Hail and Farewell to Paris

Gus reminded me of Merv, he was round and balding but loud and bearded.
His eyes went wide as Billie introduced me in the lounge of the hotel lobby, he called me the “prettiest thing he’d ever seen” and I chuckled politely as Billie kissed my cheek softly before continuing their discussion.
“I must say the ‘notorious lady Ava wasn’t what I expected”
I shook my head, “You read the papers then, I’m not a fan personally”
Gus made a noise that sounded like a chuckle crossed with a grunt; his whole upper body shook as he spoke, “I can see why, you’ve become quite infamous Ava”
I nodded, not really appreciating what he was saying or Billie taking hold of my hand,
“That’s why we’ve come on vacation Gus, you can ignore it after a while but then you just need a fuckin break”
“Oh I hear ya man, I’m not judgin’ ya, I’d do the same” Gus replied, gulping down his beer.
“Where’s the sprogs?” the great fat man asked.
Billie chuckled, “They are coming tomorrow”
Gus nodded, “Need some alone time huh? I like it here in Venice, I’m glad you needed me to come out here”
Billie smiled sadly at him before turning to look at me for a moment,
“So…wanna go get some food? There’s a great little place me and Ava found the other day…”

Billie acted differently around certain people, Gus was a former roadie, now he was a camera man, so you could probably picture how much of a ‘man’s man’ he was. Around guys like this, Billie put on his own perfected man act. It was amusing to watch the petite guy act all butch in his leather, joking about women and beer as he softly held onto my hand in the tender manner that he always did. Billie seemed to treat me over cautiously and as we stopped outside a small store so himself and Gus could buy cigarettes he came running out to ask me if I wanted anything.
This was his apologetic ‘treating me like a porcelain doll phase’ normally I relished it, but right now, under the eyes of the observant newspaper reading Gus, it appeared that Billie was terrified of me and the papers were 100% correct. I could tell by his eyes that Gus didn’t think much of me.

It was annoying because really it was the other way around, I was wrapped around Billie’s little finger…I forgave him for something that a lot of couples would have split up over…mind you, we are not like other couples.
This was proved when I sat reading a book of Keats poetry as Billie spoke to the camera that balanced on Gus’ shoulder that afternoon.
“Shall I just say thank you for making the album number one again?”
Gus mumbled something I couldn’t catch and Billie coughed loudly, tracing a few fingers through his fringe and looking at the camera professionally.

“Hey, Im Billie Joe Armstrong and I’d just like to thank all you guys at TRL for making our album number one again, I’m sorry I can’t be with you right now as I’m writing for the new album but I’ll see you guys in May. Take care and don’t believe everything you read…”

I froze as my finger traced a line of the poem ‘Ode on Melancholy,’ did he really just say that? What kind of silly thing to say was that? He caught my eye and grinned, I just rose an eyebrow at him before looking back down at the book in my hands.
Why did he say that? Why did he have to rise to it? His PA, his manager, his friends and band mates, even his own mother told him to not even mention it and now he had just directly addressed the whole situation. Why doesn’t he listen?

For shade to shade will come too drowsily,
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.

“Poetry huh? I could never be arsed, Id rather sit down with a Stephen King”
I looked up to see Gus smiling at me as he packed away his camera equipment.
“I don’t read much else” I sighed, closing the book wearily, thinking I would like to ram his stupid camera up his arse.
“Have you finished already?” I asked glancing at Billie who had rolled up a lead and was packing it into Gus’ bag.
“Yeah I’m one take Armstrong”
Gus chuckled, “Yeah right, you’re the worst…how do I look? Was my hair okay? Can we do it again from that angle?”
Billie just shrugged, “I like perfection…what did you think though? Pretty funny huh?”
I rose to my feet as Gus answered him, “Yeah man, people will defo sit up from their couches at the last bit.”
Billie lurched forwards as Gus slammed a hand down on his back,
“Er…thanks man…Ava? What do you think?”
I looked from Gus to Billie, opening my mouth and wanting to say nothing more than what my mind thought…

“I think it’s stupid, everyone told you to ignore it and what do you do? Bring all the story back into the limelight, that’s right Billie do what you always do, make more trouble for yourself”

No, of course I’d never say that with Gus watching…
“Great Billie Joe, well done”

Four hours later and Gus had finally left, now it was just me and Billie again in the hotel room, I was glad the egotistical camera man had left but now the singer seemed to have something on his mind. I knew what he was thinking, he sat on the bed, pulling off his block heeled black shoes and placing them at his feet.
“You err…don’t think much of Gus then?”
I traced my brush through my curls uncomfortably, “I don’t think much of people who think they know me when they don’t”
Billie nodded, “Yes well, sorry about that…”
I hunched my shoulders cutting across him, “…It wasn’t your fault”
Things were still awkward, the tension brutal, it swam in the room between us like a hungry shark.
Billie stripped his torso of his shirt and threw it on the bed, “Ava…”
I turned around slowly from the mirror I was sat in front of.
“Mike phoned me.”
I froze,
“He called when you were in the ladies at the café this afternoon…he said you phoned him last night”
I brought a hand through my curls, catching a few knots between my fingers.
“Yes I did, is that a problem?”
“No”
“Well it obviously is Billie Joe”
The singer grunted, kicking his shoes at the wall the tone in his voice wavering, “It’s not…I just don’t understand why you go running to him all the time. Can’t you talk to me?”
I shook my head, “Billie, what is wrong with you recently? Last night you stormed away from me, I was worried sick! And encase you haven’t noticed I don’t happen to be fighting friends off with a stick do I, I rang Mike because I was scared okay?”

