Lament

Mrs. Landry's carriage dropped me in front of the Morgenstern's town house very late the last day of Alphonse's house party. The party had gone smoothly for the rest of the week - besides the fact, of course, that I did not talk to Alphonse or Wren for the rest of the week. Glenn was distant and yet I was not surprised. For the most part I stuck with Victoria, Mrs. Landry and a few of the girls who had debuted with me who weren't flirting excessively with Alphonse. I saw him sometimes, deep in discussion with Wren, and had to swallow down bile. Watching them tell each other secrets made me feel very ill.

But now it was over, and I was back...home. Or the closest I could get to a home. I thanked Mrs. Landry for taking me and told Victoria that I would call upon her soon so we could discuss the house party again in great detail. They both gave me warm embraces before they let a footman lead me into the house, while another took my trunks in.

The house was dark and quiet as soon as I stepped in. "Mrs. Wainwright has gone off to bed," murmured the man who was at my side. I nodded and curtsied a bit.

"Thank you for telling me, so," I answered back and let my arm drop from his. Instead of going directly upstairs, I wandered down the narrow hallways to the kitchens to get some water. For some reason my throat felt dry. At night, the house was filled with shadows, and I thought of how I hadn't seen Jaedo since he'd visited me and told me about the faerie looking-glass. He said he'd given it to me so that Charles wouldn't come back looking for it. But hadn't he just given it to me so I could take it straight to Deathcreeke? Charles knew I'd had it. Maybe, though, that was part of the enchantment. I did not know. I could ask Jaedo next time I saw him, but somehow, I found that not so important. Not in comparison to my other questions.

I found one of the scullery maids still cleaning up and asked her for some water. She dashed off and returned not a minute later with a glass full of the cool liquid. I drank thirstily and brought it back upstairs. The stairs creeked and moaned as I moved upwards, trying not to wake Lily. I'd have to go right past her door to get to my own chamber.

And yet, as I crept by Lily's door, I heard a noise. A muffled noise, it was, still. I stopped suddenly and stood as still as I could, straining my ears to her whatever the noise was. To my great surprise, I heard that the noise was Lily's soft sobs. My heart clenched and rose up into my throat. I wished to go into her room and comfort her, but I knew none besides her son could do that. She missed him, I knew, in a much different and maybe even greater way than I did. She had lost so much the Night of the Blood Moon. She had lost Charles. She had lost Alphonse. She must have even lost a part of herself, and somewhere, I knew a part of her still wandered in Death.

My hand went to the door and I touched it lightly. I daren't open the door or knock or do anything that might her alert her of my presence; I simply stood. In the dark, I let myself shed tears for her. Because out of us all, she was the one who had given the most, and she was the one who had gotten the least.

That night, I went to sleep with a heavy heart. When I dreamed, I dreamed of Lily crying, who then turned to my mother crying, who then turned to Wren crying, who then became Victoria, lying still on a white bed, blood staining her clean dress. And when I tried to get near to her, I saw Jaedo leaning over her, hair obscuring his face, acid-green wings rising up out of his tattered clothes. My hand went out to stop him but then Jaedo melted away and Victoria was suddenly Prince - eyes wide, staring into nothing. Not dead, but not alive. Somewhere between.

When I awoke, a light sheen of sweat covered my entire body, and I shook with something that felt very much like fear.

Once again, I heard the violin song, somewhere beyond the walls of my house. I took a deep breath that sounded very much like a shudder and shut the window. There was no more time for the ghosts of my past. There was still so much to do. Ringing for Jeannette, I sat at my vanity and looked at myself. I looked tired and wary, but there was still some light in my eyes. I still would fight for those that I loved. I could not lose that will to fight, to move forward, to continue. For if I lost that, I had nothing.

As I walked downstairs to breakfast that morning, I once again passed by Lily's room. This time, her door was open and there was light spilling into her white room. From downstairs I heard her musical voice softly saying something to one of the footmen. Biting my lip, I fought the urge to go into her room...and lost. Stepping in quietly, I did not close the door, but looked around curiously.

There was nothing different about it from my room, in all honestly. There was a setee in the corner whose pillow was slightly off kilter. I went to it quietly and picked up the pillow, meaning to arrange it properly, when I saw a small picture frame underneath. Expecting it to be a picture of Alphonse, I was shocked to see that it was a portrait of Charles. At first my stomach soured, but then I realized I was being stupid. Charles had been Lily's wife, and for so long I had believed what she had believed. We had both thought he was a perfect husband, desperately in love with Lily. How much must his betrayal have hurt her! Softly, I put the portrait down wher I'd found it and replaced the cushion.

Lily was standing at the doorway looking quite forlorn when I turned around. "I assume you heard me last night and was wondering why I was so upset," she said softly.

I shook my head. "I understand, Lily. Truly."

"I feel guilty for still feeling so sad about what Charles did...I feel guilty for still loving him," she said, going over to where I was, pushing the pillow aside and picking up the portrait. She looked at it fondly and then placed it on the ledge above the fireplace. "But try as I might, I can't push the feelings out of me. I remember what it was like in the very beginning. Charles seemed so sad when I first met him. But over the course of the months, he seemed to change. I thought we were just friends until he asked me to marry him." She paused and smiled. "And what girl wouldn't say yes? He was unbelievably handsome, wildly rich, so charming...he seemed perfect. And for so long, he was perfect."

