Heartbeats Away From Disaster

The silence on the bus was unnerving, and though everybody tried their best to sneak glances at me every so often, hoping that I wasn't watching, I was able to catch them every single time. We had been driving the entire night, and most of the morning. The driver said that we would get to the next venue within a half an hour or so.

I needed to collect my wits before then, and make sense of the whirlwind of thoughts that were flying randomly about my mind. Yesterday morning seemed to pass by in a flash, all the way until Mitzi stepped off the bus and disappeared from my sight. I tried to stop her, and talk to her one last time before she left. I didn't want her to be walking away from me on such a horrible note.

All she did in response, though, was narrow her eyes at me in nothing short of hatred and then told me to leave her alone. Biting my lip, I kept quiet and catered to her wishes, not daring to speak even one more word to her.

The rest of the day dragged on slowly. It was supposed to be our day off, a time for us to relax, but for me, I did anything and everything but that. I worried about Mitzi making it safely home. I paced around the bus hoping that she would call me as soon as she got home. I muttered mindless jibberish to myself about how bad I fucked things up between us.

Mitzi is my best friend, and whenever she goes on a rampage and decides to ignore me like this, it killed me. I can't stand knowing the fact that if I tried to call her right now, she wouldn't pick up because I had gone and pissed her off.

No, I hadn't pissed her off. I had done something so much worse. I had broken her heart, for the second time, she pointed out.

Everyone else on the bus knew that something had gone down between us. Only Matt had been there to hear the conversation that had taken place between Mitzi and I, but the rest of the guys were able to gather enough information from the way that Mitzi had left to know that we had had a fight. A big one at that.

No one had mentioned it, though, but it was only a matter of time.

"Alright guys," Larry, our driver, said, "were in the city limits now; its just about fifteen minutes to the venue from here."

Hoping that something would take my mind off of Mitzi, I looked over my shoulder and gazed out the window, taking in the sights of Chicago that spread out before us. However, as soon as I saw the city, Mitzi's face flashed back into my mind, and I remembered the trip that Mitzi and I were planning to make down here as soon as this tour wrapped up. Frowning to myself, I turned my eyes from the window and instead found Jason and Derrick to be watching me.

Sighing quietly, I spoke up. "Why don't you guys just go ahead and ask." I mumbled. "I know you've been dying to do so since yesterday."

"Fine." Jason said. "What the hell did you do to Mitzi yesterday to make her leave the way she did?"

"I broke her heart," I muttered. "She needed me to step it up, and I couldn't do it. She made me chose. It was either we got back together, or we'd stop with the hook ups."

Jason raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Hook ups?" he asked. "What hook ups?"

Hesitating for a moment, I glanced over at Matt. There was something about his expression that told me I'd better come clean with the truth then and there, or else he was going to force the truth out of me in one way or another.

"After Mitzi and I broke up, we started hooking up whenever we were home from tour." I admitted. "The day that we left Michigan, at the beginning of this tour ... she told me that she loved me, and somehow I knew that she meant it. I didn't want to admit it though; I guess I was hoping that somehow when I came home from tour, she'd magically forget all about it. But," I paused for a second to shake my head, "she didn't forget about it, and now I think I just lost my best friend."

The bus was silent for a minute or two. Finally, it was Matt who broke the silence.

"Why didn't you just choose to try out another relationship with her, Craig?" He asked.

"Because," I whispered, "I don't want a girlfriend. I don't need one."

"You pretty much acted like she was your girlfriend; you got defensive whenever another guy even so much as glanced in her direction, you were always with her, and plus, you could barely keep your hands off of her." Matt mumbled. "For someone who says that he doesn't need a girlfriend, you've been pretty hopeless and lost looking knowing that Mitzi isn't going to be there waiting for you to get home from tour like she usually is."

"Mitzi's my best friend, Matt." I frowned. "Of course I'm going to be upset knowing that my best friend is mad at me."

"Yeah, okay Craig, keep telling yourself that she's just your best friend." Matt said, shaking his head. "Give it time, and when Mitzi finds herself a boyfriend, I bet you that you're going to be one jealous son of a bitch."

Shaking my head, I got up to my feet. "Whatever." I muttered to Matt before I walked into the hallway and then climbed into my bunk. Shutting the curtain, I closed my eyes and tried to block out the voices that had suddenly erupted in the front room.

Matt was wrong, I wasn't going to be jealous when Mitzi found herself a boyfriend. Hell, I would be happy for her, happy because she needed a good, decent boyfriend. I broke up with her because I knew I wasn't good enough. I wasn't home enough to spend the amount of time I wanted to with her. I wasn't focused enough to keep our relationship my number one priority. I wasn't the kind of guy Mitzi needed to make sure that her life was kept on track.

I'm not too sure what she saw in me, what she still sees in me.

I'm just some guy in a band who travels the country playing shows and brings groupies back to his tour bus. Nothing special here, but somehow there was something left inside of me that Mitzi found it worthwhile to love. At least she did love me, for whatever reason. Like she said yesterday, I broke her heart.

