Consciousness and Confidence

“Oh Ryyan, go out with me! I love you, Ryyan. Be my girlfriend!” JayJay squealed, opening the front door to my house. She laughed hysterically as she entered the kitchen. I followed behind her, not bothering to pick up my towel that was dragging on the ground.

I ignored JayJay’s childish mockery, entirely too exhausted to carry out her conversation more.

It was only three in the afternoon, but I felt as if I were up since three in the morning. Jay and I had gone to school this morning, which is early enough as it is. But, then afterwards, she wanted to go to the beach with Cale, and invited me to tag along as well. He brought some of his friends down with him, obviously thinking he was doing me a favor by bringing some guys around, so that I wouldn’t be a third wheel.

However, it worked out the opposite way. Those boys were the biggest pigs I have ever met in my entire life. They just did not know the meaning of the word ‘subtle’. Jay found my discomfort in the situation hilarious, watching from the side with Cale as the three boys prodded me with boring questions, all the while using the worst flirting techniques I’d ever had the displeasure of witnessing. Somehow each one of them remained clueless to my distress.

I didn’t want them. I wasn’t attracted to them. It may sound cheesy, but, I really wasn’t thinking of any other boy except Brian. And let me say, those boys were nothing compared to him. They might have had good looks but, they were the most vulgar boys I’ve ever had the displeasure of spending my time with. It only seemed to make my like for Brian increase tenfold.

I groaned, hitting my head on the counter, reliving every memory of the afternoon as Jay kept repeating what happened. She was having a hard time getting it out though, through all of her laughter. I was going to strangle her in a second.

”You owe me so much for doing that.” I told her, not even bothering to pick my head up from the cool granite.

She let out a loud bark of a laugh. “How do you figure? You wouldn’t even let me stay for more than an two hours!” I smiled into the counter, remembering how I had faked cramps to get out of the situation. Jay didn’t even realize I was lying until I told her on the drive back to my house.

”Good!” I shouted, lifting my head and cracking a small smile to let her know I wasn’t completely upset with her. “It was the longest two hours of my life. They were practically about to grope me. We didn’t get out of there fast enough.”

I heard someone clear their throat from the hallway, and looked to see that Matt and his friends were standing into the opening of the kitchen, giving me a questioning look. Each of them held a sheen on their foreheads, so I assumed they must have just gotten done practicing in the garage. “What’s up, Ry?”

I crinkled my nose, knowing nothing good would come of sharing my day’s adventure with Matt. I paused, preparing myself with something to respond back with, but JayJay beat me to it, bursting out in a fit of laughter while saying “Oh, my God, Matt. You should have been there to see this! We went to the beach afterschool and Cale brought a few of his friends with him, trying to make it so Ry wasn’t a third wheel. Except, his friends are all a bit gross and Ryyan did not have a good time being slobbered over by them.”

”You’re exaggerating.” I butted in, trying to hush her down a bit.

I glanced over at Matt and could see his eyebrows creased, but, nothing more than a confused expression. His brain was probably still ringing from all the screaming he had been doing a few minutes before.

I then stole a gaze at Brian, not really sure if he would care that much. Was he like that? Did he feel that strongly? He certainly acted like he did. But, I didn’t want to make a fool of myself if he didn’t. His expression was absolutely unreadable, just like always. I forced myself to push my thoughts to the back of my mind.

”I am not.” Jay huffed.

I merely rolled my eyes, as Matt walked over to the fridge and began handing out waters to each of the guys.

I tugged on her arm a bit. ”Come on, Jay. Let’s sit out by the pool a little while longer to make up for leaving the beach so early.” I suggested, knowing exactly what would divert her attention. She smiled broadly at me and grabbed her towel before setting out for the back yard. “Have fun, you guys.” I said, giving all the boys, who were now talking amongst themselves, a wave and exiting myself.

Beneath my sun chair outside, I had stashed a book I was reading. I gave JayJay one look, seeing her place her earphones in her ears before opening the book and beginning to read.

Somehow, as I soaked up the words before me, time flew by and the sun was slowly starting to set behind the roof of my house. I was too enthralled with the plot to give up and go inside, even if I was starting to get goose bumps on my legs from the retreating heat.

”Damn, it’s cold out here” Jay mumbled, breaking me from my book for a second. “and I’ve got to piss like a racehorse.”

”You’re charming, my dear.” I laughed, turning my attention away from her as she got up and left. It couldn’t have been more than half a minute before I heard a husky voice whisper next to my ear.

”You look so fucking beautiful in blue.” I giggled and put my book down while stealing a small peek at the blue bathing suit I was wearing; I recognized that voice anywhere. I turned my head around to see Brian standing above me, an all too familiar smirk playing on his lips. “How’s my lovely, today?”

I smiled widely, turning around to face him completely. “Beautiful, your lovely- what’s with all the schmoozing?”

He shrugged, not dropping his smirk for a second. “I can’t compliment you? Would you rather me go back to insulting you?” I pouted and shook my head at him. He let out a small chuckle at my reaction. “Okay, then. So, how was your day?”

I crinkled my nose. “Uneventful, at best. I had school and then I went to the beach. That’s about it.” I said, trying to play down the whole beach trip. It wasn’t a big deal, and Jay had a way of making it seem that way but, I didn’t want Brian to see it like that too.

”Oh yeah?” He questioned, raising his eyebrows at me. I returned the look, jokingly. “Those little boys giving you trouble?” Although, I knew he was trying to play it off as casual, I could still see the hint of anger behind his eyes.

I waved my hand at him, trying to shoo away all disgruntlement. “I can handle high school boys, Brian. They couldn’t give me trouble even if they tried. They were just perverted and annoying.” I clarified, but somehow my response didn’t make anything better.

Brian’s frown only seemed to become more apparent after I had closed my mouth, which in turn made me frown. My eyes quickly glanced to the back door of the house, however, when I heard the door handle being turned.

At the same time, Brian looked away and mumbled something that sounded close to ‘They wouldn’t have done anything if they’d known you were mine.’

I was shocked to say the least that those words had come out of his mouth, or at least, that’s what they had sounded like. But, as JayJay’s figure approached, I wasn't really given the oppertunity to question him about it.

My mouth opened and closed a few times as my eyes darted between Jay, who was only paying attention to her cellphone infront of her, and Brian who was now giving me a very meaningful stare.

”Will you come see me later?” I whispered, as Jay rounded the corner of the pool. I gave him pleading eyes, showing him how much I wanted to see him again. ‘Please?’ I mouthed, once more for good measure.

His lip twitched up a bit, almost as if he was about to smirk but, held it back instead. With one curt nod, he twisted on his heels and walked out of the back yard. I couldn't help but stare after him.

”Well, jeeze, he couldn’t wait to get away from you, Ryyan.” Jay commented as she sat back down on her chair. “He’s back to hating you again, then?” she questioned, finally breaking eye contact with her phone as we both looked into each other's eyes. I choked back a laugh at the irony of the entire situation, barely managing to send her one, semi-inconspicuous dip of the head.