13 Days, 10 Hours, and 22 Minutes of Being Married to Alex Gaskarth

7 DAYS 8 HOURS 32 MINUTES

"Don't you fucking dare leave without me again!" Delicious ordered as I left the merch table later that night.

"We won't! Relax, 'licious!" I called heading over to fight through the crowd. pushed and shoved my way through, eventually working my way up to the front. Jack spotted me at the center stage and waved enthusiastically. I saw Alex look down and see me, a smile spreading across his face. I didn't return the smile, but nodded my head in his direction. I saw the smile freeze on his face and then clear his throat and lean into the mic.

"Alright, guys. Last song! Move your fucking feet!" Everyone around me shrieked and I smiled as the happy beats hit the scene.

"Time to lay claim to the evidence
Fingerprints sell me out
But our footprints washed away
From the docks downtown
It's been getting late for days
And I feel myself deserving of a little time off
We can kick it here for hours
And just mouth off about the world
And how we know it's going straight to hell

Pass me another bottle, honey
The Jaeger's so sweet
But if it keeps you around, then I'm down"

Jack chucked a guitar pick at me, nailing me in the forehead with it. I pursed my lips at him and he laughed, sticking his tongue out at me. The looks of the preteenies around me made me laugh. Stupid girls.

"You're lucky." One of the girls next me said. I rolled my eyes.

"Meet me on Thames Street
I'll take you out
Though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold, you look so fierce
But I'm warming up
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars

I should have known better than to call you out
(On a night like this, a night like this)
If not for you, I know I'd tear this place to the ground
(But I'm all right like this, all right like this)
I'm gonna roll the dice
Before you sober up and get gone
(I'm always in over my head)"

I had made the mistake of looking at Alex. The energy and happiness he exuded was captivating. I couldn't look away and, despite my current anger at both myself and him, I didn't want to. Alex looked down at me, his mouth still to the microphone in front of him, a smile quirking his lips and his eyes trained on me. Butterflies fluttered through my stomach.

"Thames Street
I'll take you out
Though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce
But I'm warming up
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars
Six feet under the stars
Six feet under the stars"

The song ended, the crowd cheered, Jack and Zack tossed handfuls of guitar picks out into the crowd. Alex, who was down to his last one, strode to the end of the stage, knelt at the edge in front of me and handed me his final pick with a sad smile. I gazed at the yellow pick in my hand and then back up at Alex, my brow furrowed in confusion. Alex winked lightly at me and then stood up, waved to the crowd with a giant grin, and walked to the wings. I looked back down at the pick in my hand. I flipped it over and my lips parted slightly when I saw the black ink scrawled on the back.

"Jeez, you're lucky. A pick from both of them." The girl next to me commented.

"What? Oh. Here." I said, handing her the pick Jack had chucked at me. Her face lit up but I barely noticed, still staring at the words written in Alex's messy scrawl on the back as I pushed my way out of the crowd.

I'm Sorry

********

7 DAYS 9 HOURS 47 MINUTES

I leaned against the edge of the wall, watching Jack, Matt, and Alex finish loading up the van. Alex stepped in and Jack and Matt stood on the ramp.

"Come on, worker monkies. We've got another city to get to." I stated, a smile on my lips. jack and Matt turned around.

"Hey there, super cute fan. Want me to sign that guitar pick?" Jack asked, waggling his eyebrows at me. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"Please. I gave it away." Jack's face fell.

"I'm going to go cry in a corner now." Jack stated, turning on his heel slowly. "And maybe slit a wrist or two!" He cried and then dashed toward the bus. Matt sighed.

"I'm gonna make sure he doesn't break the fishbowl again." Matt groaned, trudging after Jack.

"Guys?! Guys, I can't lift this alone! GUYS!" Alex called from inside the trailer. I laughed and stepped in.

"What're you doing here?"

"Apparently driving Jack to suicide." i commented, grabbing the corner of a drum case and helping him lift it onto the shelf.

