Hail and Farewell to Paris

“Billie! We haven’t got any milk! ... Billie!”
The singer began pounding up the stairs from the studio basement looking tired and dazed.
“Aves were you shouting me?”
I smiled at his tattered hair and boxer shorts, “Yes Billie, we have no milk darling”
The singer’s mouth jutted to the right in a cringing statement. I had been here for two weeks, Billie had only been back three days, he helped me move in of course but then he had to leave again to finish the tour. He’s been home for two days but still walks around comatose, festering in the basement till he gets back to normal.
“Sorry”
“No, it’s well…I can take my coffee black but I know that you can’t, and Joe and Jake’s cereal…”
He nodded, “I know I’ll go the store once I’m dressed.”
His eyes traced my yellow pleated dress, “Why on earth do you always look so perfect all the time?”
I chuckled, shaking my head and walking towards him, heading past him to finish cleaning the dining room, “It’s called water Mr. Armstrong; some people do use it to wash as well as drink, even though you happen to do neither”
Billie suddenly grabbed my arms and pushed me back into the wall of the hallway, I squealed in shock as he pressed his body up against mine tenderly.
“You LOVE my manly smell Aves; you can’t keep your hands off me”
I tilted my head mockingly, a few curls bouncing free in front of my face.
“Where are the boys?” he growled
“Upstairs, a few feet away, so control yourself”
A smutty smirk appeared under his nose as a delicate hand brushed its way up under my skirt, the cold air hitting my thigh and making me freeze. His skilled fingers found their way to were my stockings attached to my garter belt and he tugged. The clasp opened and my stocking quickly escaped and slid down my skin.
“Billie, stop it”
It was meant to leave my mouth as a yell but instead it was heard as an inaudible groan.
“You are so nasty, stop it”
Billie smirked, his hand tracing where the stocking once lay, as it now rested in a puddle around my ankle.
His mouth met mine, wet and warm, small white teeth softly biting down on my bottom lip aggressively.
“DAD!”
Billie’s mouth seemed to deepen into my own as Jake’s voice rang through the air.
“DAD!”
The 36 year old grunted and pulled away from my face, turning sharply,
“WHAT?” He snapped a little more aggressively than he should of, taking the opportunity I reached for my stocking and fastened it back into its correct place.
“CAN I GO DOWN TO BEN’S HOUSE?”
“NOW?” The singer yelled back exasperated.
“YEAH NOW”
Billie’s shoulders slumped.
“Oh Billie that’s great, that means you can go to the store on your way back” I smiled as the singer rounded on me.
“Do I get rewarded by going now?”
I giggled, “If you get jeans on, then take Jake then get the groceries then you get rewarded”
“Deal” he snapped like a five-year old.
“JAKE! GET YA ASS DOWN HERE THEN LET’S GO” The singer made for the door and grabbed his car keys.
“Billie”
“JAKE!”
“Billie”
The man looked at me confused,
“Billie dear you need to put trousers on first”

I met Jake on the stairs, patting his head as he left the house with his father.
Loud music was pumping from Joseph’s bedroom as I walked past, a man yelling obscenities over painfully loud drums followed me into the bedroom where Billie and I slept. The room was bright and airy, the late morning sunlight pouring through the open window and highlighting the white walls and bed linen. I smiled to myself before opening the door that led to my half of the wardrobe. Here, stuck on the back was a huge poster of the Eiffel Tower, surrounded by various postcards of The Louvre, The Seine, Notre Dame and The Moulin Rouge. Billie had made it for me before he left to go back on tour. He told me it was to have a small part of Paris whenever I needed it.
And for those first few nights I needed it.
I sat staring at the pictures wondering if I had made the wrong decision, tracing a forefinger across the Eiffel Tower and wishing I could just ascend the top for a moment, to have all of Paris underneath me once more like a glorious safety net.
But I eventually became used to my new surroundings; Billie’s family had come to visit in dribs and drabs, Joseph and Jacob helped me keep my head together, if the boys hadn’t of been here as a distraction I think I would have taken my suitcase and caught the next plane back.
But now Billie was home and with me once again, I knew, I just knew that everything would be glorious once more.

***
“Okay so she can cook, she is gorgeous and everyone loves her”
“Yes but she doesn’t know a thing about their music”
“She speaks French, reads poetry, wears sexy lingerie and has eyelashes the size of Milwaukie, Britt, the music thing doesn’t come into it.”
The blonde girl sitting opposite her best friend chuckled. “Sarah she isn’t perfect, trust me.”
“Well from where I’m standing she is, it looks like I’m never going to get him back, she’s moved in…how long will it be until he pops the question? Until she pops out a kid?”
Brittany sipped from her coffee, surprisingly calm despite her friend beginning to become slightly hysterical.
“I mean…I loved him Britt, I fell in love with him and he dumps me for that…that hooker who couldn’t tell the difference between Green Day and Granola.”
Brittany placed the coffee down on the counter.
“Well, Mike has been pissing me off about it, Billie and Ava do this, Billie and Ava never have fights like us, Billie and Ava live in happy la, la land…its getting on my nerves.”
Brittany tapped her long nails against her coffee cup.
“Maybe…” Sarah began, looking up at her friend, “Maybe I should give my friend Simon a ring?”
Brittany giggled, “Are you serious?”
“Why not, it’s useful having friends who work at People Magazine.”
***
“Hey Joe”
SLAM!
The teenager nearly shook the front door off its hinges as he pounded up the stairs in a fury I had never witnessed before.
“Joe? Something wrong?” I shouted up the stairs nervously.
“FUCK OFF AVA, DON’T SPEAK TO ME EVER AGAIN”
I froze in my heels. What was wrong with him? What had I done? Why is it that whenever you feel things are going well something terrible happens?
I sighed, and began to climb the stairs slowly,
“Joey?” I whispered,
“Joey?” I knocked on his door and opened it slowly to see him hunched over the bed.
“Joe?
He didn’t move, my heart plummeted, I wasn’t sure how to handle this situation, grumpy teenagers weren’t my forte.
“J…”
“LOOK AVA!”
I jumped as he swung around at me, “Go AWAY, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN YOU…YOU FUCKING HOE”
I froze. Swallowing an emotion that I couldn’t place, he had never spoken to me like that before. I clamped my mouth shut, predicting that it would be best if I left him alone. Slowly closing Joey’s door behind me I descended the stairs with the utmost disbelief, did he know? How could he possibly know? What the hell have I done now?
I turned into the kitchen in a complete daze to witness Jacob grabbing a drink from the fridge.
He deliberately ignored my presence as he scooted past me,
“Jake?” I asked in astonishment as he just walked out of the room like I was invisible.

