August

Ryan and I ended up going to a movie and then he was going to drop me off. We stopped for some ice cream and decided to walk around in a local park before we got back in the car to head back.

"Guess what I heard," Ryan concentrated on his ice cream dish and I noticed a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks.

"Is it anything about the November dance?" He nodded. I secretly smiled, knowing what he was doing...seeing as how he was on student council (surprisingly for how antisocial he can be).

"Yeah…"

"Who are you going with?" I must say for once I felt the need to go back to making the first moves. You know, partly because of how uncomfortably cute he looked and the fact that every year no matter what has been going on it was fun.

"You." Ryan looked at me and I couldn't help but give an evil snicker.

"That was a pick up line Ry."

"No it wasn't!" He debated and the tinge went to a full dose of red.

"And yes, I'll go with you."

That probably wasn't the best idea, but what has been lately? Besides, it felt good to be with Ryan and being some-what of my old self. With that we walked back to the car and drove to my house. We sat silently in his Dad's old beat up car on the street by my house. It was peaceful, only the crickets were making noise along with a few passing cars. I was in my seat with it all the way back staring at the lining of the top of the car. It was bubbling.

"Brendon," Ryan started but stopped with a staggered breath.

"What?"

"Just never mind."

"You sure? What's on your mind?" I couldn't help but wonder as I opened my eyes to see him staring me over sadly.

"Nothing, just-" he was about to say it, I just knew. He was going to ask about it- "I really, I love you."

I pulled my seat back up and felt the worst panic ever. This was it I had to tell him.

"Ryan, I-I, you can't just say that. We haven't-"

"Sorry," he went to go start the car to pull forward into my drive-way.

"And you don't-"

"Brendon, I didn't mean to say it out loud." He became silent and my throat felt like it was closing up. Ryan had every right to say it to me, well considering everything we did. An impending sense of doom felt a little closer suddenly.

"I love you too," I muttered quickly before getting out and running to my front door. A little odd, I know, but I needed to go cry. There was only so long before I couldn't hide the bump anymore.

"Why do you do this to me? Huh?" I pointed at my stomach and laid down on my back, "If it wasn't for you- and for all I know you could be a tumor. No you are a fucking tumor! I don't want you!"

Talk about unfair. My head was throbbing and there weren't any tears, but my eyes were burning. My whole face was burning. I felt like I was on fire. I headed towards my bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet I grabbed my razor. Pulling up my shirt I screamed more curses and more lines at my belly.

"Brendon?"

More tears began forming in my eyes and I heard a knock on my door. Taking a moment I straightened out and the knocks became louder.

"I'm coming!" I shouted, only to hear one more knock, "Jesus." I spat.

"Brendon let me in."

I dragged my feet all the way to the door, unlocking it I opened up to see Kira. She was freshly clad with yellow-blonde hair and red lipstick. My heart hurt more knowing she actually came home, it was just one more person to judge me.

"Kira." I leaned against my door and rubbed my eyes.

"I- auh wanted to talk to you. Apologize to be blunt."

Sighing I let her in and she sat on the middle of my bed. Then shutting the door behind me I turned off the bathroom light and sat on the end of the bed.

"Look, I was little freaked out but, then I thought about it. In fact I went so far as to change my major," she sat pretzel legged and held her pointer finger under her chin, "I'm going for medical specialist."

"That's stellar." I said ever so blandly, "You couldn't have just figured this in the first place?" There was an ever-famous uncomfortable wave that went over the room.

"I heard you were having some problems with Ryan."

"And you, and B and Kay. It isn't just him."

"Well, I'm sorry." She played with her hair, knowing for a fact this wasn't just going to go away after saying the magic words.

"Apology taken," I crossed my arms loosely and looked at the wall behind her. This was start for someone being understanding, but it wasn't ever going to be happy and fuzzy. She licked her lips and then rubbed them together to spread out her lipstick again.

"Mom wanted you, when you come down, to bring some blanket's for Ben."

Kira got up and went to leave. Then standing in the doorway she looked at me, almost puzzled for a moment then shut the door behind her. I looked straight at her and blinked a few times. Oh, the irony of this all. For all I care B can sleep our old dog, Misty's, bed.

My whole body was sore and I was tired, going downstairs to the whole family was out of the question. Dad was even home! Laying back I rested a hand on my stomach and then rolled over to feel my eyes be covered by the red of the lids.