Hail and Farewell to Paris

L'Homme et la mer

“Would like more tea Ava dear?”
“No thank you Ollie I’m fine.”
Billie’s mother glanced over me wearily as I sat opposite her at the kitchen table, my head hanging low at her stare.
“Ava you’ve lost weight”
I swallowed; my hands still limp in my lap like a scolded child.
“You don’t look good dear”
I sighed, looking upwards to glance through the window out into her back garden. Billie sat in the middle of the trampoline with his sons. All three sat crossed-legged, facing each other and talking seriously. I felt sick.
“Ava…” Ollie’s voice rang soft and I looked up at her, tears swilling in my eyes.
She smiled, her hazel eyes shining in a similar way to her son, the steam from her tea curling in the air in front of her kind face.
“You’ll feel better when you go you know”
I nodded my ears ringing, unable to thing of anything to say to the mother of the man whose life I was destroying bit by bit.
“Venice is a beautiful place; you’ll have a great time, really”
“Really?” I smiled sadly, “To be honest Ollie I don’t think it will help”
The older woman smiled, “It will, you’re just stressed out, you’re not your normal self Ava, no one thinks any less of you with all this stupid press, no one who matters anyhow.”
I nodded, feeling a small tear trickle from my eye, I hadn’t put as much make up on as I normally do, just my foundation and some mascara, no eyelashes, no bright red lips and just a very plain green pinafore dress. I traced my arms with the palms of my hands exhaustedly, about to open my mouth to speak when Billie came through the kitchen door.
“Mom they don’t want to come”
He sat down in between me and his mother, the older woman frowning at her son.
“Don’t worry about it Billie Joe, I don’t mind them here, they’ll soon come round dear”
Billie stretched out his hand and took a tight hold of my limp palm.
“Thanks ma”
“Don’t be stupid Billie Joe, now come on, you two have to get to the airport.”
She stood up, Billie and I following her to the front door.
“Bye ma” Billie embraced his mother and kissed her tenderly on the cheek, she patted the side of his face with her wrinkly hand before turning to me.
I wanted to shrink back into the confides of Billie’s hand but I felt him shove me slightly forward and I shivered.
Her eyes danced over my face before suddenly smiling warmly at me.
“Have a nice time Ava, look after him for me”
I smiled back, “I will Ollie, I promise”
She brought me into her chest and rubbed my slink arms as she pulled out from the hug.
“But look after yourself too”
I nodded and followed Billie down the front path, waving at her sadly, if only I had the will to look after myself.

“Let a woman in your life,
and you're plunging in a knife,
Let the others of my sex,
Tie the knot around their necks”

Rex Harrison clutched the leather bound book in his hands and warned sweet Wilfred Hyde- White about the troubles of getting into relationships.
This wasn’t my favorite scene in My Fair Lady as I child I wouldn’t really pay much attention until dear Eliza, Audrey Hepburn, would descend the stairs in a jeweled floor length white gown to attend the Queen of Transylvania’s ball. Then, as a small girl, I would sit up straight and stare at her image, wishing that one day I could be just as beautiful and glamorous as her, one day maybe a prince would want to dance with me.
But now, all I could think about was Rex Harrion’s song,

Let a woman in your life,
And all you’ll have is strife

I would constantly wonder why Billie was still with me; after all we were sitting on a plane leaving the country because of me, it was just the two of us as his sons hated him because of me. We were getting funny looks from the other airline passengers because of me. I sighed and turned to look at Billie’s sleeping face, his head resting on my shoulder comfortably
My stomach wobbled as my eyes traced the smoothed out lines across his forehead and under his eyes. His face was still beautiful, but it used to be so inspiring to me, so magnificent, but now, it just made me feel guilty and awkward. My heart was exhausted, my mind slowly fading into a black oblivion as my body felt like I was constantly swimming against a winning tide, it was only a matter of time before I went under.

How appropriate that we were currently on a plane going to a city built on entirely on water.
I truly didn’t believe he would stay with me, I wasn’t worth all this hassle, I felt exactly the same way when I first met him. I didn’t deserve him and definitely don’t deserve him now. This was all too much trouble.

Billie snorted in his sleep, making me jump and thus causing him to bash his head awkwardly against my shoulder bone.
“Ow”, he yawned sitting up and rubbing his scalp.
“I’m sorry, but you're sudden snoring made me jump”
He smiled at me, pulling a tired hand through his messed up locks before rubbing his closed eyelids.
“S’ok.”
He kissed my cheek with dry lips before snuggling back down into my lap. I swallowed, tracing my fingers softly through his hair, dragging out the tiny knots slowly. I stared at the seat ahead of me. My thoughts slowly being lost again in my cavernous mind, I tried to think of Baudelaire, tried to think of Paris, tried to just think of something, but it was no good…

“Ava”

I looked down slowly to see Billie looking up at me, the back of his head resting on my lap.
“Ava, what’s wrong?”
I smiled sadly at him, refusing to speak as the overwhelming feeling of tears began to push forward behind my eyelids.
“Hey now...what is it?”

