Lament

"Jason."

I stared at the person I'd known as Jaedo for so long. I stared at his face and it was as if I was staring at a picture of my mother, or maybe as if I was staring into a looking glass. He had my mother's green eyes, the green eyes I hadn't recieved. They were mossy, a soft color, the color of Ireland. Our faces were shaped the same, angular at the cheeks yet curved at the chin. His eyebrows were two dark slashes against alabaster skin above his deep set eyes framed by long lashes. He was handsome in such a way I could not even begin to describe. All I knew was looking at him made me ache for my mother. I wished she'd told me all of this, why couldn't she have explained? Instead, she left me with all these secrets, all these questions. Standing in front of me was the bastard son of Charles Wainwright and Fiona Moore. The person who connected Alphonse and I in such a way that made me nauseated.

Jaedo looked down. "Yes, yes that is my name. I gave you the name Jaedo because I knew if I shared my real name with you, you would have guessed right away." He let his hair go, and it fell down past his shoulders. Jaedo, no, Jason, looked at Alphonse. "I am sure you are confused, but maybe you know...Faerie's mother, Fiona, had an affair with your father, Charles."

Alphonse did not looked confused. He gave a curt shake of the head. "No. I am aware of what happened between Faerie's mother and Charles. He told me in detail about the affiar on the Night of the Blood Moon. He said that you were dead, though. He said he saw your burial with his own eyes. How can you be standing here?" he asked. I turned to Alphonse and we looked at each other for a moment, for now everything was different. We had a sibling, we would forever be connected by this. Would his still wish to marry me? Or would he find the entire situation repulsive? I could admit that it was unpleasant to learn that my fiance and I now shared a brother, but that did not mean I did not love him. I had known about Jason for some time now. I'd already been allowed to feel disgusted by it. Then I looked at Jason, my brother. His face looked pained, he knew what we were thinking without even asking. I wanted to tell him that I still would accept him and love him as my brother, but he began to ask Alphonse's question, probably as a way to fill the space.

"Robert Brighton knew at once that I was not his child. Fiona had not been to his rooms since the wedding night, there was no way it was his son. He told her that if she did not get rid of me, he would kill me. He knew Fiona was having an affair, but did not know with whom. The jealousy ate him alive. She did not want to give me up, but she could not have Robert killing me. So she set off to Ireland, with the excuse that I was ill. She left me in the forest of her parents with a letter, explaining all. She thought her parents would find me, would bring me up as their own, bring me up to become King. It was the King of the Unseelie Court that found me first, however. They could tell I was Seelie the moment they laid eyes on me. Still, they could also tell I had something evil within me - The Greed of Charles Wainwright. As a fae I could never be the Philsopher's Stone, but I had been touched, as you were, Alphonse, by his dark hand. So they stole, nurtured that dark part of me.

"It was quite a long time before I figured anything out. As I grew older, the dark part of me became smaller and smaller. I was not like my so-called family. I knew they never were truly my family, for the real prince of the Unseelie court told me so, many times, to hurt me. I also knew I was half human. As a child, I was obsessed with humans. I used to get as close to the edge of the forest as I could and watch them. They weren't like the malevolent Uneelie or the benevolent Seelie. They just were. They made mistakes, but they also helped and loved each other. Fae love is not the same thing as human love, and the Unseelie don't usually love at all. Maybe it is seems irrational to you, but I wished to be loved. I knew I never would be if I stayed in the forest. Fiona explained in her letter that she was living in London, so I decided to go and find her, tell her that I was still alive. I was afraid, though, would she be repulsed by me, because I was Unseelie? There was still such a part of me that was so dark.

"They did not like me going. My fae parents. They were," at this Jason smalled a somewhat complacent smile, "quite angry that I was leaving. However, I managed to go. I left the forest and went to London. There, I lived as a hidden fae, trying to find out what had become of my mother. I found her, and you, Faerie, on the day of her funeral. I watched you, realized you looked like me. I knew you must be another child of Fiona's. You had to be, because it was raining on her funeral, and it was not a usual rain. It came from you, because of what you felt. I followed you home, planning to make myself known to you." He laughed at this, while I thought of how I hadn't been aware of my green-winged half brother at all. "It was quite an Unseelie thing to do. I had no human tact, of course. I am...still learning this one, but hopefully one day..." His face turned wistful. "Anyway, I heard that you were leaving, I saw Charles. I knew instantly. I had the same dark hair as him, I had his body, his hands. I knew I was of him. But when I began to listen in on his thoughts, I heard something not quite right. I thought of what my fae parents had told me - that I was Unseelie because a darkness they'd discovered in, a darkness they'd grown and nurtured.

