I Don't Want It, I Just Need It.
Thirty Five
I was stupid to leave the hotel without so much as a euro. And I was stupid to think that my black, patent skyscraper pumps would stop pinching my feet just long enough to make my walk between rue de la blahblah and rue de la whasisface bearable. But, as I ducked into the bar, whose name Oliver had scribbled on a napkin and fed underneath my door; because I was ’takin’ too ‘effin long’, I realised that my most stupid thought of all was that this evening would just be Oliver and I.
Bound Bar was absolutely rammed, wall to wall and no doubt ceiling to floor. People were crammed into every inch of space, moving in groups like shoals of fish; the only way you could move I’d imagine. And their tattoos, their piercings, their skinny tees and skinnier jeans told me I was in the right place. My French had been perfect, my sense of direction was flawless. A few self compliments short of actually patting myself on the back, a few glances around the room, and my heart stopped.
Even with his back to me, I would recognise him anywhere.
“Thought ye wer’n ever gonna get ‘ere”
I stumbled sideways a little as Oliver planted a clumsy kiss on my cheek, thankful for his sharp reflexes, his fingers wrapping smoothly around my wrist.
“See ye wearin’ ‘eels” He chuckled, steadying me. “Ye never were any good at…”
“Is it hot in here?” I mumbled hurriedly, shrugging my leather jacket from my shoulders and fanning my hand in front of my face. “I feel really hot, is there anywhere to…my jacket, I should put my jacket somewhere and…”
“Ye should chill out” Oli interrupted, his eyebrow raised suspiciously. “Or share whate’er it is ye on, ‘ow did ye get it through…”
“I’m not on anything Oliver” I scolded, a little too harshly, or so the way in which he recoiled from me, told me. “I’m just… these shoes kill my feet. They were made by someone who hates feet and I’ve walked all the way…”
“’s get ye a drink” Oliver interrupted hastily, eyeing me uncertainly from the corner of his eye as I fumbled in my purse. “Or five”
I nodded slowly and let him lead me through the crowd toward the bar, my hand gripped tight in his; if only to keep me from running away, something we both knew was likely.
“Thankfully they speak good English ‘ere” He sighed once we’d weaved our way to the front. “Or we’d be screwed, ye in no fit state t’ speak Fren…”
“I’m not in a state Oliver, I’m fine. I told you, its these shoes, they…”
“Why’d ye wear ‘em if they kill ye feet?”
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, mirrored by his as I signified my increase in height by moving my hand from the top of my head to rest just above his collarbone. Oliver chuckled softly and turned toward the barman.
“Deux…uh, Jack Daniels” I tried to stifle my laughter with my hand as Oliver held up two fingers before waving wildly at the bottle of whisky over the barman’s shoulder, but a few giggles escaped through the gaps between my fingers. “Uh two…deux, ‘ow d’ye say Ice vee?”
“ Deux Jack Daniels avec le glace s’il vous plait” “
Oliver glanced sceptically at me , his head tilted to one side, his gaze lingering between the curve of my top lip and tip of my nose for a little longer than was comfortable. “Maybe ye not on anythin’”
I flinched a little as he looped his arm around my waist and tugged me toward him, letting his hands rest at my sides as he squared his hips up to mine; his eyes never once leaving my own. “You think?” I whispered breathlessly as he leant closer, his face just an inch away, his hot breath tickling at my lips. “I did tell yo…”
“Voila!” Two Jack Daniels over ice for the beautiful fille and ‘er ‘apless ami”
&&
A million new names and an equal amount of new faces were whizzing around my head. None if which; not through lack of trying, I would remember tomorrow. I was awful at placing faces at the best of times. After three glasses of champagne and what must’ve been close to a vat of whisky, I was hopeless. It was hopeless.
I smiled politely at the blonde guy in front of me and laughed at the appropriate moment; as I had been throughout his anecdote about ‘being on the road’. He stood at about my height with dirty blonde hair, hidden beneath a bright red trucker hat and wide blue eyes; eyes that seemed to grow wider with every word that forced its way from his mouth. Words that were made almost incomprehensible by the speed in which he spoke and his strong London accent. His voice cracked and croaked in the same way Olivers did, I could only guess that he too, was the man behind the mic.