Billie carefully sat up properly in his seat, turning to face me, concern flooding his features.
“Don’t Billie, I’m fine, really I…”
Then it fell, the tear fell, signaling a tirade of salty water spurting from behind my eyes uncontrollably. I was such an idiot, people were starting to look at us even more, my breaths starting hitching higher and higher and Billie brought his arms around me, holding me to him strongly as I sobbed into his shirt. He didn’t care that the other passengers were looking at us awkwardly.
“Ava, Ava, babe, come, on, Aves…”
He lifted me up from his torso.
I stared at him for a moment, those eyes taking me so far away from any emotion at all. I felt like I was lost as they seemed to shine greener, a vibrant flash of intoxicating light hypnotizing me as my own pupils got lost in this never- ending spell of emerald.
“I’m sorry Billie” I sobbed, taking a hanker chief from my purse and dabbing at my face, those eyes blaring at me, knocking me back into my senses, something they had always done.
“I’m sorry it’s just…”
“Just what?” he asked softly, his warm palm tracing across the top of my hand that rested on his thigh.
“It’s just…well…I can’t stop thinking that…that…I’m not worth all this Billie. I’m not worth this hassle; I can’t stop wondering why you’re still with me, why you’re leaving everything behind for three weeks because of me. Why are you still looking at me with that light in your eye when you should hate me, I’ve wrecked everything, your career, your family, everything…I…I should just do you a favor and jump out of the plane right now.”

My chest rose and fell quickly as I scrambled for air, not daring to look up at his face encase I’ve just talked my way out of this relationship.
Billie reached forward and took hold of my other hand,
“Look at me Ava…LOOK at me”
I slowly lifted my eyelids to come face to face with those bright green wonders of his.
“Ava I love you okay? It hurts me every time you look un-happy, it hurts me when your hurting. I could not give a shit WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS ABOUT ME. Seriously, a hell of a lot of people hate me, they always have and I don’t fuckin care. I know that you love me and that’s all that matters and I couldn’t be looking forward to this vacation anymore. I don’t give a shit about anyone else right now except you and us getting through this fucking mess.”

I smirked as he broke free from my hand and brought my damp face into his palms, “I love you”
He whispered, kissing me tenderly on the lips. “I also love your little freak outs, tehy keep me on my toes”
I giggled sadly, bringing his arm around me and snuggling into his shirt, I was insane, but Billie was crazier than I was by far. Everybody else on the plane was now staring at us, in a mixture of shock and further confusion probably thinking that we were smacked on on heroin or some other addictive substance.
I didn't blame them.

If Paris was the city of love, Venice was the city of dreams.
As soon as I stepped out of the airport I understood immediately why people connected the two cities. Venice had that same atmospheric dream to it that Paris did. I found my heels slowly wandering over to the edge of the nearest canal just outside the train station and I stared across the water at the small street opposite, hundreds of beautiful people scurried past the various shops and somewhere inside my heart made a funny pop noise, a smile began to tug itself in the corners of my mouth, the first true smile that my lips had made on their own accord. The papers had kept me out of Paris but they had sent me to it's admirable cousin.
Venice even smelled like Paris, I was in love all over again.

