Sequel: Dear August ›
August
...
"Brendon?" My sister Kira called from the stairwell. I groaned in response and I then heard a huff and feet coming up.
"Please, leave me alone for a little while longer?" I begged and pulled the covers over my head.
"Mom said I have to feed you and make sure you don't die."
"I'm not hungry." The outline of Kira put her hands on her hips and then walked out of the room.
I hadn't eaten since the night before and I was still in the worse disarray with myself that I had ever been in. My hips were hurting like mad, while my back was aching like I had gotten rocks thrown at it. Sitting up I reached over and picked up my backpack, which was by my night stand. I might as well do some homework to get my mind off of things.
Yet, it didn't work and I ended up falling back asleep until around 4:00 p.m. To me it didn't matter, when I looked outside it always looked to be the same light and my life had become so repetitive (in a bad way)- time was no longer running.
My clock was a bold faced liar.
Another hour passed with my mom trying to shove food down my throat and an unexpected visitor arrived. Well two at first.
"Pete." I sat up and stated making sure I wasn't dreaming or crazy.
"Yeah, hey man." His voice was quiet and he was waiting in the doorway for someone else to follow.
"Hi Brendon." Ryan said timidly avoiding eye contact. My heart sank and came flying back up and I still couldn't believe Pete and Ry would even sit in the same enclosed area for more then five minutes.
"I'm going to get out of here. Ryan just needed a ride." Pete stated and jingled his car keys. I could hear him all the way down the hall, then the stairs.
"But wait! I wanted to- talk- to you… ok guess not." I half screamed to him, but Pete kept walking.
Ryan inched his way into my room and sat on the corner of my bed. What was minutes felt like hours, I laid back down and face the opposite direction of Ryan. He sighed and placed himself beside me on his back, not touching me though. His stare was on me all throughout.
"Everybody misses you," He started.
"Does that include you?" I snapped a little.
"Yes it does."
"That's what you said last time."
"I meant it both times. Brendon, I'm scared you look sick." The confidence in his voice that he probably built up in the car ride over was now fading to fear.
"I feel fine."
I lied not mentioning all the physical pain that I think was just from laying for so long. I turned a little to see him out of the corner of my eye, his features appeared older and more weathered. My wall was breaking down, the sincerity of his voice had me fooled again.
"I'm just tired." Ryan scratched his neck and placed the hand behind his head. There he lay, his breathing staggered.
"I don't know why Pete told me to come. But I want, well need to say so much- really… I just-" the silence echoed in the room after each word, "Bren I'm sorry for what I've done. Please forgive me? Please?" With the plea came a tone I'd never heard in his voice. It was darker and the most depressed he had sounded yet.
"That day in August, it was just like this- You remember," I wanted to be done with crying, but I had to begin hold back a sob (again) as I spoke, Ryan looked like he was on the route too, "We were wrong." It came out angrily, but I had tried to refrain from letting the last of my anger show. I knew better. The last of it had to be in the room with us openly.
"I know, I know," He whispered out and I couldn't help but turn to face him. Up close I noticed how wet he was and what a mess he'd become, "I should have been there for you."
Blinking rapidly I reached for Ryan's hand, I guided him to graze over my belly. With every cell that touched me a goose-bump rose on my body.
"I was scared," Hancock proved to right again, "And I want to know the whole story. About James and Roger, about the tests and ultrasounds-"
"Ry..."
He pressed his lips together and watched his hand make the small circular motions naturally now. I couldn't tell if the tingling in my chest was my heart fully breaking or repairing itself. He was making this way too easy. I wanted to shout the whole story to him all while he looked away acting like he was ignoring it. Then at the end of my story I'd say quietly, calmly, but still sharply that he should stay away from me for good. But no. He wanted to know, he wanted to be with me, and he seemed to realize how unfair this was to all of us.
"Just let it be for now." A certain presence was hanging over the whole room and I was to the point of acceptance with the deal, completely forgetting my previous rage with the new found apology.
"When this is over you can come back to school and we'll go out more." Ryan gave a weak grin and his hazels met with my chocolates.
"I never want to go back," My body was lightening to a floating feeling, and a feeling similar to sleep was starting to take over, "We'll just stay here." I paused and planted a kiss on his nose then he tilted up for my lips.
"Exactly like this." Ryan agreed.
I sighed and tried to forget how I'd look back and see my emotional flaws later. Ryan jumped slightly as I cuddled into him. As I tried to doze my breathing was slowing and my hips felt like they were being torn apart. So as I know it those were the last words I heard directed towards me, the others were shouts and noises were loud, blurred and out of place compared to the quiet of my house regularly. I felt myself shake and a warm stream was going down my leg.