My confusion as to what the hell this guy was chatting about, was nothing compared to that I felt when it came to Oliver and I.
We’d laughed off our homage to Moulin Rouge earlier. Oliver claming simply to ‘appreciate ‘alf naked Xtina’ in the video, whilst I settled for the obvious, my awe at the fantastic costumes. But something the way Oliver had looked at me, something in the way he had brushed my hair from my eyes when the wind whipped up moments later, told me that there was more to it than Christina Aguilera and ra-ra skirts.
Underneath it all, I feared, we did just want to; for lack of a better term, jump eachothers bones. Ever since Oliver had let slip that he still remembered ‘every single inch’ of me, like it were a second ago, I’d been remembering the smallest of details about him.
I was a few inches short of everything, but I could describe the jutting of his hipbones and the curve of his shoulder blades perfectly. I could picture the look on his face when I would nibble at his earlobe and the way his lips would twist into a smirk as I moved my lips to the crook of his neck, as if he were standing right in front of me. The sound he would make when we both reached blissful climax would not, for love nor money, quit echoing around in my…
I excused myself with a silent nod of my head as I noticed Curtis ducking outside. Following him up the steep stone steps and out onto the street above.
“Ward” I sighed at the wide, dozy grin that was already plastered across his face as he turned back toward me, an unlit joint hanging in the left corner of his mouth, his black beanie sitting wonky atop his head. “I’ll sort your hat out if you let me have a toke”
“Wha’s wrong wi’ my ‘at?” I giggled as he rolled his eyes upward, as if to look at his own head.
“Do we have a deal?”
He shrugged his shoulders and dug his hand into his back pocket, fishing out a royal blue lighter which he tossed between his hands, his expression a little distracted. “I were gonna gi’ ye some anyway” He smiled as I stumbled forward and adjusted his hat. “Regardless of my ‘at situation. I jus’ couldn’ find ye”
I took a step back and nodded proudly at my achievement, rolling my eyes as he moved to ignite the end of the joint. “This isn’t Amsterdam Curt” His brow furrowed in confusion, but he didn’t object to me leading him around the side of the building. “You can’t just spark up anywhere”
“I thought ye was gonna offer me sexual favours righ’ then Veri…” He let his words trail as I shook my head and stared him down. “Firs’ toke goes t’you. ‘m Sorry f’bein inappropriate”
“I thought you were better than that Curty” I teased, taking the joint from between his fingers and pursing it between my lips. Clicking my fingers for the lighter, which Curtis sparked up and held to the tip, my eyes crossing as I watched it flash vibrant orange. “If you can’t be inappropriate on a girls birthday when can you, aye”
I caught the smirk flash across Curtis’ lips as he caught my little homage to my Yorkshire roots. “ ‘s not ye birthday yet Verity Ann”
“I think you’ll find it is Curtis….what’s your middle name? I don’t think you’ve ever…”
“Shit, shit, shit…shit, shit!”
I jumped a little as he snatched the joint we’d just lit from between my lips and threw it to the ground; stamping it out with his foot. His grip on my wrist was tight and I was surprised by the force in which he pushed me back toward the entrance to the bar. “Curt, what the fuck are you…”
“Olivers gonna kill me. ‘e wanted ye t’…’es”
“You just waited a perfectly good doobie what the fuck is your…”
“I got plenty more Vee, an’ ye can ‘av ‘em all later. ‘ve gotta get ye back inside, Oliver wan’ed t’…”
“Oliver wanted to what, Curtis? Oliver wants to…”
“ ‘s somethin’ ‘e wan’s t’ ask ye, ‘e wanted t’ ask ye somethin’ at midnight, when it was ye birthday…when ‘e…”
I pulled my arm abruptly from Curtis grasped and stopped dead, just short of the door from which we’d stumbled just moments before; folding my arms sternly across my chest and glaring at Curtis from beneath my fringe. “I’m not going in there, I’m not going anywhere until you tell me exactly whats going…”
Curtis made a futile attempt at grabbing me, but my palms were held firmly against his chest before his managed to tug me toward him and a soft sigh escaped his lips as he let his fingers loosen around my wrists, both of our two hands collapsing against his chest. Even though he towered over me by way more than a few inches, even though the top of my head barely grazed his nipples if we stood close enough to one another, I knew I had the upper hand. We both knew that when push came to shove, it was me who would have the final say. It hadn’t changed in four years, it hadn’t changed since the last time we were this close to one another.
