I Don't Want It, I Just Need It.

The silence was beginning to grow unbearable , weighing heavy on everyone’s shoulders as we dug in to our take out noodles. The only noise, that of the television buzzing in the background and the scraping of cutlery against quickly emptying bowls.

I’d felt the subtle kicks from Oliver against my shin, I’d caught his face contorting ’amusingly’ behind my back. And to be honest I’d have liked nothing more than to reach across the table and jab him with my chopsticks. But that wouldn’t be fair on Jake, or the expensive table we were all gathered around . I doubt the blood would wipe easily from the dark wooden finish.

“So…” Jake mumbled, setting his fork down in his bowl and glancing at Oliver and I. “How was the shoot today?”

“Aww man, was so good” Oliver enthused, becoming extremely animated all of a sudden. His own fork clunking loudly into his bowl as he flung his arms around excitedly. “We ‘ad Tom dressed up as predator an’, aww mate. I can’t explain, looks so fucking good. Still got some more to do tomorra’ but it’s all…”

I couldn’t stop the smile tugging at my lips as he continued to explain. Waving his hands about enthusiastically, his eyes sparkling, wide with sheer excitement. His lips fixed into a permanent grin.

“What song is it for?” I asked, his babbling stopping abruptly as he turned from Jake, to me. His brow furrowing somewhat, his lips fighting a smirk.

“You wouldn’t know it” He answered, with a slight roll of his eyes.

My gaze dropped to my bowl and I continued digging my chopsticks into my noodles.
Chopstick skills were a must when living in LA. God forbid you ask for a fork at Geisha House. “Try me” I mumbled. Regretting it the instant I felt his eyes boar into me once again.

“Verity, ‘s cute an’ all pretending to care but I really don‘t think you…”

“Oli” Jake scolded, as my hand flew to my wrist scratching an unknown itch vigorously. My skin instantly appearing red raw. I hated that he knew every awkward little habit I had.

“It’s okay” I shrugged, looking up and meeting Oliver‘s brown eyes with my own. Speaking from the corner of my mouth to my brother. “I shouldn’t expect anything more than childish behaviour from him”

My voice wavered slightly, but I held Oliver’s glare; for all I was worth. As he chuckled to himself, giving me an overly curt smile and leaning back into his chair. His arms raising high above his head as he stretched for a moment or two. He brought them back down with a loud, dramatic sigh and nodded towards me. “ ‘S for a song called the com…”

“The Comedown” I finished, “Off of Suicide Season yeah? First track?”

Oliver’s face fell dramatically and he looked from me to Jake and back again.

“Am I right?”

He opened his mouth quickly, his lips parting and curling to form a ‘yes’. But it never came.
Instead he shook his head and guffawed to himself, leaning back in his chair once again and peering at me through narrowed eyes.

“What are ye Vee?” He smirked, running a hand through his pin straight hair. “Some kin’a stalker?” I felt my entire body tense, the tone of his voice aggravating every cell in my body.
“I get it love, I’m ‘ard to get over. But theres no need ta get all John Lennon an’…shit, whasisname…Jake?”

“I’m going out” I growled, pushing my chair back from the table angrily. A loud screech piercing through the apartment as the legs scratched against the polished wood floor.

“Shit! Verity, that stuffs fucking expens…”

“Get fucked Oliver” I snarled, amazed, myself, at the venom dripping from my words. “Jake I’m taking your car. I’ll be back…”

“Verity, sit down” Jake protested, “ e’s just jokin’”

“Am I?” I glared daggers at Oliver and slammed my chair back underneath the table. Grabbing my bowl and stalking across the room toward the kitchen area.

“Oli” Jake groaned, “Vee, please just…its late love. I don’t want you out wanderin’ the streets , you don’t…”

“Sheffield’s home right?” I questioned, turning back to face my brother. “Isn’ that what you said?”