"Please, leave me alone for a little while longer?" I begged and pulled the covers over my head.
"Mom said I have to feed you and make sure you don't die."
"I'm not hungry." The outline of Kira put her hands on her hips and then walked out of the room.
I hadn't eaten since the night before and I was still in the worse disarray with myself that I had ever been in. My hips were hurting like mad, while my back was aching like I had gotten rocks thrown at it. Sitting up I reached over and picked up my backpack, which was by my night stand. I might as well do some homework to get my mind off of things.
Yet, it didn't work and I ended up falling back asleep until around 4:00 p.m. To me it didn't matter, when I looked outside it always looked to be the same light and my life had become so repetitive (in a bad way)- time was no longer running.
My clock was a bold faced liar.
Another hour passed with my mom trying to shove food down my throat and an unexpected visitor arrived. Well two at first.
"Pete." I sat up and stated making sure I wasn't dreaming or crazy.
"Yeah, hey man." His voice was quiet and he was waiting in the doorway for someone else to follow.
"Hi Brendon." Ryan said timidly avoiding eye contact. My heart sank and came flying back up and I still couldn't believe Pete and Ry would even sit in the same enclosed area for more then five minutes.
"I'm going to get out of here. Ryan just needed a ride." Pete stated and jingled his car keys. I could hear him all the way down the hall, then the stairs.
"But wait! I wanted to- talk- to you… ok guess not." I half screamed to him, but Pete kept walking.
Ryan inched his way into my room and sat on the corner of my bed. What was minutes felt like hours, I laid back down and face the opposite direction of Ryan. He sighed and placed himself beside me on his back, not touching me though. His stare was on me all throughout.
"Everybody misses you," He started.
"Does that include you?" I snapped a little.
"Yes it does."
"That's what you said last time."
"I meant it both times. Brendon, I'm scared you look sick." The confidence in his voice that he probably built up in the car ride over was now fading to fear.
"I feel fine."
I lied not mentioning all the physical pain that I think was just from laying for so long. I turned a little to see him out of the corner of my eye, his features appeared older and more weathered. My wall was breaking down, the sincerity of his voice had me fooled again.
"I'm just tired." Ryan scratched his neck and placed the hand behind his head. There he lay, his breathing staggered.
"I don't know why Pete told me to come. But I want, well need to say so much- really… I just-" the silence echoed in the room after each word, "Bren I'm sorry for what I've done. Please forgive me? Please?" With the plea came a tone I'd never heard in his voice. It was darker and the most depressed he had sounded yet.
"That day in August, it was just like this- You remember," I wanted to be done with crying, but I had to begin hold back a sob (again) as I spoke, Ryan looked like he was on the route too, "We were wrong." It came out angrily, but I had tried to refrain from letting the last of my anger show. I knew better. The last of it had to be in the room with us openly.
"I know, I know," He whispered out and I couldn't help but turn to face him. Up close I noticed how wet he was and what a mess he'd become, "I should have been there for you."
Blinking rapidly I reached for Ryan's hand, I guided him to graze over my belly. With every cell that touched me a goose-bump rose on my body.
"I was scared," Hancock proved to right again, "And I want to know the whole story. About James and Roger, about the tests and ultrasounds-"
"Ry..."
He pressed his lips together and watched his hand make the small circular motions naturally now. I couldn't tell if the tingling in my chest was my heart fully breaking or repairing itself. He was making this way too easy. I wanted to shout the whole story to him all while he looked away acting like he was ignoring it. Then at the end of my story I'd say quietly, calmly, but still sharply that he should stay away from me for good. But no. He wanted to know, he wanted to be with me, and he seemed to realize how unfair this was to all of us.
"Just let it be for now." A certain presence was hanging over the whole room and I was to the point of acceptance with the deal, completely forgetting my previous rage with the new found apology.
"When this is over you can come back to school and we'll go out more." Ryan gave a weak grin and his hazels met with my chocolates.
"I never want to go back," My body was lightening to a floating feeling, and a feeling similar to sleep was starting to take over, "We'll just stay here." I paused and planted a kiss on his nose then he tilted up for my lips.
"Exactly like this." Ryan agreed.
I sighed and tried to forget how I'd look back and see my emotional flaws later. Ryan jumped slightly as I cuddled into him. As I tried to doze my breathing was slowing and my hips felt like they were being torn apart. So as I know it those were the last words I heard directed towards me, the others were shouts and noises were loud, blurred and out of place compared to the quiet of my house regularly. I felt myself shake and a warm stream was going down my leg.