fished it out of my purse once more and saw that Craig was calling me back. Hesitantly, I hit the accept button and held it to my ear.

"Craig?" I asked quietly.

"Mitzi, I miss you." He whispered.

I frowned softly, hating the sound of his voice. "Craig, please, get some sleep." I mumbled.

"No, please Mitzi, come visit me. I'll pay you for gas and everything." He pled with me. "Seriously, I'm fucking missing you like crazy."

I chewed my lip nervously, debating on what I was going to do. All the while, Craig was muttering things like 'please' and 'I miss you'. Finally, I shook my head as if to clear away everything, and spoke up. "Craig, let me talk to Matt please."

"But - "

"Craig, let me talk to him or I swear I will hang up on you." I said sternly.

"Fine, fine." He mumbled.

There was some scraping sounds, and a few muffled voices before Matt's voice came across the line. "Hello?" He asked slowly.

"Hey Matt."

Matt was silent for a second before he replied. "Mitzi? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me." I sighed. "How is Craig doing? He doesn't sound too good on the phone, but, I wanted to ask you just to make sure he wasn't faking it."

"Well," Matt paused for a moment or two, saying something to one of the other guys, "umm, honestly, right now he's looking even worse than he sounds." Matt hesitated for a second before he added, "he's been missing you a lot too, Mitzi, but he won't admit it to any one other than me."

"Why can't he just ever call me when he's sober?" I mumbled. "Maybe then it wouldn't be so hard for me to decide whether or not I should give into his wish and come visit him."

"He asked you to come visit him? When? Visit him as in tonight?"

"Yeah." I muttered. "He wants me to drive five hours to Pittsburgh to see you guys. I actually have a half mind to do so because I hate hearing him like this."

"Need I remind you that he's drunk?"

"I know, Matt," I sighed, "but, I don't know. I miss him too, I miss all you guys, and I do have a few days off now that I'm done planning things for the grand opening ... " I trailed off, thinking to myself.

"I don't want to choose sides or anything, but I think it will do him some good if you came to visit us. It will do everyone some good; we're pretty home sick this time around." Matt said quietly. "But, the decision is yours, Mitzi."

"Okay, okay." I mumbled. Chewing my lip nervously once again, I began cursing myself mentally for saying what I was about to say. "I'll drive down to Pittsburgh."

"Mitzi, if it's too late for you to be driving, maybe you should just wait until tomorrow." He suggested.

"No, its fine, I'll just drive down tonight; if not, I'll never drive down there." I sighed. "I have to wait for my pizza, but after that I'll head down there."

"Alright, alright, want to talk to Craig again?"

"No, I gotta take care of some things around the house first before I leave. I'll see you in about five hours."

"Drive careful Mitzi," Matt said sternly, "I'll see you then."

Matt and I said our goodbyes, and I hung up my phone before hurrying off to take care of my chores. About half an hour later, after I had my freshly laundered clothes either folded or hung up in my closet, I grabbed a backpack and shoved a change of clothes into it. Going into my bathroom, I threw my toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, and makeup bag into my backpack as well.

As soon as I stepped foot into the living room, the doorbell rang, indicating that my pizza was here. I answered the door, paid the delivery guy, and received my pizza. I quickly ate one slice before I grabbed my backpack, my purse, sidekick, and pizza, and then headed out to my car.

The drive to Pittsburgh seemed to fly by a lot faster than I expected. Perhaps it was because I was driving at least fifteen miles per hour above the speed limit, or perhaps it was because I was anxious to get to Pittsburgh and see the guys. I'm not sure as to which it was.

I got to the venue that the guys had played at that night, and found their bus to still be parked around back. Parking along the street, I grabbed my backpack and box of pizza before I got out and walked to the bus, quickly entering the code as fast as I could get out of the cold.

When I walked up the steps, the first people I saw were Jason and Pat, who looked to be on the verge of sleep. Despite their sleepy state, they both erupted into a smile and got up, each giving me a hug.

"Matt told us that you were going to visit us." Jason grinned. "So we stayed up to wait for you."