“Please tell me Curt” I whispered, letting my gaze fall to the floor, my head loll forward, heavy on my neck. “I can’t take anymore surprises, I don’t think my heart can deal with anymore of Olivers surprise…”
“Verity?”
I had never been so surprised to hear my name, I had never, yet, been so confused to hear his voice. It still sent a shiver from top to toe and I still hadn’t got used to the way in which his pitch would drop at the end of a question. Sure I’d caught a glimpse of his back when I’d arrived, but I’d spent four hours telling myself anyone could wear a grey waistcoat and lavender tee, anyone could style their hair just so.
I believed I’d had my daily quota of skipped heartbeats, filled it and then some. But this, this was the icing on the cake, the cherry on the bun. I was speechless, he was speechless. The only person that wasn’t speechless, apparently, was Curtis Ward.
“Ye know eachother?” He questioned, looking between the two of us, his eyebrow raised quizzically. “’ow d’ the both of ye’s know eachother?”
I squirmed under his gaze, dropping my eyes to the floor and my arms heavily to my sides, my stomach twisting and turning uncomfortably, my heart racing at what felt like a thousand beats per second. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing passed my lips, I heard his sharp intake of breath and assumed he’d done much the same.
“We don’t”
His words shocked me, so much so that my head shot up from where it had been hanging, so much so that I was shoving my way past him before I’d even realised I was moving.
So much so that I barely registered what or who I was colliding with as I stumbled back down the dingy stairs.
“Watch where you’re going bro”
Her voice was unmistakable, her tone typical, and her words, ones I’d heard a million times before. Even in the dim light of the stairwell, even through rapidly tearing eyes, I knew who it was, She’d had me at ‘bro’.
“Sam” My voice cracked a little, and I sniffed loudly, abruptly, in a vain attempt to compose myself. “….Sa..”
“Verity Ann!” I winced at the volume of her voice just inches from my ear, but leant in closer as she wrapped her arms tightly around me, nestling my head against the crook of her neck, the one blonde streak she’d kept from her natural hair colour; tucked behind her left ear tickling at my nose. “Holy Fuck bro, what the hell are you…I literally just this second emailed you, Danny’s got one of those new, I don’t know what they are…blackberry or some shit. Anyway bro! I just emailed you, it’s your birthday…it’s your fucking…”
Her words trailed slowly and I knew from the way in which her arms tightened around me, that she’d felt my silent tears seeping into the fabric of her shirt. I burrowed my face deeper and she remained silent. I couldn’t hope to count the number of times we’d been in this same position on just my fingers, even with toes, I think it would be a stretch.
The girl was my life saver. This girl was my life saver.
“He’s out front then?” My silence said everything I couldn’t bring myself to. “Don’t take it to heart bro, he’s still throwing his toys from the pram, he’s still a little heartbro…”
She stopped abruptly, the instant my entire body tensed against hers, and clapped her hand across her mouth. Mumbling apologies against her palm, or so I thought, from what I could tell. “Bro, when the fuck am I gonna learn to think before I…”
“Tell him I’m sorry please, would you? I have to go” I mumbled, “I really can’t be here right now, I really can’t be here with him and Ol…”
“You so don’t need to apologise bro, Alexander Willi…”
“There ye are”
I pulled myself from Sam and gazed down the stairs, my eyes barely able to focus on Oliver as he climbed them slowly, his expression heavy with concern as he noticed the identical lines of mascara running down my cheeks.
“What ‘av ye been…are you okay?”
Maybe thinking tonight would just be Oliver and I wasn’t my stupidest thought. Maybe that honour went to my thinking an ocean would keep me safe from my mistakes.
Twice.
