Consciousness and Confidence

"How was school today?" Matt questioned the minute the front door slammed shut.

"Are you planning on asking me that every day I come home and your here too?" I grumbled, throwing my bag onto the floor.

I walked into the kitchen and made my way straight for the fridge. I could here Matt following me in there. Big, annoying brother.

"No, you were just upset yesterday, and I was wondering if today was any better." he explained, taking a seat on one of the stools by the counter.

I will admit, the fact that Matt cared so much was sweet. I just had to give myself time to get use to his presence in my everday activities now. I mean, a few months ago we didn't really aknowledge each other's presence in the house unless necessary or forced to. Now, it seems as if we've become a bit more dependent on one another.

"Oh, uhm" I began awkwardly. "Today was better, yeah."

So, far at least today was better. Something in my gut told me I shouldn't be labeling the way my days went until my head hit the pillow. Everything is subject to change.

The minute this thought popped into my head, I went into shock and dropped the container of orange juice I was pulling out. It made a loud thunk as it hit the tiled ground. I didn't bother to register what had just happened; all I could think about was what I just thought.

Everything is subject to change.

Brian. Brian, was subject to change. Either everything isn't able to change or it is, even people like Brian. I had denied for so many days now that he couldn't possibly become a different person, but anything he did, around me or not, was unlike his usual self.

The Brian Haner I use to know was a jackass. An extremely irritable, cocky, asshole was all he could ever seem to be. He didn't treat me with any sort of respect past the point that I was Matt's sister and he would get beat to a pulp if he crossed the line. That never stopped him from tip-toeing around it every waking moment he was in my presence.

But, now I could see the change. I had aknowledged the change and then, when he did also, I denied it. How stupid of me. Brian did change over the summer, even if it's just a little game, he had changed.

My issues with believing that weren't cause by his static personality. Oh, no. The lack of trust in Brian is what kept me from believing him. To this very moment, I still don't know if I should trust him at all. He says that he's changed.

I guess I had no option but to believe him. That doesn't mean I have to trust him, not yet. Brian's got a long way to go before I could ever trust him.

"Ryyan!" Matt bellowed, causing me to break me away from my spinning mind. I quickly snapped my head to where he was standing, becoming vaguely aware that my hands were still in a position of clutching the orange juice carton that was now emptied all over the kitchen floor.

Of course, to top all this, Brian and Johnny were standing behind Matt with a bewildered look on their faces. Why were they always here at my bad moments?

"Oh, I didn't mean to.." I trailed off as I felt my cheeks begin to burn from the situation they caught me in.

"What the hell, Ry?" Matt asked, completely confused. "Are you sure you're alright?"

I diverted my eyes quickly over the two boys standing behind Matt, then back to him, and then again to the floor. I lifted one of my shoes and watched the orange drips coming off of it. Someone should clean this mess up; I should clean this mess up.

I reached over to grab paper towels without actually having to move my feet. I didn't want to track the juice even farther over the kitchen. I stretched my arms as far as they would reach, but I was still too far away from them. I huffed. "Matt, grab me some paper towels." He moved to where I had been reaching, ripped off a few, and handed them to me. "Thanks."

"You didn't answer my question." he muttered, as I sopped up the juice around my feet.

I breathed out a sigh, adverting my eyes to the guys who were talking quietly, but I could tell they were listening to Matt and I. "My heads been doing a lot of thinking the past few days, I'm sorry I just blanked out."

He put his hand on my shoulder. "I just want you to be okay."

His words warmed my heart, and I couldn't help but let out a smile. "I will be fine, Matt." I reassured. "I just need to give myself a few days to look past some things that happened."

I looked at him for some reaction. His face seemed to knot into discomfort. "Are these boy issues?"

I laughed out loud at how uncomfortable my brother was. I knew that he had a problem with me dating anyone, but I wasn't aware how unsettled he was thinking about it. "In a way, Matt, yes."

"Don't fuck anyone." he muttered. I gasped in shock, and threw my orange juice soaked paper towel at him. It landed on his clean, white muscle shirt, score!

"You deserved that."

A shadow loomed over me as he shrugged. I looked behind me to see Johnny and Brian standing there. "Everything alright?" Brian asked, giving me a curious glance.

"Peachy keen." I replied, sarcasm evident.

"Glad to hear it." he shot back, sounding genuinly happy. "Then, you wouldn't mind tagging along to the beach with us."

I was about to protest when Matt cut me off. "I think a trip to the beach is just what Ryyan needs."

Wonderful.