He didn’t answer; he just turned on his heel and slammed the en-suite door. I sighed, too exhausted to fight anymore, I thought I knew Billie Joe, and maybe I did know parts of him. But as I slipped into my nightgown my mind raced at how much he could still exacerbate me, something was dwelling on his mind and I had precious little time in finding out what that thing was…the failed proposal, our fight, my friendship with Mike or something completely different I wasn’t sure, all I knew was that Joey and Jake were arriving tomorrow and we couldn’t keep snapping at each other like this while they were around. It would just be another reason for them to hate me.

The singer emerged from the behind the bathroom door, just in his boxers, doe eyes and a look of concern on his face. The bathroom light crashed through the black bedroom, a vibrant halo of yellow pierced the back of his head making him seem almost holy. I groaned at the disturbing flash of colour rolling over away from the glowing musician who seemed to be in the mood for a serious chat.
I wasn’t, I just wanted to melt away from him, drift off into the huge goose down duvet that my body was snuggled into.
He switched off the light and shuffled next to me in the bed, the mattress denting at his weight,
“Ava” he whispered, “Are you asleep?”
I sighed, “Yes”
The singer ignored my stupid answer, “Can we talk? Can we talk without getting angry?”
I muffled something incoherent into my pillow before turning over to face him.
His skin was grey in the silhouetted light, but his eyes shone at me as his palm propped up his cheek.
“What is it Billie?”
The man shifted ever so slightly closer to me, “I want to talk”
I blinked at him in the darkness, “So talk”
He swallowed, before coughing slightly, “Okay…well…I’m…”
“If you say sorry I’ll get mad”
Billie clamped his mouth shut and watched me with darting eyes as I continued.
“Stop apologising to me, it looses all meaning after the amount of times those words have left your mouth, if you’re going to say anything at least tell me why you have been acting so strange lately.”
He shifted on his perched hand, slowly stretching out his free one and reaching forwards, I jumped as the backs of his fingers brushed my cheeks tenderly.
“Do you know that I love you more when you’re angry?”
I smirked, grabbing his hand and pressing it firmly against my face savouring the heat from his touch.
“Is that why you like to make me angry so often?”
He chuckled, glancing down at the white bed linen beneath us, “No. I don’t mean to make you angry Aves”
I smiled, shifting closer to him, pushing him down on his back and leaning across his chest tenderly. His hands immediately dived for my mass of hair, pulling me closer to him. I felt his chest let out a huge cloud of air, he sighed and clicked his teeth wearily.
“I…I guess I am just scared”
I listened intently to his words, his hands now sliding down my back and beneath my night gown.
“I’m scared of loosing you, of loosing us, because we’re great. I love US, I love how we could tell each other everything, how I always felt like you needed me, like I was you’re Sting and you were my Roxanne…”
I chuckled and his chest vibrated in a giggle, “It sounds pussy but that’s how I saw it, you were a more classier Julia Roberts and I was a hotter Richard Gere”
I burst out laughing as did he, grabbing my shoulders and flipping me over beneath the giggles.
He looked up at me from my chest, “…I like how we still laugh like kids and how we still have great sex.”
I arched my eyebrow and he smirked, “but ever since that thing happened with Sarah and the papers, I was terrified that this would all disappear and I thought carting us off to Venice would make it better…but Venice isn’t Paris and it seems to have just made us fall apart more…”
“No it…”
“Aves let me finish…I just thought you could tell me everything, I just thought we’d end up getting married like a proper happy ending, I didn’t think you’d be running off to Mike or saying no to getting married.”

His eyes travelled to the pillow behind my head, and we both stayed quiet for a moment, I felt the heat from his chest pulsate straight through me, I smiled at his soft features, underneath all the punk and the confidence, all Billie ever wanted was a happy ending…
“Bill, darling…”
He looked up at me, “Thank you for telling me what is running through you’re head”
He smiled sheepishly, “Tell me what’s in yours”
I swallowed, my eyes boring through his venomous green ones,
“I actually have realised that I don’t care what anybody else things…Gus or the papers… I’m quite use to people not liking me, but as long as you do I don’t care. I didn’t run off to Mike, he’s been a good friend to me and well, you weren’t around and I didn’t know what direction to run in did I?”
He flinched and nodded queasily,
“So, well, it doesn’t make me love you any less…and well…”
I can’t believe I was going to say it, it felt right, but from my lips it was strange…
“…and about your proposal, Billie…you never even got around to asking me…”