Bound Bar was absolutely rammed, wall to wall and no doubt ceiling to floor. People were crammed into every inch of space, moving in groups like shoals of fish; the only way you could move I’d imagine. And their tattoos, their piercings, their skinny tees and skinnier jeans told me I was in the right place. My French had been perfect, my sense of direction was flawless. A few self compliments short of actually patting myself on the back, a few glances around the room, and my heart stopped.
Even with his back to me, I would recognise him anywhere.
“Thought ye wer’n ever gonna get ‘ere”
I stumbled sideways a little as Oliver planted a clumsy kiss on my cheek, thankful for his sharp reflexes, his fingers wrapping smoothly around my wrist.
“See ye wearin’ ‘eels” He chuckled, steadying me. “Ye never were any good at…”
“Is it hot in here?” I mumbled hurriedly, shrugging my leather jacket from my shoulders and fanning my hand in front of my face. “I feel really hot, is there anywhere to…my jacket, I should put my jacket somewhere and…”
“Ye should chill out” Oli interrupted, his eyebrow raised suspiciously. “Or share whate’er it is ye on, ‘ow did ye get it through…”
“I’m not on anything Oliver” I scolded, a little too harshly, or so the way in which he recoiled from me, told me. “I’m just… these shoes kill my feet. They were made by someone who hates feet and I’ve walked all the way…”
“’s get ye a drink” Oliver interrupted hastily, eyeing me uncertainly from the corner of his eye as I fumbled in my purse. “Or five”
I nodded slowly and let him lead me through the crowd toward the bar, my hand gripped tight in his; if only to keep me from running away, something we both knew was likely.
“Thankfully they speak good English ‘ere” He sighed once we’d weaved our way to the front. “Or we’d be screwed, ye in no fit state t’ speak Fren…”
“I’m not in a state Oliver, I’m fine. I told you, its these shoes, they…”
“Why’d ye wear ‘em if they kill ye feet?”
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, mirrored by his as I signified my increase in height by moving my hand from the top of my head to rest just above his collarbone. Oliver chuckled softly and turned toward the barman.
“Deux…uh, Jack Daniels” I tried to stifle my laughter with my hand as Oliver held up two fingers before waving wildly at the bottle of whisky over the barman’s shoulder, but a few giggles escaped through the gaps between my fingers. “Uh two…deux, ‘ow d’ye say Ice vee?”
“ Deux Jack Daniels avec le glace s’il vous plait” “
Oliver glanced sceptically at me , his head tilted to one side, his gaze lingering between the curve of my top lip and tip of my nose for a little longer than was comfortable. “Maybe ye not on anythin’”
I flinched a little as he looped his arm around my waist and tugged me toward him, letting his hands rest at my sides as he squared his hips up to mine; his eyes never once leaving my own. “You think?” I whispered breathlessly as he leant closer, his face just an inch away, his hot breath tickling at my lips. “I did tell yo…”
“Voila!” Two Jack Daniels over ice for the beautiful fille and ‘er ‘apless ami”
&&
A million new names and an equal amount of new faces were whizzing around my head. None if which; not through lack of trying, I would remember tomorrow. I was awful at placing faces at the best of times. After three glasses of champagne and what must’ve been close to a vat of whisky, I was hopeless. It was hopeless.
I smiled politely at the blonde guy in front of me and laughed at the appropriate moment; as I had been throughout his anecdote about ‘being on the road’. He stood at about my height with dirty blonde hair, hidden beneath a bright red trucker hat and wide blue eyes; eyes that seemed to grow wider with every word that forced its way from his mouth. Words that were made almost incomprehensible by the speed in which he spoke and his strong London accent. His voice cracked and croaked in the same way Olivers did, I could only guess that he too, was the man behind the mic.
My confusion as to what the hell this guy was chatting about, was nothing compared to that I felt when it came to Oliver and I.
We’d laughed off our homage to Moulin Rouge earlier. Oliver claming simply to ‘appreciate ‘alf naked Xtina’ in the video, whilst I settled for the obvious, my awe at the fantastic costumes. But something the way Oliver had looked at me, something in the way he had brushed my hair from my eyes when the wind whipped up moments later, told me that there was more to it than Christina Aguilera and ra-ra skirts.