"Charles was the darkness. I followed you to Deathcreeke, staying hidden in the shadows, discovering all I could by using my tricks. I let Lily see me once, let Glenn Morgenstern see me a couple of times, and let you see me once. Just enough to make you wonder as to who I was. On the Night of the Blood Moon, I was there. I watched what happened. I realized that Charles was the cause of me becoming an Unseelie. If there had been no darkness, maybe...either way, I realized I must stop Charles. Because of what he'd done to me, and because of what he did to you two. And you were my true family and as I grow more human, I learn that. I cannot escape you, even if I tried." He took a breath. "So that is my story. And I hope you can...understand...and...accept."

I swallowed. "Of course I can. I must admit that I was not expecting to discover I had a brother, nor that that brother was also my fiance's as well." I sighed. "I apologize, it's not your fault of course, you cannot help who your parents are."

Beside me, Alphonse laughed under his breath. He grabbed onto my hand. "Of course understand and accept you. Faerie is right, you cannot change your birth, and you are the person who has connected us. Without you, we might not even be together. Who knows? I just wish to thank you, for all you have done to help us."

A smile blossomed on Jason's lips. "I meant to help you all along, if only to get revenge on Charles for making me who I am. As time has passed by, though, my darkness has begun to fade. I do not feel the same need to trick and connive anymore. I am half human anyway, no more fae than Faerie. Over time my faerie magic might dwindle until I no longer have even wings. I look forward to that day, for being human is my one desire." Then he looked away for a moment. "In fact, that was the reason I wanted to tell you who I was. I can feel myself growing more human everyday, and eventually I would like to make a debut into society. Possibly as a long-lost older sibling. I thought of a story involving the war, how you thought me to be dead." Jason was looking at me. He laughed. "Not now, of course. But someday, maybe."

"I would be happy to help you," I answered.

Jason looked beyond relief. "Oh thank you so much." He paused. "I will go now, I'm sorry for interrupting you. I believe I'm getting closer and closer to finding Charles. Today, I caught a snatch of his voice on the wind. There is some kind of hidden staircase that leads to where he is, I do not know where it is or how to get there, of course, but every moment we get closer, I know..."

I looked at Alphonse, who seemed troubled. "A hidden staircase?" he mused to me and to Jason. I shrugged. "Well, thank you for the information, please make sure you tell us of anything new you find out."

"Oh, wait for a moment," I said to my brother, letting my free hand come up a bit. Jason raised an eyebrow. "I'd never asked this before because I never thought you were anything other than fae, but where do you stay at night? Do you need a place to go? You know you are welcome to use the guest bedroom here, although it is a bit cramped and you'd have to leave it spotless in the morning and depart before dawn...but you know you always have a place to stay here."

At this, Jason's smile curved into the one I remembered - a malicious sort of smile. It had scared me before, but no longer. "Your Highness, when I sleep, I go between the land of the waking and the land of dreams. I am sure that someday soon I will no longer be able to move between those two places, and someday soon I may need to take you up on that offer, but not now at least." And when we blinked, he was gone and I was left wonder where exactly was the land between awake and asleep was. I looked at Alphonse, wondering if he had just been pretending to be all right with this entire thing. Exhaling very deeply, he let his face fall to mine and kissed me on lips. His hand came to rest at my neck. When he pulled back, there was a cheerful, if not mischevious glint in his eye.

"What? What are you thinking?" I asked, pulling my head away from his just a bit.

He laughed. "I was just making sure that it does not disgust me to kiss you still."

"And your verdict is?" I replied, raising an eyebrow in an almost sardonic manner to him

"No. You do not disgust me in the slightest." With a laugh, I went to kiss him, but I was interrupted by a large yawn that escaped by lips. Embarassed, I covered my mouth as best I could, but Alphonse's smile changed to careful and loving. "We should go to sleep." He motioned to the nightgown that lay on my bed, the one I'd put out before I'd disappeared of to the Morgensterns. "I can leave, if you'd like me too," Alphonse added, his cheeks flushing. I shook my head, not able to suppress a smile that took up my entire face. I desperatley had wanted him to stay, but I hadn't been able to think up a reason why he should. "Well at the very least, I shall turn around while you're dressing. I am a Gentleman you know."

"That you are," I managed to say. With a click of his heels, Alphonse turned around. I snatched my nightgown up and began the process of undressing as quickly as I could. As I yanked my corset stays as loose as I could, I watched as Alphonse took off his necktie, jacket, cravat, shoes and breeches until he was standing in naught but a large black shirt. I knew I should look away but I could not. I became absent minded as I watched his strong hands undo the knot around his chest, as I watched his shoulders flex beneath the thin white fabric. I pulled on my nightgown and let the cool fabric rest against my hot face. It was like being back at Deathcreeke, only now Alphonse was older and his appearance sparked something in me far more dangerous than innocent, naive love.

