I've Completely Lost Myself, and I Don't Mind

One minute I’m falling out of a rollercoaster and the next I’m kissing tour bus. My fingers smear around my face as I lean upward on my tummy, letting out a squeaky yawn in the process. As I’m scrambling to my knees I taste the dryness of my morning breath and grumble. The bus is filled with daylight but not moving, we must be at some truck stop or something…

“Morning,” Jason whispers, he catches me off guard and out of reflex I yelp in fright. A chorus of thuds and clanks follow as I get up off my knees and to my feet.

“What the hell?” Zacky mumbles before his head peeps out from behind the curtain of his bunk.

“I’m sorry guys, Jason scared me.” I quietly say as I run my short finger nailed fingers through my messy bed hair. Shuffles of bodies against mattresses fill the aisle of the bus as I stand there sorting through my hair. Jason clambers out of his bunk and quietly apologizes before going into the little bathroom.

“Yeep, it’s time to get up guys!” I yell from my seat in the little kitchen area. Jason sits himself down next to me and groans. “What’s the matter?”

“You plus a hangover does the body bad.”

I scoff and bat him with the back of my hand before grabbing the Cheetos. “I help the hangover like drinking again my dear boy.” My dear boy? I shove a handful of Cheetos in my mouth and chomp away, obviously the alcohol has yet to evacuate my system.

“Afternoon, hey pass those Cheetos my way!” Anna sits across from me and grabs the orange bag, taking a handful and stuffing them into her mouth. “I need a drink,” She says through a mouthful of the cheesy chips, getting up and searching the well hidden fridge. Without needing to ask she tosses me a water bottle after grabbing herself one.

“Wake up!” I screech, the bus is too quiet and now that Anna was up it was time to make it loud. Anna stomps her feet to the floor to get the bash going.

“Shut the hell up!” Zacky yells as Brian comes down the aisle and goes into the bathroom.

“What can’t party like before Bro? Getting old? Are all those drinks taking their toll?”

“Who the hell are you calling old Anna?” Matt joins the table and takes the Cheetos as soon as he sits.

“You ate all the fucking Cheetos man!” I toss the bag into the air and it falls onto the back of Jason’s head. Anna and I burst out into a rapid set of giggles, slightly banging the table with our palms as if that would stop the giggles from continuing. Jason mumbles a ‘what the fuck’ as he whacks away the cheesy bag, it falls over onto the floor.

“I want food, move over I wanna’ seat.” Zacky sits next to Jason who scoots over against me who scoots over against the window.

“Who’s making food?” Brian’s hair was sticking in all directions and his eyeliner was smeared against his face when he stopped against the wall that met the kitchen.

“I don’t feel like cooking.” I say as I wiggle around in between Jason and the window.

“Why aren’t we moving?”

“I have no clue! Maybe we’re at a food place,” I press my face against the window to look out it and all I see is a dark cement wall. “Well from where I sit we’re at the back of wherever the hell we are…”

“I’ll go out an’ check,” Anna pushes Matt out of the way lightly and breezes pass Brian towards the front of the bus.

The clink of the door echoes through the bus as I wiggle between Jason and the window. “Lemmie’ up…” I mumble, Zacky stands and grumbles and Jason slides over and moans. The two of them sit back down, less squished, and I walk over to the little fridge. “Ooo peanut butter cookies-” As the tray sits in my palms five cookies are snatched out by a large knuckle tattooed hand. “Thanks,” Brian murmurs through a mouthful of peanut butter goodness.

“Eh it’s a gas stop, nothing more then dollar bags of chips and knock off mini cakes.” Anna’s eyes widen as she comes to a stop besides me, taking two cookies and shoving one in her mouth with a satisfied grin. And they say a hunk of metal that takes forever lasting prints of you adds ten pounds.

It was a half hour drive from the gas stop to the arena so we pigged out on all sorts of junk that was stored on the bus before getting ready. The weather outside is warm and breezy as we all pile out of the bus into the fresh air to mingle while we work. Anna and I start setting up the merch booth inside after talking briskly to the other guys.

“I’m excited to watch the new guys,” Anna was saying as she clips the little letters to the hung shirts. “Sure you want to hang back with Mattie for the first show?”

“Yeah, I love dealing the merch with him and seeing all the fans’ faces before the show.”

“Well if you change your mind you know where to find me,” She hangs the last letter and slips me a quick hug before darting off towards the backstage area.

“Have a good show tonight!” I call over the booth to Jay and Matt who walk by and with a grin an’ a ‘thanks’ and continue towards wherever they were headed.

Well I think that’s it, I tell myself as the merchandise is ready to be sold and the make shift register box is ready with money in it for change. And as I’m rolling my thumbs back and forth between each other someone slides a twenty on the booth.

“Hey,” Looking up I meet Max’s face, “What’s the twenty for?”

“Well I had the impression this was a merch booth where one buys merchandise.”

“You want a tee?”

“Yes, is there some band law where I can’t purchase one?”

“Yes, there’s a law!” I say sarcastically, attempting a recover to my short lived denseness.

“I’ll take that one,” He points at letter T and I search through the box, “A large I think, we tend to share clothes so yeah, eh that way everyone can fit into it,”

“Makes me think of strippers…” I mumble as I pick out a large and turn in the little area to hand it over to him.

“Strippers huh? Think that’ll give us a little something over the other bands?”

“It’s different but then you’ll only have an eighteen plus crowd and that isn’t always good. Especially if you’re going to be showin’ some skin, might get the old ladies. I mean come on old men aren’t the only perverts and that could turn rather scary.” I muse with a toothy smile, shoving a hand in my jean pocket and leaning sideways against the table.

“Oh damn then I guess we’ll just have to rely on our musical skills,” He says in a mock sense of disappointment.

“Have a good show tonight,”

“You aren’t watching are you?”

“Nah, I’m hanging over here with Matt, I like keeping him company and giving him a hand with the frenzy of fans, can get pretty wild.” He laughs and I laugh with him and I can feel an extending smile break through the beam of laughter.

“Well thanks, I’ll see ya’ later, have fun selling merchandise. And word of advice, if someone hands you money you give them things, especially if they belong to a band.”

“Oh ha-ha,” He saunters away and I swear he added some strutting to it, I tuck the twenty in the box and try breaking the grin that seems to be fixed on my face.