I Don't Want It, I Just Need It.

I ignored the way Oliver slammed his door behind himself and carried on sipping on my orange juice. My eyes fixed to the plate in front of me. I’d made my favourite, beans on toast.
But the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach; and the memory of my cereal making a reappearance earlier that day, told me any attempt to eat, even a forkful, was futile.

“D’ye wanna explain that or shall I jus’ take a guess?”

I rolled my eyes at Jake and set my glass down on the table.Flicking the page of the magazine I’d been thumbing through, and pretending to be far too interested in the article in front of me.

“ ‘s upside down Vee” He chuckled, “An’ ye forget, I can read ye like a book” I sighed loudly and leant back in my chair, shooting him ‘the’ look. “Tell me, I’m ye brother. Ye should tell me every…”

“Like you, you mean?”

I winced at the cattiness of my own voice, it had sounded more mature in my head. He scoffed loudly and took a long, loud slurp from his mug of coffee.

“I told ye, I didn’ want ye knowin’ I was livin’ wi’ Oliver before ye…”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Oliver and ’Chel….Michelle?”

He thudded his mug down louder than even he had expected and gave me his full attention.
“Why don’t you tell me about Oliver and Michelle?”

I noticed how wide his eyes had grown, how he was wringing his hands together. I recoiled from the table, hunching my body together so that I was as small as possible. I’d hit a nerve, I hated hitting nerves.

“Ye know…” I sighed, trying to avoid actually having to say it. “Oliver and ‘Chelle”

“Oliver and Chelle?”

I pulled my knees up to my chest, perching precariously on the dinning seat. “Ye don’t have to protect me from it anymore. From him anymore. I’m a big gir…”

“Ye a big idiot”

I did a double take, clutching onto the side of the table as I swayed a little; taken aback. “I’m…what?”

“Nothin’ ever happened with Michelle and Oliver” He guffawed, “The kids m’ best mate, ‘e wouldn’….”

“ ‘e’s cheated before Jake, what makes ye…”

“ ‘s a little pot calling the kettle black ain’t it Vee?”

“That’s what he said”

“Ye’ve spoken to Ol about…” His words trailed, a light bulb switching on in his head. “Ye spoke to Oli about it. Hence the slammed door an’ death stares"

“How can you be so nonchalant about this?” I asked, genuinely confused at my brothers calm demeanour. “How can you just let him…”

“Oliver never slept with ‘Chelle, Verity” He sighed, stretching his arms high above his head.
Revealing the word ‘Forever’ tattooed just below his belly button, as his shirt rose up.

“Is that ne…”

“Michelle slept wi’ a lot o’ people Vee. But Oliver aint one of ‘em”

“But he said…”

“What?” Jake enquired, drumming his fingertips lightly on the tabletop. “What did ‘e say?”

“It was more what he didn…”

“What ‘e didn’ say?” Jake chuckled, “Ye need to stop wi’ that Verity, ye know ‘ow it gets ye into trouble”

I shook my head adamantly and reached for my orange juice. My mouth had gone uncommonly dry. “But he didn’t…” My words trailed and my brow furrowed in concentration as I tried to remember the night before. “He was telling me why she was no good, for you, and Alice. And he said she fucked around…twice, he repeated…”

“ ‘e’s not th’ sharpest tool in the box Vee, Ye know that. The kid don’t know ‘is ass from ‘is elbow most o’ the time”

“I….why wouldn’t he just say it then?” I mumbled lamely, aware that my argument was losing pace. And fast. “Why wouldn’t he just…”

“Just what? ‘e ‘asnt done owt Verity”

“He must’ve…”I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, “He was acting too strange for him to have…”

“ ‘s something’ ye need to take up with ‘im love”

&&

“I don’ see why I ‘av t’come” Oliver moaned. His lips twisting into a childish pout as he sulked across the parking lot. His arms folded tightly across his chest, refusing to look anywhere but the floor. “ ‘s your turn to pick ‘er up. I was gonna go see Hay…”

“I don’t know where the nursery is Oliver” I sighed, flipping my head back as my hair fell across my eyes. “Besides, I can’t drive this thing. I never could, remember.

A smile threatened to emerge from the corners of his lips as the memories flashed before his eyes.

His face softened for the briefest of moments, his eyes meeting mine; amusement dancing amongst the light brown and subtle orange nearer his pupils. I wished for time to stop, just this once. But with the click of the doors unlocking, the moment was gone.