Underneath it all, I feared, we did just want to; for lack of a better term, jump eachothers bones. Ever since Oliver had let slip that he still remembered ‘every single inch’ of me, like it were a second ago, I’d been remembering the smallest of details about him.
I was a few inches short of everything, but I could describe the jutting of his hipbones and the curve of his shoulder blades perfectly. I could picture the look on his face when I would nibble at his earlobe and the way his lips would twist into a smirk as I moved my lips to the crook of his neck, as if he were standing right in front of me. The sound he would make when we both reached blissful climax would not, for love nor money, quit echoing around in my…
I excused myself with a silent nod of my head as I noticed Curtis ducking outside. Following him up the steep stone steps and out onto the street above.
“Ward” I sighed at the wide, dozy grin that was already plastered across his face as he turned back toward me, an unlit joint hanging in the left corner of his mouth, his black beanie sitting wonky atop his head. “I’ll sort your hat out if you let me have a toke”
“Wha’s wrong wi’ my ‘at?” I giggled as he rolled his eyes upward, as if to look at his own head.
“Do we have a deal?”
He shrugged his shoulders and dug his hand into his back pocket, fishing out a royal blue lighter which he tossed between his hands, his expression a little distracted. “I were gonna gi’ ye some anyway” He smiled as I stumbled forward and adjusted his hat. “Regardless of my ‘at situation. I jus’ couldn’ find ye”
I took a step back and nodded proudly at my achievement, rolling my eyes as he moved to ignite the end of the joint. “This isn’t Amsterdam Curt” His brow furrowed in confusion, but he didn’t object to me leading him around the side of the building. “You can’t just spark up anywhere”
“I thought ye was gonna offer me sexual favours righ’ then Veri…” He let his words trail as I shook my head and stared him down. “Firs’ toke goes t’you. ‘m Sorry f’bein inappropriate”
“I thought you were better than that Curty” I teased, taking the joint from between his fingers and pursing it between my lips. Clicking my fingers for the lighter, which Curtis sparked up and held to the tip, my eyes crossing as I watched it flash vibrant orange. “If you can’t be inappropriate on a girls birthday when can you, aye”
I caught the smirk flash across Curtis’ lips as he caught my little homage to my Yorkshire roots. “ ‘s not ye birthday yet Verity Ann”
“I think you’ll find it is Curtis….what’s your middle name? I don’t think you’ve ever…”
“Shit, shit, shit…shit, shit!”
I jumped a little as he snatched the joint we’d just lit from between my lips and threw it to the ground; stamping it out with his foot. His grip on my wrist was tight and I was surprised by the force in which he pushed me back toward the entrance to the bar. “Curt, what the fuck are you…”
“Olivers gonna kill me. ‘e wanted ye t’…’es”
“You just waited a perfectly good doobie what the fuck is your…”
“I got plenty more Vee, an’ ye can ‘av ‘em all later. ‘ve gotta get ye back inside, Oliver wan’ed t’…”
“Oliver wanted to what, Curtis? Oliver wants to…”
“ ‘s somethin’ ‘e wan’s t’ ask ye, ‘e wanted t’ ask ye somethin’ at midnight, when it was ye birthday…when ‘e…”
I pulled my arm abruptly from Curtis grasped and stopped dead, just short of the door from which we’d stumbled just moments before; folding my arms sternly across my chest and glaring at Curtis from beneath my fringe. “I’m not going in there, I’m not going anywhere until you tell me exactly whats going…”
Curtis made a futile attempt at grabbing me, but my palms were held firmly against his chest before his managed to tug me toward him and a soft sigh escaped his lips as he let his fingers loosen around my wrists, both of our two hands collapsing against his chest. Even though he towered over me by way more than a few inches, even though the top of my head barely grazed his nipples if we stood close enough to one another, I knew I had the upper hand. We both knew that when push came to shove, it was me who would have the final say. It hadn’t changed in four years, it hadn’t changed since the last time we were this close to one another.