"Even though we're basically running on fumes." Pat added. "But, I think now that you're here, I'm gonna have to head to bed."

"Alright," I said, giving him another hug.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed too," Jason agreed, wrapping his arms tightly around me. "Matt is in the back room, though, he wanted us to send you straight back there as soon as you got here, but, well, we had to have you to ourselves first." He laughed.

"Goof." I grinned. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

I watched them as they disappeared into the hallway, before I kicked my shoes off, set my bag down on the couch, and then headed into the hallway as well. Not knowing which bunk was Craig's, I didn't stop to peak in on him and went directly to the backroom where Matt was waiting for me. Hearing me enter, he looked up from his book and gave me a soft smile.

"Hey Mitzi." He said quietly.

"Hey." I replied just as softly. "Did Craig already go to sleep?"

Slowly, Matt nodded his head.

"What bunk is his?" I asked. "I was going to drop by and check up on him real fast."

"Umm," Matt paused, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "I don't think you want to go check on him right now."

"What?" I asked. "Why not?"

"He's ... " Matt shook his head before giving me an apologetic look.

"Oh," I mumbled, "I see." I frowned to myself, feeling my emotions starting to rally up inside of me.

"I'm sorry, Mitzi." Matt whispered, seeing the look on my face. "After I talked to you, Craig disappeared. We didn't even know he was gone until he came back with some chick. I tried to call you, but all I got was your voicemail."

"That must have been when I didn't have any service." I said quietly.

Matt frowned to himself and then sighed before he stood up. "Let me take this." He said, taking my dumb pizza box from me and setting it on a little table by the couch. He turned back to look at me just as I felt a single tear fall from my eyes. "Shh, sweetheart," he whispered, crossing the room in two swift steps to wipe it away. "Please don't cry."

"I love him, Matt." I mumbled thickly, "he doesn't love me back though. He calls me up, begging me to come visit him, and right after that he goes out and finds himself some whore to sleep with."

Matt sighed softly as he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. "Please don't cry." He repeated.

We stood there like that for God knows how long, Matt whispering comforting words to me, while the tears rolled silently down my face. Finally, when it felt as if my legs wouldn't be able to hold me up for very much longer, Matt led me to the couch and told me to sit down while he went out to the front to grab my bag. He returned shortly, waited for me to change into a pair of shorts and a tank top, and then led me into the hallway to his bunk.

Helping me climb into it, he hesitated for a moment before he asked, "do you want me to sleep with you tonight?"

I nodded my head and scooted over, making room for him to climb in as well. Silently, he closed the curtain behind him, and took me comfortably into his arms. Taking a deep breath, I let it out in a quiet sigh and closed my eyes, wishing that when I woke up, I would find all of this to be just some hectic, horrible dream.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

When I woke up, I was alone in the bunk. The curtain was opened ever so slightly, allowing a tiny sliver of light to shine inside the darkened bunk. Making a move to open the curtain all the way and look out into the hallway, but I stopped myself short when I heard two voices arguing nearby.

"You can't tell me not to see Mitzi." Craig snapped.

"Craig, she's still asleep." Matt argued. "She didn't get here until 4 o'clock in the morning, let her wake up on her own free will."

"You should have just woke me up when she got here," Craig insisted, his voice closer than it was before.

"I would have, but you were with some slut whose name you probably don't even remember." Matt retorted. "It broke her heart just to hear that you were with someone else, imagine how hard it would have been for her to have actually seen the two of you together."

"What are you talking about, Matt? Mitzi knows how I get when we're out on tour."

"Craig, are you fucking serious?" Matt asked in disbelief. "Can you seriously look me in the eye and tell me that you don't see the way she looks at you? She loves you Craig, and you just put her through the run around, using her just for the sex. Some fucking best friend you are."

Craig was silent for a few seconds before he spoke up. "Go away, Matt." He growled, sounding as if he were directly in front of the bunk by now.