All memories of trying and failing to push the Peugeout from the ditch I’d careered into, of Oliver screaming at me for ‘the fucking handbrake” as we slid backwards down the hill by his house, the times we made out in the back seat for…“D’ye wanna get in or what?”

“Uh…shit, yeah” I mumbled, blushing wildly as my hand grappled with the door handle and I clambered into the passenger seat. “I was jus’…”

“Daydreaming about me” He smirked, “I know”

I rolled my eyes, and slammed my door shut in answer. More annoyed at the fact that he’d sussed me out than I was at his cocky suggestion.

“An’….what?” I stole a sideways glance at him, my brow furrowing at his question, was it a ques… “Ye said, And…. An’ what?”

“Oh, right, yeah. I did, didn’t I”

He rolled his eyes in answer and rested back into his seat. “I owe you an apology” I mumbled quickly, the words jumbling into one long noise. “For last night”

He grinned smugly to himself and clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Go on then” He nodded, drumming his hands against the steering wheel. “Don’ ‘av all…”

“I’m sorry Oliver. For accusing you of sleeping with Michelle. I shouldn’t of and it was…”

“Completely fuckin’ unfounded” He interrupted, “Rude, disrespec’ ful. I could go o…”

“Please don’t” I sighed, “I feel stupid enough as it is”

He sighed loudly and let his hands slap down into his lap. “When are ye’ gonna realise I only do things t’ protect ye”

His words caused me to freeze and I felt even more uncomfortable as he began to laugh softly to himself. Running his hands through his hair and smoothing it over his ears. “To protect me?. I don’t need you to protect me Oliver, I’m a grown…”

“So ye wouldn’ ‘av got ‘all funny about the fact that ‘Chelle slept wi’ Nathan?”

I felt as though the air had been beaten from me as his words reached my ears. At the sound of his name. “She…Natha…”

“See. Protecting ye” He mumbled. “God only knows what ye’d ‘av been like las’ night wi’ the alcohol in ye…”

“Nathan” I choked, “Michelle slept with Nath…”

“Le’s not talk about ‘im shall we” Oliver interrupted abruptly, “I sure as hell don’ wanna talk about the prick. Think we spent enough time talkin’ about that cunt don’ you”

I’d always felt we’d not talked about him enough. About that night, enough. “Ye really were protecting me” I whispered softly, “Ye really do…”

“A’ways ‘av, a’ways will”

I rested my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes for a second. My mind reeling with what had just happened, what I’d just been told. The night before at the club, the night before with Oliver.

“Any requests?”

I peered through one, half open eye to see him fiddling with the Ipod; a deep look of concentration etched onto his face. “What?” I mumbled softly,

“Glassjaw it is then”

I smiled to myself as Tip Your Bartender blasted from the speakers; filling the car and my head with a welcome distraction. I gave Oliver a nod as he turned to face me, his hand fumbling clumsily with the volume control.

I knew without so much as a word, that he was checking I was okay. Always have, Always will, might actually be true.

“I’m surprised were not taking your hummer” I teased weakly, tearing myself from his intense gaze and glancing around the familiar interior of Jake’s beat up 306. Smiling broadly as I noticed the doodles still covering the ceiling.

“ ‘s at my other house, in the Bahamas”

I nodded; not really listening, as I traced my name, then Oliver’s with my fingertip. Leaving the ‘4ever” untouched.

“Light this will ye” I glanced sideways to see him juggling with his pack of smokes, a box of matches and Jake’s car keys. The keys the only thing reasonably close to where they were intended to be.

“Rock stardom make ye blind love?” I mocked, “Or can ye just not read?”

I imagined the roll of his eyes as his movements became even more awkward. I smiled at his clumsiness and snatched the pack of Marlboros and the matches from him, nodding my head towards the ignition. “Drive” I mumbled, pulling a cigarette from the pack and placing it between my lips as he revved the engine. Shaking a match from the box, and striking it alight.

I placed the flame to the end of the Marlboro and inhaled deeply, instant calm washing over me as the nicotine did the same. “Ye can ‘av one if ye like”

I giggled and slumped down into the seat. “I didn’t think I’d have to ask”

I caught him smile from the corner of my eye, a small, barely there, chuckle escaped his lips.
“Well that ones mine Vee” He reached across and stole the cigarette from my lips. “Light ye’own”