“Please tell me Curt” I whispered, letting my gaze fall to the floor, my head loll forward, heavy on my neck. “I can’t take anymore surprises, I don’t think my heart can deal with anymore of Olivers surprise…”
“Verity?”
I had never been so surprised to hear my name, I had never, yet, been so confused to hear his voice. It still sent a shiver from top to toe and I still hadn’t got used to the way in which his pitch would drop at the end of a question. Sure I’d caught a glimpse of his back when I’d arrived, but I’d spent four hours telling myself anyone could wear a grey waistcoat and lavender tee, anyone could style their hair just so.
I believed I’d had my daily quota of skipped heartbeats, filled it and then some. But this, this was the icing on the cake, the cherry on the bun. I was speechless, he was speechless. The only person that wasn’t speechless, apparently, was Curtis Ward.
“Ye know eachother?” He questioned, looking between the two of us, his eyebrow raised quizzically. “’ow d’ the both of ye’s know eachother?”
I squirmed under his gaze, dropping my eyes to the floor and my arms heavily to my sides, my stomach twisting and turning uncomfortably, my heart racing at what felt like a thousand beats per second. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing passed my lips, I heard his sharp intake of breath and assumed he’d done much the same.
“We don’t”
His words shocked me, so much so that my head shot up from where it had been hanging, so much so that I was shoving my way past him before I’d even realised I was moving.
So much so that I barely registered what or who I was colliding with as I stumbled back down the dingy stairs.
“Watch where you’re going bro”
Her voice was unmistakable, her tone typical, and her words, ones I’d heard a million times before. Even in the dim light of the stairwell, even through rapidly tearing eyes, I knew who it was, She’d had me at ‘bro’.
“Sam” My voice cracked a little, and I sniffed loudly, abruptly, in a vain attempt to compose myself. “….Sa..”
“Verity Ann!” I winced at the volume of her voice just inches from my ear, but leant in closer as she wrapped her arms tightly around me, nestling my head against the crook of her neck, the one blonde streak she’d kept from her natural hair colour; tucked behind her left ear tickling at my nose. “Holy Fuck bro, what the hell are you…I literally just this second emailed you, Danny’s got one of those new, I don’t know what they are…blackberry or some shit. Anyway bro! I just emailed you, it’s your birthday…it’s your fucking…”
Her words trailed slowly and I knew from the way in which her arms tightened around me, that she’d felt my silent tears seeping into the fabric of her shirt. I burrowed my face deeper and she remained silent. I couldn’t hope to count the number of times we’d been in this same position on just my fingers, even with toes, I think it would be a stretch.
The girl was my life saver. This girl was my life saver.
“He’s out front then?” My silence said everything I couldn’t bring myself to. “Don’t take it to heart bro, he’s still throwing his toys from the pram, he’s still a little heartbro…”
She stopped abruptly, the instant my entire body tensed against hers, and clapped her hand across her mouth. Mumbling apologies against her palm, or so I thought, from what I could tell. “Bro, when the fuck am I gonna learn to think before I…”
“Tell him I’m sorry please, would you? I have to go” I mumbled, “I really can’t be here right now, I really can’t be here with him and Ol…”
“You so don’t need to apologise bro, Alexander Willi…”
“There ye are”
I pulled myself from Sam and gazed down the stairs, my eyes barely able to focus on Oliver as he climbed them slowly, his expression heavy with concern as he noticed the identical lines of mascara running down my cheeks.
“What ‘av ye been…are you okay?”
Maybe thinking tonight would just be Oliver and I wasn’t my stupidest thought. Maybe that honour went to my thinking an ocean would keep me safe from my mistakes.
Twice.
♠ ♠ ♠
So, I was going to make you wait a little longer but.....I'm so 'effin stoked to get this Paris stuff up and out, I decided against prolonging it unecessarily. Who needs suspense aye?I'm just gonna go for flatout adoration, whos up for giving me some? haha,
New people, new people, new people!
Who can guess who Sam is?
Who can guess who wears grey waistcoats with purple tees?
And who wants to help me make my Pikachu oufit for my friends twentieth birthday Friday?
This is dedicated to formerlyknownas....mainly because she's fucking awesome. Bro.