With that, the curtain in front of me was pushed back, and I was bathed in the light being emitted from overhead. Craig stood in front of me, a bitter look on his face, which soon turned to a surprise look when he realized that I was already awake. His eyes softening slightly, he reached into the bunk and gently caressed my cheek.

"Hey babe." He whispered.

Frowning at him, I pushed his hand away and rolled over so that my back was now to him. "Go away, Craig." I mumbled.

"Mitzi, please, I want to talk to you." He said quietly. I felt his hand on my shoulder as he tried to roll me back over, but I shrugged it off, causing him to muttered a few incoherent words under his breath. "Mitzi, don't be like this." He said. "Please, just look at me at least."

Sighing heavily, I rolled back over, giving him a mean look.

"Do I get a kiss at least?" He asked softly.

"No." I said bluntly. "I don't know where your lips were last night. Where ever they were, I'm pretty sure I don't want them on mine right now."

"Mitzi," he whispered, "why are you so mad at me?"

"Because I hate you." I spat.

Craig's face fell at my words, and he took a step away from me, looking as if he was torn between finally leaving me alone, or sticking around to try to talk to me some more. He surprised me, though, when he climbed up into the bunk in one swift motion so that he was now beside me.

"What have I done to make you hate me?" He whispered.

"Do you really not know the answer to that question?" I asked.

Biting his lip slightly, he didn't reply.

"Just think back to what Matt had said a little while ago and you've got your answer." I said meanly.

"Mitzi, you know how I get on tour." He mumbled. "That's just how I am, okay? What more do you want from me."

"Goodness, you're really not getting any of this are you?" I asked. "It's not just about that girl. It's about you and me, and what the hell we're doing together."

"What do you mean, Mitzi? What do you want from me?"

"I want you to tell me right now whether or not you want to be with me." I blurted out before I even stopped to think about it.

Craig stared at me blankly for a second or two before he frowned slightly. "What do you mean?" He asked. "You mean ... are you asking me if ... " he trailed off, shaking his head.

"I'm asking you if you want me to be your girlfriend again or not." I whispered. "I can't do this anymore, just being fuck buddies. I need more from you than just a good lay every night when you're home from tour. Its either we try a full blown relationship out again, or we stop with these hook ups. I can't stand knowing that you're out here on the road, sleeping with all these random girls, and then coming home to sleep with me. It's either them or me, Craig."

"Mitzi, don't be like this." He mumbled. "You can't make me choose - "

"Well, watch me, Craig." I frowned. "I'm making you choose right now."

"Sweetheart, please, I ... " Craig trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Don't call me sweetheart unless you're planning on being my boyfriend." I threatened.

"But, Mitzi," he whispered, "what's wrong with the way things are now?"

I blinked away the tears that were suddenly threatening to fall. "The way things are right now are killing me, Craig. I told you that I loved you before you left, and I meant it. I need to know whether or not loving you is even worth it anymore."

"Mitzi, I ... " he trailed off once more, shaking his head. "You don't want me to be your boyfriend again. It's ... it's better if you just," he paused, swallowing hard, "if you just see someone else."

I felt the tears start to fall, but I didn't make a move to wipe them away, or hide them from Craig.

"Is that your choice then?" I mumbled.

Slowly, Craig nodded his head.

"Fine." I whispered. "Now that that's settled, get out and leave me alone."

"Mitzi." He said softly, "please don't be mad at me." He mumbled a few more words to himself before he placed his hand on my cheek. "Can I kiss you one last time?"

"No, Craig." I muttered. "You broke my heart once before, and now you're breaking it again. Go away, and leave me alone."

"Mitzi, please - "

"Get out, Craig." I snapped. "Now."

Craig looked at me, sadness etched deep in his blue eyes. Slowly, he wiped away my tears before he nodded his head. "Fine," he whispered, "I'll leave."

I watched him as he climbed out of the bunk, and then close the curtain behind him, leaving me alone once again. Hearing his footsteps fade down the hallway, I felt a whole new string of tears break free and fall down either side of my face. Silently, I buried my face into Matt's pillow and cried to myself.

Whoever said that being in love was the greatest feeling in the world flat out lied.