I swallowed and licked my lips, hoping my voice wouldn't crack as I spoke. "I'm decent now. Or at least, decent as I can be in a nightgown."

Alphonse turned and saw me staring at him. "Were you watching me this entire time?" His face was red. Or at least, what I could see of it was. The fire was burning down to the embers and some of the candles had flickered and died. Some of his face was plunged into shadow. I nodded. "My goodness, you have become quite licentious in my absence."

"S-sorry."

Putting a knee up on to my bed, Alphonse hoisted himself up so that he was kneeling on my comforter. I mimicked his actions and we faced each other on our knees. "Don't be," he said after so long that I'd already forgotten what I'd said to prompt into those words. He put out trembling hands and pulled me close to him. For a moment we were unmoving and silent. Then I looked up to him and he looked down to me. We came together as if in a fervent dream. We were pressing heat onto each other's mouths and I let my hands wind around his body, let myself forget everything - even me - in those placid, turbulent moments. Alphonse leaned me down into my bed and kissed me and buried his hands into the hair at the back of my neck. I listened to his breathing and the noises his lips made against mine, felt as his hand came to my hip, made myself aware of him leaning over me, up on one knee as I laid beneath him. I could not remember a time when I'd felt like this, so wanted. My heart beat rapid against my chest and I could hear it all the way in my ears.

Alphonse pulled away for a moment but I took ahold of the collar of his shirt and pulled him back to me. No, come back to me, I'm not finished with you just yet, I wanted to say to him, but didn't. In the dying light, he looked like some dark angel. I would not give him up right now, and I kissed him again. Around my body, he put an arm and pulled me up against him. I felt the strain of his muscles between the cloth of our two layers of clothes. My body was aching to go further but I did not wish to push him so instead I let myself relax. This time, when he pulled away, he did not let me claim him once more.

"Do you think it shall always be like this?" he asked me, taking my hand and kissing it softly on the palm. I reached up a hand to touch his eyebrows and lashes, letting my fingers trace their way around his face, carving his cheeks with my fingertips.

"Like what?"

"Happy."

I snorted, and Alphonse frowned. "Maybe not always. I am sure there are some nights when we go to sleep angry at each other for whatever reason. And I'm sure sometimes you'll wish you never offered to marry me and I'm sure sometimes I'll wish I never took you up on that offer. There will be times when we'll have to work very hard to make things between us work. I know we can do it, though. And in the long run, I belive that we can be happy. I believe we can live happily ever after."

At my words, Alphonse's frown melted into a smile. He moved off of me and started to pull down the covers. I obliged him by getting under. He joined me and put his arms around me once more, pulling me to him. He lifted himself up and over me just a little so I could see his face. His glossy, long hair was slipping out of its usual ribbon, so I reached up and pulled it all out. His straight, black hair fell over his shoulder. I leaned up and put my face against his head, trying to remember the scent of him: soap, lavender oil and the same smell I remembered, the scent of his skin radiating from under the mask of flowery scent. I heard his chuckle and I, my cheeks hot against his skin, mumbled, "You smell nice." It was a poor excuse for my silly action, but I had missed this closeness. "I've missed you," tumbled out of my mouth but after I said it, I realized I didn't - couldn't - regret it. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. "So much, I've missed you." I pulled away to see his astonished face. "Don't look so surprised, my words weren't in jest."

"I know," Alphonse replied, breathless. "It's just strange how you say the things I deserve the least."

I shook my head. Before my heart had beat so fast, now it just ached. "I have been wanting to tell you these things ever since I saw you again but I've been so proud I just couldn't say them. I don't know why things have changed because maybe you'll never truly belong to me but I suppose it's because I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to be afraid of being in love with you. I was before because I wasn't sure if you'd ever love me the way I loved you but now...I don't care. I don't want to be afraid. I just want to love you and keep you and remember you even if you leave. Even if something happens to you I will still love you, just the way I always loved you when you were gone." Alphonse opened his mouth. "No, no please don't say anything. Don't apologize, especially. I don't want that. I don't want you to protest. I just want to lie next to you and be yours, even if it's for this one night."

Another yawn escaped me and Alphonse laid me down. He leaned over to the small table by my bed and blew out the candle closest to us and then got up and blew out each candle that was lit around my room. When I felt him pad back to bed, the only light was the dying fire in the hearth. I felt the weight shift as he came and joined me. And then I felt his stomach against my back. He pulled me close to him and put an arm around my shoulder, clutching me to him as if he were afraid I would disappear into the night.

"Good night," he whispered to me.

"Good night," I replied. After a moment, he shifted so his head was right by me ear. He kissed me just underneath and sighed. When he spoke one last time for this night, his words were so soft I thought I'd dreamed them.

"I'm yours always."