Exactly 32 minutes later Billie burst through the front door looking flustered and fearful.
“Ava!”
He scooted towards me, his eyes wide and petrified,
“What is it?” I asked him anxiously, standing up from the kitchen stool.
“Have you been out?” he asked me nervously, almost shaking.
“No Billie what is it? You’re scaring me, what? First Joe ad Jake and now you…”
“What have they done?” he frowned, grabbing a firm hold of my shoulders.
“Ignored me, apart from Joey shouting obscenities and that he never wants to see me again.”
Billie stared at me and my heart raced, what was this about?
“Billie…wha..?”
“Ava sit down” he snapped, pushing my shoulders back into the stool.
I stared at him as he sat opposite me, cautiously running a hand through his hair.
“I love you” he sighed, “Whatever anyone says or…or does, or…the way I feel won’t change okay?”
“Okay” I nodded, “But… you’re scaring me what..?”
“People” He sighed looking down at the table. “Someone told People magazine about us, about your life before you met me.”
I froze, a lump of sickening fear rolled in my throat.
“W…what?” I squeaked.
“I don’t know who it was but I’ll find out and when I do…”
“Oh god” I shut my eyes, my head falling into my hands, my thoughts falling from my lips like loose rocks.
“Oh no, the boys, they, they must have found out in school, oh that’s awful…Billie…”
I croaked as I felt his arms wrap around me strongly, trying to calm me down. I felt so awful, I felt ashamed, this was the worst thing that I had ever imagined happening.
“Ava it’s okay, it’s okay, it happens you know? It doesn’t affect us babe…”
“It does Billie!” I sobbed harder into his chest.
“It does because your sons won’t stand for it; your fans won’t stand for it…everybody will hate me, all your friends, your family… everything…what Heidi said…it will become true!”
“I don’t care” he snapped holding me tighter, “I don’t care Ava…”
“I care!” I yelled, pulling myself from his grip and running upstairs into the bedroom.
I felt worse because despite Billie’s words I knew that this would affect him, his career, his relationships, our relationship, I couldn’t do this to him, his words were meant to comfort but they made it worse.
Everything seemed to just turn around and slap me harshly in the face. How could I have been so foolish? Thinking I could escape and be a better person for Billie? How stupid was I? The past would eventually catch up with me, the problem was I had always ignored the niggling little feeling that it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Billie let his head fall into his hands.
He couldn’t believe this had happened; it was like a bad dream. It seemed too good to be true that Ava’s past would be so easily lost in the movement of time. Something had to happen and Billie couldn’t shake the feeling that this was somehow his fault. He’d had phone calls from just about everybody on the planet today, if he could have had a dime for every time he had said “no comment” or “mind your own fuckin business” he would be swimming in coins. He knew now that the boys wouldn’t speak to him, his family would be tetchy and his band mates would say, “I told you so”.
He wished for more than anything in the entire world that Ava wasn’t what she once was, but now people had found out. He didn’t love her any less but he definitely doubted whether they would survive this. If only he knew who had rang that magazine, it wouldn’t help the situation but it was a person to bear the brunt of his anger, he didn’t like being angry at himself.
He wanted to follow Ava up the stairs, he wanted nothing more than to make this all go away, but he didn’t know what words of comfort to say to her, he was hopeless at words. Ava would just disappear into her own thoughts, when her mind was made up, it was made up, and there was nothing he could do. Except, maybe, get drunk, get very, very drunk.

A little while later, after Joseph yelling at him, Jacob ignoring him completely and Ava still not coming downstairs, Billie placed his ninth Budweiser on the kitchen table with an almighty burp. He sighed and scrappled in his jean pockets for his wallet, reaching inside he pulled out a picture of Ava lying across the diving board of the pool. His heart momentarily skipped a beat when he thought of that day. He had felt the need to go and buy her some red roses after she spent the previous day sitting with him in the cemetery at Adi’s grave. They had spent the afternoon lounging around the pool and she had made a chain out of the roses and was idly dangling it from the end of the diving board. In that moment Billie had taken up his digital camera and took a picture of her smiling up at him. It was his favorite picture of her, it seemed to capture her wonderfully and Billie had never been without it since.



He remembered how bad he felt that day, after him disappearing off to Adi’s grave and then her having to witness the whole Sarah thing at the studio the day before…then…suddenly it hit him like a bucket of cold water.
Sarah.
Fucking weirdo Sarah.
It was her.
She had gone to college with a guy who was now writing for a magazine hadn’t she? Only she, Brittany, Mike and Tre knew that Ava was once a hooker. Only Sarah would have the motive to get Billie back in such a way. He rose to his feet unsteadily, it wouldn’t help the situation at all but it would make him feel a hell of a lot better if he went around there and gave that bitch the third degree.
And that was what he was going to do.