"Oh no. Did you give a guitar pick to someone else?! Oh god, the fish!" Alex shrieked and then moved to run out but i caught his elbow.

"Flyzik's got it."

"Oh thank god. I had to make Zack perform CPR on one of the fish last time. We lost him." I raised an eyebrow at him, but then shook my head. Comment for another time. Another time. I grabbed another case and tossed it on a slightly higher shelf.

"So you're in the van because..." Alex trailed off. I sighed.

"You're sorry?" I said conversationally. I heard a clatter behind me and turned around to see that Alex had dropped Rian's case of drum sticks.

"You're blunt." He mumbled. I sighed and crossed my arms, leaning against the shelf.

"What are you sorry about, Alex?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

"I don't know, but whatever it was made you stop talking to me so I'm sorry for it." Alex replied, still not quite meeting my eyes. My mouth slackened slightly and I watched him as he placed the drum sticks back into the box. I sighed and knelt down in front of him, helping him pick up the drumsticks.

"Look, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me. I just seem to make stupid decisions around you. Like sleeping with you. A lot." I said, laughing awkwardly. Alex stood up and placed the now refilled box in it's place then leaning against the back shelf.

"Yeah. Stupid." He commented quietly.

"mhm." I mumbled. A couple awkward seconds of silence enveloped us.

"Look." We both said, then paused.

"You go first!" Unison again.

"No you!" And again. We both broke down and laughed.

"Friends?" I ask through laughter, extending my hand. Alex paused and looked at my palm, and then grasped it, pulling me into a hug.

"Of course, we're friends." He stated. I laughed and hugged back.

"We probably shouldn't share a bed anymore. Friends, you know?" I said, pulling back. Alex smiled.

"Yeah." I smiled back and walked out of the trailer.

Alex and I were on friendly, platonic terms. Good.

So why did I feel so empty?

********

7 DAYS 10 HOURS 39 MINUTES

I tried to sleep on the couch that night, much to the rest of the bands confusion. Of course, the operative word there would be 'tried.' That couch hadn't gotten anymore comfortable in the 6 days since I'd tried to sleep there earlier. I groaned as someone started poking my shoulder.

"Taaaaryn" they sang, "Taaaaaaryn." I smacked their hand.

"What?" I growled, cracking my eyes open slightly to glare at Alex Gaskarth above me.

"You're sleeping on the couch." He stated. I sighed and burrowed my head into the pillow beneath it.

"Yeah." I mumbled, trying to ignore the brunette above me.

"Because...?" I raised my head and glared at him.

"Do you want something, Gaskarth?" I asked in aggravation. He sighed.

"Go sleep in the bed. I'll take the couch." He stated. No expression showing on his face. I stared at him with shocked eyes.

"What?" Alex asked, looking at me confusedly. I blinked, bringing myself out of the my trance.

"Nothing. Thanks." I said quietly, standing slowly up from the couch. Alex waved an acknowledgement and collapsed onto the couch. I walked back to the bunks and looked back at Alex, who was curled up with his face in my pillow. I took a deep breath and headed over to my bunk.

I will never understand Alex Gaskarth.

*********

7 DAYS 11 HOURS 53 MINUTES

I was jerked awake as the bus hit a bump in the interstate. Fuck. I groaned and rolled over, moving to push closer to Alex and listen to his breathing to fall back asleep.

I hit a wall.

A literal wall this time that didn't move.

My eyes flew open and I looked around. I was alone. I sighed and lay my head back down on the pillow, remembering the happenings of the early early morning.

Is it weird that it felt weird to wake up alone?

I groaned and pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, tyring to stop the pressure that was beginning to pound behind them. I hate being alone. I start thinking to much.

Like how I can completely and utterly detest Alex Gaskarth but the minute I get a few drinks in me I am more then happy to fall into bed with him. And MARRY HIM.

And how I keep saying that I detest him even though my heart pounds harder whenever he's mentioned.

And my breath catches whenever he enters a room.

And I can't look away whenever he's on stage.

And I'm falling for him.

Fuck. Shit. Damn.

See? I think too much.