I Don't Want It, I Just Need It.

Verity collapsed her forehead heavily against my chest. Tracing the outlines of the buttons on my faux flannel shirt with her fingertip, as she chewed on the corner of her bottom lip. My arms were wrapped tightly around her tiny waist; so tight I didn’t doubt that she wouldn’t have to pry herself from my grasp when the big hand joined the little hand at six.

A wide, all consuming, yawn spread across her lips and she closed her eyes for the briefest of moments. Neither of us had slept. Neither of us had dared.

“I can’t come with ye Ol” She mumbled as I took a deep breath, lips parting to speak. “An’ I promise ‘ll ring ye every day”

I chuckled lightly and placed a lingering kiss on the top of her head. Her hair was still wet from the cold shower we’d taken an hour or so earlier; in an attempt to stay awake, And it tickled my swollen, chapped lips. I could feel my phone buzzing in my back pocket, but answering would mean letting go of her. And I wasn’t about to do that. There were still twelve minutes until half past six.

“Ye ass is vibratin’ Ol”

“’S Kean. ‘e said ‘ed call when ‘e leaves ‘is”

I felt her whole body sigh in my arms, and her hands ball the fabric of my shirt. But she didn’t say a word. Instead burying her head deeper into my chest, pushing her body closer against my own.

In the eight months we’d been together, we’d barely spent a day apart. A scary thought, had I not been head over fucking heels in love with her.

“Ye best not forget me when ye gallivanting around, meeting all the…”

“I wouldn’ even wanna try tryin’ t’ forget ye Verity. I couldn’ ever imagine not…”

I grinned as she climbed up into my arms, crawling carefully up my body to wrap her legs around my waist and loop her arms around my neck. But my smile fell as she aligned her deep brown eyes with my own, and my stomach twisted as I noticed the tears lurking in the corners, the trembling of her bottom lip.

I had never even dreamt of feeling this way about anyone. And from what she’d told me in the wee hours; as we’d led on my bed fighting over which was better, salted or sweet popcorn; and deciding on toffee, she’d never thought it possible either. Neither of us had expected to fall in love. And thankfully, now, neither of us were fighting it.

I swallowed the lump rising rapidly in my throat, with a loud gulp and pressed my lips softly against hers. Savouring the bitter taste of the coffee we’d just drank, as it lingered on her lips. Passed back and forth between our mouths.

I would kiss her every second of every day if it was possible. And for the past day and a half, it had been.

Verity pulled away with a tired sigh and rested her chin in the crook of my neck. Letting her fingers get tangled in my hair skimming the collar of my shirt ,as she placed tiny kisses up and down my skin. An action that would normally; under better circumstances, have me tugging her clothes off right there and then.

Today though it broke my heart. Today was the first day of a month away from this. Away from her.

Her shallow breathing told me of the tears rolling silently down her cheeks, but I bit my tongue. Deciding, instead, to tighten my arms around her. Actions always spoke louder than words. And right this second, I had no idea what to say.

There were no words.

“I love ye Oliver”

Her sentence had barely reached my ears before a small, choked sob escaped her lips and she slid awkwardly from my arms. Landing clumsily back on the floor with a wince as her bare feet were reunited with the cold concrete of her driveway.

I caught her in my arms as she took a stumble sideways, and pulled her back into my chest. A hand planted soothingly atop her head, whilst the other stroked the small of her back.

“’S a month Vee. Well…three weeks ‘n two days” I mumbled into her hair, glancing at my watch over her shoulder, “If ye don’ count t’day ‘s…”

“I don’ wanna lea…I don’ want ye t’leave me” Her voice was muffled against my shirt. The flannel soaking up her words, along with her tears. “I love ye Oli. I can’t…I need t’ te…”

The two of us jumped as a horn broke through the eerie silence that was six thirty in the morning. And a white, ridiculously beat up van came barrelling toward us. Nicholls hanging from the passenger window, flipping us the bird. Whilst Matt tried to bring the van to a screeching halt before he hit us both.

“Prick” I grumbled under my breath as he skimmed the curb next to us; the van mounting the pavement a little, just a foot from where we were. “Way t’ go Kean, kill the fuckin’ singer before we even…”

I was silenced by the loud slamming of the sliding door as Lee and Curtis spilled from the back. Broad grins on their faces and bottles of beer clutched in their hands.

“Start as ye mean t’go on aye lads?” Verity smiled weakly. Wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater and dragging herself from my arms. It felt cold the instant she left me, and a shudder raced up my spine at the thought of not holding her again.

An unfamiliar, completely unnecessary and unfounded jealousy spread over me as she grabbed Curtis in her outstretched arms and pulled him into a tight hug. He smiled at me awkwardly over her shoulder and I shook my head, as if to shake the feeling.

I felt he was stealing my last precious moments with Verity, but I knew it was unintentional.

“’ll look after ‘er” I turned to see Jake striding towards me, my backpack in his arms. “Ye might wan’ this Sykes”

I nodded appreciatively, but the small smile on my lips was extremely forced.
Holding my bag made this real. Holding my bag meant I was leaving.

“Ye can look but ye can’ touch a’right Ol” Jake mumbled, patting my shoulder. “If ye so much as…”

“Wouldn’ dream of it” I croaked, my words getting stuck behind the rapidly growing lump in my throat.

“’cause ye know I’d break ye…”

“…like a twig” I chuckled meekly, rubbing a hand through my hair and smoothing it at my ears, as I watched Verity move to Lee. He was just a few inches taller than her, but his arms engulfed her tiny frame completely. “Ye’ve said Jay, ye’ve…”

“Ye the best thing tha’s ever ‘appened t’er man” He interrupted, slinging his arm clumsily around my shoulder and tugging me toward him. I winced as I waited for the inevitable knuckles rubbed against my head. But it never came.

Instead he leant so that his mouth was just a centimetre or so from my ear. “Look, Jay. I know I’m a ‘it wi’ the Palmers dude, but seriously, I’ love ye sist…”

“Jus’ don’ f’get she might be the best thing tha’ ever ‘appened t’ you”

“She is the best thing Jay, ‘s…”

“Regardless”

His words struck a chord, his tone, a strange discomfort.

“Regardless?” I questioned, noting his fidgeting, his bowed head and averted eyes. “What d’ye mean by…”

I felt Verity’s arms wrap tight around my waist before I’d even realised she was moving. And I felt her crush her body against mine before my mind had a chance to stop spinning. “Ye should get goin’ Ol” She whispered, rising to her tip toes and kissing my lips gently.

I wanted to pull away, I wanted to push Jake for an answer.

But more than anything, I wanted to kiss Verity Ann Palmer.