There wasn't much left that I could do now to fix things, except to sit back and hope that the right guy would come along and piece Mitzi's heart back together for her.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It's been six weeks since I last saw Mitzi, six weeks since I last spoke to her. I've tried to call her, but every single time I do, my call gets sent straight to her voicemail. No surprise there, but still, you can't blame me for trying, right? Of course she'll talk to the rest of the guys, but the main person she really talks to on a regular basis is Matt. He tells me that she's doing fine and I believe him, but I'd really rather hear the words coming straight from her mouth instead of hearing it from Matt.

"Craig, time for sound check!"

I recognized Derrick's voice calling to me from the front of the bus. Sighing heavily to myself, I reached over and opened the curtain of my bunk and climbed out.

"You coming?" Derrick asked, still not sure as to whether or not I had heard him.

"Yeah, I'll be right out." I called back.

I reached into my bunk and grabbed my phone and my iPod that had fallen out of my pocket when I had laid down. Straightening myself up, I looked at my phone and thought about trying to call Mitzi before I went to sound check. Shaking my head, I shoved my phone and iPod into my pocket and then hurried off the bus, making my way to sound check.

About fifteen minutes later, after we were satisfied with our sound check, I found myself to be wandering around the town with Matt, searching the vicinity for some sort of restaurant. We passed by one restaurant and I looked inside, finding it to be a Sushi bar.

"I bet Mitzi would love that place." I blurted out loud.

Matt glanced through the window and nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, she probably would." He agreed.

Hesitating slightly, I turned toward him. "Can you do me a favor?" I asked quietly.

"You want me to call Mitzi for you." He sighed.

I nodded my head.

"She's still not answering your calls?" Matt asked as he pulled out his phone.

"Last time I tried to call her, no, she wasn't answering them." I mumbled.

Matt hit his speed dial and handed the phone over to me. "When was the last time you tried to call her?" He asked.

"The night before last." I replied. "It had barely even began to ring when she sent me over to voicemail."

"Did you leave a message?"

"What would I have said, Matt?" I muttered. "All I want is to hear her voice; I miss hearing it."

Matt didn't reply, but rather turned his gaze to the sidewalk in front of us. Frowning slightly, I did the same and listened to the sound of Mitzi's phone ringing on the other line. Just when it seemed like my call was going to be turned over to voicemail, the sound of Mitzi's soft voice reached my ears.

"Hello?" She asked, somewhat breathlessly.

Somewhat in shock after not hearing it for so long, it took me a second or two to reply. "Hey Mitzi." I said quietly.

" ... Craig? Is that you?"

"Don't hang up." I mumbled. "I just want to ask you how you're doing."

She sighed softly to herself on the other end. "I've been doing fine, Craig." She said. "I told Matt to tell you that."

"He did." I said. "I just wanted to hear it straight from you."

There was a slight pause. "So how are you Craig? How's tour?"

"Tour's good." I replied. "I can't wait to come home though; we have a nice long break from tour this time."

"Yeah? That's cool."

"Yeah." I mumbled.

After all this time of wanting to talk to her, now that I had her on the line I couldn't think of a single thing to say to her. There was nothing but awkward silence between us.

"Uh, well, Craig, I have to get going." Mitzi said. "I was actually just getting dressed when you called me."

"Oh? Where are you off to?"

"I'm meeting someone for lunch." She said hesitantly.

" ... Like, a date?" I asked offhandedly.

"Well, yeah, kinda, I guess." She mumbled.

"Who is he?" I asked without thinking.

"Craig, never mind." She sighed. "You don't know him."

"But - "

"Craig, I gotta go," Mitzi cut me off, "I'll talk to you later."

Without waiting for my response, the line went dead, indicating that she had in fact hung up on me. I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it in shock for a few seconds, before the sound of Matt's laugh pulled me out of my stupor. Turning away from the phone, I looked over and saw that he had a bemused look on his face.

"Let me guess, Mitzi told you about her date." He grinned, holding his hand out for his phone.

Frowning, I gave him back his phone and nodded my head. "Who the fuck is he?" I demanded. "I know that you know who he is, Mitzi must have told you who he was."

"Some bartender or waiter or something who works with Mitzi." Matt replied, shoving his phone into his pocket. "Lyle I think she said his name was."

"That prick." I mumbled, recalling him to be the guy that Mitzi was talking to at the arcade. "I don't like him."

"Oh? You know him?"

"I don't like him." I muttered. "He's not right for Mitzi, he seems like a little bitch."

Matt laughed loudly at my words and reached over, patting my shoulder. "I told you this was gonna happen." He grinned.

I gave Matt a quizzical look. "Told me what?"

"That when Mitzi started dating, you were going to get jealous."

"I'm not jealous." I retorted. "I seriously don't like the guy."

"Sure." Matt smirked at me before looking back in front of us.

Glaring at him, I muttered a few choice words under my breath. I wasn't jealous of the guy. To hell what Matt thinks, what the rest of the guys think. I'm not jealous.