It's A Roller Coaster Ride We're On

Two and a half weeks. Two and a half weeks have passed and Lauren and I haven’t spoken. Joe has been avoiding me. I was semi-uncomfortable around Nick but he didn’t seem to notice. When I say Lauren and I haven’t spoken, I mean we haven’t spoken once. Not even about minimal things like who was going to shower first. It was driving me insane. I need to talk to Denise…

“Denise?” I asked, knocking on the door to hers and Kevin Sr.’s room.

“Melissa.” Kevin.

“Kev. Do you know where your Mom is?” I asked, wringing my hands together

“No, did you check in Frankie and Nick’s room?” he asked.

“Yeah, I did. She’s not there. She’s not in here. She’s not anywhere.” I said. He put his hand behind my back and led me in and closed the door behind me.

“You okay?” he asked, sitting on the couch next to me.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I can’t find her.”

“Well, maybe she’s with my Dad.”

“Your Dad? Okay I can try your Dad.” I said, pulling out my cell phone and searching for Kevin Sr.’s number.

“Mel, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing... Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine, I’m good. I’m just having some technical difficulties.” I said. My phone was going crazy. “Get it? Technical difficulties? Very funny.”

“Yeah. It’s very funny.” He said, scrutinizing me with his eyes.

“I know. I am very funny and I’m getting funnier. This tour is doing that to me. I’m just… it’s developing, the hilarity. Where are we going?” I asked as he led me up from the couch and towards the door.

“Outside.”

“Outside? Sure, I’m used to working a bigger room.” I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air.

“What’s wrong?” he asked again.

“Nothing.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked with more emphasis this time.

“Everything’s falling apart. I thought I had it all under control but I don’t.” I said, finally letting it out.

“What was under control?”

“My feelings. Everyone can handle their feelings but I can’t. I’m supposed to. I’m supposed to know how I feel when it comes to relationships. I’m dating Nick so I should think of only him in that way right? But I don’t. I mean you and Lauren seem to have it all pretty good. Am I supposed to tell Nick that I betrayed him?” I blurted out.

“You betrayed him?” he asked sounding surprised.

“I hung out with Joe.” I stated simply.

“That’s not a big deal.” He said, shrugging his shoulders.

“It’s a really big deal. I’m not supposed to hang out with Joe like that. We weren’t supposed to kiss. I’m not that kind of person who kisses someone who isn’t their boyfriend; especially if that someone is their boyfriends’ brother!”

“Hey, come on. Fill me in here.” He said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

“When Nick was sick, Joe and I hung out while you and Lauren were shopping. We were taking pictures with the camera he gave me for my birthday and we were looking at them and next thing I know… we’re kissing. You and Lauren are the only ones who know. And Lauren isn’t even speaking to me anymore. And Joe’s avoiding me… I know Lauren’s mad at me but I miss her. I haven’t talked to her; I need to talk to her. I’m failing everything. I can’t do it. I can’t handle it. I’m messing everything up. Oh, God, just look at this.” I said, explaining the whole thing to him, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Look at what?”

“You, being nice to me like this. You should hate me right now for kissing your brother… the one I’m not dating. You shouldn’t have to be nice to me. I was horrible to Nick and he’s your brother. You guys are all best friends. God, I really am a failure.”

“You are so not a failure.” He said, squeezing me into his side.

“Yes, I am. I just… I can’t. I need to talk to Lauren, ’cause I just don’t know what to do.” My vision was clouding over by my tears.

“It’s okay.” He said softly.

****

Lauren’s POV

“Joe.” I gasped, almost running into him as he walked out of his room.

“Lauren, I was actually just coming to talk to you. Everything okay?” he asked.

“What?” I asked. I was so disoriented.

“You okay?” he asked, pulling me into his room and leading me to one of the beds where he sat next to me.

“Why?”

“Because… you don’t look okay.” He said simply.

“Well, geez, take me now, sailor.” I joked letting out a chuckle.

“I mean, you look distracted.” He stated.

“Distracted… no. Well, maybe. Yeah. Distracted. Okay. Sure. I’m very distracted.” I said, rambling now.

“Anything I can do? What happened?” he asked, wrapping his arm around me.

“I just thought I had everything under control. But I didn’t and everything is just, falling apart. Being on this tour and writing this major book has been my dream forever. And I have it. And it’s here. And I’m failing. I can’t handle it. I spend every minute working and thinking. And I thought I would have help but Melissa has Nick and you’re just all so busy, and I can’t do it myself. I can’t even talk to Melissa now. And I miss her. And I just stood there listening to her tell me how you two kissed when she’s dating Nick and thinking how messed up everything is getting. I couldn’t even tell her what I think because what I think she probably wouldn’t like.” I said, blurting it all out now.

“You know?” he asked, surprised.

“Yeah, I’ve known since the day it happened.”

“Wait… what do you think?” he asked, curious now.

“I think… I think she made the wrong choice Joe. I think she should have picked you all along.” I admitted.

“Really? Wow… okay.” He said, slowly.

“I don’t want to have to talk about it now. I don’t want to think about it. I’m failing. I’m failing as a best friend.” I sobbed.

“You are not failing.” He said, pulling me into his chest.

“I don’t know what to do. I always know what to do.” I said.

“It’s okay.” He said softly, rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

****

After Kevin had calmed me down considerably I walked back inside and upstairs, drying my eyes. I looked up to see Lauren walking out of Joe and Kevin’s room, drying her eyes as well. We stared at each other for a moment, completely silent. Then, she started walking towards me and I did the same. We met in the middle embracing each other.

“I’m sorry!” she said, hugging me.

“Me too! God, this was all my fault!” I said.

“Mel, I shouldn’t have said that stuff. I’m your best friend. I’m supposed to help
you!”

“I was so stupid!”

“No, not stupid. You were just confused.” She said. She pulled away and put her hands on my shoulders. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

“First Kevin, now you…” I said.

“You talked to Kevin?” she asked.

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to Denise but couldn’t find her then I just had this total meltdown.”

“I had a meltdown too! I vented to Joe.” She said.

“Us and our stupid girl emotions,” I said, shaking my head.

“Come on sweetie, let’s go hang out.” She said, leading me to our room.