“Ye know what I mean Vee”

“I’m twenty one years old Jake I’m pretty sure I…” My blood boiled over as I caught Oliver rolling his eyes from the corner of mine. “Fuck you…both”

I heard Oliver gasp a little as I threw the bowl I’d been holding furiously into the sink. The no doubt expensive china smashing the instant it hit the shiny metal basin.

“Verity!” He screeched, “For fuck sake will ye control your fuckin’ sister man!” He continued to shout as I pushed past him, holding my head high and praying he didn’t notice my entire body shaking uncontrollably as I stomped across the room and out into the hall.

Resting wearily against the wall as soon as I was out of sight and breathing out the breath I swear I’d been holding the entire meal.

I thought…I knew it would be hard. But seriously?…..SERIOUSLY?!

&&

I tugged my jacket tighter around myself as the wind whipped ferociously around my small frame. My entire body was aching from the intense cold; the cold I’d all but forgotten in California.

Each time I took a breath a short, sharp pain shot across my chest. With every curse word muttered under my breath, thick white smoke spilled from my lips. The tears had started the moment I’d stepped from Oliver’s apartment, and unfortunately, two hours and twelve minutes later they were still flowing steadily and silently down my cheeks.

I shoved my phone back into the pocket of my coat and peered uncertainly around the street I’d ended up in. Confirming, unsurprisingly, that I had no idea, whatsoever, where I was.
Thankfully, being in England, being in Sheffield, I wasn’t too far away from a take away. I caught the smell of kebab meat in my nostrils and followed it, unquestioningly to a small shop on the corner.

The bright lights within looked more than inviting and without a second thought I felt my body pushing itself against the scratched glass door and my entire being, top to toe, burning with the sudden change of temperature.

The guy behind the counter nodded as I stumbled inside, his lips curling into an uncomfortably broad smile. His eyes narrowing as he looked me up and down, seconds away from an unwanted wink I feared.

I shook my apprehension from my mind and stepped towards him, shaking the hood of my sweater from my head and smiling awkwardly. Wiping the my ears with the edge of my hand and sniffing loudly.

“Can I ask you a stupid question?”

His lips crept into a smirk as I unzipped my coat and pulled my scarf from around my neck. Freezing as I realised that I appeared to be stripping in front of him. I let my hands drop to my sides and desperately tried to ignore the blush rushing to my cheeks.

“You, can as’ me anything’ love” A shudder ran up my spine as he leant over the counter, continuing to undress me with his eyes.

“Uhm…where is this?”

He chuckled softly to himself, his eyebrow raising sceptically. “What d’ya mean love?”

“Like, where are we? In Sheffield?”

I sighed as he chuckled once again, throwing the dirty towel he’d been clutching over his shoulder and rubbing his hand together. I jumped backward as he lunged towards me, feeling a little stupid as he grabbed a leaflet for a local museum from the box to my side and spreading it out across the counter.“Were just ‘ere” He nodded, jabbing his finger against the paper. Keel Road. “Where are ye going?”

I shrugged my shoulders, letting my eyes scan over the map quickly. Searching for something, anything I recognised. “How far is The Oak from here?” I asked, pointing my finger against the map. “What was it…Barstow Road….Barstow…”

“Barstow Avenue” He nodded, “ ‘bout ten minutes walk. That way”

I turned in the direction he was pointing, groaning as I noticed the rain steadily spattering against the window. Just my luck.

“No’ used at the rain eh?” He smiled, folding the leaflet up and handing it to me. I shook my head and tucked the paper into my pocket. Wrapping my scarf back around my neck tightly and zipping my jacket up.

“Not anymore”

“Well, I could a’ways give ye a lif…”

“Thanks for your help” I interrupted, pulling my huge hood back up over my head and nodding toward him. “I really apprecia…”

“My pleasure” He smiled genuinely, for a moment. Spoiling it instantly with an all too creepy wink. “Really, My pleasure”