Consciousness and Confidence

The party was exactly how I expected it to be; rowdy and alcohol-based. At first, things were nerve-wrecking for me. I thought that at any moment, I was just going to snap and steal someone's drink and ruin everything.

But, that never happened. Even if I saw people standing a good two feet away from me, loosely clutching onto their drinks, I wouldn't take it. I didn't want it, and that shocked me. I thought this was going to be a lot harder than it was actually turning out to be.

I also walked into this party assuming that Brian was going to leave. Yeah, I thought that he would wait about fifteen minutes to make sure that I wasn't going to hyperventalate or something, and then go off and do his thing. Wrong.

Oh, so wrong.

Brian, for the past hour and a half has not left my side. He's mingled a bit with the people that come up to him and stuff, but other than that he was like a silent shadow. He would just stand a couple feet behind me, not speaking to me at all, and meet my gaze every few minutes to see if I was alright. I'm suprised I wasn't gaping at him in awe.

I suddenly felt the need to use the bathroom, so I moved from my place against the wall, talking with this girl from my school. I simply told her I'd be back in a minute. I slowly began walking through the crowd, noticing out of the corner of my eye Brian following. As I reached the bathroom door, I turned around to him.

"I think I can handle this room by myself." I joked, smiling.

He glanced from the door and back to my face before shrugging once and leaning up against the wall across from the door. I rolled my eyes. He was really taking this 'stay with Ryyan' thing seriously.

I walked into the bathroom, locked the door and did what I needed, lingering in the bathroom to check my appearence in the mirror. I opened the door and looked across the hall to see no one standing there. Smirking a bit to myself that I my initial idea of Brian was correct, I began walking back into the party.

The girl I was talking had walked off, so I went in search of someone to keep me company. After all, being alone and sober at a party isn't much fun. Being drunk and alone is fine; dangerous but, still fine.

Ten minutes of pushing past people went by and I had yet to spot anyone I knew, or wanted to associate myself with. "Ryyan!" someone called in the distance.

I turned my head around to see JayJay stumbling in my direction with a boy tailing not too far behind her. From the look in his eyes, I could tell what was going to happen between the two. "You're shit-faced." I stated, when she got close enough to hear me over the music.

She swayed a bit in her stance and let out a little giggle. "Just a tiny bit."

I scoffed. She never knew when to quit. "So, who's your new friend?" I asked, looking over and giving him a half decent smile. He looked scruffy, and had this nasty, greasy hair that made internally shutter.

"Oh! This is- awh, fuck. What's your name?" she slurred, turning to him.

"My friends call me Skid." he answered, proudly.

I nodded, giving him an understanding look, before glancing around frantically to get out of the situation. Finding nothing good, I attempted to make a conversation. "Does that stand for anything?" I asked, trying to make it seem like I had an ounce of an interest.

"Skidmark."

I tried hard to hold back the grimace that was starting to show. "How...appropriate."

"I think it sounds sexy." JayJay giggled, pulling him closer to her body by his belt loop. He smirked at her and then proceeded to shove his tongue down her throat with me watching. I was horrified, to say the least.

The situation only got worse when JayJay got into it and began moaning. "I'm going to go find one of the guys." I doubted that I even needed to give them a reason to leave. They wouldn't have noticed.

I turned away from them, shaking my head. Walking towards what I thought was the back door, I seemed a little distracted attempting to discard that image from my brain at the same time looking around for a familiar face. I was so preoccupied that I ran into someone, and they had beer. It landed all over my shirt.

"Shit." I muttered, looking down at my soaking light blue t-shirt. My black bra was obviously visible now.

"Oh, man. I'm sorry." the person I had run into said. "I wasn't watching where I was going and- Hey, do you want a napkin or something?"

I looked up to be met with a pair of striking hazel eyes. Oh man, were they pretty. Attached to them was a cute face, with curly blonde-ish locks. He seemed more of a sufer type guy, rather than the bad ass ones I'd find hanging around with my brother. It was refreshing, and oh so attractive.

"It's fine." I assured, not wanting to make a fuss infront of him. I smiled. I guessed it looked a bit pathetic with my shirt soaked through and my complete haze from his good looks.

"Do you want my shirt? I'm wearing a tank-top underneath. You can have it." he offered. I was about to object, but he was already pulling it off his body.

Feeling a bit of a tint of red to my cheeks, I took the t-shirt from his hands and put it on over mine. It was sort or large, but not too much that it was uncomfortable.

We stood in an awkward silence for a moment before he broke it. "I'm Cale, by the way." He smiled widely. I returned it.

"I'm Ryyan." I replied.

"Cool, gender switching name." he laughed. At that moment a voice yelled his name rather loudly. We both looked over to see a guy jumping up and down with an unpatient expression on his face. "I've got to go. That would be my roomate wanting to leave."

"Alright." I said, trying extremely hard not to sound disappointed.

He nodded and began to walk away until he turned around for a brief second. I was still watching him. "You can keep the shirt." he yelled over the music. Cale winked once and then moved his way farther through the crowd of people.

I smirked to my own clutzy luck.

"Ryyan!" someone called again from behind. This time it was a different voice. I sighed, and turned around to face whoever wanted me.