"But then you had Alphonse," I said. Lily nodded.

"While I was pregant, Charles told me that the child would be cursed. I didn't believe him until I had Alphonse. He was very sick from the moment he was born, and I understood then that Charles had not been lying. And in truth, he wasn't. Alphonse was, is cursed. He is the Philosopher's Stone, which means that there will always be someone who wants his blood for selfish purposes. I trusted Charles, let him handle Alphonse's upbringing. He taught him everything he needed to know. I was little help, but I tried to love Alphonse with all that I could, even when I knew he would die at eighteen."

Lily turned away from me then and left her room. "I'm sorry," I said softly to her.

Before she departed, she turned back to me. "No, Fae, it is I who is sorry. Sorry that everything turned out the way that it did." With that, she went back downstairs. I looked at the portrait of Charles where it now stood. He was smiling. At one time I might have found it a charming smile, but now, the smile seemed to me pure evil. I shuddered just a little and tipped the picture down before I, too, left the room, closing the door behind me.

Lily informed me as we ate breakfast that we'd recieved another invitation from the Haverford's to dine with them that evening. I had not told her of what Wren had told me during the house party. She did not know that Jules intended to ask for my hand in marriage. Would he do it tonight, though? My pulse spiked. This morning I was unattached, but all that could change by tonight. Tonight, I could become a bride-to-be. However, as I closed my eyes and thought of my wedding, the only person I could see myself getting married to was Alphonse. And try as I might to replace the image of him smiling a shining smile at me with Jules's smiling face, I could not.

Who I loved and what I wanted made little difference, though. I could not wait for Alphonse, I did not have the kind of energy or that kind of time.

For the rest of the day until our evening with the Haverford's, I stared at my faerie looking-glass, willing it to show me my mother's parents. I saw nothing, however. I even asked it questions, as if it were the magic mirror from The Sleeping Beauty, but it still stayed quietly. I thought of Lily's tears, Wren's callousness, Glenn's obvious distinterest in my problems. I thought of my dream of all those women crying and Victoria dead; the blood on her dress reminded me of when Charles had shot Lily those many months ago. I thought of my future as a perfect society wife, I thought of the children I might have by Jules, with curling, fair hair like their father.

We were greeted by a butler in a powdered wig when I we arrived at the Haverford's town house, however, I was soon enveloped in a strong embrace from Mrs. Haverford, the Dowager, who looked quite beautiful in emerald satin. "Miss Faerie! How good it is to see you again. I was wondering when Jules would have you over once again, as I'd been telling him for the longest time what a charmer you are. It seems that finally my persistence has paid off." She pulled away with a smile and I grinned. Then she turned to Lily. "And Mrs. Wainwright, you look beautiful as always!" The two older women exchanged pecks on the cheek and we were quickly ushered into the parlor. "Jules told me that you were with Wren Morgenstern at a house party in the country?" inquired the Dowager.

I flushed. "No, I attended with my most bosom friend, Victoria Landry and her mother. I did see Miss Morgenstern there, though," I corrected. Something in the Dowager's face changed, relief, as if she was happy to hear I'd gone with Victoria instead of Wren.

"Of course, well, Jules will be down in a moment. He is just making sure he looks all right. Men!" she exclaimed. "You'd think they were females, the way they preen and pout." We had a laugh at that. Lily's laugh was quiet, however, and I knew she must be thinking how different Alphonse was. At least, it was what I was was thinking.

When I saw Jules, he grinned at me and I thought of the kiss we had shared before I'd departed for Blackpool Estate. It had been innocent enough, but it had spoken of less innocent things. I smiled back, my stomach turned. Strangely enough, though, not of repulsion. I liked Jules, honestly, I did. I was attracted to him, that was true as well. I did not love him, but that did not matter. He came through the doorway and gave his mother a peck on the cheek and bowed politely to Lily and myself.

"Miss Wainwright, I was hoping I solicit a private audience with Miss Faerie. Just for a moment. Mama, I hope this is all right with you." His voice was clear and he turned to his mother with a smile. His mother's features seemed to change from politeness to ecstacy and she pratically pulled Lily out of the parlor.

"Of course! I do believe I'll show Mrs. Wainwright the portrait room..." she said, trailing off. Jules turned to me and smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. For a moment I was taken aback at how dark they seemed. His gaze was far off, on something behind me. When I turned, I saw that there was only the fireplace, with a few portraits lining its ledge. I cocked my head at Jules.

"Are you all right, my Lord?" I asked, forgetting that we had all agreed to use each others Christian names. "I mean, of course, Jules."

Jules snapped out of his dark reverie and looked at me carefully. His smile turned sad for a moment, but only a moment. "Sorry about that, Faerie. Sometimes my head just wanders."

"It's all right, I understand. It happens quite often with myself."

