Hidden Beneath the Paper.

People rudely pushed passed me, knocking me back into the rusting lockers behind me. I clung onto myself, as if I was the only plank in the ocean during a horrible storm. It was getting hard to swallow and my eyes stung. I hadn't moved an inch on my own. I watched people walk passed me, uncaring. So, stuck into their own heads. But, I couldn't blame them. I didn't notice that Professor Way was lightly nudging my shoulder until he pulled me to him some. My wet eyes flickered up to him. His thin, pink lips moved slightly to the side of his mouth as he spoke. My lips parted some as I realized I couldn't hear him. I looked out to the window, it was so sunny out currently. Why couldn't I be full of sunshine? The Professor pulled me into his classroom gently. Everything moved slowly and soundlessly. I felt like I was in one of those vintage drama movies. Only no one else was watching. Professor lightly pushed me down into a seat. A small part of my brain insulted me. Why was I so upset? My hands shook as I reached out towards the desk. I felt the hot tears stream down my face then. The sounds of my sobbing started to slowly burst through my eardrums. I felt the Professor's hand on my forearm then his voice slowly melted some of the pain in my chest away. I wiped my eyes and looked up at him. His brows were furrowed and his lips were now pursed out cutely.

"What's wrong?" He asked now, his hand made it's way to my back, rubbing in a circular motion. I sighed, looking down at the desk in front of me. One last tear ran down my cheek and slipped off my chin, falling to his doom onto the cracked desk. I watched it fall and die, splatting to his demise. I only wish I was jumping off a building's roof top. At least might be with my mom then. I took a breath and told him that a week or so ago, my mother and I had gotten in a terrible accident. Unfortunately, my mother had died on impact. Her last words rang in my ear, causing me to start crying again. I love you, I love you, I love you. In the same trembling and panicked voice she used. She knew. She knew she wasn't going to make it alive. I then realized I was rambling to him, about this. He must think I'm crazy by now.

"I don't want to go back home - Her house. I miss her so much," I wailed. Awkwardly, Professor pulled me to him, into a tight hug. My heart thudded in my chest. Sure, it was just a small sign of affection but wow. He smelled nice. When we pulled away he rubbed my arms as I wiped my eyes again. He looked away from me then, he seemed very distant. I looked away then too, almost ashamed of my petty little thoughts.

"This might sound silly but, if you want... You could stay at my house for a couple of nights. I have a guest room." He suggested. My eyebrows raised high. Did he seriously just asked that? I tried my best at not letting my cheeks fill with blush but I probably failed.

"Yes, that's so nice of you," I replied. My voice sounded as if I was far across the room. I took a ragged breath in. Professor recoiled and told me that I better get going to my next class, I was going to be late. I noted that he was free for this class time. He told me before I let myself out to come here when I was done with my classes, he was willing to drive me home to pick up some clothes and stuff. I smiled and told him thank you before trudging off to my next class. I was so late it wasn't funny. But, at least that Professor couldn't give a rat's ass. The rest of the day dragged on. I was so anxious to be at his house. I wasn't going to force him to do anything with me. Actually, to be honest. His appearance has dropped a little. My heart was swelling only for the pure fact that someone cared about me. I needed the comfort of a friend. He had picked my mood up slightly but it quickly dropped before I made it back to his classroom.

I looked down at the lined paper I had out on my desk. I was suppose to be taking notes from Professor Zimmer's lecture but I couldn't focus. The room was over baringly hot. Students stifled around in their seats, fidgeting with whatever they could find. I could hear the clock from across the room ticking loudly. I buried my face in my hands. Everything was so useless. Why am I alive right now? I'm not doing anything great. I'm so pointless. My mom probably lied when she told me she loved me. How could anyone love me? I'm worthless and I'll never become anything that I wished to be in the future. Especially, not a mother. No one would ever want me that way. Not with these dark rings around my eyes. I sighed as two tear drops fell upon my paper, running the blue lines together. I took a deep breath in and held it. My body heat rose gravely. My heart pounded, wanting me to breathe. If I let myself die this very minute would anyone care? No.

I still hate today.