August

A loud honk came from my drive-way. I stumbled out the door and all while putting my right shoe on. I grabbed my jacket with my teeth. When I got in, I had to sit on part of Spencer's leg and on part of Jon's actual lap. Way to get to know someone right? Plus, I felt kind of bad because the DVD was in my back pocket. I can only hope I didn't kill parts. Anyway, they were too nice to say anything. Will made sure I was comfortable and then we headed out. Jon was in the middle, on the other side sat Ryan, and in the front seat (including the middle) was Butcher along with another kid I'd never seen before. And man, he had the craziest hair I'd ever seen. It was like a ferret.

"So, did everyone need to come and pick me up?"

The car erupted into laughs and 'yeahs'. I couldn't help but feel loved now. Tonight was going to be fun, I mean I can always wait to tell him… besides, there are too many people to let it spill tonight. Any who, we got to Ryan's house and all spilled into the basement where it looked to be a mess already. Will and Spencer started finger fencing, the kid I didn't know and Jon started talking about Chicago compared to here, Andy the Butcher was answering a call from his girlfriend, and Ryan was putting in the movie. It was chaos, but we were boys.

I sat down on the L-shaped couch and started munching on a bag of chips sitting on the coffee table. Y-e-s to junk food. Ryan looked around rolled his eyes and sat down surprisingly next to me on the shorter side of the L.

"You look comfy," He stated placing his hands awkwardly on his knees.

"Oh, indeed. I fucking love this couch."

"Really? It is probably the ugliest thing we have in this house," weirdest conversation I've had after being totally ignored for a few months, "And it has been here since I can remember."

"Eh, it still's comfy-"

"Guys, Vicky-T is throwing a crazy house party. We have to go." Butcher came back and being one of the seniors of the bunch he'd know who was throwing what.

"I'm in!" Will dropped his hand to his side and raised the opposite.

"Me too." Spencer decided with Jon following him. Then of course being new, the ferret kid agreed.

I looked at Ryan. He was twiddling his thumbs and I knew for a fact he wasn't much of a partier. For one, he's shy and for another, they'll probably be gay-bashers all over that party. Always happens and always will. Sadly, I found it a bit of a relief in the fact that he wasn't going to go. At least then someone would have to stay here with me. Although, it did make the situation all the more unnerving.

"What about you Ryan and Brendon?" Butcher asked pointing the antenna of his phone at us.

"No, I'm good. If my mom finds out I went to another party, I'll be dead." Well, I had to have a reason or they wouldn't believe me. Ryan simply shook his head.

"Ok, dude, see you guys later." Will lead the way with Jon jumping on his back as he went up the stairs. It stopped up the whole line and made the group take about ten minutes to get up. The room was silent except the bass coming from the surround sound.

"Thanks for ditching me again…" Ryan said angrily and looked down at me only to quickly look away.

"Ry-" I began to sit up and stopped resting on my elbows.

"Look, Brendon… I'm sorry. I miss you and," his head dropped and he looked away, "I'm just so sorry…"

The moment was freezing. Neither of us moved. I wanted so badly to give him a hug, but I had no clue if that would've been the right thing to do. Ryan took a big gulp and got up to get a Kleenex, my eyes were becoming blurry too. I was biting my lip as he got up to leave. I stopped him and grabbed his hand.

"Ryan," now was going to be the time I said it. And go!

It was just lingering to kill a moment like this. I looked him in the eyes and I saw the saddest look back. He buried his head in my chest and squeezed around my waist. Letting out a small 'hump' I wrapped my now tingling arms around his ribcage and slowly rubbed his lower back. He mumbled something into my chest and then pulled away wiping his nose.

Letting him go for a moment to the bathroom, I sat down on the couch, then put my head between my knees. I had finally gotten forgiveness but only to have it taken away again- I just knew it. How badly I wanted to cover everything up.

"Brendon do you want water or something?" Ryan quietly asked behind me. I sat up and saw a look of concern.

"Um, could I have a soda?"

"Sure…we have Coke and Sprite."

"Sprite please, oh and you still have to show me that one band." I tried to get the mood off of me looking like a freak. Ryan gave a weak smile. And a Coke sounds so good, now I just am itching for caffeine.

"I knew we wouldn't end up watching the movie," he mumbled before leaving the room. I sat back still trying to sort things out quickly. If only my head was up to speed and I had some faster machines in there.

He came back carrying CD's and two sodas all between his long fingers. I shut off the DVD and sat down on the floor leaning against the couch. Ryan placed the CD in the DVD player and I sat back and listened as the icon bounced around across the screen.

"I like this Ry."

"It's Name Taken," he said as he leaned back to take a swig from the can, "I hear they're doing something with Bayside."

"Sounds pretty awesome," I looked on the case to see what the title was… Cover Up. Ryan was tapping his foot and had his eyes shut, I wanted so badly to whisper every thought and emotion to him right now, "Ryan, I missed you too." He opened his eyes and clasped his hands together.

"Without you I'm so lonely…" he said in a barely audible voice, for some reason he was going to let me in now, but not without a fight. I looked at him side-ways and he nodded, we spent the rest of the night just sitting there and listening to music. He drove me home after his dad got home with the car.