For a moment, Jules was quiet. Then he took my hand and led me to the window, where outside, dusk was falling upon London. "Faerie, I've been meaning to speak with you for some time. I am sure Wren told you of my letter. Of how I was inducted into the Illuminata not so long ago." I was quiet, waiting for him to continue. "Since then, I have heard talk of the Philosopher's Stone, but no one really seems to know where it is, much less what it is. In truth, Wren hasn't told me the true nature of the stone. Only that it is not what it seems. I know she will not tell me. I wanted to ask you. Will you tell me what the stone is?"

"Oh," I said softly, suddenly feeling stupid. Why had Wren told me he wished to propose marriage to me? This was nothing of the sort. "Well," I hesitated. "I suppose. I mean, you are one of the people trying to protect it from Charles Wainwright." Jules nodded and looked out to where the lamplighters were putting flame to the lamps along the cobblestone streets. "The Philosopher's Stone is, in fact, Charles and Lily Wainwright's son, Alphonse. You know him as Alphonse Renshaw, Earl of Blackpool." Shock was obvious in Jules's eyes. "Yes, the stone is his blood, which has some magical property. He is able to bring back the dead. In fact, this is the reason that Prince is not around. It is...quite a long and tragic story...but the summary is that Prince had to go into Death, Niflheim, to save Lily, and he was trapped there as well. Wren needs Alphonse again to get Prince out of Death."

"Well, that certainly was not the story I was expecting." Jules's tone was light, but he seemed stiff. For a moment, I even regretted telling him of the nature of the stone. Then he took a deep breath. "As to the other matter of what I wrote in the letter to Wren Morgenstern...I am sure you already know, so there is no point in delaying this further."

With that, he leaned down to one knee and my heart thumped wildly. "Jules..." I said quietly.

"Faerie Brighton, will you be my wife?" His words were simple. There were no true and passionate declarations of love. And yet, I did not expect that from Jules. Instead I smiled and nodded.

"Of course I will, Jules Haverford." They were out of my mouth before I even had time to regret them. It did not matter. I had known this was to be my fate from the very beginning. That was what I'd told Alphonse, was it not? Then why did I feel so strangely empty? Jules slipped his signet ring onto my left ring finger and I looked at it. It was large and did not fit. Worse than that, it was heavy. It weighed not only my hand down, but my heart as well.

At supper we announced the engagement to a knowing Mrs. Haverford and thoroughly shocked Lily. We talked gaily of the marriage and I felt myself relaxing. This was not a terrible fate for myself. But once we were married, I would ask Jules if we could decamp for an extended tour of Europe. I would like to escape London, to escape England in general. Maybe if we went far enough, I might be able to escape my past as well.

As we talked, Mrs. Haverford brought up the subject of Victoria and her impending marriage to Mr. Smythe. Just the name made my skin crawl, but Mrs. Haverford spoke as if it were a great match. I understood that she did not know of Mr. Smythe's reputation, being out of the light of society for so long. It was easy to forget Mrs. Haverford had lost her husband as Lily had, but when she spoke of Victoria and Mr. Smythe, I suddenly remembered. Mrs. Haverford smiled as she speared potatoes in to her mouth. "Well, I did recieve a letter from Miss Landry's aunt, who is a particular friend of mine. She said that Mr. Smythe was in the process of securing a special marriage lisence, and if all goes as planned, they shall be married in a weeks time, instead of a months as original intended."

A week. My stomach dropped, and for the rest of the evening, I thought of not much else. I had repeatedly told Victoria I would find some way to get her out of this engagement, but how could I do it in less than a week? I did not know. It was all that was on my mind as we departed from the Haverford's with an invitation to come back tomorrow for a formal announcement party. I did not pay much attention to my surroundings until I found myself back in my bed chamber.

"Jaedo," I said softly. I didn't actually think he would come to me when called, but then, when I blinked my eyes, I found him in my corner, half turned towards me.

I saw him smile, and this smile did not frighten me. "Yes?" he asked.

I did not know how to start or what to say. "I am sorry for calling you like this as if you're a petty servant, but everything seems to be spiraling out of control. Jules proposed marriage to me and even though I can see myself happy with him, I know I do not love him and never will. And then, oh God...his mother told me how Victoria and Mr. Smythe are going to be married in a week's time and I don't know what to do. I promised her that she would not marry him, but how will I live up to that promise in a week? He will defile her, cruely, and then he will kill her if she disobeys him, or loses her beauty...or...oh, I do not know. But I am so fearful for her. She is so beautiful, she does not deserve anything like this..."

"I see," he said quietly. "I am sorry you are so upset." For a moment, I believed him. For a moment, Jaedo sounded...human. He made a move towards the window. "Alphonse was initiated into the Illuminata earlier today. But I have the growing feeling that whomever is hiding Charles does not belong to the society." He paused. "Either way, I will do my best to see that Victoria does not marry this Smythe character."

"You will?" I asked. "But why? Why are you helping me?"

Jaedo was quiet for a very long time. "I...do not know." He was gone again when I blinked my eyes. Laying down on my bed, I covered my eyes with my hands, the cool metal of Jules's signet ring on my face. Every answer I recieved seemed to be attached to a thousand more questions.