“Ava, babe, come on we have to catch a water taxi”
I turned to Billie emphatically as he stood with the cases at his feet queuing at the far edge of the canal I was standing on.
“A WATER taxi? How exciting” I giggled threading his fingers through my own.
“Yeah, pretty James Bond huh? So what’s your first impression? Better than Paris?”
I bit my lip, eyes shining at his tired face, “Not better but very, very similar, I like it a lot”
He chuckled at me, before moving up the line.
“Jesus if heaven isn’t Paris for you you’ll know you’re in hell”
I smirked as we suddenly found ourselves at the front of the queue. A small balding Italian man appeared, a stereotypical stripy shirt stretched across his huge stomach as he grinned at me seedily whilst exuberantlyshaking Billie’s hand .
“Bonjourno, welcome to Venzia, I am Senor Heff,”
Billie swallowed a snort.
The Italian looked at us obviously waiting for an address or destination to take us too, I nudged Billie who was too busy trying not to laugh at the poor old man to notice. My elbow clinked one of the singer’s ribs heavily and the singer jumped into action.
“Err…sorry yeah…were staying at the Dani…Dan…err babe…”
Billie passed me the paper and I sighed, Billie’s pronunciation was terrible.
Directing me to the ‘Man Boof’ road in Paris came to mind.
“Hotel Danieli” I read aloud as the taxi driver suddenly sprang to life.
“Ah! Danieli! How good, good, nice hotel. These err…all you?”
The elderly man looked down at our seven suitcases, his leathery forehead crinkling at the amount of luggage.
“Yeah” Billie nodded, beginning to help Senor Heff load the cases onto the small boat.
“Women eh?” The Italian joked at the American who raised his eyebrow in agreement, not letting on to this man that half of these cases were in fact his own.
Billie jumped onto the boat next to me as we settled on the seats in front of helm man Heff.
“So you Italian?” He asked me, “You look Italian, part Italian?”
I shook my head, “No, English” I smiled as he nodded, preparing to float down the main canal straight ahead of us.
“Am-er-ic-an” Billie mouthed at him like he was stupid. The Italian chuckled,
“I guess sir”
Billie shrugged and brought his arm around me.
“Danieli hotel very bella, not far, Riva degli schiavoni”
“What?” Billie jumped.
“That’s the street it’s on dear” I sighed, the water around us lapping at the boat sides so softly.
“Oh…So err…Heff…you get that name from Hugh Heffner? You know ever heard of him?”
The Italian frowned at Billie like he was speaking double Dutch.
“You know Hugh Heffner?”
I shook my head; this local Italian who steered boats for a living obviously wouldn’t know Hugh Heffner, you would be luckily if they even received Western magazines here.
“You know? Bunnies? Girls?”
Billie's eyebrows grew higher up his head as he tried to converse with the captain to no prevail.
“Hugh Heffner? Playboy?”
“AH!” The Italian yelled, “PLAYBOY! Ah Si, Si, Playboy.”
Billie cackled, “Yeah yeah, Heff? Hugh Heffner?”
“AH, Si Si!”
The boat man cackled louder before pointing at me, “beautiful women eh? Eh?” he nudged the singer like I wasn’t there.
I rolled my eyes, “What a great way to bond with the locals Billie”
The singer snorted at me and continued to banter with the taxi driver, the two of them throwing words at each other followed by “ah!, eh! Si! Yeah”
Billie was sounding more and more Italian by the minute.
I chuckled and took the opportunity to take in my surroundings.
The streets had become almost deserted, the cobbles and ancient buildings echoing of earlier mystical times. The energy from this whole city was pulsing through me, it was sinking but it still stood tall, majestic, the dusty shadows and lapping water creating a surreal and beautiful atmosphere. I spotted the hotel sign, thank god we had arrived at last, and I was so tired, but felt in my heart that Venice would provide the perfect back drop to forgetting the stupid papers.

Point de vu du Mike
They had been gone three days, three weeks left over there, and to be honest I was missing them already. Brittany had seemingly returned to the girl that I had originally first met, I would get small smiles, butterfly kisses every morning and a promise never ever to see Sarah again.
It was great having the sweet Britt back but I had finally cracked, finally decided that I would not get married, no matter how different things were now.
Things had been quite hectic for the remaining members of the band, whoever said that bad publicity was also good publicity was spot on. Our new album had shot back up to number one on the billboard chart. Tre had joked that most people were buying it in sympathy for Billie who was suffering under the claws of “The Notorious Lady Ava” he then goes on to add, ‘lucky bastard’.
I’m torn now however, because now we are being asked to go back on those shitty music shows to perform live and give interviews. I’m torn because if I call Billie the megalomaniac that he is, he'll want to fly back and do all these shitty shows leaving his and Ava’s break to be a grand total of three days.
BUT
If I phone him then Ava will know she isn’t destroying his career, but, ironically, helping it more than ever.
God this is difficult, I was sitting here on a sun lounger in my back yard with Tre, Estelle and her puppy at my heels. My thumb hovered over the call button as Billie’s name flashed across my cell.
“Do I call him or what?” I asked Tre nervously.
The drummer shrugged, “He’ll kill you if you don’t”
I swallowed, took a deep breath and pressed the button quickly, as if it would have the same effect as tearing off a band aid.
It rang for a while, then,
“Hey…”
“Hey Bill…”
“…you’ve reached the god that is Billie Joe Armstrong, leave a message and I’ll get back to you if you’re lucky”
“Fucker”
I spat before hanging up.
“It’s his answer machine”
Tre started laughing, “Ah well you tried, come on let’s get a beer.”

I nodded rising up from my seat and following Tre. I hated it when Billie gets pissed off, he’s gonna kill me when he finds out.